Sicko

This wasn't how I planned on spending my New Year's Eve, and I am not thrilled that my plans for New Year's Day might be in jeopardy. Late yesterday afternoon, I became sick. I have spent a lot of time in the bathroom since 4pm yesterday. Casey joined me shortly after midnight.

I am feeling somewhat better this morning. So far I have managed a piece of toast and a couple of digestive cookies. My gut still seems to be churning but only once in a while. There is a headache in the background, but I feel perkier than I did last night. I am desperately hoping to be over the hurdle and on the way to wellness.

Tomorrow is my 5K race, and I would really hate it if I could not take part. If the need to spend time in the bathroom doesn't return, then I should be okay. I don't need to run fast. I just want to finish. At this point, I just want to be well enough to get there and start.

A New Winter Running Jacket

I picked up my race kit yesterday afternoon, although to call it a race kit is somewhat generous. The only things in my race kit were a new jacket and my race bib. Still, the jacket retails for $90 and is really nice, though rather bright neon orange. I wore it for a test walk this morning. The temperature was -5 Celsius, which is close to the projected forecast for Saturday. I put on my usual long sleeve winter running top and then the jacket and went for a walk to see how cold I would be.

I was only slightly chilled, but I think I would be just fine while running. The coldest part of the walk was into the wind, and that affected mainly my face. If the weather is the same on Saturday, I will probably wear another thin layer top and my performance long johns. I might feel overheated by the end of the run, but I should be warm enough at the beginning and then after.

My biggest concern now with the run is the route. I have learned that we will be running through Mission Creek park, which I assume means we will be running along the Greenway trail. I don't mind that route; I ran it quite a few times over the summer. However, I expect that the ground will be covered with compacted, lumpy, icy snow. I can wear my grips, but the lumpy would really work my legs hard. That is the reason why I did not go for a run today! My legs are slightly sore from the extra effort of Tuesday's run, so I don't want to push them too much, knowing that they'll be required to work harder on Saturday. So, I walked roughly 2. 7 kilometres.

The Comfy Couch

Kane and the boys picked up a 'new to us' sectional sofa this afternoon. They are all excited about it, while I am merely lukewarm. Yes, it is comfortable. Yes, we now have more living room seating, though not by much really. I am just not completely sold on how well it fits into the space or my plans for it.

I feel like I am frequently the one who is called upon to let go of my plans, my wants. That's happened a lot over the past year, and it gets a little frustrating. I gave up my craft space downstairs, because Kane and the boys wanted my stuff out of there. Kane moved the shed, knowing that I was not on board with his plan. Kane told his brother that we would store his RV in our backyard for the winter, even though it had already been in our yard for a year and I wanted it gone. Every time there is a clear space in the house, Kane wants to fill it up with his junk. I don't want junk crammed into every corner. I want to get rid of clutter. I want my living space to be neat, tidy, and functional, not crowded, cluttered, and perpetually messy. I fight a losing battle, and it drives me nuts.

So, the new sofa is nice, but it limits my ability to re-arrange furniture on a whim, as I like to do from time to time. The coffee table doesn't fit now. I'm not sure I like the way the sofa cuts off part of the room either. I can live with it, though I really don't have much choice. I could have put up more resistance before the purchase, but I didn't. I will, however, not relent on my stance regarding the boys' hopes of putting the futon, folded down, in front of the sofa downstairs!

Running in a Winter Wonderland

It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining, and the sky is blue. There was a thin blanket of powdery snow on the ground this morning, although it has now melted off of most of the roads. The weather bug on my computer says that it is -1 Celsius. It was a great day for a run!

In four days is the Resolution Run, a 5 kilometre fun run on New Year's Day. I've been looking toward this day from the time that I completed my first 5K in October. I've been excited and anxious, uncertain and confidant. The biggest concern for me has always been the weather. I enjoy running in the rain, and I have run in the heat of summer, but winter weather always seems to be more unpredictable. January 1st could be just as gorgeous as today, or it could be 30 below. Local winter weather is usually not so extreme, so I don't have to worry too much. Plus, I did run during our previous cold snap of -14. Really, I am probably thinking about the possible pitfalls much more than I ought.

But today's run was lovely. It didn't start out too well though, but my body seems to be a slow starter anyway. The first kilometre and a half was tough. That pesky voice inside my head kept telling me that there was no way that I could run as far as I had planned, but I have found ways to placate the voice until such time as my body has warmed up enough to feel energized and excited about running. Then today, I pushed hard for the final kilometre, harder than I have pushed myself for a while. The fresh snow was helpful, because it provided just enough traction to not be concerned about slipping on ice, so I ran fast. My idea of fast might not be the norm for hardcore runners, but when I can run a kilometre, in snow, around 6 and a half minutes, then that is fast for me!

Moaning Monday

Exhausted and sore is how I feel right now. My little 11-3 shift for today turned into a 7-3 shift at about 6:25! Those early morning phone calls are always work-related and never good news, like you don't need to come in today!

So, I went to work and had a decent enough day. I did smash my left shoulder into the bottom of a counter though, and only now is it really started to feel the pain and stiffness. My feet and back are somewhat sore, too, and I am tired.

I really didn't have much else planned for the day, but I am still going to take a pass on tearing down the Christmas tree tonight. It will keep until tomorrow.

Now three days off!

Boxing Day Traditions

It is Boxing Day. No shopping for me! I hate shopping at the best of times, so fighting the hordes on a shopping-frenzy day like today is not my idea of a fun time. Although I have to giggle just a little, because my 'hates waiting in line' husband is out shopping with Abby! Abby loves shopping. I'm not really sure where she inherited that love, although it might just be that I missed out on that all too common female gene.

I had to work today, which was a little weird for me, seeing as how I don't typically work on Sundays. I wonder if my week will feel all mixed up now, thinking that I am a day behind or a day ahead of what the calendar actually says. It was a fairly quiet work day, but the time passed smoothly and quickly. Tomorrow's shorter shift could actually feel longer than today's shift. Unfortunately.

But now I am home, comfortably sitting on the sofa with my favourite blanket on my lap. The television is on, so that I can watch Canada play Russia in the World Junior Hockey Tournament. Now this is a Boxing Day tradition that I just can't pass up! I love hockey! I love the World Juniors. Right at this moment, we are down by a goal in the first period, but there is a lot of game left to play.

Once the game is over, then I will change channels to watch a couple episodes of the Dr. Who marathon, followed by the brand new Dr. Who Christmas special! We became Dr. Who fans around the beginning of the year. Thankfully, the Space channel plays the show on a daily basis, so we have caught up on all six of the more recent seasons, but we've been anxiously anticipating the Christmas special and the start of a new season in January.

Then, we'll have turkey leftovers for supper, along with pumpkin pie, cookies, and chocolates. These next few days are the final days for indulging the sweet tooth, because with January will come a return to a healthier and more conscientious eating habits.

God bless us everyone!

So far Christmas has been lovely. The stockings and presents have been opened and enjoyed. Breakfast has been made and consumed. I went for a short run, which was peaceful and nice enough. It wasn't an easy run physically, but it was still good to go out. There was very little traffic, and the sun was shining. It was a beautiful day for a run.

Within an hour I will have the turkey in the oven, and soon delicious smells will waft through the house, tempting and tantalizing our tastebuds. I can hardly wait!

Merry CHRISTmas!

Twas the Day Before Christmas

and all through the house...

Casey is playing X-box with a friend. Sam is laying on the sofa watching the Star Wars marathon on the Space channel. Abby is actually not at home, having slept over at a friend's house. Kane is also not at home, as he has gone shopping. Crazy man! The cat is sitting on the organ bench looking out the window at the traffic hurrying by. So far, I am the only one moderately doing much of anything in the house!

I just pulled the pumpkin pies out of the oven, and I have wrapped one gift. Okay, so it really isn't that much work yet, but there will be a lot more to come. I still need to start some prep for tomorrow's big turkey dinner. I need to motivate Sam to vacuum the living room carpet and sweep the floors. I still have a few presents to wrap and then stockings to fill, although the stockings will have to wait until the kids are in bed. There is the Christmas Eve service to attend at church, and some family time to enjoy, reading the nativity and How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

It will be a good day, followed by a good, if not silent, night, and then a wonderful Christmas morning!

Birthday Boy

Today is Casey's 15th birthday!

This is one of those very rare moments, when I don't wonder how my child got this old so fast. It's a little weird, because I can't help but feel like Casey should be older than 15 already! I'm far from ready to even think about him driving, so I am glad that he is only 15.

Happy birthday!

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Baking Day

After much deliberating on my part, I have finally baked some cookies. I wavered between wanting to bake and not wanting to bake and then what to bake. So I made candy cane cookies. I also baked a cake for Casey's birthday tomorrow. I am finished baking...well, I guess not. I will need to bake pumpkin pies on Friday, and I have some bananas to use up in some muffins or something. Okay, I am not done baking yet, but for today I am.

Just Another List

It's a busy day or should be.

-picked up Abby from her sleep-over
-the first load of laundry is in the wash
-I went for a 2.85K run
-the niece is over for who knows how long
-I have a work meeting at 12pm
-I could go to the produce store or leave it for tomorrow
-I could start wrapping presents
-there is plenty of house-cleaning to work on
-I can get together with my friend tonight
-I need to do my Bible readings and writing
-supper needs to be thought of and prepared
-I'd like to bake a batch of cookies...maybe

It Is Finished!

My Christmas shopping is done! There is no reason for me to go anywhere near the mall or Wal-Mart before Christmas and hopefully even longer than that. I will need to go to the produce store for...some produce and the smaller, neighbourhood grocery store for a couple of things that Wal-Mart either doesn't carry or seems to be perpetually out of.

Now I just to wrap, wrap, wrap. And clean, clean, clean. Maybe bake a batch of shortbread.

Quiet Sunday

I am sipping an Earl Grey tea right now with a splash of eggnog in it. Mmmm! Good!

I love Turtles and Ferrero Rocher and Chocolate Oranges.

I am watching an episode of The Young Riders, which was a favourite television show during my late teens.

I did not get a run in today, but then again, I didn't expect it would happen. However, getting together with friends for lunch was good and enjoyable.

I am enjoying the quiet of the house right now. Sam is out with a friend. Abby has also gone to a friend's. Casey is downstairs. Kane's not yet home from dropping Abby off. Quiet is absolutely lovely, even with the tv on.

Long Day

It was a good day at work. The time went fairly quickly, but it still felt like a long day. I am wiped out. My brain is shutting down, my feet are sore, and I am exhausted.

And I still have to figure out what to make for a potluck lunch tomorrow. Ugh.

Today/Tomorrow

It was a good day at work. Tomorrow could be interesting, maybe a little crazy. We will have a different baker in the morning, which has me a little concerned. This baker isn't used to baking during the day, so I don't know how she will do with a potentially crazy busy Saturday morning. Because of this, I have decided to ensure that I will be working on the sandwich bar station. I know I won't get overwhelmed. I know that I am fast and competent. It will work...somehow.

Staff Party

Staff Christmas party tonight. I missed last year's because of vertigo. In years past, bowling was what constituted a staff party. Last year, they switched it up and went for Chinese food buffet, which is what is happening again tonight. I'm not sure what to expect, since I wasn't there last year. I just hope that there will be enough co-workers from my store there, so that I don't feel uncomfortable amongst a horde of employees from the other store. It should be a good time though. Then back to work tomorrow and Saturday, then Monday, then a week off!

No Visions of Sugarplums

Visions of sleeping in are dancing in my head! Even though I didn't really ask for any time off over the holidays, I do seem to have a fairly free schedule, at least for the first week. I do work next Monday, my usual sucky 11-3 shift, which means that I can sleep in! Then, I don't work again until Boxing Day, but no sleeping in on that day. So, I can sleep in for an entire week, at least as much as I can or want to. Ah!

Shoulda

What a beautiful day we had today, and I should have taken advantage of it by going for a run. I didn't though, so I can only hope that tomorrow is equally gorgeous for a run. Even if it isn't, I'll still go for a run. I am even contemplating a different, longer route than what I have been running, if the weather stays reasonable. If the sidewalks remain clear that is, because I'm looking at a route with a lot more variables in height. Otherwise I will stick to the more level and familiar route.

Monday

Today was a pretty good day, for a Monday. The time felt quicker than it usually does on a Monday, and the atmosphere at work was a good one. Perhaps the biggest difference was that I went into work with the intention of having a good attitude myself. It might also have helped that the problem co-workers were not working. Either way it was a good day.


Still, I am thankful for days off!

Trouble with Truffles

I am making truffles today, which is basically an all day job. It isn't a difficult job, just time consuming, with multiple starts and stops. I have completed three steps so far and have two more steps to go. I could start the next step anytime, but this is the point where I can take as much time as I want, so I am going to wait a bit, in case I can get out of the house yet this afternoon. Because the next step is the most time consuming, and I won't want to be interrupted once I begin.

Can I Have a Do Over?

What a day! It was generally a good day in that I was able to work a position I enjoy, and it wasn't too chaotic of a day. However, personally, today has been nothing but struggle and discomfort.

I smashed my right hip bone on a steel bar, while taking out the garbage. I nearly dislocated my left pinky finger, so it has been a little sore and awkward feeling most of the day. The mysterious left ankle pain was in full force today, with a bunch of extra-strong shooting pains for good measure. My back was hurting almost from the beginning of the day and has been operating on spasms of pain for hours. To top it all off, I have been kind of klutzy today, spilling several drinks and just making a mess. And now a headache is beginning.

Great!

Looking at Saturday

I had a reasonably good day at work, and I anticipate that tomorrow will also be a good day! At this point, I can also safely assume that I will not be working on the sandwich station tomorrow, which is a relief. While I don't mind working it and I am fully capable of doing that station, I have been in that position most of my shifts over the past three weeks! That's a little much.


I have always mostly enjoyed working Saturdays. We are typically quite busy for at least four hours, which helps the day to fly by. It might be a bit chaotic at times, but I don't mind at all. The drama that is a regular part of weekday mornings is non-existent on the weekends. Yeah! And yeah again! All that drama gets to be rather annoying and exhausting.


The only thing I don't enjoy about Saturday workdays is waking up at 5:00 AM. I don't mind getting off earlier in the day though. Of course, I would just as soon have Saturdays off, but I can live with working them most of the time. A while ago, I would have also said that I did not enjoy working with a particular manager on Saturdays, but I have recently changed my opinion. This manager has been making an effort to interact with the staff more and to be excited about how we all perform as a whole, which means that the shift is more effective and efficient than it used to be. She is not perfect, but I have noticed the improvement and appreciate her efforts! Of course, I am not perfect either.

Snow Shot

I took this photo Tuesday night. It was a gamble, and I really didn't expect to get anything from it. I did not use a tripod. It was dark outside, and I was inside. But, it was so pretty outside, with fat, fluffy snowflakes clinging to the tree branches.





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Hump Day

So far, this is a good day! The Christmas tree is still standing. The sun is shining and snow is melting. I went for a 3 kilometre run this morning, after a week of not running. Sam had a second interview yesterday and got a job! I am going Christmas shopping with my girlfriend tonight.


The not so good stuff that I am trying to ignore or move past:
-my lower back is very sore
-my house is a mess
-I am so tired

O Christmas Tree!

Is there such a thing as a perfect Christmas tree stand? Last year, I bought a new tree stand, which I had thought was perfect. It really is the closest thing to perfect for a tree stand that I have seen, and yet, here we are having constant battles to keep the tree upright and straight. This stand is still a good stand, I think, and, in all fairness, I think the problem is that our tree might be too tall for the stand. So, the tree is jury-rigged to a hook on the ceiling with fishing line, and it is tilting a bit. My only hope is that it does not topple over completely.


I suppose this is something that we must suffer through so long as we choose to purchase a fresh tree for the holidays, but I cannot bring myself to switch to an artificial tree. I love the smell and feel of a fresh tree. Even the hassles of setting it up are perversely enjoyed in a very small way. It is tradition.

Monday/Friday

It's Monday. It's my Friday. I am glad and sad and disappointed. I worked my usual sucky Monday shift, although the day was not as frustrating as usual. Even still, I was put in the usual position, which I normally don't mind; however, I have been in that position every shift for two weeks. I'm tired of being there every time I work, especially since that usually means I am left to do all that work myself.

I have a headache brewing. I feel rather icky, tired and cold. Hallelujah for three days off, even if they are going to be busy doing all sorts of stuff.

Sunday

It's been a long and busy day, although not nearly as productive as I might have liked. I have been busy all day long, and this is the first real opportunity to sit and do *my* stuff. I allowed myself the luxury of sleeping in until a little after 8:00 this morning, which meant that I had to eat breakfast, get dressed, and get everything measured and ready to take to my annual bake day after church. We left for church shortly after 9:00 and got back home just before 11:30. My friend was going to pick me up at 11:30, but she was, thankfully, a few minutes late. I did not get home from the bake day until 5:00. There was just enough time to drop off my stuff, then the family went out for dinner. Now we are home!


Kane and the kids picked up a Christmas tree this afternoon, and they did a good job. Abby is anxious to decorate now, but I still have lots of things on my to-do list for today...and not enough hours left before bed.

Date Night

It's Saturday, and I am finished work for the day! Kane and I are going to go out for dinner and then to a hockey game. I have been to only one hockey game over the past year and a bit, so this will be a nice treat. The kids are jealous but oh well!

Making a List, Checking it Twice

Only 22 days until Christmas! Yikes! I guess I need to stop procrastinating and begin preparing for the holiday.

I did a teensy bit of shopping last night, and I ordered a couple of things on Tuesday, so I can at least say that I have started my Christmas shopping now. We generally do not go crazy on the gift giving, and this year won't be an exception, but it is still good to give to those we love. The most difficult part of Christmas shopping, aside from the craziness in the stores, is knowing what to get everyone! We already have so much, more than we need, and our likes are so varied. I could easily pick out a dozen or more different gifts for each person, so to narrow it down to one or two is a challenge, because I want to get the "best" gift, even if it isn't the most expensive.

We will need to go pick out a tree soon. I splurged a little last night and bought a set of 20 new tree ornaments. My ornament/Christmas decoration stash is old, pathetic, and sparse. There are a lot of broken ornaments that I really need to toss out, as they are beyond repair.

My annual Christmas bake day with my girlfriends is on Sunday. I am excited about my recipe this year, because it is the first time that I will not have to chill dough! We get together and do our cookie baking together, instead of just exchanging baked cookies. We still share the bounty, but this way we also can help each other and hang out at the same time. While I have liked my previous cookies, they always required hours of chilling, which meant that I had to prepare my dough the night before. So, I desperately wanted a fuss-free, chill-free cookie to make this year, and I found one! It's a little fussy still, because I should drizzle melted chocolate over the finished cookies, but I can live with that.

Next week I should also make my Earl Grey truffles. I usually bring some to work for my co-workers, and I have been fielding truffle queries for a couple of months already! They are fairly time-consuming but so yummy.

And then, I will need to start thinking about a turkey and all the trimmings for Christmas dinner. Actually, I dreamed the other night that I was looking for a turkey, and the store only had fresh turkeys that were not even wrapped in plastic. Gross! The turkeys were all small, except for one that was the size of a Volkswagen Beetle car! Yes, I do have weird dreams.

It is a good thing that I make lists and check them twice, because I will need all the help I can get to be ready for the holidays.

Crunching

So, I did 100 crunches yesterday and another 100 today, as I hope to resume doing 100 crunches on a daily basis for as long as I can continue doing so. I enjoyed doing them over the month of June, until sickness derailed me mid-July. Although I have been running regularly, I do need to do more than just running to achieve my fitness goals.


Yesterday's crunches were difficult to complete. Any muscle memory that I had built up in June had long since disappeared. I woke this morning with stiff, sore muscles in my neck, my abdomen, and my upper back. It is amazing how much stiffness there is for having done some crunches! Today's crunches were even more difficult to finish, but I pushed on to the end.


I remember those first few days back in June and how difficult they were and how sore my body was. This will get better.

December 1st

Here we are at the beginning of December. Already! Casey is now counting down the days until his birthday. The kids are starting to anticipate Christmas gifts beneath the tree. I'll admit to feeling a little more excited and eager for the holidays. Who doesn't get excited about Christmas?


Of course, I have lots of work to do until I will be fully ready for Christmas, and I am not even talking about my job's work schedule, which I expect will be hectic. I usually take at least one week off during the holidays, but I have not asked for any time off this year, except for New Year's Day, for my 5K run. Part of me is dreading what my schedule will look like, knowing that there are many co-workers asking for time off, but the extra money will be nice, and I keep telling myself that I just need to be organized!


Ha ha ha! Now I am normally a fairly organized person, but I have my limits. There is always too much to do and too little time to do it.

30 Random Things About Me

1. I love doing jigsaw puzzles.
2. I hate raisins baked in anything.
3. I love making lists and checking them twice.
4. I love reading.
5. I can tolerate having cold feet in the spring and fall but not in winter.
6. I like running more than I ever thought possible.
7. Sometimes I miss the prairies.
8. I love Star Wars.
9. I like my job but not the drama.
10. I am proud of my kids.
11. I seldom give myself enough credit for anything.
12. However, I am immensely proud of my 5K race accomplishment back in October.
13. I am looking forward to my 5K race on New Year's Day.
14. I think I might try the 10K next October.
15. I think David Tennant was the best Dr. Who, but I've only seen three doctors.
16. A London Fog always hits the spot.
17. This year has been one of self-discovery for me.
18. I procrastinate a lot.
19. I am comfortable with silence.
20. I am behind on my scrapbooking.
21. I really, really like our new pastor.
22. I have been to three different professional sports games in my life: Canadian Football, Major League Baseball, and National Hockey League.
23. Those are my three favourite sports.
24. I am probably smarter than I think I am but not as smart as I wish I was.
25. I enjoy my days off most, when I don't have a million things to do.
26. I am going to do an experimental test on a cookie recipe today.
27. I hate slush on the streets and sidewalks.
28. I love Christmas music, except for It's A Marshmallow World in the Winter.
29. I can't wait to get our Christmas tree.
30. I have successfully blogged every day in November!

Keep It Going?

Tomorrow is the last day of November! Can you believe it?! Why does time have to pass so quickly? I may be in the beginning stages of feeling that Christmas spirit, but I am still far from ready for it to be December already.


Barring major and last minute complications tomorrow, I will once again successfully finish the NaBloPoMo challenge for November! For the second year in a row! See, I can accomplish things when I set my mind to do them! It just isn't always easy to have that type of mindset about everything. Perhaps there could be a way to challenge or motivate myself to achieve those mundane tasks with the same determination that I can apply to NaBloPoMo in November, although I am not sure what those ways might be. Rewards might work or might not. There is no reward for completing this blog challenge, and yet I found a way to continue on.


And you know, NaBloPoMo has challenges every month, although November is the biggest, most important one of them all. My daily posting discipline seems to slack off once December rolls around. I can get into a habit or routine of doing something on a daily basis, but my progress can be derailed so easily. In June, I took part in a challenge to do 100 crunches a day for the entire month. I did it! I wanted to continue doing it, and I did...until I was sick for three days in the middle of July. I haven't done a single crunch since then, but I would like to get back into the habit of doing them every day. Obviously though, my desire hasn't outweighed my procrastination.


So maybe I do need to set little challenges for myself, even if there is no shiny medal waiting for me at the end.

One Day Grindstone

It's back to the grind tomorrow, but at least it will be my Friday. I wonder how the work day will go. The past few Monday shifts have been frustrating and chaotic. Actually most of my work days of late have been frustrating and chaotic! Mondays are just extra special, because I have a sucky shift, 11:00 am to 3:00 pm. No break. A completely wasted day. Then add on all the workplace drama and conflicts...those four hours feel like sixteen!


I have been trying to maintain a positive attitude at work, despite the chaos, the frustration, the drama, the issues. It's not easy though. I might start off the day humming under my breath and thinking positively, but all that negativity is like a running stream wearing away the soft soil of the banks. Incompetency drives me nuts, and I am surrounded by it. In fairness, my co-workers are not useless or incapable employees. Some of them just are not as adept at handling the mental and physical rigors of the job, and some don't understand the concept of teamwork and cooperation. Some can't distinguish between workplace appropriate behaviour and private or bedroom behaviour. Unfortunately, some of them fall into all of those categories.


Ah well! Like always, I will survive the day, whatever may come.

Insanity

What a long day! Just another crazy Saturday at work, and I am so glad that it is now over. As if Saturdays weren't busy enough, our donut oven broke down early this morning. I worked 8 hours on the busiest, craziest station, and I worked liked a dog. My attitude started to slip after about 6 hours, although it wasn't too negative. I just get a little frustrated with chaos, especially when others make decisions without thinking beyond the immediate moment, but I survived. On a positive note, I was thoroughly complimented by my manager, which was greatly appreciated, even though I tend to down play my own efforts when others praise me. I did work hard, and I did do most of the work, so it was good to have that acknowledged!


Now though, I am just glad to be home and "done" for the day and thankful that tomorrow is a day off.

Winter Run #2

I'm not sure why I was so afraid of running outside in the winter! I went for my second "winter" run today after work, and it was fantastic. Mind you, the temperature outside right now is 0 degrees Celsius, which is significantly nicer than the -14 Celsius that I ran in on Wednesday. Still, I quite enjoyed both runs.


I ran just over 3 kilometres today, but it felt like more and it certainly took longer than usual. The sidewalks had been plowed and were the easiest surface to run on. The one side road that I had to run on had also been plowed; however, there was still compacted but loose snow, which made for a slippery surface. I also ran a section of trail, which had a good layer of compacted snow, but the surface was uneven, which made running feel like a difficult task, kind of like running on sand.


I had to take off my gloves and toque shortly after the midway point, because I felt like I was over-heating. Even my feet felt too warm!


So far, running in winter has been a pleasant surprise. I've run in really cold weather and now mild winter weather. How much worse could it possibly get?

Weekly Lowdown

Today is my Sunday, or at least it is my final day off before two days of work. I know! My work schedule is over-taxing, but I deal with it the best I can.


Actually, the next two days of work should be okay. Friday is my day to run the show, at least in theory. I get to count the tills and deposit and do paperwork, which is really only a minor part of the day but better than nothing. My shift is short enough to pass fairly quickly, yet just long enough to let me have a coffee break. Saturday is something else entirely, and that is what makes working Saturdays so much more enjoyable. There is no drama and petty problems on Saturdays. We work hard and are typically swamped, but that makes the longer shift go very quickly.


The actual Sunday is also a day off for me, and this particular Sunday is Grey Cup Sunday! I love Canadian football, and the Grey Cup is our Super Bowl, only better! I must figure out what I will bring to the Grey Cup party being hosted by some friends. Maybe some meatballs? Two of my other ideas were shut down, when my friend said she is making those things. No problem. But what to bring? Meatballs are easy, warm, and tasty.


After Sunday comes Monday, which also happens to be my Friday! It's a weird life I live, I know, but I am not truly mentally confused. Unfortunately, Monday always feels like a Monday, even though it is my last day of work for three days. There should be a law against that, I think. I don't like my Monday shift, which is 11:00 am to 3:00 pm. No break. A wasted morning. No real time for anything else in the afternoon. I suppose I could overlook those issues easy enough, if the work environment wasn't so miserable on Mondays. The past few Mondays have seemed chaotic and toxic. Sigh.


Oh well, I go to work and do my work and seldom dwell on work when I am at home, which is the way it should be. I will make the most of this final day off for the week, or at least I will be sure to enjoy it. My productive days were Tuesday and Wednesday. Today feels like a more sluggish day, especially with this blasted headache again. I do plan on some card-making and some cookie baking. Sounds good enough for me!

First Snow, Deep Cold Run

It was -14 Celsius this morning, but I did manage to get myself out for a run. I layered up, put on a toque and gloves, and wool blend socks. My body felt the cold, but I wasn't nearly as cold as I anticipated. The act of running kept me feeling quite comfortable. The only real complaint was my face against the wind.


I changed my typical running route this morning, with the expectation that this run would be short and, hopefully, sweet. My normal route usually has me against the wind near the beginning of the run, and this alteration was no different. But I didn't think it out too well. Once I turned around to come home, the wind was against my back, and my face no longer felt like a candidate for frost-bite. I could have run much further with the wind against my back, except that I had planned this route to be very short for fear of the cold. Next time I will know that I just need to survive against the wind and plan my direction accordingly.


Aside from those cold cheeks at the beginning, I really, truly enjoyed my run this morning, cold and snow and all! I liked hearing the crunch of my shoes on the compacted snow. My pace was slow, because I was treading lightly so as not to slip and fall, but it was a comfortable pace. It was easy, and my hips didn't protest. I don't really know how else to describe it, but it was an almost amazing experience, once I could lift my face without worrying about the wind, that is.


Does that mean I am good and truly hooked on running?

Keeping Busy

It looks like a beautiful day. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. Even the snow on the ground looks shiny and nice. However, it is -13 Celsius right now, before any added chill from the wind, which could get up to 40 km/h. Yuck!


So, I am snug as a bug in the house, keeping busy with general tidying, laundry, baking cheddar cornmeal scones, and enjoying a cup of Earl Grey tea. The last load of laundry is in the dryer. The scones are cooling on the rack and taste mighty fine. The house isn't clean, by Better Homes & Gardens standards, but it is a bit tidier than it was earlier this morning. I've done my daily Bible reading, and now I am doing my daily blog entry. It's been a productive morning!

Mundane

I don't really have much to say today.


Work was busy but fine. I left a half hour early, because of increasingly pain in my left side. It has mostly abated now, although there are still a few tinges of pain.


The desktop has a virus and is out of commission for the time being, which means that my laptop is doing double-duty today. Of course, so much homework needs to be done on a computer these days. I wonder if the printer can be hooked up to my laptop, so Sam can print off his essay.


Snow tires have been put on my van finally! I am happy. Tomorrow, the truck will get some snow tires put on, too.

Sunday

We didn't go to church today. Abby had a friend sleep-over, so it just seemed easier to stay home. As much as I would have enjoyed going to church this morning, I was glad for the extra hour of sleep. We enjoyed a nice breakfast, at a leisurely pace, and we went to see the new Harry Potter movie. It's been a nice day.


There was an email in my inbox this morning from a friend, the one who I am a little frustrated with recently. I sent an email to her a few days ago expressing my feelings and perspective. I don't think I was harsh or overly critical, but her email has a defensive tone to it. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what to think of her email or how to take it. In some ways, her comments strike me as odd, because they seem to be taking a stance or a tone against things I did not say. After a couple of readings, I think she is telling me that she is the way she is and I need to deal with that. She doesn't feel she needs to apologize for who she is, but I don't recall asking her to do that. I'm pretty sure that I did say that there is nothing wrong with who she is...or who I am. I thought I made it quite clear that I wasn't picking her apart but sharing my feelings, my perspective, with the acknowledgement that we are two different people. I didn't tell her how to live her life. I didn't tell her that she needs to change. I did ask for some understanding and a little cooperation. After all, if she wants to spend time with me when she comes to town, then she needs to work with me to make that happen, rather than putting all the expectation on my shoulders while handicapping me with short notice and her limited schedule. That shouldn't be too much to ask.


So, I don't quite know what to think or how to respond. I do still consider her a friend. That won't change because of this difference of opinion; however, I am not thrilled by the thought I am sensing, that being that I am the one who needs to change. I am so beyond being the martyr just so others don't need to bend. Been there, done that, and I've discovered how unhealthy that kind of self-sacrifice is to my sanity and health. I don't have a problem bending and letting go of my expectations when the situation calls for me to do so, but that doesn't mean that I need to be a doormat to be walked all over. And quite frankly, the problems with my in-laws is that they expect me to change who I am to suit their purposes, with no effort at all on their part to be flexible. I don't want to compare this situation with my friend to the situation with my in-laws, but I get the sense that my friend is telling me that "this" is how she is and she's not going to apologize for being who she is. I never asked her to apologize for that, but I could easily take her statement to mean that she will not bend, from which I could then assume that I must bend.


Argh!

Viruses

It looks like there is a virus on the desktop computer. Thankfully, I have a laptop! I suppose this means that I will be asked to share for the time being.


It was a long day at work but a good day, more or less. It is still cold outside and snowy. Today I am back to not liking winter. Oh well...


I have my blanket, and I have a kettle and Earl Grey tea waiting to be made.


The sore throat is finally progressing into a cough. Of course, the cough had to start last night, right about the time that I went to bed. It was present during the day, but it wasn't really an issue. That will probably change though as night draws near.

First Snow

It started snowing last night, and we woke up to a thin blanket of snow and more falling from the sky. I was not impressed, especially knowing that my winter tires are still not on the van yet. I don't feel ready for snow or winter yet. Not really.


I had to verbally push Sam to wear pants today, and I still don't know whether he did or not, because I had to leave for work before he left for school. He hates wearing pants and will wear shorts as long as he can stand the cold. He was going to put pants on, but he only has one pair of jeans and he didn't think that they would fit.


I had to put my memory through its' paces this morning to remember where Abby's running shoes were, because she's been wearing flats to school, without socks, and that just wouldn't cut it today. Eventually I remembered that her runners were in the van. Although I was a little frustrated that I still had to push her to wear a coat!


Casey stayed home sick today. Otherwise, I would likely hear all about the possible hole in his runners and his need for a new pair.


The calendar may still say that it is Autumn, but I don't buy that at all. In my opinion, winter begins on November 1st, each and every year, whether I like it or not. Ready or not. The first half of November was simply lovely weather, and I really would have liked to see more of it. All indicators point toward a colder, much snowier winter for our area, and I don't know whether to laugh or cry. When I signed up for a 5K run for New Year's Day, I was hoping for a mild and dry winter. I don't mind running in rain. I could probably even be okay with temperatures around the freezing point, maybe even a teensy bit of snow. But what will I do if the temperatures are really cold, like -10 or lower? What if we have a couple feet of snow and icy, uncleared sidewalks? I'm not so sure that I can force myself out for a run in conditions like that!


Winter is always a paradoxical event for me. I hate it. I hate the cold and the bitter, biting wind. I hate driving on messy roads, covered in ice and snow and ruts. I hate walking (and probably running, too) on sidewalks hidden beneath uneven layers of ice and snow. Most of all, I hate the slush, when all the snow and ice starts melting. And yet, if I am completely honest, there are many things about winter that I enjoy, if not actually love!


I love the beauty of freshly fallen, pristine snow on the ground and the trees. I love playing in the snow with the kids, making snowmen, snowballs, and snow angels. I love watching big, fat, lazy snowflakes fluttering to the ground. I love Christmas and my birthday. I love curling up with a blanket, a book, and a mug of tea or hot chocolate. Even though we don't have a fire place, I love the smell of a wood fire place and the warmth and crackles and pops.


I may have left for work dismayed by the snow, but by the time I was midway through my shift, I was actually able to feel some joy in the snow. Don't get me wrong! I would have preferred for the snow to hold off at least another week or two, but I might be more ready for winter than I had thought, at least emotionally.

To Praise or To Criticize

Why is it so much more difficult to praise than it is to criticize?


I have my work review today. In preparation for my review, I was given a list of questions to answer. One question asked me to list three things that I admire about each member of the management team. Oh boy! I've been thinking for a day and a half about what I could possibly admire about each person, and it has been a struggle to come up with three things for each person. It's not that I don't like these people, because I do. It's not that they are completely worthless, evil monsters, because they aren't. It is just so much easier to pick them apart and find their faults, than it is to find things worthy of praise and admiration.


At my ladies' Bible study a few weeks ago, we briefly talked about something quite similar-being thankful in prayer rather than always asking in prayer. We were asked to go around the circle and pray; however, we were not allowed to ask for anything. We were to only express thankfulness. While we were all able to do the task, we realized that it wasn't as easy as one might expect. One lady even threw in a tiny request without even realizing it until she had finished saying it.


I see this same principle at work in my kids. They have no problems finding things to complain about or to criticize each other for, but they draw blanks if asked to express something positive about their siblings.


Obviously something is wrong with our society, and I need to use this as a reminder of how powerful words can be. We can build others up or tear them down. We can whine and complain or find reason to be thankful. It is all a matter of perception and mindset. Changing might not come easily, but I believe it can be done!

Review

I finally have my review tomorrow, only a couple of months late. Last night I picked up some paperwork that I need to fill out prior to the review meeting, and I have completed most of it now. I admit that I am struggling to answer one question. I need to list three things that I admire about each member of the management team. Oh boy! It is difficult just to think of 1 thing for some, let alone three!


I really hate this whole process of self-evaluation and goal-setting at work. Why is that anyway? I find myself frequently evaluating myself and setting goals in my personal life, so why is the work process so onerous. Perhaps it is a struggle, because the questions seem so vague and artificial. Anyone can figure out what the expected answers are and reply accordingly, without truly being impacted or motivated. In my situation, there is a vagueness in my job description that leaves me feeling uncertain of my role most of the time. If I don't know my role or feel confident in it, then answering those questions becomes slightly more difficult. And then, I just hate the feeling of being a specimen examined under the harsh glare of a microscope.


I always feel a little stressed out prior to a review but not too much. Even though my role may be a little foggy, I know that I do good work and that I am highly thought of by everyone I work with. The only issues that may arise would be from other managers, who are annoyed at the way my work ethic makes them look bad. Oh well! I don't anticipate any major issues in my review. I am sure that everything will be good, with the typical comments about being more vocal and delegating more, etc.

Planning Ahead

I love lists. I make lists for just about everything, from to-do lists to Christmas shopping to family dinner preparations to books I've read. I love the act of making the list and crossing off each item as it is completed. I will also add things to the list that have already been finished, just so I can feel that extra sense of accomplishment!


I have been thinking recently that I need to begin making a weekly to-do list for myself. Making a to-do list is nothing out of the ordinary for me, but this new idea is something slightly different. My attention to detail has been slipping, my focus distorted. There are so many things that need doing and so many things that I want to do, and I cannot juggle! I need to be organized, but my organizational skills are in need of some help.


I have a family planner that I have used religiously for many years now. I love using the planner; however, it tends to be more of a recording of what has occurred, rather than a planner for what I need to accomplish each week. At least that is how I tend to use it. Changing how I use it would not be too difficult. It would only require a change in mindset. Instead of simply writing down the chores and things I have done each day, I could begin to make notes of what I need to do each day and each week. That should be a simple fix.


Now to execute it.

Yuck Day

today was an incredibly long and busy day, and I just hope that this gets posted for the correct day! I'm not sure what time zone this works under, and I'd hate to have my whole month ruined because I am on the west coast.

What should have been a simple four hour shift turned into a 7 hour crazy shift. It wasn't crazy busy, but it was not an enjoyable work day. We were short-staffed the entire day. I didn't get my second break. I certainly worked a lot harder than either manager on duty today. And to top it all off, my throat is sore, dry, and scratchy.

Quick Run

What a beautiful day! With weather like this it is difficult to believe that it is already mid-November! I remember living in Saskatchewan and having snow and bitter cold before Halloween. Our area here isn't immune from bad weather, but it feels like we have been blessed with mostly decent weather for the past few years, at least in fall and winter. I wouldn't say that our springs have been overly nice though.


I went for a short 2.15 kilometre run a short while ago. A longer run would have been good, but I am glad that I went into it with the expectation of only doing a short one. In general, the run felt good, but there was a touch of difficulty, at least in the breathing department. It could be because I haven't run for a week. It could be because of the wind and chill in the air (doubtful). It could be because a cold might be trying to penetrate my defenses. My throat was quite dry and raspy last night. I don't know. I just know that it felt like I was gasping much more and much sooner than I usually do.

Bubble Bath

A long, super hot bubble bath is a most wonderful thing! I'm just saying.


It was a long day at work, and my back has been sore for hours. My lovely husband drew a bath for me, and it was just the way I like it. It was so nice to just soak and let some of my stress melt away. The only thing that would have made it more perfect would have been not having to go somewhere yet tonight, so that I could have put on my pyjamas. My back is still achy and I am still exhausted, but I feel renewed.

No Running Today

I had thought about going for a run after work today, but I am copping out. I think it is a wise decision, even if I really did need to get another run into the week. My back is incredibly sore, and I have a fair bit of stuff to do before I need to go to bed. There will not be time to run tomorrow, and Sunday is looking unlikely as well; however, I could fit in a run later Sunday afternoon.


I am surprised by how much I do enjoy going for a run, even though the act of getting out there to do it is sometimes too much of a chore. It was definitely easier in the summer to find time to go and run, not to mention it was warmer and light outside longer. Thankfully, we have yet to experience snow and really cold weather, so I should be taking advantage of this nice weather while I can. With my next 5K coming in less than two months, I need to get back into a regular routine of running 2-3x a week, instead of the one to two times a week I am currently running. The good news is that my endurance is not flagging, despite a reduction in my running since early October! There are still days that are not good run days, when even 2K feels like 10K, and my body hates running with every step, but I am getting better at fighting through those feelings or outrunning them.


Now that I have a running jacket and a long-sleeved warmer running top, I feel more prepared for cooler weather running. Although, I am still not keen on running in the dark.

Remembrance Day

I was pleasantly blessed by being given the day off work. Today is Remembrance Day; a stat holiday. Most of the time, I am scheduled to work on stat holidays, so I had every expectation that today would be no different. However, the scheduler did not schedule me to work, because she doesn't think it is fair that I have to work every holiday! While I would have been okay with working, I'm glad to have had the day off.


Naturally, what I anticipated would be a leisurely day of sleeping in and doing whatever turned out to be anything but. Abby's grade 7 girls' volleyball team had a tournament today. The exciting news is that they were undefeated and won the tournament. The down-side, for me, is that I spent the almost the entire day at the school gym. There was no sleeping in. There was no time to do what I wanted or might have needed to do. But, that's okay. It was good to watch my daughter play and win!

Moving On

So, there will be no visit with my friend this time around. While I might be a little cranky and irritated over the process, I am not letting myself be too disappointed or upset about the result. I am used to this sort of result when she comes to town. I don't like the fact that I seem to always be the one missing out, but I cannot allow that disappointment to infect other areas of life. Life goes on, as they say.


I do believe that my friend has good intentions and not so good follow-through. She has a personality that is always busy, always trying new things, never content to just sit in one place, and so, I realize that she is not always the most organized and her plans are not always carefully thought out. It is the way she is. I just happen to be a little different. I can be busy, but I also appreciate the art of being still and quiet. I like to try new things sometimes, but I also like organization. I do not like living under a rigid schedule, but I still thrive best with routine and at least a loose schedule. I can be flexible, but I do not like to be late. When I make plans, I like to be committed to see them through.


In some ways, we're the same and in other ways we are opposites, but ultimately we are friends! And that is what should matter the most. Right? Because friends understand differences in personality and lifestyle, and friends find a way to work together. The problem here, for me, is that, for a long time now, it seems as if I am the one who needs to do all the work or the bending. Sometimes I can be flexible but not always. I'm not afraid of a little work, but the workings of a friendship should not be one-sided. I don't think that is healthy for any relationship.


This is my year. This is my year to re-discover who I am and where I am going. This journey I am on won't end on December 31st, 2010. It will continue, but this year has been a beginning. Part of discovering who I am is realizing that it is okay to put myself first sometimes! That concept seems so wrong on a Christian level and a personal level. I am a people-pleaser kind of person, who would much rather be miserable inside than risk offending someone else. There might be situations where that would still be an acceptable response, but I cannot live that way anymore. It's not healthy for me! When I live that way, I allow others, whether it is intentional on their part or not, to marginalize me, to make me someone of no importance. As a result, my self-esteem takes a terrible beating, and I no longer see any worth within myself. How could that possibly be okay?


Now I realize that as Christians we are to love others and put them before ourselves. I get that, and I agree with that...but in a healthy and appropriate manner. What that looks like I really don't know! However, I just can't see being a doormat for others to walk all over as being healthy or appropriate, and that is what I have to put a stop to. I can love others and care for them, while still ensuring that my needs (spiritual, emotional, and physical) are met. I think this doormat thing is a major factor in my depression. Over the past number of years, I have been more than just walked all over by several people. My very character has been mocked, denigrated, and assaulted. Is it any wonder that my self-confidence was virtually non-existent?


It's not easy to say 'no' to people, but sometimes we can say 'no' in other ways. For example, the situation with my friend this weekend. I offered a time that would work for me based on the information that she originally gave me. When she suddenly remembered that she had something else to do at that time, I was hurt and upset, but I refused to be pulled into being the one who had to do the work and bend over backwards to make a visit happen. There really wasn't much I could have done differently anyway! I had to work. I had several meetings. While my friend told me that she had a lot of flexibility to her schedule, the truth was that she didn't! Her trip to town was not a last minute decision, but yet she only made contact with me at the last minute. She had enough time to book dental appointments, but she couldn't arrange a time with me until the last minute. I'd have a tough time getting into see my dentist without booking at least a couple of weeks in advance! Everyone is busy. Everyone has crazy times. Somehow, we all seem to manage to make time for things or people that are important to us. My impression is that I am not important enough to my friend, or she would make more of an effort, not just when she comes to town, but also in how frequently she keeps in touch.


I used to get so stressed out when she came to town, wondering if I would get to see her or not. Usually not. In all honesty, I do still get a little stressed about it, but I am getting better at not setting myself up for the crushing blow of being disappointed again. Instead of running circles or jumping through hoops in the hopes of getting some attention, I can choose not to perform for affection. I can say that this is when I am available on short notice, but it would be easier if you gave me more notice and intentionally sought time with me. Simply saying that you specifically want to spend time with me is not the same as intentionally doing something to make it happen! If you can make an appointment with a dentist in advance, then why can't you 'make an appointment' with me in advance? That way I can make sure I don't have to work that day, but then you'd better not waste my time by being late or over-booking yourself! I'd love to spend time with my friend, but I still have a life to live. If all she can give me is crumbs, that's fine, but don't expect me to sit there waiting for the next crumb to fall.


My head hurts, and I don't know whether it is because of the recent stress or just a matter of course. Well, my head has been hurting for a week or two prior to this stress, so I guess it can't be solely related to this situation. However, this is the headache of old, the static-filled, never-ending headache. If depression is trying to rear its' ugly head, then I need to make sure that I am not falling prey to its' tactics. So, if this post is disjointed and convoluted, I apologize. It all sounds so good in my head, but then something happens between my brain and my fingertips.

A Little Grumble in the Morning

There was another email waiting for me this morning when I woke up, and it leaves me just as irritated as the previous ones. I could be projecting some of my own snarkiness into my friend's words, but it does sort of sound like she is feeling defensive and snappy, too. There is an apology of sorts for all the short notice of visits past, although that is followed by the insinuation that I should feel lucky that I got any notice for this visit at all because she's been so busy. And yet isn't that part of the issue here? I understand that her life is often busy and chaotic and plans are often left to the last minute. Every body's life is like that to some degree, mine included. However, there are many areas of my life that are scheduled or controlled, in part, by outside forces. I have a job, and I am once again involved with the baseball board. I am involved with a ladies' Bible study group. I have my own appointments and things that need doing. When my friend comes to town, she is, in effect, on a mini-vacation, because she is away from her home and the regular routines and demands on her time there. When she comes to town, she is free to organize her time as she sees fit, but I am limited as to how much re-arranging I can do with my own schedule, just because she is in town.


Perhaps the most irritating comment she made in this recent email is this..."This time though, I've tried to make a special point of being sure to see you." Sure. A special point! That's why she said that Monday or Tuesday would work best for her, except for between 12-2pm on Monday. Then, when I said that Monday morning would work best for me, she tells me that actually doesn't work for her after all. And even though I said that I had to work on Tuesday, she still asked me directly TWICE if I could get together for a visit on Tuesday, and then she said that she was available for a visit all day on Tuesday, even though I had already said that I was working that day THREE times!


How does presenting me with a last minute, narrow availability equate to making a special point of seeing me? I don't think that is making a special point or effort at all, and I find that comment insulting. Making the effort would have been finding a way to make Monday morning work. Making the effort would have meant giving more notice of her arrival and availability. I found out on Thursday that she was coming to town. I found out on Sunday what days worked best for her, which was not really very accurate, as her availability on Monday suddenly changed...after I said Monday morning would work for me.


In my opinion, making a special point to see someone involves a lot more effort than simply trying to pencil in a time into an already full schedule. It's wonderful that she has today (Tuesday) free all day long, but I have to work. To be asked repeatedly if I can't still get together with her during this day is rather insulting. So there is no flexibility in her schedule, but I have to re-arrange mine to suit her whims? And what if I could do that? I already know how that would play out. She would be late. I would be stressed out about time, because she is late. This is why I didn't even mention that I had a very narrow window of available time this morning, because I don't leave for work until 10:30am. Really, that doesn't leave a lot of time for a visit, but it leaves even less time, knowing that this friend is almost always late. Significantly late.


The last time she came over to my house for a visit, she was more than an hour late, because she decided to let her kids go swimming at the hotel pool first thing in the morning. Once they were finished swimming and it was time to be at my place, she realized that they hadn't had breakfast. So, I was left waiting and waiting. I don't believe this intentional on her part, but that doesn't soften the sting. It makes me feel like my time is less valuable than hers. It makes me feel like *I* am not important to her. Sure she wants to make a point of spending time with me, but I am easily put off or taken advantage of. That's how special and precious I am, or at least that's how it feels. So, I didn't tell her that this morning was an option, because it really wasn't. Even though I will be home until 10:30, I don't want the stress of trying to fit in a visit, knowing her track record for being late and the stress that would put me under before I go to work. This whole situation is stressful enough without adding a time-sensitive visit to the mix. Because there is always an excuse. They don't need to get up too early, because they're on holidays. She doesn't want to rush off from the other friend's home where they're staying now. She would need to stop at Starbucks for coffee. She'd have to drive her husband to his class, which is why Monday morning suddenly became unavailable. There would be something, and I would be sitting at home, nervously waiting for her to arrive, watching the clock because I need to get ready for work. I refuse to do that to myself.


So, there will be no visit this time. I'm used to that. It happens a lot actually. I might not get over it, but I will survive.

Frustrated

So I am only further frustrated and disappointed after several emails back and forth to a friend. I'm afraid that I am sulking and being a little selfish, but right now I think I just need to be this way. I need to remember that my time and my feelings are important. I cannot just suck it up and roll over for everyone who wants to take advantage of my easy-going nature. My time is valuable. I have feelings that can be bruised and battered by neglect, by word or action, intentional or not.


I don't believe this friend hurts me intentionally, yet I do feel hurt and neglected. It is frustrating and stressful, and I don't need either of those things pushing me back down right now. So, it looks like I won't spend any time with her during this brief time in town, but hey, I'm used to that, too. I might have come across as slightly snarky, when I let her know that maybe she should give me more notice before she comes to town, so that her schedule isn't already full by the time I know she's here. Somehow though, I doubt anything will come of it. Even if she caught my tone, I doubt she'd do anything about it. Why would that change after all these years?

Feeling Crunched

What a beautiful day! The sun is shining, and it is 13 degrees Celsius. I am trying to decide whether or not I want to go for a run today. I could. I should, but I also could tomorrow morning. Either way would be fine and good, and either way has the potential to either fit well into my schedule or disrupt it. I hate having my time crunched.


Today is Sunday, which means we went to church this morning. Immediately following church, we went to the college's career fair, for the benefit of our teenage children, followed by a quick stop at Wal-Mart for necessary supplies. Now we are at home. The husband and one child are doing homework. Another child is cleaning her room, while another plays on the X-box. I would like to get some tidying done around the house, because it has fallen into a state of messiness that drives me crazy. I also have the desire to do some baking, maybe some cookies. And go for a run.


Tomorrow is Monday, an unexpected day off work, but it is by no means a blank slate of a day. I have homework to finish before my ladies' study in the evening. I am also expected to give a little 5 minute talk about what God is doing in my life, so I need to put some thought into that. There are the usual day off routines, like catching up on laundry, perhaps a trip to the library, and more housework. I have a meeting at 3pm, which I was unaware of until yesterday afternoon. I'm not too thrilled about having a meeting at that time of day, and I imagine many others are also less than thrilled about it. The meeting could be very short if we don't get enough people to attend. Had I been scheduled to work tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to attend either!


And today I received an email from a friend in town for a visit asking if we can get together on Monday or Tuesday. Tuesday is most definitely out as I have to work. Monday would be possible, but then I struggle with negative feelings and want nothing more than to cop out and say it won't work at all. Though to be honest, I could say that tomorrow won't work, and that would not be much of a stretch at all. I do have places to go and things to do tomorrow. While it would be good to visit with this friend, I also cannot simply re-arrange life at the last minute to work into her schedule, and that is what it feels like I am being asked to do. In fairness to my friend, she hasn't expressed that in so many words. I am merely expressing how I feel about the seemingly last minute notification of what works best for her as opposed to being given ample notice and being asked specifically to arrange a time together instead of merely a 'hoping we can get together during her limited days here and her limited schedule'. If that sounds bitter, then maybe it is. A little.


It would be somewhat easier to say that I could fit her in tomorrow, if I could rely on her to be punctual. But I know my friend too well, and being punctual is not an area she excels in, at least not as far as I have ever experienced. I can understand that not everyone is punctual. I get that. I can appreciate that best intentions can be waylaid by a variety of factors, both ones we can control and those we cannot. But, if I make changes to my own schedule to accommodate someone else's schedule, then I find it irritating to be left waiting and waiting and waiting. I have enough to do tomorrow as it is. I don't have time to sit and wait for my friend to show up late.


So I feel mildly stressed about replying to my friend's email. What can I say? What should I say? And what if I did want to put off my run until tomorrow? That would just add another thing to fit into my day, which wouldn't be too bad, except that tomorrow is the only day that would work to visit with my friend.


Argh! I think I will go for a run today just to pound out some stress before my head explodes.

Win Some, Lose Some

Yesterday I decided to stay home rather than attend my daughter's volleyball tournament. I wasn't feeling up to par, plus I wanted to be able to relax and get to bed by 9:00pm, so I would get enough sleep for my early morning work shift today. In hindsight, I am both glad and disappointed in my decision.


I am disappointed, because my daughter's team wound up winning the tournament! To be quite honest, I had no expectations of her team doing so well. All of the teams at the tournament are made up of grade 7 girls, who are just really learning how to play. Most of them cannot even consistently get their serves over the net, so it would have been difficult to predict anyone as the winner. However, even though Abby's team has played reasonably well of late, I still would never have thought they could win it all. But they did, and I didn't get to see it.


On the other hand, I am glad I stayed home, because the tournament went well beyond the expected time frame. We were told the tournament was from 3:30 to 7:30pm, but it was after 9:00pm by the time my husband and daughter got back home. As they got home, I was already preparing for bed. Had I gone I would have been behind schedule and likely would not have fallen asleep as quickly.


So, I missed watching the games, but I had a decent night's sleep. In turn, I had a fairly good day at work, better than expected actually.

Crummy

I am feeling rather crummy today, and I expect to feel much the same, if not worse, tomorrow. Sunday should see me feeling more like myself, I think. I hope. The timing sucks, because I had to work today and I have to work tomorrow. A Saturday work day is always crazy busy and long, which is not the best day to feel like crap. Oh well, I will survive.


It will be a busy weekend actually. Aside from work and feeling as I do, tomorrow night is our church's 50th anniversary celebration. Sunday morning is church, followed by a career fair at the college.


Today was going to be equally busy, but I opted to stay home this afternoon instead of attending my daughter's volleyball tournament. Otherwise, I would have run from work to volleyball to home and almost straight into bed, in the hopes of getting enough sleep to see me through Saturday. Now I get some time to relax, put a heating pad on my belly, and go to bed in a potentially more wound down state than I would be in had I gone to the tournament.


And am I ever looking forward to my sleep on Saturday night! It will be the night of setting the clocks back one hour, which means an extra hour of sleep! My most favourite night of the year!

Taking a Stand

It never fails to amaze me how kids will pick the most unexpected times to talk about important things, and last night was one of those moments. Abby and I were sitting on bleachers, watching the boys do their tennis lessons, when I made a comment about one of the coaches' behaviour. Abby picked up on it right away, saying that this coach was a control freak, and she went on to say that she had experience with that. Of course, that perked up my attention instantly.


The conversation then went on for the next fifteen, twenty minutes. Abby is getting weary of one of her friends, because this friend is controlling and mean. I had to resist the urge to inject my own comments and feelings into the conversation, because I've noticed these traits in this person for a long time. So, I just let Abby talk, with the occasional question from me.


It was a good conversation though, and I think it shows a new maturity within my daughter. After 6 years of friendship with this girl, Abby has finally found the voice to call her friend on something that is wrong. That takes a lot of guts! It's never easy to tell a friend something you know will not received well, but sometimes the truth needs to be told. Isn't that what friends are supposed to do?


Of course, this friend didn't like the conversation very much and walked away. Abby did not see her for the rest of the school day, but whether that was intentional or just the way the day went is unknown. I guess I'll know better today, when Abby gets home from school.


My little girl is growing up, but this is a good thing!

Change of Perspective

Blogging every day this month might be more of a challenge than I had originally anticipated, but not for the same reason. I had thought that my biggest obstacle would be remembering to post every day, but I am quickly discovering that I am stumbling over what to blog about! No sooner does an idea pop into my head than it fizzles and sputters and blinks out.


Part of the problem, I think, is that I have a mental list of things that need to be done at any given moment of time, and so my thoughts keep bouncing back and forth between what I want to do and what I should be doing, until I no longer feel like doing anything! I suppose that depression plays a role in this problem of mine, although I am sure that is not the only culprit.


In general, I think my depression is doing quite well, if that is the proper way to describe it. My mood has been more upbeat. I am more active. While I am still prone to exhaustion and feeling like a slug, I am also experiencing more energy and sense of purpose. Unfortunately, headaches seem to be on the come-back trail, and this is one thing I could do without.


Remember how I wanted to go for a run yesterday but didn't? Well, I did go for a run this morning, and I stretched it out to 3.68 kilometres, which is my longest run since I did my 5K race almost a month ago. Even though I knew that I was going for a run today, for sure, I still could have talked myself out of it quite easily. I didn't though, and I'm glad for that.


It was a little nippy outside, with a temperature of -2 Celsius when I left the house. The wind was against me for the first kilometre or so, and I had to wonder how much longer I could run outside with just my thin yoga jacket for protection from the wind and cold. Of course, by the time I was nearly finished, I was wondering how much longer I could run with my thin, cotton yoga jacket trapping my sweat inside! And all this got me thinking about the 5K fun run that I will be participating in on January 1st and what kind of clothing I will need to survive the weather that day. I will need a toque and mittens, a more water-resistant pair of shoes, ice grips (maybe), some sort of long-sleeved base layer top, and a jacket. I will be receiving a fleece jacket with my race kit prior to the January 1st race, so I hope that jacket will be sufficient for winter running. I honestly do not know how much running I will do outside this winter, especially if the weather is as cold and snowy as predicted. Obviously I will need to do some outdoor running in preparation for that 5K, but I certainly don't need to limit all my running to the outdoors. And once that 5K is completed, I can move my running to the treadmill at the gym until the weather warms up or the snow melts.


But my run this morning was good! I felt rejuvenated after I had done my stretching and showered off the sweat. My entire outlook on the day was more optimistic...at least for a while. I'm sure the endorphins will fade away before the kids are home from school.

Here We Go Again

I should go for a run today, but I am feeling incredibly lazy, with a slight indication of a headache on the horizon. Actually, it is more than just a slight indication. There isn't anything slight about it, although I would not yet classify this as a full-blown headache. Not yet.


The headaches, or lack of headaches, had been doing so well. While they have not yet been reduced to their original depths of despair, I am frustrated with the resurgence in frequency and tenacity.


Yesterday was a very good day...until about 3:45pm. My work day had been smooth, uneventful, calm, and easy-peasy. I came home from work, ready to face the rest of my day, only to be blind-sided by a headache mere minutes before I had to run out the door. This headache did not require a warm-up period. It did not give me ample warning of it's arrival. It just showed up unexpectedly and in full force. The Ibuprofen barely softened the edges, and so I chose to stay home last night rather than attend my ladies' study group. My head is full of static and lightning again this morning.


I am so not impressed! I think I will run tomorrow instead.

Day 1

It is November 1st, which means this is the start of NaBloPoMo . I was successful in my quest to blog every day last November, and I hope to be equally successful again this year. It won't be easy. In a way, I think this year might actually be a more difficult challenge, although I am basing this on feelings more than any actual factors. There just seems to be a lot going on in my day-to-day life, which means that I am more prone to forgetting all about blogging until it is late, late at night and I am almost asleep.

Today has the potential to be one of those kind of days, so I am throwing together a quick post first thing in the morning, before the craziness begins. It's not much of a post, I know. Mornings are not really my thing, but at least I had a fairly decent night's sleep. For a change.

How to Run a 5K

Blogger insists on posting my photos in the reverse order than I uploaded them, and I should have remembered but I didn't.

Last Saturday was my 5k run. The one that I have been focused on almost since I started running in the spring. Saturday was an amazing day, a highly emotional day, for me.

I woke up feeling fresh and ready to go. The weather was perfect. There wasn't any rain during the run, but there was enough chill in the air to keep me from overheating. And yet, it wasn't so cold that I needed to dress more warmly than I am used to so far.

The first wave of emotion hit me shortly before the run began, when I spotted my friend. I'll be honest. I was hoping, desperately, that some friends would come to cheer me on. I knew that my husband and kids would be there, as well as my parents, but I really wanted non-family friendly faces in the crowds. As much as I wanted friends there, I had not heard that any would be there, and, by the time I moved into the starting chute, I had pretty much given up hope that anyone else would come. I was disappointed, although I don't think I fully realized how much so until I saw K and the tears threatened to blind me. It is probably good that I didn't have the luxury of time to move over and chat with her properly, but I was so glad to see her.

While waiting for the run to begin, a young girl, positioned beside me, asked me if I had done this run before. I told her that I had not and asked if she had. Her answer was the same as mine, but it was a timely reminder that I was not the only rookie out there.

The second emotional wave washed over me shortly after the run began, no more than 4-500 metres from the start. There was no other reason except the emotion of the moment and the realization that I was doing something amazing! Okay, so I know that there are many who might not think running a 5k is much of an accomplishment at all. After all, 5k is a far cry from the 21.1k of a half-marathon or the 42.2k of a marathon. It's kind of like comparing a hamburger to filet-mignon. More on that further on.

I managed to run about a kilometre and a half or so before the next wave of emotion threatened my composure. This time the cause was much easier to figure out. My husband and sons were standing on the sidelines, with a 'go mom' sign and camera in hand. No sooner had I regained control than I saw my parents on the sidelines, and I had to struggle for composure again. My daughter and her friend were just slightly further down the road, but my composure was fine, although I cannot explain why.

The run, in general, was good. I did not stop or walk at all, nor did I feel too heavily taxed. It was a good run! There have been days, over the past several months, where running was a struggle, mentally and physically. In fact, that was one of my biggest worries heading into this event. What if I had one of those tough run days? But everything was good, even my hips. That was another big worry-the dreaded, painful hips. They held up well though, which was a blessing indeed.

Although the 5k event was not a timed race, I kept an eye on my watch to keep track of my own pace. The first kilometre was surprisingly fast for me...under 6 minutes! The second kilometre was still respectable but slower. The third kilometre was between the two previous split times. I cannot recall the time for the fourth kilometre, although I suspect that it was possibly slower than the third kilometre. My final time was 31 minutes, 33 seconds, which is a personal best time! I had enough in me to push a little harder in that final kilometre, especially the final 500 metres.

Emotion choked me up again when my husband came to hug and congratulate me. I was also wheezing a bit, which was something new, but my breathing settled down quickly and I was fine.

The whole experience was amazing! My emotions were on edge for the rest of the day. Literally. I went home and puttered about the house preparing for the next day's Thanksgiving dinner, but tears were ready to spring at any given moment. Maybe I'm just an emotional wreck at times. I don't know, but I do know that this day was the pinnacle, the climax of several months of hard work and determination.

I really only started running in May of this year. It began without any real focus, but I soon decided to register for this event, as a way to keep myself from quitting when the going got tough. Before I realized it, I discovered that I was desperate to do this. It was no longer just something I wanted to do. I had to do it. For me.

Getting to this event was a long journey that spanned only a few months. It involved running 2 to 4 times a week from June through to the beginning of October. I had to deal with stiff muscles, burning lungs, and lack of endurance in those early days. Then came a strained calf muscle, recurring hip pain, and shin pain, possibly shin splints. There were those difficult running days, where my goal seemed so unreachable. There were the good days, where I felt like I was so close to my goal I could almost taste it, whatever that may taste like. I had days where I had to drag myself out for a run, especially these past few weeks, when fatigue was so deep in my bones. But I made it.

And that is why there was so much emotion for me that day! I had set a tough goal, worked hard, and reached that goal...with a personal best time! I didn't quit or give up, because it was too hard or too exhausting. I didn't find excuses to cop out. I accomplished what I set out to do, and it was so worth all the effort. It was an emotional experience, because I was so proud of myself, and I had every reason to feel that pride. I don't know that I have ever truly felt such pride in myself for anything. I certainly cannot recall ever having accomplished a feat requiring determination and hard work like that before.

I am proud of myself and rightly so!

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Falling Forward

Where did summer go? I have to ask that question, and yet, I must say that this summer felt longer than the past couple of summers. It was a good summer, I think. As much as it is always sad to say good-bye to summer, I am always eager for the arrival of autumn. Fall is my most favourite season of them all!

The kids are back to school, with the first full day being today. Such milestones this year holds for us, and I am not fully certain what to think of them or if I even want to think about them! Sam, our firstborn has started his graduation year, and this is most likely the biggest, most emotionally difficult milestone of them all, for me. Casey has entered high school, and I can hear the minute insecurities in his questions. I know he will be okay, but I also realize how rapidly his own graduation is approaching. Our baby girl has entered middle school and is straddling that invisible line between the worlds of being a child and becoming a teenager. It is a little scary to think of her as a teenage girl, even as she is eagerly jumping at the chance to grab hold of all that entails. Our kids are growing up, and we cannot stop it for anything.

With the kids back in school, I always appreciate the return to regular programming at home. My work schedule settles into something comfortable and manageable, even if frequently a little less than hoped for. However, there is something to be said for only being required to wake up at ungodly hours only once a week! I am eager to get back to a more or less stable routine of work, school, kids' activities/practices, and other regular activities. It will be interesting to see how my running routines will fit into our fall routines, but I think I can make it work. At least my work schedule should allow me more flexibility to fit in runs during the day, especially now that the heat of summer is gone. And even housework should become slightly more manageable and predictable now that summer is over. Or so I always hope! I am making progress on my lengthy "to-do list". I so do love the act of making a list and checking things off!

I am also thrilled with the new found quiet in the house. As much as I enjoy time with my family, I also need a bit of space and quiet for myself. Such things have been in extremely short supply over the past year, but today is a tangible reminder of how lovely silence can be.

We had a good summer, but I am glad it is over. My favourite season is upon us, and I am enjoying the change of weather that ushered in September. It won't be long before my bare feet get too cold to tolerate, but for now I am happy to put on a sweater or snuggle beneath a blanket. Mugs of Earl Grey tea are waiting for me, along with stacks of fresh books from the library. It must also be about time for a rash of jigsaw puzzles.

Yes, I do love Fall!

Summertime

It is difficult to believe that the summer is already half gone. I am never left unsurprised by the rapid passage of time. For all those days that seem to drag on and on, there are so many more days that fly by at the speed of light, never to be seen again.

Our summer has been a busy one thus far, but I think it has also been a generally good one. We returned to the "joys" of All-Star baseball, with both Casey and Abby have busy baseball schedules in July. The All-Star season is always short and sweet but insane. Abby wrapped up mid-way through July, which was perfectly fine by us. She had fun and worked on improving her skills. Casey's team had a berth at the Provincials Championship, but they could not field enough players to actually go. Despite the team's poor showing at the Valley of Champions tournament, Casey played very well and impressed his coaches immensely. We heard many great compliments about Casey. Of course, we are always proud of him, but it was good for Casey to be injected with a boost of self-confidence.

Sam left town for two weeks, arriving back home last night. He had travelled to Creston and Cranbrook with his friend, to hang out with his friend's grand-parents and do a lot of fishing. They did do a lot of fishing! Sam brought home his frozen big rainbow trout. I thought it was huge in the photo he emailed to us, but it is even bigger in the flesh. Sam had a good time. Still, I am glad that he is home. I missed him.

Two weeks ago, Kane, Casey and I were all sick for several days. It was nasty, hit suddenly, and lingered. During that time, I saw the doctor about the continuing pain in my right calf, which turned out to be a strain. So much for my husband telling me to run past the pain! A break from the running was required for healing, and I had my first run just the other night. I took it easy and slow, but I still managed to run 2k without too much effort. It was good to get back to the running, and I cannot believe that I actually missed it. Those sick days disrupted my daily 100 crunches though, and I have not yet got back into the habit of doing them every day. I had done so well up until that day I was hanging over the toilet! I just need to crack down and get back to it. Just goes to show how quickly a good habit can be broken.

And now we are into August.

Sam and I checked his recently posted final exam marks online last night. He had only one final exam to check, but it was the most important one. His final mark for Socials 11 was a 47%, prior to the final exam. This course was required for graduation, and we were already anticipating the need to do some course changes at the end of this month, in order to get Socials 11 into his schedule again. But, Sam did better on his final exam than either of us anticipated, scoring 70%, which was enough to raise his final grade to a C-. It is by the skin of his teeth, but he passed!

In a couple of weeks, I will begin my serious training for the 5k, which is an 8 week program. I don't think I will have too much difficulty with the program. Up until my rest break, I was in already in the habit of running several times per week, and I had just recently increased my endurance to slightly more than 3k. The program starts with slightly more than a 2k run and gradually increases the distance each week, so that should be no big deal. I think the harder aspect will be doing the cross-training.

Back-to-school supplies are now lining the shelves of Wal-Mart, which means thoughts must soon turn to the prospect of another school year. I am both eager for the start of the school year and dreading it. Sam is starting grade 12, his final year of high school, and I feel at odds with the fact that he is reaching these milestones. It makes me feel old in a way that another birthday has yet to do.