1. I love doing jigsaw puzzles.
2. I hate raisins baked in anything.
3. I love making lists and checking them twice.
4. I love reading.
5. I can tolerate having cold feet in the spring and fall but not in winter.
6. I like running more than I ever thought possible.
7. Sometimes I miss the prairies.
8. I love Star Wars.
9. I like my job but not the drama.
10. I am proud of my kids.
11. I seldom give myself enough credit for anything.
12. However, I am immensely proud of my 5K race accomplishment back in October.
13. I am looking forward to my 5K race on New Year's Day.
14. I think I might try the 10K next October.
15. I think David Tennant was the best Dr. Who, but I've only seen three doctors.
16. A London Fog always hits the spot.
17. This year has been one of self-discovery for me.
18. I procrastinate a lot.
19. I am comfortable with silence.
20. I am behind on my scrapbooking.
21. I really, really like our new pastor.
22. I have been to three different professional sports games in my life: Canadian Football, Major League Baseball, and National Hockey League.
23. Those are my three favourite sports.
24. I am probably smarter than I think I am but not as smart as I wish I was.
25. I enjoy my days off most, when I don't have a million things to do.
26. I am going to do an experimental test on a cookie recipe today.
27. I hate slush on the streets and sidewalks.
28. I love Christmas music, except for It's A Marshmallow World in the Winter.
29. I can't wait to get our Christmas tree.
30. I have successfully blogged every day in November!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Keep It Going?
Tomorrow is the last day of November! Can you believe it?! Why does time have to pass so quickly? I may be in the beginning stages of feeling that Christmas spirit, but I am still far from ready for it to be December already.
Barring major and last minute complications tomorrow, I will once again successfully finish the NaBloPoMo challenge for November! For the second year in a row! See, I can accomplish things when I set my mind to do them! It just isn't always easy to have that type of mindset about everything. Perhaps there could be a way to challenge or motivate myself to achieve those mundane tasks with the same determination that I can apply to NaBloPoMo in November, although I am not sure what those ways might be. Rewards might work or might not. There is no reward for completing this blog challenge, and yet I found a way to continue on.
And you know, NaBloPoMo has challenges every month, although November is the biggest, most important one of them all. My daily posting discipline seems to slack off once December rolls around. I can get into a habit or routine of doing something on a daily basis, but my progress can be derailed so easily. In June, I took part in a challenge to do 100 crunches a day for the entire month. I did it! I wanted to continue doing it, and I did...until I was sick for three days in the middle of July. I haven't done a single crunch since then, but I would like to get back into the habit of doing them every day. Obviously though, my desire hasn't outweighed my procrastination.
So maybe I do need to set little challenges for myself, even if there is no shiny medal waiting for me at the end.
Barring major and last minute complications tomorrow, I will once again successfully finish the NaBloPoMo challenge for November! For the second year in a row! See, I can accomplish things when I set my mind to do them! It just isn't always easy to have that type of mindset about everything. Perhaps there could be a way to challenge or motivate myself to achieve those mundane tasks with the same determination that I can apply to NaBloPoMo in November, although I am not sure what those ways might be. Rewards might work or might not. There is no reward for completing this blog challenge, and yet I found a way to continue on.
And you know, NaBloPoMo has challenges every month, although November is the biggest, most important one of them all. My daily posting discipline seems to slack off once December rolls around. I can get into a habit or routine of doing something on a daily basis, but my progress can be derailed so easily. In June, I took part in a challenge to do 100 crunches a day for the entire month. I did it! I wanted to continue doing it, and I did...until I was sick for three days in the middle of July. I haven't done a single crunch since then, but I would like to get back into the habit of doing them every day. Obviously though, my desire hasn't outweighed my procrastination.
So maybe I do need to set little challenges for myself, even if there is no shiny medal waiting for me at the end.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
One Day Grindstone
It's back to the grind tomorrow, but at least it will be my Friday. I wonder how the work day will go. The past few Monday shifts have been frustrating and chaotic. Actually most of my work days of late have been frustrating and chaotic! Mondays are just extra special, because I have a sucky shift, 11:00 am to 3:00 pm. No break. A completely wasted day. Then add on all the workplace drama and conflicts...those four hours feel like sixteen!
I have been trying to maintain a positive attitude at work, despite the chaos, the frustration, the drama, the issues. It's not easy though. I might start off the day humming under my breath and thinking positively, but all that negativity is like a running stream wearing away the soft soil of the banks. Incompetency drives me nuts, and I am surrounded by it. In fairness, my co-workers are not useless or incapable employees. Some of them just are not as adept at handling the mental and physical rigors of the job, and some don't understand the concept of teamwork and cooperation. Some can't distinguish between workplace appropriate behaviour and private or bedroom behaviour. Unfortunately, some of them fall into all of those categories.
Ah well! Like always, I will survive the day, whatever may come.
I have been trying to maintain a positive attitude at work, despite the chaos, the frustration, the drama, the issues. It's not easy though. I might start off the day humming under my breath and thinking positively, but all that negativity is like a running stream wearing away the soft soil of the banks. Incompetency drives me nuts, and I am surrounded by it. In fairness, my co-workers are not useless or incapable employees. Some of them just are not as adept at handling the mental and physical rigors of the job, and some don't understand the concept of teamwork and cooperation. Some can't distinguish between workplace appropriate behaviour and private or bedroom behaviour. Unfortunately, some of them fall into all of those categories.
Ah well! Like always, I will survive the day, whatever may come.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Insanity
What a long day! Just another crazy Saturday at work, and I am so glad that it is now over. As if Saturdays weren't busy enough, our donut oven broke down early this morning. I worked 8 hours on the busiest, craziest station, and I worked liked a dog. My attitude started to slip after about 6 hours, although it wasn't too negative. I just get a little frustrated with chaos, especially when others make decisions without thinking beyond the immediate moment, but I survived. On a positive note, I was thoroughly complimented by my manager, which was greatly appreciated, even though I tend to down play my own efforts when others praise me. I did work hard, and I did do most of the work, so it was good to have that acknowledged!
Now though, I am just glad to be home and "done" for the day and thankful that tomorrow is a day off.
Now though, I am just glad to be home and "done" for the day and thankful that tomorrow is a day off.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Winter Run #2
I'm not sure why I was so afraid of running outside in the winter! I went for my second "winter" run today after work, and it was fantastic. Mind you, the temperature outside right now is 0 degrees Celsius, which is significantly nicer than the -14 Celsius that I ran in on Wednesday. Still, I quite enjoyed both runs.
I ran just over 3 kilometres today, but it felt like more and it certainly took longer than usual. The sidewalks had been plowed and were the easiest surface to run on. The one side road that I had to run on had also been plowed; however, there was still compacted but loose snow, which made for a slippery surface. I also ran a section of trail, which had a good layer of compacted snow, but the surface was uneven, which made running feel like a difficult task, kind of like running on sand.
I had to take off my gloves and toque shortly after the midway point, because I felt like I was over-heating. Even my feet felt too warm!
So far, running in winter has been a pleasant surprise. I've run in really cold weather and now mild winter weather. How much worse could it possibly get?
I ran just over 3 kilometres today, but it felt like more and it certainly took longer than usual. The sidewalks had been plowed and were the easiest surface to run on. The one side road that I had to run on had also been plowed; however, there was still compacted but loose snow, which made for a slippery surface. I also ran a section of trail, which had a good layer of compacted snow, but the surface was uneven, which made running feel like a difficult task, kind of like running on sand.
I had to take off my gloves and toque shortly after the midway point, because I felt like I was over-heating. Even my feet felt too warm!
So far, running in winter has been a pleasant surprise. I've run in really cold weather and now mild winter weather. How much worse could it possibly get?
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Weekly Lowdown
Today is my Sunday, or at least it is my final day off before two days of work. I know! My work schedule is over-taxing, but I deal with it the best I can.
Actually, the next two days of work should be okay. Friday is my day to run the show, at least in theory. I get to count the tills and deposit and do paperwork, which is really only a minor part of the day but better than nothing. My shift is short enough to pass fairly quickly, yet just long enough to let me have a coffee break. Saturday is something else entirely, and that is what makes working Saturdays so much more enjoyable. There is no drama and petty problems on Saturdays. We work hard and are typically swamped, but that makes the longer shift go very quickly.
The actual Sunday is also a day off for me, and this particular Sunday is Grey Cup Sunday! I love Canadian football, and the Grey Cup is our Super Bowl, only better! I must figure out what I will bring to the Grey Cup party being hosted by some friends. Maybe some meatballs? Two of my other ideas were shut down, when my friend said she is making those things. No problem. But what to bring? Meatballs are easy, warm, and tasty.
After Sunday comes Monday, which also happens to be my Friday! It's a weird life I live, I know, but I am not truly mentally confused. Unfortunately, Monday always feels like a Monday, even though it is my last day of work for three days. There should be a law against that, I think. I don't like my Monday shift, which is 11:00 am to 3:00 pm. No break. A wasted morning. No real time for anything else in the afternoon. I suppose I could overlook those issues easy enough, if the work environment wasn't so miserable on Mondays. The past few Mondays have seemed chaotic and toxic. Sigh.
Oh well, I go to work and do my work and seldom dwell on work when I am at home, which is the way it should be. I will make the most of this final day off for the week, or at least I will be sure to enjoy it. My productive days were Tuesday and Wednesday. Today feels like a more sluggish day, especially with this blasted headache again. I do plan on some card-making and some cookie baking. Sounds good enough for me!
Actually, the next two days of work should be okay. Friday is my day to run the show, at least in theory. I get to count the tills and deposit and do paperwork, which is really only a minor part of the day but better than nothing. My shift is short enough to pass fairly quickly, yet just long enough to let me have a coffee break. Saturday is something else entirely, and that is what makes working Saturdays so much more enjoyable. There is no drama and petty problems on Saturdays. We work hard and are typically swamped, but that makes the longer shift go very quickly.
The actual Sunday is also a day off for me, and this particular Sunday is Grey Cup Sunday! I love Canadian football, and the Grey Cup is our Super Bowl, only better! I must figure out what I will bring to the Grey Cup party being hosted by some friends. Maybe some meatballs? Two of my other ideas were shut down, when my friend said she is making those things. No problem. But what to bring? Meatballs are easy, warm, and tasty.
After Sunday comes Monday, which also happens to be my Friday! It's a weird life I live, I know, but I am not truly mentally confused. Unfortunately, Monday always feels like a Monday, even though it is my last day of work for three days. There should be a law against that, I think. I don't like my Monday shift, which is 11:00 am to 3:00 pm. No break. A wasted morning. No real time for anything else in the afternoon. I suppose I could overlook those issues easy enough, if the work environment wasn't so miserable on Mondays. The past few Mondays have seemed chaotic and toxic. Sigh.
Oh well, I go to work and do my work and seldom dwell on work when I am at home, which is the way it should be. I will make the most of this final day off for the week, or at least I will be sure to enjoy it. My productive days were Tuesday and Wednesday. Today feels like a more sluggish day, especially with this blasted headache again. I do plan on some card-making and some cookie baking. Sounds good enough for me!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
First Snow, Deep Cold Run
It was -14 Celsius this morning, but I did manage to get myself out for a run. I layered up, put on a toque and gloves, and wool blend socks. My body felt the cold, but I wasn't nearly as cold as I anticipated. The act of running kept me feeling quite comfortable. The only real complaint was my face against the wind.
I changed my typical running route this morning, with the expectation that this run would be short and, hopefully, sweet. My normal route usually has me against the wind near the beginning of the run, and this alteration was no different. But I didn't think it out too well. Once I turned around to come home, the wind was against my back, and my face no longer felt like a candidate for frost-bite. I could have run much further with the wind against my back, except that I had planned this route to be very short for fear of the cold. Next time I will know that I just need to survive against the wind and plan my direction accordingly.
Aside from those cold cheeks at the beginning, I really, truly enjoyed my run this morning, cold and snow and all! I liked hearing the crunch of my shoes on the compacted snow. My pace was slow, because I was treading lightly so as not to slip and fall, but it was a comfortable pace. It was easy, and my hips didn't protest. I don't really know how else to describe it, but it was an almost amazing experience, once I could lift my face without worrying about the wind, that is.
Does that mean I am good and truly hooked on running?
I changed my typical running route this morning, with the expectation that this run would be short and, hopefully, sweet. My normal route usually has me against the wind near the beginning of the run, and this alteration was no different. But I didn't think it out too well. Once I turned around to come home, the wind was against my back, and my face no longer felt like a candidate for frost-bite. I could have run much further with the wind against my back, except that I had planned this route to be very short for fear of the cold. Next time I will know that I just need to survive against the wind and plan my direction accordingly.
Aside from those cold cheeks at the beginning, I really, truly enjoyed my run this morning, cold and snow and all! I liked hearing the crunch of my shoes on the compacted snow. My pace was slow, because I was treading lightly so as not to slip and fall, but it was a comfortable pace. It was easy, and my hips didn't protest. I don't really know how else to describe it, but it was an almost amazing experience, once I could lift my face without worrying about the wind, that is.
Does that mean I am good and truly hooked on running?
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Keeping Busy
It looks like a beautiful day. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. Even the snow on the ground looks shiny and nice. However, it is -13 Celsius right now, before any added chill from the wind, which could get up to 40 km/h. Yuck!
So, I am snug as a bug in the house, keeping busy with general tidying, laundry, baking cheddar cornmeal scones, and enjoying a cup of Earl Grey tea. The last load of laundry is in the dryer. The scones are cooling on the rack and taste mighty fine. The house isn't clean, by Better Homes & Gardens standards, but it is a bit tidier than it was earlier this morning. I've done my daily Bible reading, and now I am doing my daily blog entry. It's been a productive morning!
So, I am snug as a bug in the house, keeping busy with general tidying, laundry, baking cheddar cornmeal scones, and enjoying a cup of Earl Grey tea. The last load of laundry is in the dryer. The scones are cooling on the rack and taste mighty fine. The house isn't clean, by Better Homes & Gardens standards, but it is a bit tidier than it was earlier this morning. I've done my daily Bible reading, and now I am doing my daily blog entry. It's been a productive morning!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Mundane
I don't really have much to say today.
Work was busy but fine. I left a half hour early, because of increasingly pain in my left side. It has mostly abated now, although there are still a few tinges of pain.
The desktop has a virus and is out of commission for the time being, which means that my laptop is doing double-duty today. Of course, so much homework needs to be done on a computer these days. I wonder if the printer can be hooked up to my laptop, so Sam can print off his essay.
Snow tires have been put on my van finally! I am happy. Tomorrow, the truck will get some snow tires put on, too.
Work was busy but fine. I left a half hour early, because of increasingly pain in my left side. It has mostly abated now, although there are still a few tinges of pain.
The desktop has a virus and is out of commission for the time being, which means that my laptop is doing double-duty today. Of course, so much homework needs to be done on a computer these days. I wonder if the printer can be hooked up to my laptop, so Sam can print off his essay.
Snow tires have been put on my van finally! I am happy. Tomorrow, the truck will get some snow tires put on, too.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Sunday
We didn't go to church today. Abby had a friend sleep-over, so it just seemed easier to stay home. As much as I would have enjoyed going to church this morning, I was glad for the extra hour of sleep. We enjoyed a nice breakfast, at a leisurely pace, and we went to see the new Harry Potter movie. It's been a nice day.
There was an email in my inbox this morning from a friend, the one who I am a little frustrated with recently. I sent an email to her a few days ago expressing my feelings and perspective. I don't think I was harsh or overly critical, but her email has a defensive tone to it. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what to think of her email or how to take it. In some ways, her comments strike me as odd, because they seem to be taking a stance or a tone against things I did not say. After a couple of readings, I think she is telling me that she is the way she is and I need to deal with that. She doesn't feel she needs to apologize for who she is, but I don't recall asking her to do that. I'm pretty sure that I did say that there is nothing wrong with who she is...or who I am. I thought I made it quite clear that I wasn't picking her apart but sharing my feelings, my perspective, with the acknowledgement that we are two different people. I didn't tell her how to live her life. I didn't tell her that she needs to change. I did ask for some understanding and a little cooperation. After all, if she wants to spend time with me when she comes to town, then she needs to work with me to make that happen, rather than putting all the expectation on my shoulders while handicapping me with short notice and her limited schedule. That shouldn't be too much to ask.
So, I don't quite know what to think or how to respond. I do still consider her a friend. That won't change because of this difference of opinion; however, I am not thrilled by the thought I am sensing, that being that I am the one who needs to change. I am so beyond being the martyr just so others don't need to bend. Been there, done that, and I've discovered how unhealthy that kind of self-sacrifice is to my sanity and health. I don't have a problem bending and letting go of my expectations when the situation calls for me to do so, but that doesn't mean that I need to be a doormat to be walked all over. And quite frankly, the problems with my in-laws is that they expect me to change who I am to suit their purposes, with no effort at all on their part to be flexible. I don't want to compare this situation with my friend to the situation with my in-laws, but I get the sense that my friend is telling me that "this" is how she is and she's not going to apologize for being who she is. I never asked her to apologize for that, but I could easily take her statement to mean that she will not bend, from which I could then assume that I must bend.
Argh!
There was an email in my inbox this morning from a friend, the one who I am a little frustrated with recently. I sent an email to her a few days ago expressing my feelings and perspective. I don't think I was harsh or overly critical, but her email has a defensive tone to it. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what to think of her email or how to take it. In some ways, her comments strike me as odd, because they seem to be taking a stance or a tone against things I did not say. After a couple of readings, I think she is telling me that she is the way she is and I need to deal with that. She doesn't feel she needs to apologize for who she is, but I don't recall asking her to do that. I'm pretty sure that I did say that there is nothing wrong with who she is...or who I am. I thought I made it quite clear that I wasn't picking her apart but sharing my feelings, my perspective, with the acknowledgement that we are two different people. I didn't tell her how to live her life. I didn't tell her that she needs to change. I did ask for some understanding and a little cooperation. After all, if she wants to spend time with me when she comes to town, then she needs to work with me to make that happen, rather than putting all the expectation on my shoulders while handicapping me with short notice and her limited schedule. That shouldn't be too much to ask.
So, I don't quite know what to think or how to respond. I do still consider her a friend. That won't change because of this difference of opinion; however, I am not thrilled by the thought I am sensing, that being that I am the one who needs to change. I am so beyond being the martyr just so others don't need to bend. Been there, done that, and I've discovered how unhealthy that kind of self-sacrifice is to my sanity and health. I don't have a problem bending and letting go of my expectations when the situation calls for me to do so, but that doesn't mean that I need to be a doormat to be walked all over. And quite frankly, the problems with my in-laws is that they expect me to change who I am to suit their purposes, with no effort at all on their part to be flexible. I don't want to compare this situation with my friend to the situation with my in-laws, but I get the sense that my friend is telling me that "this" is how she is and she's not going to apologize for being who she is. I never asked her to apologize for that, but I could easily take her statement to mean that she will not bend, from which I could then assume that I must bend.
Argh!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Viruses
It looks like there is a virus on the desktop computer. Thankfully, I have a laptop! I suppose this means that I will be asked to share for the time being.
It was a long day at work but a good day, more or less. It is still cold outside and snowy. Today I am back to not liking winter. Oh well...
I have my blanket, and I have a kettle and Earl Grey tea waiting to be made.
The sore throat is finally progressing into a cough. Of course, the cough had to start last night, right about the time that I went to bed. It was present during the day, but it wasn't really an issue. That will probably change though as night draws near.
It was a long day at work but a good day, more or less. It is still cold outside and snowy. Today I am back to not liking winter. Oh well...
I have my blanket, and I have a kettle and Earl Grey tea waiting to be made.
The sore throat is finally progressing into a cough. Of course, the cough had to start last night, right about the time that I went to bed. It was present during the day, but it wasn't really an issue. That will probably change though as night draws near.
Friday, November 19, 2010
First Snow
It started snowing last night, and we woke up to a thin blanket of snow and more falling from the sky. I was not impressed, especially knowing that my winter tires are still not on the van yet. I don't feel ready for snow or winter yet. Not really.
I had to verbally push Sam to wear pants today, and I still don't know whether he did or not, because I had to leave for work before he left for school. He hates wearing pants and will wear shorts as long as he can stand the cold. He was going to put pants on, but he only has one pair of jeans and he didn't think that they would fit.
I had to put my memory through its' paces this morning to remember where Abby's running shoes were, because she's been wearing flats to school, without socks, and that just wouldn't cut it today. Eventually I remembered that her runners were in the van. Although I was a little frustrated that I still had to push her to wear a coat!
Casey stayed home sick today. Otherwise, I would likely hear all about the possible hole in his runners and his need for a new pair.
The calendar may still say that it is Autumn, but I don't buy that at all. In my opinion, winter begins on November 1st, each and every year, whether I like it or not. Ready or not. The first half of November was simply lovely weather, and I really would have liked to see more of it. All indicators point toward a colder, much snowier winter for our area, and I don't know whether to laugh or cry. When I signed up for a 5K run for New Year's Day, I was hoping for a mild and dry winter. I don't mind running in rain. I could probably even be okay with temperatures around the freezing point, maybe even a teensy bit of snow. But what will I do if the temperatures are really cold, like -10 or lower? What if we have a couple feet of snow and icy, uncleared sidewalks? I'm not so sure that I can force myself out for a run in conditions like that!
Winter is always a paradoxical event for me. I hate it. I hate the cold and the bitter, biting wind. I hate driving on messy roads, covered in ice and snow and ruts. I hate walking (and probably running, too) on sidewalks hidden beneath uneven layers of ice and snow. Most of all, I hate the slush, when all the snow and ice starts melting. And yet, if I am completely honest, there are many things about winter that I enjoy, if not actually love!
I love the beauty of freshly fallen, pristine snow on the ground and the trees. I love playing in the snow with the kids, making snowmen, snowballs, and snow angels. I love watching big, fat, lazy snowflakes fluttering to the ground. I love Christmas and my birthday. I love curling up with a blanket, a book, and a mug of tea or hot chocolate. Even though we don't have a fire place, I love the smell of a wood fire place and the warmth and crackles and pops.
I may have left for work dismayed by the snow, but by the time I was midway through my shift, I was actually able to feel some joy in the snow. Don't get me wrong! I would have preferred for the snow to hold off at least another week or two, but I might be more ready for winter than I had thought, at least emotionally.
I had to verbally push Sam to wear pants today, and I still don't know whether he did or not, because I had to leave for work before he left for school. He hates wearing pants and will wear shorts as long as he can stand the cold. He was going to put pants on, but he only has one pair of jeans and he didn't think that they would fit.
I had to put my memory through its' paces this morning to remember where Abby's running shoes were, because she's been wearing flats to school, without socks, and that just wouldn't cut it today. Eventually I remembered that her runners were in the van. Although I was a little frustrated that I still had to push her to wear a coat!
Casey stayed home sick today. Otherwise, I would likely hear all about the possible hole in his runners and his need for a new pair.
The calendar may still say that it is Autumn, but I don't buy that at all. In my opinion, winter begins on November 1st, each and every year, whether I like it or not. Ready or not. The first half of November was simply lovely weather, and I really would have liked to see more of it. All indicators point toward a colder, much snowier winter for our area, and I don't know whether to laugh or cry. When I signed up for a 5K run for New Year's Day, I was hoping for a mild and dry winter. I don't mind running in rain. I could probably even be okay with temperatures around the freezing point, maybe even a teensy bit of snow. But what will I do if the temperatures are really cold, like -10 or lower? What if we have a couple feet of snow and icy, uncleared sidewalks? I'm not so sure that I can force myself out for a run in conditions like that!
Winter is always a paradoxical event for me. I hate it. I hate the cold and the bitter, biting wind. I hate driving on messy roads, covered in ice and snow and ruts. I hate walking (and probably running, too) on sidewalks hidden beneath uneven layers of ice and snow. Most of all, I hate the slush, when all the snow and ice starts melting. And yet, if I am completely honest, there are many things about winter that I enjoy, if not actually love!
I love the beauty of freshly fallen, pristine snow on the ground and the trees. I love playing in the snow with the kids, making snowmen, snowballs, and snow angels. I love watching big, fat, lazy snowflakes fluttering to the ground. I love Christmas and my birthday. I love curling up with a blanket, a book, and a mug of tea or hot chocolate. Even though we don't have a fire place, I love the smell of a wood fire place and the warmth and crackles and pops.
I may have left for work dismayed by the snow, but by the time I was midway through my shift, I was actually able to feel some joy in the snow. Don't get me wrong! I would have preferred for the snow to hold off at least another week or two, but I might be more ready for winter than I had thought, at least emotionally.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
To Praise or To Criticize
Why is it so much more difficult to praise than it is to criticize?
I have my work review today. In preparation for my review, I was given a list of questions to answer. One question asked me to list three things that I admire about each member of the management team. Oh boy! I've been thinking for a day and a half about what I could possibly admire about each person, and it has been a struggle to come up with three things for each person. It's not that I don't like these people, because I do. It's not that they are completely worthless, evil monsters, because they aren't. It is just so much easier to pick them apart and find their faults, than it is to find things worthy of praise and admiration.
At my ladies' Bible study a few weeks ago, we briefly talked about something quite similar-being thankful in prayer rather than always asking in prayer. We were asked to go around the circle and pray; however, we were not allowed to ask for anything. We were to only express thankfulness. While we were all able to do the task, we realized that it wasn't as easy as one might expect. One lady even threw in a tiny request without even realizing it until she had finished saying it.
I see this same principle at work in my kids. They have no problems finding things to complain about or to criticize each other for, but they draw blanks if asked to express something positive about their siblings.
Obviously something is wrong with our society, and I need to use this as a reminder of how powerful words can be. We can build others up or tear them down. We can whine and complain or find reason to be thankful. It is all a matter of perception and mindset. Changing might not come easily, but I believe it can be done!
I have my work review today. In preparation for my review, I was given a list of questions to answer. One question asked me to list three things that I admire about each member of the management team. Oh boy! I've been thinking for a day and a half about what I could possibly admire about each person, and it has been a struggle to come up with three things for each person. It's not that I don't like these people, because I do. It's not that they are completely worthless, evil monsters, because they aren't. It is just so much easier to pick them apart and find their faults, than it is to find things worthy of praise and admiration.
At my ladies' Bible study a few weeks ago, we briefly talked about something quite similar-being thankful in prayer rather than always asking in prayer. We were asked to go around the circle and pray; however, we were not allowed to ask for anything. We were to only express thankfulness. While we were all able to do the task, we realized that it wasn't as easy as one might expect. One lady even threw in a tiny request without even realizing it until she had finished saying it.
I see this same principle at work in my kids. They have no problems finding things to complain about or to criticize each other for, but they draw blanks if asked to express something positive about their siblings.
Obviously something is wrong with our society, and I need to use this as a reminder of how powerful words can be. We can build others up or tear them down. We can whine and complain or find reason to be thankful. It is all a matter of perception and mindset. Changing might not come easily, but I believe it can be done!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Review
I finally have my review tomorrow, only a couple of months late. Last night I picked up some paperwork that I need to fill out prior to the review meeting, and I have completed most of it now. I admit that I am struggling to answer one question. I need to list three things that I admire about each member of the management team. Oh boy! It is difficult just to think of 1 thing for some, let alone three!
I really hate this whole process of self-evaluation and goal-setting at work. Why is that anyway? I find myself frequently evaluating myself and setting goals in my personal life, so why is the work process so onerous. Perhaps it is a struggle, because the questions seem so vague and artificial. Anyone can figure out what the expected answers are and reply accordingly, without truly being impacted or motivated. In my situation, there is a vagueness in my job description that leaves me feeling uncertain of my role most of the time. If I don't know my role or feel confident in it, then answering those questions becomes slightly more difficult. And then, I just hate the feeling of being a specimen examined under the harsh glare of a microscope.
I always feel a little stressed out prior to a review but not too much. Even though my role may be a little foggy, I know that I do good work and that I am highly thought of by everyone I work with. The only issues that may arise would be from other managers, who are annoyed at the way my work ethic makes them look bad. Oh well! I don't anticipate any major issues in my review. I am sure that everything will be good, with the typical comments about being more vocal and delegating more, etc.
I really hate this whole process of self-evaluation and goal-setting at work. Why is that anyway? I find myself frequently evaluating myself and setting goals in my personal life, so why is the work process so onerous. Perhaps it is a struggle, because the questions seem so vague and artificial. Anyone can figure out what the expected answers are and reply accordingly, without truly being impacted or motivated. In my situation, there is a vagueness in my job description that leaves me feeling uncertain of my role most of the time. If I don't know my role or feel confident in it, then answering those questions becomes slightly more difficult. And then, I just hate the feeling of being a specimen examined under the harsh glare of a microscope.
I always feel a little stressed out prior to a review but not too much. Even though my role may be a little foggy, I know that I do good work and that I am highly thought of by everyone I work with. The only issues that may arise would be from other managers, who are annoyed at the way my work ethic makes them look bad. Oh well! I don't anticipate any major issues in my review. I am sure that everything will be good, with the typical comments about being more vocal and delegating more, etc.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Planning Ahead
I love lists. I make lists for just about everything, from to-do lists to Christmas shopping to family dinner preparations to books I've read. I love the act of making the list and crossing off each item as it is completed. I will also add things to the list that have already been finished, just so I can feel that extra sense of accomplishment!
I have been thinking recently that I need to begin making a weekly to-do list for myself. Making a to-do list is nothing out of the ordinary for me, but this new idea is something slightly different. My attention to detail has been slipping, my focus distorted. There are so many things that need doing and so many things that I want to do, and I cannot juggle! I need to be organized, but my organizational skills are in need of some help.
I have a family planner that I have used religiously for many years now. I love using the planner; however, it tends to be more of a recording of what has occurred, rather than a planner for what I need to accomplish each week. At least that is how I tend to use it. Changing how I use it would not be too difficult. It would only require a change in mindset. Instead of simply writing down the chores and things I have done each day, I could begin to make notes of what I need to do each day and each week. That should be a simple fix.
Now to execute it.
I have been thinking recently that I need to begin making a weekly to-do list for myself. Making a to-do list is nothing out of the ordinary for me, but this new idea is something slightly different. My attention to detail has been slipping, my focus distorted. There are so many things that need doing and so many things that I want to do, and I cannot juggle! I need to be organized, but my organizational skills are in need of some help.
I have a family planner that I have used religiously for many years now. I love using the planner; however, it tends to be more of a recording of what has occurred, rather than a planner for what I need to accomplish each week. At least that is how I tend to use it. Changing how I use it would not be too difficult. It would only require a change in mindset. Instead of simply writing down the chores and things I have done each day, I could begin to make notes of what I need to do each day and each week. That should be a simple fix.
Now to execute it.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Yuck Day
today was an incredibly long and busy day, and I just hope that this gets posted for the correct day! I'm not sure what time zone this works under, and I'd hate to have my whole month ruined because I am on the west coast.
What should have been a simple four hour shift turned into a 7 hour crazy shift. It wasn't crazy busy, but it was not an enjoyable work day. We were short-staffed the entire day. I didn't get my second break. I certainly worked a lot harder than either manager on duty today. And to top it all off, my throat is sore, dry, and scratchy.
What should have been a simple four hour shift turned into a 7 hour crazy shift. It wasn't crazy busy, but it was not an enjoyable work day. We were short-staffed the entire day. I didn't get my second break. I certainly worked a lot harder than either manager on duty today. And to top it all off, my throat is sore, dry, and scratchy.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Quick Run
What a beautiful day! With weather like this it is difficult to believe that it is already mid-November! I remember living in Saskatchewan and having snow and bitter cold before Halloween. Our area here isn't immune from bad weather, but it feels like we have been blessed with mostly decent weather for the past few years, at least in fall and winter. I wouldn't say that our springs have been overly nice though.
I went for a short 2.15 kilometre run a short while ago. A longer run would have been good, but I am glad that I went into it with the expectation of only doing a short one. In general, the run felt good, but there was a touch of difficulty, at least in the breathing department. It could be because I haven't run for a week. It could be because of the wind and chill in the air (doubtful). It could be because a cold might be trying to penetrate my defenses. My throat was quite dry and raspy last night. I don't know. I just know that it felt like I was gasping much more and much sooner than I usually do.
I went for a short 2.15 kilometre run a short while ago. A longer run would have been good, but I am glad that I went into it with the expectation of only doing a short one. In general, the run felt good, but there was a touch of difficulty, at least in the breathing department. It could be because I haven't run for a week. It could be because of the wind and chill in the air (doubtful). It could be because a cold might be trying to penetrate my defenses. My throat was quite dry and raspy last night. I don't know. I just know that it felt like I was gasping much more and much sooner than I usually do.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Bubble Bath
A long, super hot bubble bath is a most wonderful thing! I'm just saying.
It was a long day at work, and my back has been sore for hours. My lovely husband drew a bath for me, and it was just the way I like it. It was so nice to just soak and let some of my stress melt away. The only thing that would have made it more perfect would have been not having to go somewhere yet tonight, so that I could have put on my pyjamas. My back is still achy and I am still exhausted, but I feel renewed.
It was a long day at work, and my back has been sore for hours. My lovely husband drew a bath for me, and it was just the way I like it. It was so nice to just soak and let some of my stress melt away. The only thing that would have made it more perfect would have been not having to go somewhere yet tonight, so that I could have put on my pyjamas. My back is still achy and I am still exhausted, but I feel renewed.
Friday, November 12, 2010
No Running Today
I had thought about going for a run after work today, but I am copping out. I think it is a wise decision, even if I really did need to get another run into the week. My back is incredibly sore, and I have a fair bit of stuff to do before I need to go to bed. There will not be time to run tomorrow, and Sunday is looking unlikely as well; however, I could fit in a run later Sunday afternoon.
I am surprised by how much I do enjoy going for a run, even though the act of getting out there to do it is sometimes too much of a chore. It was definitely easier in the summer to find time to go and run, not to mention it was warmer and light outside longer. Thankfully, we have yet to experience snow and really cold weather, so I should be taking advantage of this nice weather while I can. With my next 5K coming in less than two months, I need to get back into a regular routine of running 2-3x a week, instead of the one to two times a week I am currently running. The good news is that my endurance is not flagging, despite a reduction in my running since early October! There are still days that are not good run days, when even 2K feels like 10K, and my body hates running with every step, but I am getting better at fighting through those feelings or outrunning them.
Now that I have a running jacket and a long-sleeved warmer running top, I feel more prepared for cooler weather running. Although, I am still not keen on running in the dark.
I am surprised by how much I do enjoy going for a run, even though the act of getting out there to do it is sometimes too much of a chore. It was definitely easier in the summer to find time to go and run, not to mention it was warmer and light outside longer. Thankfully, we have yet to experience snow and really cold weather, so I should be taking advantage of this nice weather while I can. With my next 5K coming in less than two months, I need to get back into a regular routine of running 2-3x a week, instead of the one to two times a week I am currently running. The good news is that my endurance is not flagging, despite a reduction in my running since early October! There are still days that are not good run days, when even 2K feels like 10K, and my body hates running with every step, but I am getting better at fighting through those feelings or outrunning them.
Now that I have a running jacket and a long-sleeved warmer running top, I feel more prepared for cooler weather running. Although, I am still not keen on running in the dark.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Remembrance Day
I was pleasantly blessed by being given the day off work. Today is Remembrance Day; a stat holiday. Most of the time, I am scheduled to work on stat holidays, so I had every expectation that today would be no different. However, the scheduler did not schedule me to work, because she doesn't think it is fair that I have to work every holiday! While I would have been okay with working, I'm glad to have had the day off.
Naturally, what I anticipated would be a leisurely day of sleeping in and doing whatever turned out to be anything but. Abby's grade 7 girls' volleyball team had a tournament today. The exciting news is that they were undefeated and won the tournament. The down-side, for me, is that I spent the almost the entire day at the school gym. There was no sleeping in. There was no time to do what I wanted or might have needed to do. But, that's okay. It was good to watch my daughter play and win!
Naturally, what I anticipated would be a leisurely day of sleeping in and doing whatever turned out to be anything but. Abby's grade 7 girls' volleyball team had a tournament today. The exciting news is that they were undefeated and won the tournament. The down-side, for me, is that I spent the almost the entire day at the school gym. There was no sleeping in. There was no time to do what I wanted or might have needed to do. But, that's okay. It was good to watch my daughter play and win!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Moving On
So, there will be no visit with my friend this time around. While I might be a little cranky and irritated over the process, I am not letting myself be too disappointed or upset about the result. I am used to this sort of result when she comes to town. I don't like the fact that I seem to always be the one missing out, but I cannot allow that disappointment to infect other areas of life. Life goes on, as they say.
I do believe that my friend has good intentions and not so good follow-through. She has a personality that is always busy, always trying new things, never content to just sit in one place, and so, I realize that she is not always the most organized and her plans are not always carefully thought out. It is the way she is. I just happen to be a little different. I can be busy, but I also appreciate the art of being still and quiet. I like to try new things sometimes, but I also like organization. I do not like living under a rigid schedule, but I still thrive best with routine and at least a loose schedule. I can be flexible, but I do not like to be late. When I make plans, I like to be committed to see them through.
In some ways, we're the same and in other ways we are opposites, but ultimately we are friends! And that is what should matter the most. Right? Because friends understand differences in personality and lifestyle, and friends find a way to work together. The problem here, for me, is that, for a long time now, it seems as if I am the one who needs to do all the work or the bending. Sometimes I can be flexible but not always. I'm not afraid of a little work, but the workings of a friendship should not be one-sided. I don't think that is healthy for any relationship.
This is my year. This is my year to re-discover who I am and where I am going. This journey I am on won't end on December 31st, 2010. It will continue, but this year has been a beginning. Part of discovering who I am is realizing that it is okay to put myself first sometimes! That concept seems so wrong on a Christian level and a personal level. I am a people-pleaser kind of person, who would much rather be miserable inside than risk offending someone else. There might be situations where that would still be an acceptable response, but I cannot live that way anymore. It's not healthy for me! When I live that way, I allow others, whether it is intentional on their part or not, to marginalize me, to make me someone of no importance. As a result, my self-esteem takes a terrible beating, and I no longer see any worth within myself. How could that possibly be okay?
Now I realize that as Christians we are to love others and put them before ourselves. I get that, and I agree with that...but in a healthy and appropriate manner. What that looks like I really don't know! However, I just can't see being a doormat for others to walk all over as being healthy or appropriate, and that is what I have to put a stop to. I can love others and care for them, while still ensuring that my needs (spiritual, emotional, and physical) are met. I think this doormat thing is a major factor in my depression. Over the past number of years, I have been more than just walked all over by several people. My very character has been mocked, denigrated, and assaulted. Is it any wonder that my self-confidence was virtually non-existent?
It's not easy to say 'no' to people, but sometimes we can say 'no' in other ways. For example, the situation with my friend this weekend. I offered a time that would work for me based on the information that she originally gave me. When she suddenly remembered that she had something else to do at that time, I was hurt and upset, but I refused to be pulled into being the one who had to do the work and bend over backwards to make a visit happen. There really wasn't much I could have done differently anyway! I had to work. I had several meetings. While my friend told me that she had a lot of flexibility to her schedule, the truth was that she didn't! Her trip to town was not a last minute decision, but yet she only made contact with me at the last minute. She had enough time to book dental appointments, but she couldn't arrange a time with me until the last minute. I'd have a tough time getting into see my dentist without booking at least a couple of weeks in advance! Everyone is busy. Everyone has crazy times. Somehow, we all seem to manage to make time for things or people that are important to us. My impression is that I am not important enough to my friend, or she would make more of an effort, not just when she comes to town, but also in how frequently she keeps in touch.
I used to get so stressed out when she came to town, wondering if I would get to see her or not. Usually not. In all honesty, I do still get a little stressed about it, but I am getting better at not setting myself up for the crushing blow of being disappointed again. Instead of running circles or jumping through hoops in the hopes of getting some attention, I can choose not to perform for affection. I can say that this is when I am available on short notice, but it would be easier if you gave me more notice and intentionally sought time with me. Simply saying that you specifically want to spend time with me is not the same as intentionally doing something to make it happen! If you can make an appointment with a dentist in advance, then why can't you 'make an appointment' with me in advance? That way I can make sure I don't have to work that day, but then you'd better not waste my time by being late or over-booking yourself! I'd love to spend time with my friend, but I still have a life to live. If all she can give me is crumbs, that's fine, but don't expect me to sit there waiting for the next crumb to fall.
My head hurts, and I don't know whether it is because of the recent stress or just a matter of course. Well, my head has been hurting for a week or two prior to this stress, so I guess it can't be solely related to this situation. However, this is the headache of old, the static-filled, never-ending headache. If depression is trying to rear its' ugly head, then I need to make sure that I am not falling prey to its' tactics. So, if this post is disjointed and convoluted, I apologize. It all sounds so good in my head, but then something happens between my brain and my fingertips.
I do believe that my friend has good intentions and not so good follow-through. She has a personality that is always busy, always trying new things, never content to just sit in one place, and so, I realize that she is not always the most organized and her plans are not always carefully thought out. It is the way she is. I just happen to be a little different. I can be busy, but I also appreciate the art of being still and quiet. I like to try new things sometimes, but I also like organization. I do not like living under a rigid schedule, but I still thrive best with routine and at least a loose schedule. I can be flexible, but I do not like to be late. When I make plans, I like to be committed to see them through.
In some ways, we're the same and in other ways we are opposites, but ultimately we are friends! And that is what should matter the most. Right? Because friends understand differences in personality and lifestyle, and friends find a way to work together. The problem here, for me, is that, for a long time now, it seems as if I am the one who needs to do all the work or the bending. Sometimes I can be flexible but not always. I'm not afraid of a little work, but the workings of a friendship should not be one-sided. I don't think that is healthy for any relationship.
This is my year. This is my year to re-discover who I am and where I am going. This journey I am on won't end on December 31st, 2010. It will continue, but this year has been a beginning. Part of discovering who I am is realizing that it is okay to put myself first sometimes! That concept seems so wrong on a Christian level and a personal level. I am a people-pleaser kind of person, who would much rather be miserable inside than risk offending someone else. There might be situations where that would still be an acceptable response, but I cannot live that way anymore. It's not healthy for me! When I live that way, I allow others, whether it is intentional on their part or not, to marginalize me, to make me someone of no importance. As a result, my self-esteem takes a terrible beating, and I no longer see any worth within myself. How could that possibly be okay?
Now I realize that as Christians we are to love others and put them before ourselves. I get that, and I agree with that...but in a healthy and appropriate manner. What that looks like I really don't know! However, I just can't see being a doormat for others to walk all over as being healthy or appropriate, and that is what I have to put a stop to. I can love others and care for them, while still ensuring that my needs (spiritual, emotional, and physical) are met. I think this doormat thing is a major factor in my depression. Over the past number of years, I have been more than just walked all over by several people. My very character has been mocked, denigrated, and assaulted. Is it any wonder that my self-confidence was virtually non-existent?
It's not easy to say 'no' to people, but sometimes we can say 'no' in other ways. For example, the situation with my friend this weekend. I offered a time that would work for me based on the information that she originally gave me. When she suddenly remembered that she had something else to do at that time, I was hurt and upset, but I refused to be pulled into being the one who had to do the work and bend over backwards to make a visit happen. There really wasn't much I could have done differently anyway! I had to work. I had several meetings. While my friend told me that she had a lot of flexibility to her schedule, the truth was that she didn't! Her trip to town was not a last minute decision, but yet she only made contact with me at the last minute. She had enough time to book dental appointments, but she couldn't arrange a time with me until the last minute. I'd have a tough time getting into see my dentist without booking at least a couple of weeks in advance! Everyone is busy. Everyone has crazy times. Somehow, we all seem to manage to make time for things or people that are important to us. My impression is that I am not important enough to my friend, or she would make more of an effort, not just when she comes to town, but also in how frequently she keeps in touch.
I used to get so stressed out when she came to town, wondering if I would get to see her or not. Usually not. In all honesty, I do still get a little stressed about it, but I am getting better at not setting myself up for the crushing blow of being disappointed again. Instead of running circles or jumping through hoops in the hopes of getting some attention, I can choose not to perform for affection. I can say that this is when I am available on short notice, but it would be easier if you gave me more notice and intentionally sought time with me. Simply saying that you specifically want to spend time with me is not the same as intentionally doing something to make it happen! If you can make an appointment with a dentist in advance, then why can't you 'make an appointment' with me in advance? That way I can make sure I don't have to work that day, but then you'd better not waste my time by being late or over-booking yourself! I'd love to spend time with my friend, but I still have a life to live. If all she can give me is crumbs, that's fine, but don't expect me to sit there waiting for the next crumb to fall.
My head hurts, and I don't know whether it is because of the recent stress or just a matter of course. Well, my head has been hurting for a week or two prior to this stress, so I guess it can't be solely related to this situation. However, this is the headache of old, the static-filled, never-ending headache. If depression is trying to rear its' ugly head, then I need to make sure that I am not falling prey to its' tactics. So, if this post is disjointed and convoluted, I apologize. It all sounds so good in my head, but then something happens between my brain and my fingertips.
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
A Little Grumble in the Morning
There was another email waiting for me this morning when I woke up, and it leaves me just as irritated as the previous ones. I could be projecting some of my own snarkiness into my friend's words, but it does sort of sound like she is feeling defensive and snappy, too. There is an apology of sorts for all the short notice of visits past, although that is followed by the insinuation that I should feel lucky that I got any notice for this visit at all because she's been so busy. And yet isn't that part of the issue here? I understand that her life is often busy and chaotic and plans are often left to the last minute. Every body's life is like that to some degree, mine included. However, there are many areas of my life that are scheduled or controlled, in part, by outside forces. I have a job, and I am once again involved with the baseball board. I am involved with a ladies' Bible study group. I have my own appointments and things that need doing. When my friend comes to town, she is, in effect, on a mini-vacation, because she is away from her home and the regular routines and demands on her time there. When she comes to town, she is free to organize her time as she sees fit, but I am limited as to how much re-arranging I can do with my own schedule, just because she is in town.
Perhaps the most irritating comment she made in this recent email is this..."This time though, I've tried to make a special point of being sure to see you." Sure. A special point! That's why she said that Monday or Tuesday would work best for her, except for between 12-2pm on Monday. Then, when I said that Monday morning would work best for me, she tells me that actually doesn't work for her after all. And even though I said that I had to work on Tuesday, she still asked me directly TWICE if I could get together for a visit on Tuesday, and then she said that she was available for a visit all day on Tuesday, even though I had already said that I was working that day THREE times!
How does presenting me with a last minute, narrow availability equate to making a special point of seeing me? I don't think that is making a special point or effort at all, and I find that comment insulting. Making the effort would have been finding a way to make Monday morning work. Making the effort would have meant giving more notice of her arrival and availability. I found out on Thursday that she was coming to town. I found out on Sunday what days worked best for her, which was not really very accurate, as her availability on Monday suddenly changed...after I said Monday morning would work for me.
In my opinion, making a special point to see someone involves a lot more effort than simply trying to pencil in a time into an already full schedule. It's wonderful that she has today (Tuesday) free all day long, but I have to work. To be asked repeatedly if I can't still get together with her during this day is rather insulting. So there is no flexibility in her schedule, but I have to re-arrange mine to suit her whims? And what if I could do that? I already know how that would play out. She would be late. I would be stressed out about time, because she is late. This is why I didn't even mention that I had a very narrow window of available time this morning, because I don't leave for work until 10:30am. Really, that doesn't leave a lot of time for a visit, but it leaves even less time, knowing that this friend is almost always late. Significantly late.
The last time she came over to my house for a visit, she was more than an hour late, because she decided to let her kids go swimming at the hotel pool first thing in the morning. Once they were finished swimming and it was time to be at my place, she realized that they hadn't had breakfast. So, I was left waiting and waiting. I don't believe this intentional on her part, but that doesn't soften the sting. It makes me feel like my time is less valuable than hers. It makes me feel like *I* am not important to her. Sure she wants to make a point of spending time with me, but I am easily put off or taken advantage of. That's how special and precious I am, or at least that's how it feels. So, I didn't tell her that this morning was an option, because it really wasn't. Even though I will be home until 10:30, I don't want the stress of trying to fit in a visit, knowing her track record for being late and the stress that would put me under before I go to work. This whole situation is stressful enough without adding a time-sensitive visit to the mix. Because there is always an excuse. They don't need to get up too early, because they're on holidays. She doesn't want to rush off from the other friend's home where they're staying now. She would need to stop at Starbucks for coffee. She'd have to drive her husband to his class, which is why Monday morning suddenly became unavailable. There would be something, and I would be sitting at home, nervously waiting for her to arrive, watching the clock because I need to get ready for work. I refuse to do that to myself.
So, there will be no visit this time. I'm used to that. It happens a lot actually. I might not get over it, but I will survive.
Perhaps the most irritating comment she made in this recent email is this..."This time though, I've tried to make a special point of being sure to see you." Sure. A special point! That's why she said that Monday or Tuesday would work best for her, except for between 12-2pm on Monday. Then, when I said that Monday morning would work best for me, she tells me that actually doesn't work for her after all. And even though I said that I had to work on Tuesday, she still asked me directly TWICE if I could get together for a visit on Tuesday, and then she said that she was available for a visit all day on Tuesday, even though I had already said that I was working that day THREE times!
How does presenting me with a last minute, narrow availability equate to making a special point of seeing me? I don't think that is making a special point or effort at all, and I find that comment insulting. Making the effort would have been finding a way to make Monday morning work. Making the effort would have meant giving more notice of her arrival and availability. I found out on Thursday that she was coming to town. I found out on Sunday what days worked best for her, which was not really very accurate, as her availability on Monday suddenly changed...after I said Monday morning would work for me.
In my opinion, making a special point to see someone involves a lot more effort than simply trying to pencil in a time into an already full schedule. It's wonderful that she has today (Tuesday) free all day long, but I have to work. To be asked repeatedly if I can't still get together with her during this day is rather insulting. So there is no flexibility in her schedule, but I have to re-arrange mine to suit her whims? And what if I could do that? I already know how that would play out. She would be late. I would be stressed out about time, because she is late. This is why I didn't even mention that I had a very narrow window of available time this morning, because I don't leave for work until 10:30am. Really, that doesn't leave a lot of time for a visit, but it leaves even less time, knowing that this friend is almost always late. Significantly late.
The last time she came over to my house for a visit, she was more than an hour late, because she decided to let her kids go swimming at the hotel pool first thing in the morning. Once they were finished swimming and it was time to be at my place, she realized that they hadn't had breakfast. So, I was left waiting and waiting. I don't believe this intentional on her part, but that doesn't soften the sting. It makes me feel like my time is less valuable than hers. It makes me feel like *I* am not important to her. Sure she wants to make a point of spending time with me, but I am easily put off or taken advantage of. That's how special and precious I am, or at least that's how it feels. So, I didn't tell her that this morning was an option, because it really wasn't. Even though I will be home until 10:30, I don't want the stress of trying to fit in a visit, knowing her track record for being late and the stress that would put me under before I go to work. This whole situation is stressful enough without adding a time-sensitive visit to the mix. Because there is always an excuse. They don't need to get up too early, because they're on holidays. She doesn't want to rush off from the other friend's home where they're staying now. She would need to stop at Starbucks for coffee. She'd have to drive her husband to his class, which is why Monday morning suddenly became unavailable. There would be something, and I would be sitting at home, nervously waiting for her to arrive, watching the clock because I need to get ready for work. I refuse to do that to myself.
So, there will be no visit this time. I'm used to that. It happens a lot actually. I might not get over it, but I will survive.
Monday, November 08, 2010
Frustrated
So I am only further frustrated and disappointed after several emails back and forth to a friend. I'm afraid that I am sulking and being a little selfish, but right now I think I just need to be this way. I need to remember that my time and my feelings are important. I cannot just suck it up and roll over for everyone who wants to take advantage of my easy-going nature. My time is valuable. I have feelings that can be bruised and battered by neglect, by word or action, intentional or not.
I don't believe this friend hurts me intentionally, yet I do feel hurt and neglected. It is frustrating and stressful, and I don't need either of those things pushing me back down right now. So, it looks like I won't spend any time with her during this brief time in town, but hey, I'm used to that, too. I might have come across as slightly snarky, when I let her know that maybe she should give me more notice before she comes to town, so that her schedule isn't already full by the time I know she's here. Somehow though, I doubt anything will come of it. Even if she caught my tone, I doubt she'd do anything about it. Why would that change after all these years?
I don't believe this friend hurts me intentionally, yet I do feel hurt and neglected. It is frustrating and stressful, and I don't need either of those things pushing me back down right now. So, it looks like I won't spend any time with her during this brief time in town, but hey, I'm used to that, too. I might have come across as slightly snarky, when I let her know that maybe she should give me more notice before she comes to town, so that her schedule isn't already full by the time I know she's here. Somehow though, I doubt anything will come of it. Even if she caught my tone, I doubt she'd do anything about it. Why would that change after all these years?
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Feeling Crunched
What a beautiful day! The sun is shining, and it is 13 degrees Celsius. I am trying to decide whether or not I want to go for a run today. I could. I should, but I also could tomorrow morning. Either way would be fine and good, and either way has the potential to either fit well into my schedule or disrupt it. I hate having my time crunched.
Today is Sunday, which means we went to church this morning. Immediately following church, we went to the college's career fair, for the benefit of our teenage children, followed by a quick stop at Wal-Mart for necessary supplies. Now we are at home. The husband and one child are doing homework. Another child is cleaning her room, while another plays on the X-box. I would like to get some tidying done around the house, because it has fallen into a state of messiness that drives me crazy. I also have the desire to do some baking, maybe some cookies. And go for a run.
Tomorrow is Monday, an unexpected day off work, but it is by no means a blank slate of a day. I have homework to finish before my ladies' study in the evening. I am also expected to give a little 5 minute talk about what God is doing in my life, so I need to put some thought into that. There are the usual day off routines, like catching up on laundry, perhaps a trip to the library, and more housework. I have a meeting at 3pm, which I was unaware of until yesterday afternoon. I'm not too thrilled about having a meeting at that time of day, and I imagine many others are also less than thrilled about it. The meeting could be very short if we don't get enough people to attend. Had I been scheduled to work tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to attend either!
And today I received an email from a friend in town for a visit asking if we can get together on Monday or Tuesday. Tuesday is most definitely out as I have to work. Monday would be possible, but then I struggle with negative feelings and want nothing more than to cop out and say it won't work at all. Though to be honest, I could say that tomorrow won't work, and that would not be much of a stretch at all. I do have places to go and things to do tomorrow. While it would be good to visit with this friend, I also cannot simply re-arrange life at the last minute to work into her schedule, and that is what it feels like I am being asked to do. In fairness to my friend, she hasn't expressed that in so many words. I am merely expressing how I feel about the seemingly last minute notification of what works best for her as opposed to being given ample notice and being asked specifically to arrange a time together instead of merely a 'hoping we can get together during her limited days here and her limited schedule'. If that sounds bitter, then maybe it is. A little.
It would be somewhat easier to say that I could fit her in tomorrow, if I could rely on her to be punctual. But I know my friend too well, and being punctual is not an area she excels in, at least not as far as I have ever experienced. I can understand that not everyone is punctual. I get that. I can appreciate that best intentions can be waylaid by a variety of factors, both ones we can control and those we cannot. But, if I make changes to my own schedule to accommodate someone else's schedule, then I find it irritating to be left waiting and waiting and waiting. I have enough to do tomorrow as it is. I don't have time to sit and wait for my friend to show up late.
So I feel mildly stressed about replying to my friend's email. What can I say? What should I say? And what if I did want to put off my run until tomorrow? That would just add another thing to fit into my day, which wouldn't be too bad, except that tomorrow is the only day that would work to visit with my friend.
Argh! I think I will go for a run today just to pound out some stress before my head explodes.
Today is Sunday, which means we went to church this morning. Immediately following church, we went to the college's career fair, for the benefit of our teenage children, followed by a quick stop at Wal-Mart for necessary supplies. Now we are at home. The husband and one child are doing homework. Another child is cleaning her room, while another plays on the X-box. I would like to get some tidying done around the house, because it has fallen into a state of messiness that drives me crazy. I also have the desire to do some baking, maybe some cookies. And go for a run.
Tomorrow is Monday, an unexpected day off work, but it is by no means a blank slate of a day. I have homework to finish before my ladies' study in the evening. I am also expected to give a little 5 minute talk about what God is doing in my life, so I need to put some thought into that. There are the usual day off routines, like catching up on laundry, perhaps a trip to the library, and more housework. I have a meeting at 3pm, which I was unaware of until yesterday afternoon. I'm not too thrilled about having a meeting at that time of day, and I imagine many others are also less than thrilled about it. The meeting could be very short if we don't get enough people to attend. Had I been scheduled to work tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to attend either!
And today I received an email from a friend in town for a visit asking if we can get together on Monday or Tuesday. Tuesday is most definitely out as I have to work. Monday would be possible, but then I struggle with negative feelings and want nothing more than to cop out and say it won't work at all. Though to be honest, I could say that tomorrow won't work, and that would not be much of a stretch at all. I do have places to go and things to do tomorrow. While it would be good to visit with this friend, I also cannot simply re-arrange life at the last minute to work into her schedule, and that is what it feels like I am being asked to do. In fairness to my friend, she hasn't expressed that in so many words. I am merely expressing how I feel about the seemingly last minute notification of what works best for her as opposed to being given ample notice and being asked specifically to arrange a time together instead of merely a 'hoping we can get together during her limited days here and her limited schedule'. If that sounds bitter, then maybe it is. A little.
It would be somewhat easier to say that I could fit her in tomorrow, if I could rely on her to be punctual. But I know my friend too well, and being punctual is not an area she excels in, at least not as far as I have ever experienced. I can understand that not everyone is punctual. I get that. I can appreciate that best intentions can be waylaid by a variety of factors, both ones we can control and those we cannot. But, if I make changes to my own schedule to accommodate someone else's schedule, then I find it irritating to be left waiting and waiting and waiting. I have enough to do tomorrow as it is. I don't have time to sit and wait for my friend to show up late.
So I feel mildly stressed about replying to my friend's email. What can I say? What should I say? And what if I did want to put off my run until tomorrow? That would just add another thing to fit into my day, which wouldn't be too bad, except that tomorrow is the only day that would work to visit with my friend.
Argh! I think I will go for a run today just to pound out some stress before my head explodes.
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Win Some, Lose Some
Yesterday I decided to stay home rather than attend my daughter's volleyball tournament. I wasn't feeling up to par, plus I wanted to be able to relax and get to bed by 9:00pm, so I would get enough sleep for my early morning work shift today. In hindsight, I am both glad and disappointed in my decision.
I am disappointed, because my daughter's team wound up winning the tournament! To be quite honest, I had no expectations of her team doing so well. All of the teams at the tournament are made up of grade 7 girls, who are just really learning how to play. Most of them cannot even consistently get their serves over the net, so it would have been difficult to predict anyone as the winner. However, even though Abby's team has played reasonably well of late, I still would never have thought they could win it all. But they did, and I didn't get to see it.
On the other hand, I am glad I stayed home, because the tournament went well beyond the expected time frame. We were told the tournament was from 3:30 to 7:30pm, but it was after 9:00pm by the time my husband and daughter got back home. As they got home, I was already preparing for bed. Had I gone I would have been behind schedule and likely would not have fallen asleep as quickly.
So, I missed watching the games, but I had a decent night's sleep. In turn, I had a fairly good day at work, better than expected actually.
I am disappointed, because my daughter's team wound up winning the tournament! To be quite honest, I had no expectations of her team doing so well. All of the teams at the tournament are made up of grade 7 girls, who are just really learning how to play. Most of them cannot even consistently get their serves over the net, so it would have been difficult to predict anyone as the winner. However, even though Abby's team has played reasonably well of late, I still would never have thought they could win it all. But they did, and I didn't get to see it.
On the other hand, I am glad I stayed home, because the tournament went well beyond the expected time frame. We were told the tournament was from 3:30 to 7:30pm, but it was after 9:00pm by the time my husband and daughter got back home. As they got home, I was already preparing for bed. Had I gone I would have been behind schedule and likely would not have fallen asleep as quickly.
So, I missed watching the games, but I had a decent night's sleep. In turn, I had a fairly good day at work, better than expected actually.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Crummy
I am feeling rather crummy today, and I expect to feel much the same, if not worse, tomorrow. Sunday should see me feeling more like myself, I think. I hope. The timing sucks, because I had to work today and I have to work tomorrow. A Saturday work day is always crazy busy and long, which is not the best day to feel like crap. Oh well, I will survive.
It will be a busy weekend actually. Aside from work and feeling as I do, tomorrow night is our church's 50th anniversary celebration. Sunday morning is church, followed by a career fair at the college.
Today was going to be equally busy, but I opted to stay home this afternoon instead of attending my daughter's volleyball tournament. Otherwise, I would have run from work to volleyball to home and almost straight into bed, in the hopes of getting enough sleep to see me through Saturday. Now I get some time to relax, put a heating pad on my belly, and go to bed in a potentially more wound down state than I would be in had I gone to the tournament.
And am I ever looking forward to my sleep on Saturday night! It will be the night of setting the clocks back one hour, which means an extra hour of sleep! My most favourite night of the year!
It will be a busy weekend actually. Aside from work and feeling as I do, tomorrow night is our church's 50th anniversary celebration. Sunday morning is church, followed by a career fair at the college.
Today was going to be equally busy, but I opted to stay home this afternoon instead of attending my daughter's volleyball tournament. Otherwise, I would have run from work to volleyball to home and almost straight into bed, in the hopes of getting enough sleep to see me through Saturday. Now I get some time to relax, put a heating pad on my belly, and go to bed in a potentially more wound down state than I would be in had I gone to the tournament.
And am I ever looking forward to my sleep on Saturday night! It will be the night of setting the clocks back one hour, which means an extra hour of sleep! My most favourite night of the year!
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Taking a Stand
It never fails to amaze me how kids will pick the most unexpected times to talk about important things, and last night was one of those moments. Abby and I were sitting on bleachers, watching the boys do their tennis lessons, when I made a comment about one of the coaches' behaviour. Abby picked up on it right away, saying that this coach was a control freak, and she went on to say that she had experience with that. Of course, that perked up my attention instantly.
The conversation then went on for the next fifteen, twenty minutes. Abby is getting weary of one of her friends, because this friend is controlling and mean. I had to resist the urge to inject my own comments and feelings into the conversation, because I've noticed these traits in this person for a long time. So, I just let Abby talk, with the occasional question from me.
It was a good conversation though, and I think it shows a new maturity within my daughter. After 6 years of friendship with this girl, Abby has finally found the voice to call her friend on something that is wrong. That takes a lot of guts! It's never easy to tell a friend something you know will not received well, but sometimes the truth needs to be told. Isn't that what friends are supposed to do?
Of course, this friend didn't like the conversation very much and walked away. Abby did not see her for the rest of the school day, but whether that was intentional or just the way the day went is unknown. I guess I'll know better today, when Abby gets home from school.
My little girl is growing up, but this is a good thing!
The conversation then went on for the next fifteen, twenty minutes. Abby is getting weary of one of her friends, because this friend is controlling and mean. I had to resist the urge to inject my own comments and feelings into the conversation, because I've noticed these traits in this person for a long time. So, I just let Abby talk, with the occasional question from me.
It was a good conversation though, and I think it shows a new maturity within my daughter. After 6 years of friendship with this girl, Abby has finally found the voice to call her friend on something that is wrong. That takes a lot of guts! It's never easy to tell a friend something you know will not received well, but sometimes the truth needs to be told. Isn't that what friends are supposed to do?
Of course, this friend didn't like the conversation very much and walked away. Abby did not see her for the rest of the school day, but whether that was intentional or just the way the day went is unknown. I guess I'll know better today, when Abby gets home from school.
My little girl is growing up, but this is a good thing!
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Change of Perspective
Blogging every day this month might be more of a challenge than I had originally anticipated, but not for the same reason. I had thought that my biggest obstacle would be remembering to post every day, but I am quickly discovering that I am stumbling over what to blog about! No sooner does an idea pop into my head than it fizzles and sputters and blinks out.
Part of the problem, I think, is that I have a mental list of things that need to be done at any given moment of time, and so my thoughts keep bouncing back and forth between what I want to do and what I should be doing, until I no longer feel like doing anything! I suppose that depression plays a role in this problem of mine, although I am sure that is not the only culprit.
In general, I think my depression is doing quite well, if that is the proper way to describe it. My mood has been more upbeat. I am more active. While I am still prone to exhaustion and feeling like a slug, I am also experiencing more energy and sense of purpose. Unfortunately, headaches seem to be on the come-back trail, and this is one thing I could do without.
Remember how I wanted to go for a run yesterday but didn't? Well, I did go for a run this morning, and I stretched it out to 3.68 kilometres, which is my longest run since I did my 5K race almost a month ago. Even though I knew that I was going for a run today, for sure, I still could have talked myself out of it quite easily. I didn't though, and I'm glad for that.
It was a little nippy outside, with a temperature of -2 Celsius when I left the house. The wind was against me for the first kilometre or so, and I had to wonder how much longer I could run outside with just my thin yoga jacket for protection from the wind and cold. Of course, by the time I was nearly finished, I was wondering how much longer I could run with my thin, cotton yoga jacket trapping my sweat inside! And all this got me thinking about the 5K fun run that I will be participating in on January 1st and what kind of clothing I will need to survive the weather that day. I will need a toque and mittens, a more water-resistant pair of shoes, ice grips (maybe), some sort of long-sleeved base layer top, and a jacket. I will be receiving a fleece jacket with my race kit prior to the January 1st race, so I hope that jacket will be sufficient for winter running. I honestly do not know how much running I will do outside this winter, especially if the weather is as cold and snowy as predicted. Obviously I will need to do some outdoor running in preparation for that 5K, but I certainly don't need to limit all my running to the outdoors. And once that 5K is completed, I can move my running to the treadmill at the gym until the weather warms up or the snow melts.
But my run this morning was good! I felt rejuvenated after I had done my stretching and showered off the sweat. My entire outlook on the day was more optimistic...at least for a while. I'm sure the endorphins will fade away before the kids are home from school.
Part of the problem, I think, is that I have a mental list of things that need to be done at any given moment of time, and so my thoughts keep bouncing back and forth between what I want to do and what I should be doing, until I no longer feel like doing anything! I suppose that depression plays a role in this problem of mine, although I am sure that is not the only culprit.
In general, I think my depression is doing quite well, if that is the proper way to describe it. My mood has been more upbeat. I am more active. While I am still prone to exhaustion and feeling like a slug, I am also experiencing more energy and sense of purpose. Unfortunately, headaches seem to be on the come-back trail, and this is one thing I could do without.
Remember how I wanted to go for a run yesterday but didn't? Well, I did go for a run this morning, and I stretched it out to 3.68 kilometres, which is my longest run since I did my 5K race almost a month ago. Even though I knew that I was going for a run today, for sure, I still could have talked myself out of it quite easily. I didn't though, and I'm glad for that.
It was a little nippy outside, with a temperature of -2 Celsius when I left the house. The wind was against me for the first kilometre or so, and I had to wonder how much longer I could run outside with just my thin yoga jacket for protection from the wind and cold. Of course, by the time I was nearly finished, I was wondering how much longer I could run with my thin, cotton yoga jacket trapping my sweat inside! And all this got me thinking about the 5K fun run that I will be participating in on January 1st and what kind of clothing I will need to survive the weather that day. I will need a toque and mittens, a more water-resistant pair of shoes, ice grips (maybe), some sort of long-sleeved base layer top, and a jacket. I will be receiving a fleece jacket with my race kit prior to the January 1st race, so I hope that jacket will be sufficient for winter running. I honestly do not know how much running I will do outside this winter, especially if the weather is as cold and snowy as predicted. Obviously I will need to do some outdoor running in preparation for that 5K, but I certainly don't need to limit all my running to the outdoors. And once that 5K is completed, I can move my running to the treadmill at the gym until the weather warms up or the snow melts.
But my run this morning was good! I felt rejuvenated after I had done my stretching and showered off the sweat. My entire outlook on the day was more optimistic...at least for a while. I'm sure the endorphins will fade away before the kids are home from school.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Here We Go Again
I should go for a run today, but I am feeling incredibly lazy, with a slight indication of a headache on the horizon. Actually, it is more than just a slight indication. There isn't anything slight about it, although I would not yet classify this as a full-blown headache. Not yet.
The headaches, or lack of headaches, had been doing so well. While they have not yet been reduced to their original depths of despair, I am frustrated with the resurgence in frequency and tenacity.
Yesterday was a very good day...until about 3:45pm. My work day had been smooth, uneventful, calm, and easy-peasy. I came home from work, ready to face the rest of my day, only to be blind-sided by a headache mere minutes before I had to run out the door. This headache did not require a warm-up period. It did not give me ample warning of it's arrival. It just showed up unexpectedly and in full force. The Ibuprofen barely softened the edges, and so I chose to stay home last night rather than attend my ladies' study group. My head is full of static and lightning again this morning.
I am so not impressed! I think I will run tomorrow instead.
The headaches, or lack of headaches, had been doing so well. While they have not yet been reduced to their original depths of despair, I am frustrated with the resurgence in frequency and tenacity.
Yesterday was a very good day...until about 3:45pm. My work day had been smooth, uneventful, calm, and easy-peasy. I came home from work, ready to face the rest of my day, only to be blind-sided by a headache mere minutes before I had to run out the door. This headache did not require a warm-up period. It did not give me ample warning of it's arrival. It just showed up unexpectedly and in full force. The Ibuprofen barely softened the edges, and so I chose to stay home last night rather than attend my ladies' study group. My head is full of static and lightning again this morning.
I am so not impressed! I think I will run tomorrow instead.
Monday, November 01, 2010
Day 1
It is November 1st, which means this is the start of NaBloPoMo . I was successful in my quest to blog every day last November, and I hope to be equally successful again this year. It won't be easy. In a way, I think this year might actually be a more difficult challenge, although I am basing this on feelings more than any actual factors. There just seems to be a lot going on in my day-to-day life, which means that I am more prone to forgetting all about blogging until it is late, late at night and I am almost asleep.
Today has the potential to be one of those kind of days, so I am throwing together a quick post first thing in the morning, before the craziness begins. It's not much of a post, I know. Mornings are not really my thing, but at least I had a fairly decent night's sleep. For a change.
Today has the potential to be one of those kind of days, so I am throwing together a quick post first thing in the morning, before the craziness begins. It's not much of a post, I know. Mornings are not really my thing, but at least I had a fairly decent night's sleep. For a change.
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