The last hour and a half of work was brutal today. It wasn't very busy, but I was working on the sandwich bar. I thought I'd be okay since the counter is now higher than it was before the renovation; guess I was wrong. My back is killing me. My head is pounding and spiralling into the abyss. When I was finally able to sneak to the back to blow my nose (stupid cold) and grab a drink of water, I noticed how red my face was. It is hot working on the sandwich bar when it is busy over lunch, especially now that we no longer have a fan to help cool us down.

Thankfully the remaining hour of work went by fairly quickly, even if I felt like I was trudging through jello. I have an hour or so to recuperate before heading out to baseball...and cold...and sitting. My body isn't looking forward to sitting in the cold and wind, but I am excited to watch one of my kids play. Too bad I can't split into two bodies, so I could watch both kids tonight!

Busy Days

I am having a somewhat productive day despite my fears that there was more to do than time to do it in. Two freshly baked loaves of bread are cooling on the counter. All the dishes have been washed, counters wiped down. The last load of laundry is in the wash. Milk, fruit and veggies have been replenished. Supper is in the crockpot. I was supposed to go pick up a tax receipt but plans changed at the last minute. I decided to check my email right before I planned on heading out and found an email from the person I was supposed to meet up with. She didn't have my receipt ready yet. It is a little frustrating that I'm hanging in limbo over that receipt, but I'm glad that I didn't drive across the city for nothing!

I have a couple of hours to relax now before the busyness begins once more. We have baseball every day this week, and I think we have baseball 6 days next week! Oh the joy! I didn't feel any joy last night as I sat wrapped in my blanket watching Casey umpire a game. We endured rain, icy winds and hail. I was cold, but at least I had a blanket, gloves and an umbrella. Poor Casey was an ice cube by the end of the game! Hopefully it will be a bit warmer tonight for practices...but I'm not confident.

The "I suck" theme seems to be rather common. It must be true then...I do!

I am cold, chilled to the bone, after being outside for several hours for our baseball Opening Day activities. Even with a jacket, I was still shivering, except for those brief moments when the sun poked through the clouds. A little more sunshine would have been nice. We've been home for more than an hour. I've had a mug of tea, and I am still cold. Casey has an exhibition game tomorrow afternoon. I am hoping for sunshine and warmer weather. Barring that I plan to bring gloves and a blanket or two. Still, this is not bad weather for so early in the season. This time last year, we had already risked frostbite to play in arctic temperatures and snow!

Once again I realized that I had forgotten to blog as I lay in bed late at night. There is something about having just crawled into bed that loosens up the memory cells. If there is ever anything that I "forget" during the day I am virtually guaranteed to remember it in the dark of my bedroom at the end of the day. Of course, by that time, I am comfy and unwilling to get out of bed just to turn on the computer and blog.

I Need a Nap

I had planned on baking bread today, even pulled out my large flour bin in preparation, but I decided to put it off until tomorrow. I still have a full loaf waiting to be consumed, so we can make do with that until tomorrow. I am simply tired and did not sleep well last night. Kane did snore but it wasn't too bad. The bigger problem, I think, was the pain and discomfort in my hips. This is really becoming annoying.

During the course of a day, my hips don't bother me a whole lot, unless I am sitting with my legs tucked under me (which I love to do) or in some other way that puts pressure on the hip joints. I certainly do not have the same level of pain that I first experienced with my hips earlier in the year. Thankfully! However, as soon as I lay down at night the discomfort and (milder) pain begins in earnest, especially if I'm laying on either side. Unfortunately for me, I sleep on my side.

Here is my nightly routine:

1. Get into bed and determine which side of my body I need to sleep on. It may sound weird, but sometimes there is only one side that feels right.
2. Get as comfy as I can laying on that side and hope to fall asleep before the pain prevents me from falling asleep.
3. Turn to the other side once I realize that the previous side is not going to cooperate with me and repeat #2.
4. Lie awake with my eyes closed trying to fall asleep, writing stories in my head, until the pain is just too intrusive.
5. Turn onto my back. Re-arrange my body pillow to elevate my knees in an effort to reduce the inevitable back pain/discomfort (my back hates being slept on). Flip the ergonomic pillow under my head to better support my neck in this position.
6. Lie awake with my eyes closed trying to fall asleep, writing stories in my head.
7. At this point I usually need to get up for a trip to the bathroom. Even if I don't need to use the facilities, I often need the walking movement to "crack" a hip joint and, hopefully, give a little relief from the discomfort.
8. Get back into bed, on my back. Repeat #6.
9. Eventually I fall to sleep, although it isn't always restful or unbroken. Sometimes I wake up enough to roll onto my side and fall back to deep sleep where the pain cannot reach me. If I do end up switching to my side though, I often find myself waking up kind of twisted onto my back. Not a good thing!

So most nights I don't sleep well, but I've managed to get "enough" sleep. This week so far has felt less restful though. I've woken to my alarm wanting nothing more than to shut it off and go back to sleep. I don't have that luxury.

Growing

Growing things in my yard...or things that grow and bloom without my help.

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Last Week

This is my final week of freedom. Work renos are nearly finished, and we're set to re-open on Friday. As of today I am not working this week still, but I fully expect to resume my unpredictable work schedule next week. The past few weeks have flown by, and yet it feels like I haven't worked for a very, very long time! But absence makes the heart grow fonder and I am looking forward to once again putting on my uniform and joining the rat race.

My time away from work might not have been quite as productive as I had hoped, but it was still time mostly well spent. I have fallen back into the habit of visiting the library, which means that I have been reading voraciously. My spring cleaning list never did get translated from my head to paper, and I can't even mentally cross off very many items on that list. I did clean all my windows and Sam's bedroom. I did some purging and re-organizing in the kitchen. My family has been enjoying homemade bread on a regular basis, something I want to continue with. I've finally tried my hand at tennis and loved it, even if I'm horribly out of shape and ached for days after! Mostly, the past few weeks have been quiet, relaxing, nice!

It is fitting, in a twisted sort of way, that the end of my "sabbatical" coincides with the start of baseball craziness for our family. We've already had baseball try-outs and a few practices, but the season officially begins this coming Saturday. Even this week, this final week of mine, is getting a little crowded. Casey has practice tonight and Wednesday. Abby has practice on Tuesday. Sam has tennis lessons on Friday. Saturday is Opening Day for baseball, and Kane and I are going to a school fundraiser dinner/dance event. This is what my life will look like for the next couple of months.

For this final week I can either relax as much as possible or cram as much into these last few days as possible. Or, I can try to do both...

2009 Environmental Mind Grind Champions

Yesterday was the Environmental Mind Grind competition. For the second year in a row, Abby was a part of the team representing her school. This was the year that her school went all the way to the top and became the Champions! It was surprising and exciting. There were shaky moments when our team was down 3 points to 1 out of a possible 7 points, but the team always managed to come back and win each round. They won $500 for their school and fleece vests for each team member. The team was questioned by a couple of reporters after which created the additional excitement of seeing a name and/or photo in the papers. There was an article in today's local daily paper, but it was rather disappointing. The accompanying photo was not of the winning team. The article focused on two team members from the winning team and failed to even mention the names of the other two team members. Abby was one of those omitted two. I was irritated. She was sad. We talked about it, and I encouraged her to write a letter to the editor explaining how she felt about not being included in the article. We submitted her letter to the paper online and will have to wait and see if it makes it into the paper.

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A Rainy Day

The sun is hidden behind a blanket of thick grey clouds today, and it is raining. How different the weather is from yesterday to today. Last night I basked in the sun while watching Casey's baseball practice. Today is perfect for staying home and curling up beneath a blanket with a book and a large steaming mug of Earl Grey tea. Thankfully we have no baseball tonight!

So we will switch gears from baseball to hockey as we cheer on our favourites in the NHL play-offs. Sam commented last night that he usually doesn't watch the play-offs, and I had to agree that this was truth. Over the past 9 years, he has always played baseball in the spring and, with siblings also playing, we've spent more spring nights at the ballpark than in front of the TV. Sam has watched more play-off games in the past two days than he has...well, ever! It helps that he isn't playing ball this year and is old enough to stay home alone.

The cable guy did eventually arrive yesterday morning. He changed out some connections and splitters and eventually our digital box and modem. We once again have all the channels that we are supposed to receive and each one is clear.

In the process of fixing our cable problem, the cable guy was testing some channels and came across the Jerry Springer show. This is not a program that I watch, although I have caught glimpses in passing and certainly know the gist of the content. I find it incredibly sad that people are so messed up and then willing, if not eager, to display their dirty laundry for all the world to see. The cable guy started off on a little rant about this very topic as we listened to the show as he worked his technical skills.

I received an email the other day with a photo of a grossly obese woman sitting on a park bench. She was wearing a dress, and her belly was literally hanging off the edge of the bench and visible below the hem of her dress. It was both mildly humorous and disturbing, the kind of scene where you know you shouldn't look but can't keep your eyes from staring.

That photo is very much the same as those talk shows in the same vein as the Springer show. It's a train wreck that is grotesque and traumatic, but most of us strain our necks from gawking. We're glad that we're in a better position, immune from danger. Some might laugh to ridicule, others to mask discomfort and insecurity. There is a measure of pity, maybe some compassion, but mostly we are content to feel for just a few minutes before returning to our regularly scheduled lives. We think that this could never happen to us, and we're so damn sure of our own invulnerability. We are complacent.

The rain is making feel like doing little today but read and sit. It's oh so tempting, especially as I have a bag full of books waiting to be consumed. Last week I washed my windows. Someone commented that I must be a fastidious housekeeper. I laughed. My home will never be featured in Better Homes & Gardens, nor would it pass a white glove test. I cleaned my windows, because I like being able to clearly see out the window. For all that I love a clear view to the outside, I only wash my windows a couple of times a year...and that is because it is much easier to put up with grimy windows than it is to go to all the trouble of cleaning them more often! Even if I don't do much today I must do something, because I don't want to just sit and do nothing.

Sitting, Waiting

It is 8:30 and I am waiting for the TV cable repairman or whatever the politically correct title is these days. I find it somewhat frustrating to have my day put on a hold waiting for something like this. It's not like I have a specific appointment, although I was given only a 2 hour window which is better than a 4 hour or all day window! I can understand the nature of the service call, and the impossibility of predicting the length of various service calls throughout any given day; however, I don't like operating on such vagueness. I like schedule and routine and itemized lists.

The Long and Rambling Road

It's been a busy morning, at least the past two hours. In the past 120 minutes I have:
1. showered
2. mixed and kneaded bread dough
3. registered Sam for tennis at the Rec. Centre
4. did a round on the Circuit at the gym
5. waited on hold with the cable company, finally talked to the tech and discovered I had just wasted my time
6. kneaded the risen dough and formed into loaves
7. loaded the dishwasher


My back is still quite sore from my tennis work-out the other night. Every step that I take is jarring but bearable. The back extension machine at the gym felt very good this morning! I'm not completely positive, but I think that this morning was my first solo trip to the gym. For some reason I have this hesitation when it comes to going by myself, but I need to get over it or I'll never get full value for my money or into shape.


Yesterday I downsized and organized my Tupperware cupboards. Previously the plastics were distributed between two cupboards: one nearly jam-packed, the other only half-filled with Tupperware. Now I have just one cupboard neatly filled with Tupperware, and I should never again have to hear my husband ask where the lid for any specific container could be found! The difficult task will be to keep this cupboard looking as lovely as it does right now, because my kids are notorious for putting things away in the most unlikely places.


It's a wonderful feeling to see space where there used to be clutter! Of course, that space will soon be filled with something, probably clutter from somewhere else, but reducing and re-organizing clutter helps everything to look, and stay, neater. We have far more junk than we need or could ever truly use, and yet we cling to it with the expectation of using it at some point in the future. There is some wisdom in being prepared, but I think we're in danger of losing the ability to make do, to find creative solutions and think outside the box. I really dislike having to rush off to Wal-mart to get that tool or gadget that we need for this specific purpose. It's easier sometimes, but I hate it. It's not a secret that I don't like shopping. I also dislike the heavy push of consumerism, the 'buy, buy, buy' mentality of our generation. Of course, there are things that I do like buying and I can be a sucker for a really good sale, but mostly I don't see the thrill in rushing off to the store for the sake of spending money. Sometimes I succumb though...


Casey has his first practice tonight. Baseball, of course. This will be our first glimpse of who is on his AA team. There should be a few faces that we're familiar with, but everything about baseball this year feels strangely new. It is mostly a good feeling tinged with uncertainty. We're not too sure what is happening with Abby's team yet, but the Halos don't always seem to move at the same pace as the rest of the teams. No worries though.


I am home bound tomorrow morning, at least between 8:00 and 10:00am. We've been having issues with our digital cable for about a week now, and a service tech is coming in the morning to see what magic he can do. I've already dialogued with a tech and run through a series of steps without success. It sucks, but we'll survive.


The work renos seem to be moving along on schedule, which means that we could be back in business by the end of next week. I've enjoyed having all this time off, but I am also eager to get back to work. I do enjoy my job, for the most part. There is always something to do, and the pace helps the time to pass quickly.


Half an hour later and I've run out of things to say, which is fine because the loaves have almost finished rising and will need to go into the oven soon.

Game, Set, Match

Until last night I had never played tennis before. How that was even possible I do not know! I have always had a mild fascination with tennis and a desire to play the game. Somehow I have just never had the opportunity.

A year or two ago, we bought a few rackets. One for each of the kids. Kane has taken them out to play a few times, but I was never included. Again, I am not sure why! Either I was busy or in too much physical discomfort, I suppose.

So, last night I picked up a racket and faced off against my 15 year old 'know it all' son. Even with relaxed rules for me, he kicked my butt and took pleasure in rubbing it in. I think I managed to make a solid return on one of his serves! I even managed one really good serve of my own, but it is quite obvious that I am not a Serena or Venus yet.

It was fun, even if I was in desperate need for oxygen by the end. As we played, I did take note of the jarring impact on my back and knew that I'd be feeling it even more later. I was right. There were some aches while playing, but once we were back home the real aches set in, especially in my back. I took the precautionary measure of icing my wrists right away. There was some mild discomfort while playing, but there have been minor twinges over the past few days, so I want to minimize any carpal tunnel flare ups before they get too big. I used heat on my back. Ice might have been the better choice, but heat just feels better. My back is definitely achy today, and there's a little bit of stiffness in my hips, but I will survive to play again.

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Domesticated

It feels like a productive day, although I really haven't done a whole lot so far. Two loaves of bread were just pulled from the oven and are now cooling on the rack. The mountain of laundry has been reduced by half. Abby and Casey both have relatively clean rooms now. All the clean dishes from dinner last night have been put away, the table downsized once again. Sam is about to do some trombone practice. Lunch has been eaten. I don't need to worry about supper...turkey leftovers! About the only thing left to do is finish the laundry and run to the store for more milk and eggs.

Easter Sunday

The turkey is in the oven, while a small ham is in the crock pot. Potatoes have been peeled, pickles sliced, and Brussels sprouts trimmed. Pumpkin pies are waiting in the fridge, and I am trying not to drool. Supper isn't for a couple of hours, and I have an hour or so to relax before the busy work begins.

We didn't make it to church today. My feelings are mixed about that, but I don't need to be in a church building to meet with God. I just need to remember to make time in the busyness of the day! It is that busyness that is one of the biggest obstacles for me right now. I have other issues, of course, but I think I am moving past them, slowly but surely.

Casey got the call this afternoon. He has made the bantam AA baseball team! We knew that he had the skills to make the team, but there is always uncertainty whenever there are try-outs, cuts, and different tiers to "make" or not make. This year we were especially unsure as we do not know most of the kids playing in this new association and do not know the coaches well, if at all. So, we were uncertain but hopeful, while Casey claimed to be content whether he played AA or only A.

In other news...Abby has a new pet. She went to a family Easter fun day on Friday with a friend and came home with a goldfish. It seems the fish pond game was giving out real goldfish as prizes, and she was lucky enough to win one. She has wanted a fish for years! It survived in a serving bowl until we had time to get to Wal-mart today and purchase an inexpensive little aquarium. So far our total investment has been less than $20 which is about all that I want to spend at this point in time. I don't mind having a small aquarium and a fish or two, but I am a little leery as to how long this fish will survive. The aquarium has a lid, so at least Maggie can't dine on fresh fish!

I scaled back on the candy and chocolates this year. The kids are getting older, and they really don't need as much as they think they do, but they still wanted to search for hidden candy. :o)

Long Days, Short Nights

As I lay in my bed last night trying to fall asleep, I realized that I had once again forgotten to blog. While I tossed I thought of a title for today's blog post, the day left behind, and I thought about how bad I am at remembering little, everyday kind of things. I am terrible when it comes to taking daily vitamins. I might take them faithfully for a few days, but eventually I will forget and miss a day or two or seven. I suck.

Yesterday felt like a very long day condensed into only a few hours. By the time the clock struck 7:00pm, I was wiped out and wondering how the day passed so quickly! We went to church in the morning. I had some girl time for a few hours in the afternoon, then came home and went grocery shopping. That's it!

Today was busier. We started off at the ball park, in the rain, at 9:30am. We were home for about a half hour before running off to another ball park for a couple more hours. Once home I set to work on some Easter dinner prep for tomorrow: baking pumpkin pies, chopping veggies, and putting the turkey in a brine solution (something new I'm trying out). Then it was time to make supper, after which we laboured over changing beds. Abby was given a loft bed, so her bed went into Casey's room and his bed was dismantled and tucked in storage. There was an awful lot of disassembling and assembling over the past hour, but we got it done!

Now I am exhausted. My back is sore from hours of standing and bleacher sitting, and my throat is parched, desperate for a Coke. I might be so inclined to go get one.

I'm hoping to sleep better tonight. My hips don't always agree though.

I Can See Clearly Now...

Yesterday I cleaned half of the main floor windows, inside and out. These were the "easy" windows, the ones that I can reach on the outside without resorting to ladders or hoses. Even still, it wasn't quite as easy as I thought it would be when I reached my bedroom window. We installed blinds in our window last summer, and the mounting brackets now prevent me from removing the sliding window. Fortunately, there is a little roof just beneath my window, so I climbed out the window and onto the roof. Twas a little uncomfortable, even for someone not overly afraid of heights, but the job was soon completed.


Today I cleaned the remaining main floor windows. These windows required some planning and creativity, because I was not about to climb a very tall ladder to wash windows, especially by myself. I'm not scared of heights, but I'm not foolish either! So, I scrounged through the laundry room cupboards until I found a squeegee. Aha! Problem solved. I don't mind sticking half of my body out an open window. However, I did run into a familiar problem in Abby's room. She has blinds, and I couldn't remove the slider. Unlike my bedroom, there is nothing below Abby's window but a long drop, so only 3 out of 4 window sides are clean in her room. Oh well.

Breaking Bread

I made these loaves of bread on Monday. From scratch. Without the bread maker sitting on my counter. I am proud of myself!

I've had a bread maker for several years now, but it doesn't get as much use as it did back when it was still new and exciting. I haven't actually made a loaf of bread in the machine for years. Instead, I tend to only use the machine for making dough for buns, cinnamon rolls, and pizza, and even then I don't use it often. One loaf of bread doesn't stretch very far for a family of five.

I'm not sure what possessed me to bake bread from scratch the other day. Maybe I just needed something to punch and knead. Perhaps it was just a combination of having no bread in the house and enough time to actually make the effort. Regardless of why, I am glad that I did it, and the family, aside from Sam, enjoyed it immensely. Sam wouldn't even try it, declaring it instantly bad simply because it was homemade, but he is the fanatically picky food freak.

The recipe that I used only made two loaves, but it seemed to be a good recipe for a relatively new bread baker. I grew up watching rising dough pop the lid off of the largest Tupperware bowl, so the art of bread making should be hiding somewhere in my DNA. Still, this was easier than I expected, and it really didn't take as long as I had thought it would. In fact, I think it was marginally quicker than making ONE loaf in the machine! Ha ha!

So guess what I am doing today? Two more loaves of bread are currently rising on my counter. I think I could get used to this...until I return to work and once again have an unpredictable schedule. At least with the bread maker, I could throw everything in, turn it on, walk away and have a loaf of bread waiting at the end of the day. With homemade bread it doesn't quite work the same way! It might take a shade less than four hours, but I am still required to be at home for punching down dough, shaping loaves, putting in and taking out of the oven. With an unpredictable and variable schedule, baking bread would consume a great part of a day off work, and there is no way that I could do it on a day that I worked. I might need to find a larger recipe, or try multiplying this one, so that I can make enough loaves to last a week.

What am I getting myself into?

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I've got nothing today but a headache and stress.

Life Sucks

Normally I like roller-coasters, but I'm not having fun anymore and want to get off.

Calling Mr. Sandman

I did not sleep well last night. My husband snores too much, and my hips bother me too much when I lay on my sides. The last couple of nights have been tolerable. Maybe his volume was turned down low or the snore generator just wasn't turned on, I don't know. A night such as I had last night makes me realize just how easy it would be to commit murder. Who enjoys being ripped from sleep's warm embrace by a snore? I sure don't, and when it continues through the entire night, I get a little testy. I try to live with it. I try to ignore it. It is just incredibly difficult to fall asleep with a chainsaw blaring beside you! Even the gentle roar of the ocean flowing from my alarm clock cannot block out that other noise.

Shortly before 7:00am, I fumbled in the semi-dark to change the alarm from 7 to 8:00 in the hopes of getting at least one hour of solid sleep. I figured that Kane would be up at any minute, as he is normally an early riser. He'd get up and I would get a few minutes of peaceful sleep. That was my theory! But no, Kane slept in until my alarm blared at 8:00, and I was all out of extra time for sleep.

He slept well, and that is a good thing. He doesn't always sleep well, but he needs to in order to work well. I get it, really. The flip side is that I didn't sleep well. Now I am tired and on the edge of crankiness. I plan on making myself a mug of tea and curling up on the sofa with my blanket and a book. I will read until my eyelids become too heavy to keep open, then I will close my eyes and have a nap. Woe to anyone who interferes with my plan!

Saturday

A normal Saturday for me would entail rising before dawn to head off for eight hours of chaos, or work, after which I would come home with sore feet and tired body. The house may or may not be cleaner than I left it. The kids might be playing with friends, doing chores, or just hanging around. During baseball season, my Saturday would be spent at the ballpark instead of at work.

Today is not a typical Saturday. My presence was not required at work today because of the renovations, and I'm not working next Saturday either. My alarm was still set for 7:00am, so that I could take Casey to his umpire clinic for 8:30; however, Kane was awake early, shut off my alarm and took Casey instead. (Thanks!) I slept until 9:30!

Shortly after I got out of bed, Kane and I went out for a few groceries. Once we returned home, he began tackling the lopped off branches from the hedge. Sam helped out with one load to the landfill before heading over to a friend's house. Abby has alternated between playing the organ, brushing the cat, and working on her chores. I have done some tidying and vacuuming. The kitchen and dining room windows are open. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, and I hear a chainsaw roaring somewhere in the neighbourhood. It's a productive day, almost idyllic.

This is the lull before the storm, so to speak. In years past this was the 'catch your breath' period between the end of hockey season and the start of baseball season. There was no hockey season for us this year, but this still feels like our time to catch our breath before we're caught up in the busyness of spring. In fact, baseball season for us begins next Saturday with evaluations, quickly followed by team selection and practices. Opening Day is the 25th, but there's a whole lot of baseball before we even get to that date!

It's a beautiful day today, and I am going to enjoy it.

Easter Eggs

The hedge in the front yard has grown to monster proportions and awkwardly. The slope of the land and trapped debris within both combined to push the hedge forward, until the bulk of the growth was ahead of the roots instead of in the middle, if that makes sense! Let's just say that something needed to be done and now something was done.

An acquaintance came by yesterday to take chainsaw to hedge and seriously prune it back. The result is a hedge that is easily half the width that it was and lots of branches needing to be dealt with. Last night, Kane and the boys began the task of raking up some of the debris on ground that hasn't seen been for many years. During the raking and removing, they stumbled upon some quail eggs buried in the rotting leaves.

Reaction was mixed. Kane wanted them simply tossed in the garbage. Casey wanted to keep them, for what purpose we're not quite sure. Abby thought they should be left where found, so mama quail could come back and hatch her eggs. I reasoned that mama quail wouldn't be so eager to return to a nest traumatized by chainsaw, rakes and humans. Sam didn't want to waste anymore time on the eggs, in too much of a hurry to finish his task and retreat back into the warmth of the house.

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Spring? Wherefore art thou?

April's NaBloPoMo theme is Growing (Up), and I can spin that anyway I want.

It is spring, in theory. Reality is that it snowed last night, this morning. The alarm went off at 7:00am, and I stumbled from my warm, cozy bed to the bathroom. Next stop the kids' bedrooms to turn on lights and begin the task of rousing sleepy-headed teens. Then I ventured into the living room to grab my throw blanket to wrap around myself and to open the curtains. Jolt! It is moments like that when I think I truly do despise snow.

Here I am waiting for spring to hit me with all its' force and beauty, but winter gives me a blast instead. It isn't fair. I've been watching through the kitchen windows for signs of life on the maple trees. First will come the little blossoms and then the smallest, shiniest red leaves. I love our maple trees; they never fail to take me by surprise each spring. Just when I think that they will never get leaves, they appear, as if by magic, and I know that everything is right in the world.

Okay, so that sounds a little sappy, but I love spring. I also love autumn, but only one season at a time! Right now having only one season would be quite nice, so long as it is spring!

Money, Money, Money

I just paid some bills, and now I feel depressed. I hate money. I hate the need for money to survive in this world. I hate scraping the bottom of the barrel and still coming up empty. There are still bills to pay, just not enough money! And still there are hands stretched out for more. I am beginning to hate schools, because every week seems to bring a request for more money for this class, that trip, or the next cause on the long list of fundraisers. It's baseball season which means more demands on my wallet: registration, equipment, this and that. It never really changes, only the cost increases.

Of all areas of life, the one where I struggle the most with faith is money and the feeling of security it brings. I have 'what if' dreams for winning the lottery, but I'm not the kind of person who needs a whole lot to be happy or satisfied. A roof over my head, clothes on my kids, food in our bellies, bills paid goes a long way to making me a happy person! I don't mind not going on big fancy holidays or driving an older vehicle. I don't need new clothes or regular trips to the salon. I am a simple girl! And yet somehow it seems that we are constantly scraping by, never really getting ahead and barely able to keep ourselves out of the pit. It sucks.

Last year was an okay year. This year is only 3 months in, and I already feel like we're drowning. Kane had his final "year" of school for the first two months. It was good. He passed and is a journeyman plumber now, but the expense of the course and the reduced income took its' toll. Expenses don't stop coming due just because there is less money coming in. It frustrates me, because we are not big spenders. Naturally, there are ways that we can tighten our belts, but we don't eat out often, don't travel, don't go out much at all, we don't have all the latest toys and gadgets, we don't eat gourmet fare, most of our clothes are far from new and not brand name. It sucks. It's depressing.

When money gets very tight, my trust in God's provision wavers. You'd think that I'd have learned better by now, because He has obviously managed to keep us from utter collapse so far.

Enough depressing talk for today...