New Year's Resolutions

A new year is rapidly approaching. January 1st is simply another date on the calendar, yet we place such a burden of hope and expectation upon it. We see the beginning of a new year as a slate wiped clean of mistakes and trials. The reality is that our past errors and the troubles we've gone through cannot be put out the door for a yearly garbage pick-up. Instead, those things we would desperately love to leave behind grab hold of us and tag along.

The new year is also a time for making vows and promises that we know we will not keep, but we make them anyway. Why is that? Are our good intentions more important to us than results? Sadly, we tend to brush off our resolution failures as if they were merely crumbs on our lap. We joke about making resolutions, and we joke about failing to keep them. I can't help but feel that the joke is really on us.

Over the past few years, I have been discovering changes within myself. New Year's eve parties just don't have the same appeal to me anymore, and while I still make resolutions (of a sort), I'm finding my focus changing. I still enjoy a good party. I still want to lose weight and get in shape, but these goals exist because of battles within my soul. My resolutions have taken on a more internal nature.

I still look forward to a new year of possibilities, but I also take the time to reflect, to look back. Have I grown? What have I learned this year? Not only do I see my own progress, but I can see God's hand at work. We may not always recognize God's hand in the moment, but looking back allows us to see it much more clearly. This was an answer to prayer! This is where He carried me. This is how He used me, or this is where He used someone to bless me.

And so, here are my goals for 2006:

1. I want to continue to grow and mature in my relationship with God. I did spend more time in the Word in 2005 than I have in the past, but I need to continue to set aside that quiet time with God.

2. I want to be a better wife and mom. I am not bad at either, but improvement is always welcome. As my kids get older and life happens, I am learning that, sometimes, I need to make adjustments or re-evaluate the way that I parent or react or respond or think.

3. I want to be a better steward of my life in all the areas that encompass it; finances and health are the main ones. Who doesn't need more physical activity and a healthier lifestyle? Who doesn't need to keep a close eye on their wallet?

4. Simplify! This makes my list every year; it is my heart's cry. I have made progress here, too. I see it and feel it, but I know that I still have too many things that clutter my life. Clutter can be physical, emotional or spiritual. Just as I remove the physical clutter from my house, I need to keep the spiritual clutter in check, as well.

This far have I come. What awaits me in 2006, besides another birthday?

I guess I'll just wait and see!

Christmas Vacation

Finally a chance to sit down and recap our Christmas...

In a nutshell, it was nice; different but good.

We left home last Friday morning. The roads were in good shape, and the weather was fine until we cleared the mountains. Then, we had rain for a while off and on. We made good time and arrived at the ferry terminal three hours early for our reservation. Thankfully, we were able to get on the next ferry, so we only had a short wait.

The ferry ride was about 90 minutes; exciting in a way, but also a bit boring. It was raining and getting dark, so we didn't spend much time on the outer deck. Our return ferry trip felt quicker, but I think it was just more interesting. The sun was shining for that trip, so we did spend some time on the outer deck.

When we arrived on the Island, it was dark and raining hard and there was lots of traffic. We didn't have a map, but we did have directions. We did well for most of the directions, but we did get lost at one point having exited the highway at the wrong spot. However, we only really lost about a half hour, and we did manage to find our way to the in-laws. (We bought a map the next morning.)

It was good to finally arrive, to shed the jackets and shoes, and relax. It's a little stressful driving in a foreign area in the dark and pouring rain. We had supper, chatted, and settled in. The next morning was Christmas eve. We went with my brother-in-law to help with some last minute shopping in the morning. After supper, we went for a walk around the neighbourhood, looking at Christmas lights and decorations. Sam remarked on more than one occasion how it felt like a horror movie because of the dark and fog. Yes, there was a lot of fog, and the air just had this quiet, almost eerie feel to it, but it was also very calming.

Christmas day was nice, too. The kids weren't up as early as I thought they might be. We opened presents, had a late breakfast, and watched a couple of movies. The kids played outside for a while, and we had turkey dinner. The food was good, although it did feel strange for me to be on the sidelines instead of doing all the cooking.

We left Victoria on Boxing day morning to catch the 1pm ferry. Once we hit the mainland, we drove into Vancouver to spend the night at a friend's home. We had a good visit with our friends.

During the course of our trip, we were both under and over the Fraser River. The kids had been excited about driving through a tunnel under the river, but they were disappointed to discover that there were no windows in it! Really, I would much prefer my tunnels to be strong and reinforced.

Yesterday morning, we left our friend's home and began to head for home. We stopped at Kane's cousin's place for a quick visit. Of course, there really isn't such a thing as a quick visit with Kane's cousin, but we did manage to get out of there after about an hour and a half. Then, we began the drive home.

The weather on our return was not as nice as on our approach. We had a lot of rain. On the Coquihalla highway, we had snow for a short while. At one point, we had heavy fog, too. Still, we made it home around 6pm, safe and sound but tired. I also had a killer headache which had started while we were visiting Kane's cousin and slowly worsened.

I guess I could also say that we walked through the Empress Hotel and walked up to the Parliament buildings, while we were in Victoria. We really didn't have enough time to do anything touristy, but we'd like to get back in the summer.

Twas the night before...

Before I get caught up in all the hustle and bustle of last minute packing and travel details, I just want to say, "Merry Christmas!"

I won't be updating my blog while we're away, because I won't have a computer to do so. However, I will be bringing my journal.

We're back home either on the 26th or the 27th, though it is looking like it will be the 27th. I work on the 28th, so I might not be updating before then.

Count Down

Only 4 more sleeps until Christmas! I can't believe it is so close already...I think I'm still back in October.

Today should be an interesting day. Last night, we rented a video game for the kids to play today. They were told that they could play it when they woke up this morning. So, what time did they get up?

5:00 am!!!!

Kane wasn't very impressed. Of course, he was a tad grouchy about it, as he didn't get to sleep until around 2:30am. He was angry enough to tear down the hall with a bellow and a roar, but he was tired enough not to force them back to bed. So, all my kids have been up since 5, and they're going to bed early tonight!

Abby is playing at a friend's house today. I just put a batch of cookies in the oven. This is the last of any baking that I will be doing for the rest of this year. The plan is to take it with us on Friday, but Kane has been munching away on the biscotti. I pulled the suitcase out yesterday, so I need to work on packing. All the presents are wrapped but one. Well, another gift hasn't been wrapped yet, because it is still in transit. It should arrive on Friday, but we'll be gone by then. Sam will need to wait until we return before receiving that present.

I work tomorrow, so I'd like to get as much done today as I can. Yet to do:
-clean out the van
-finish packing
-box up the presents
-reserve a spot on the ferry for our return
-take in our empty beverage containers for refund
-finish cleaning the kitchen
-scoop the cat litter/ change the hamster bedding
-gather stuff for the kids' entertainment while traveling

I think that is it...at least until something else pops up.

We're leaving Friday morning.

Weekend Synopsis

Sam's 6:30am Saturday morning hockey game was cancelled. Unfortunately, the ice scheduler neglected to let our coaches know that our game was being dropped to accommodate a midget tournament, so a whole whack of parents (including me) were less than thrilled. I don't wake up at 5:30 in the morning unless I have a very good reason. Losing that extra couple of hours of sleep messed me up for the rest of the day.

Casey's birthday party on Saturday afternoon was a success. In his eyes. I am thankful to have worked for most of his party. The final hour that I was home for was more than enough birthday party for me! Remember that I was operating on little sleep, then try walking into chaos. Six 10 year old boys, a 12 year old boy, and a 7 year old girl with Kane at the helm results in a loud, whirlwind affair. My house looked like the Tasmanian Devil had gone for a stroll through it.

Yesterday, our family lit the advent candle in church. The kids did well. They weren't looking forward to talking in front of everyone once, let alone for two services, but they spoke clearly and well.

Last night was our church Christmas dinner. Being still new to the church, we're not sure what normal is when it comes to affairs like this. It was alright, but we left rather hungry. With about two-thirds of the people through the line, they ran out of turkey. We were in the final third. All the side dishes were cold by the time we dished up, and even then, the pickings were slim. I'm just glad that the tickets were reasonably cheap; otherwise, we'd feel very disappointed for what we got.

After the dinner, we went to see The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. I liked it. They did a great job on the movie, staying fairly faithful to the book. Of course, now we have this ongoing argument between Sam and Casey as to who is like King Peter or King Edmund. Both want to be King Peter, but I have to admit that Casey really is much more like Edmund.

Less than a week until Christmas! I think I'm finally just about ready. Of course, I need to prepare and pack for our trip, but that will be the easy part.

Christmas Poems by Casey

Just like last year, everyone in Casey's class had to write a poem for Christmas. I really enjoyed last year's poem...

Jesus' Birthday

The true meaning of Christmas is Jesus' Birthday.
They made Christmas on Jesus' Birthday because that is when he was born.
Jesus is the man who made Christmas.
He is the living God.
He is the only God.
Jesus' Birthday is the twenty-fifth of December.
And my birthday is the twenty-third.

This year's poem has a similar tone to it, but it is sweet and cute, nonetheless.

Christmas

Christmas is about Jesus.
Jesus' birthday is the twenty-fifth
And mine is the twenty-third
Even though I like presents
I don't know if you do
Even though we can't see him
He is still alive.

Appetizing Aromas and Joyful Noises

The rest of the house feels chilled, but the kitchen is toasty warm and filled with wonderful smells. I've been baking!

I was struck with the thought to bring baking with us when we go to my brother-in-law's for Christmas. Honestly, I have no idea if my sister-in-law does very much baking. We aren't close by any stretch of the imagination, but it is a good thing to do.

So, I made rolled ginger cookies; an annual tradition. I love this recipe, because it is similar to gingerbread but not as strong in flavour. The kids love to decorate the cookies, but they'll have to wait until tomorrow for that.

I also tried a new recipe called Mocha Bites. I came across it in December's issue of Canadian Living magazine( http://www.canadianliving.com ). It looked like a good recipe to use for a cookie exchange, but for reasons beyond my control, I couldn't take part in our annual exchange this year. Still, it sounded like an interesting recipe, and it tastes okay...for having coffee in it. I do not drink coffee, nor do I like the taste. I take my coffee Crisp.

Next up, blueberry muffins and blueberry pie. Just because I have a lot of frozen blueberries.

If I can pick up some more flour tomorrow, then I am hoping to make some biscotti.

Yesterday was Abby's class Christmas concert. My attempts to take some photos were rather in vain. Of course, Abby was standing at the back of the group with someone standing directly in front of her. Even if I could have moved, difficult in the crowded gymnasium, I would have had no clearer a shot.

Last night, Sam had his band concert. Once again, Sam was at the back of the group, sitting directly behind a boy taller than Sam, and in direct line with the conductor. Of course, I was also sitting in direct line with the conductor! We'll just need to wait and see if any of the pictures are of any value. The concert was great. The grade 7's played well, but I really enjoyed the grade 9 jazz band and the final song played by the grade 9 concert band: The Lord of the Rings. Oh, and Sam looked very sharp in his black pants and white dress shirt, but don't tell him that.

Tonight, Casey's class is performing their guitar concert. Every year, Mr. Averill teaches his class the guitar, and they put on a concert for their parents. As Mr. Averill teaches a grade 4/5 split, this is Casey's second year learning the guitar. Last year's concert was so entertaining; I'm looking forward to all the same jokes and songs.

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books. You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more. For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests. A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds. You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life. Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

You Are a Very Good Girl

You are 90% Good and 10% Bad You're a perfect angel - almost impossibly so Don't you ever feel like being a little bad?!?

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

You Can Hang With the Guys and the Girls

You've struck a good balance between girlie and laid back. You can keep it casual but when you dress up, you are as girly as the next girl.

How Girlie Are You?

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

In the Mood for Some Quizzes

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

A Who Down in Whoville

Another overdue bill notice arrived in the mail today. How I hate the feeling of being squeezed by money pressures. It seems that we just keep struggling to keep our heads above water. When we start to think that the water level is receding, something breaks down and the water comes rushing back in at an alarming rate.

These past few months have seemed extraordinarily tight, even though I am now working and bringing in a small income. How can that be?! My income is supposed to be put towards reducing our debt load, but we haven't even been able to begin using my income for that purpose yet.

Christmas is in 12 days, and we are far from prepared. So far, I have only one gift purchased. Casey's birthday party is on Saturday, and I have no present and no supplies for the party yet. Bills are overdue, and there really is no money. We're supposed to go away for Christmas (courtesy of the in-laws), but I'm silently stressing.

I'm not ready for Christmas! Never have I been so ill-prepared, which adds another burr to my already chafed skin. I am the organized one; the one who makes lists and plans ahead. But not this year. Not this time.

My favourite Christmas story, aside from the birth of Jesus, is How The Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss. At the end of the day, the Grinch could not steal Christmas, nor stop it from coming. He stole all the presents, the food, the Christmas trees and decorations, but the spirit of Christmas wasn't truly found in them. While the Grinch waited to hear weeping on Christmas morning, he heard instead only joyful singing! His heart grew three sizes that day, because he finally "got" it. It was the Grinch's "light bulb" moment.

This children's story speaks so loud and clear about the spiritual as well. No one, no thing could stop Jesus from being born. It did not matter that Jesus was born in a stable instead of a maternity ward. Herod couldn't stop the King of Kings from being born, even though he slaughtered many children in that process. Satan could not sway Jesus from His calling, no matter the temptation laid before Him.

Now here I sit, some 2000 years later, and I have choices to make, a life to live out. Will I be like the Grinch who lost sight of the real meaning of Christmas? Or, will I be like a Who, rejoicing in the Reason for the Season?

This Christmas might be sparse for us, but we are richly blessed in so many ways. We may not be overloaded with gifts, but we already have the best Gift, an eternal one. Christmas Day may not look the way we want it to, but may we never get so wrapped up in the wrappings, that we lose sight of Jesus. I want to be singing songs down in Whoville, instead of sulking on my lonely mountain with a bag full of traditions and trappings.

We Won!

Hey! Sam's team finally won a game! Of course, I was at work on Sunday and missed it, but it sounds like the team played an awesome game. There was actually passing and teamwork...amazing what happens when you include those concepts in your play.

Mighty Casey Has Struck Out

I should have known...

Of course, Casey wouldn't, couldn't have his melt-down yesterday while I was at work! No, that would be too easy on me. Instead, he saved the melt-down for after supper today. Casey ran up behind Sam and gave him a shove. Supposedly, Sam had "cheated" during their little hockey game five minutes previously, and thus deserved it. Then, after being appropriately punished and restored, Casey decided to throw two dice at Abby's head, although he claims that he didn't throw them; he only dropped them on her head!

Act and react. If caught, deny everything. If that doesn't work, cast blame on the victim and claim amnesia!

*I included this photo of Casey for the simple reason that it makes me smile...Casey's personal protection plan.

Zombie in the House

Last night, Sam attended the annual junior youth all-nighter! The very nature of the event was to be up all night long, and Sam fulfilled that obligation. I knew that he would; he's a night owl like his mom. However, when Kane picked him up at 8:00am, Sam was talking a mile a minute and rapidly fading. No sooner did he get home than he crawled into bed for a nap. Kane woke Sam up around 1:30pm, but he couldn't get Sam physically out of bed for an hour.

Casey spent last night at a friend's house. As I drove him over, I reminded Casey that he did not need to stay up all night just because it was a sleep-over. I also reminded him of how ornery he becomes when suffering from lack of sleep. He agreed with me and promised to get some sleep.

So, Kane picked me up from work at 5pm, and I learned that Casey would be spending a second night at his friend's house. Uh oh. Kane assured me that he had talked to David's dad, the boys had slept a lot last night, and they would have Casey ready for pick-up by 8:00am. I think we'll even be taking David to church with us.

I wonder how much sleep Casey really did get last night, or how much he'll receive tonight? How many hours will he have spent in front of the TV screen playing Playstation? When his natural high wears off after church tomorrow, how far will he crash and burn?

Hmmm...I work tomorrow afternoon, so I could very well miss the entire crash and burn sequence!

Is it bad of me to have this smug feeling of glee?

Casey

Casey, Casey, Casey.

He came home from school yesterday bursting with good cheer; just like every other day. It wasn't until I was tucking him into bed that he gave the slightest indication that something was wrong.

"I'm going to hate tomorrow," he mumbled.

"And, why are you going to hate it?" I asked.

After some prodding and poking, the truth was revealed. Casey and another boy would have to stay inside during lunch recess today, because they were being punished. Aha!

Of course, with Casey being Casey, Kane and I still do not really know the 'rest of the story'. Obviously, it wasn't terribly serious, or the school would have called us.

I wish that we could take the words of our middle child at face value, but we just can't do that. He lies. He exaggerates. He twists and stretches the truth until it barely resembles what it started out as. Casey. My emotional son. The one that just might give me grey hair and sleepless nights.

Tonight, I drove Casey to a friend's for a sleepover. The drive took all of 5 minutes, but our conversation touched on competition, seeking personal glory, and people without hands or arms. Yes, I don't know where that last topic came from, but we discussed it, nonetheless! Even as he gathered his bag and pillow to step out of the van, he asked me, "What happens to make them have no hands?"

I don't think he even heard my answer; he was too busy rushing to his friend's door.

Shopping with Sam

In the process of putting current photos of the kids into Kane's wallet this morning, I couldn't help but "aah" over the old kindergarten photo of Sam. Of course, Sam only scrunched up his face and looked at me as if I were a strange alien species; he's a 12 year old boy, who doesn't like to be told how cute he was (or is).

I miss my babies, but I thoroughly love each step that they're in, when they're in it. Okay, I didn't enjoy sleepless nights or trying to give a three year old an enema and a suppository on a daily basis, but each age is unique. I am just as enthralled with my kids today as I was when they were infants.

Last night, I took Sam Christmas shopping. He has been spending his own money on gifts for as long as he has been delivering newspapers...I think about 4 years now. Sam is quite good with his money; he has no problem saving or making wise purchases. For the most part. (Casey is the complete opposite. Give Casey money, and he'll have it spent on cheap junk in no time.) While Sam is quite thrifty, he is also very generous. On his own initiative, he buys presents for more people than I would ever expect of him, and while I caution him not to spend all his money on gifts, he chafes under my restrictions.

Despite my low limit of approximately $5 per person, Sam managed to complete most of his shopping in the hour or so that we had last night. We browsed the toy section of Wal-Mart, but we didn't find too much of interest for the proper ages and the amount of money to spend. I told Sam that there were lots of possibilities that didn't include toys; he thought I was nuts! But, in the end, I think Sam did well.

Naturally, Casey is very anxious to go out and do his shopping now. Just the thought causes me stress! My two sons are complete opposites in looks and personalities. Maybe, I'll just take Casey to a dollar store...it might cut down on the battles and keep him on track better than my constant nagging.

Make Lemonade

My wonderful supervisor at work last night sent me home at 5pm, so that I could watch Sam play hockey! I love Ruth!

We lost the game. Big surprise...just another in a long list of losses. In fact, the only game we didn't lose was our very first game of the season, a 5-5 tie.

Frustration. It is everywhere. You can see frustration on the ice as our kids get a little chippier and the penalty minutes increase. You can hear it in the voices of the parents as they talk in small groups.

Kane and I are not happy with the coaching, and we are continuously hearing similar sentiments from other parents. Our goalie's mom was talking with us after the game while the kids changed. The coach had approached her once at practice to say that it wouldn't be long before the kids started getting upset with her son, because we're losing so many games.

Um, yeah, because our goalie is the only player out on the ice?! Don't we have 15 other players on the team who are equally responsible for the outcome of the game? And what role does coaching play in the performance of a team? Or, team unity and morale?

In professional sports, when a team doesn't perform well, the coach is quite often the first person to lose their head. I realize that our coaches are not professionals. They are not paid; they volunteer. Wonderful! Without volunteers, there wouldn't be a lot of programs and activities for anyone! Volunteers work hard and need to be recognized and appreciated. Yes.

However, as a coach, you can dictate the mood and tone of the team. We've seen good coaches and bad and mediocre. The good coaches are literally worth their weight in gold (or oil), while the bad ones can completely demoralize a player, a team, an entire season. We've had this particular coach before, two years ago. He did not impress us then, and there is little chance of that now.

What I find even more disturbing is that this man holds the title of Christian. Maybe he is a different person away from the hockey rink...I don't know. If so, I only find that more disappointing.

Grrrr. There is so much that I could say, but I should bite my tongue. I should. I should. I should.

Despite the lemons he's been handed this season, Sam continues to improve and make lemonade. He's a smart player, which surprises me. Just when has he learned how to position himself? As much as he loves hockey, he rarely watches more than the highlights...of course, unless the Leafs are on, but even then, he'll watch a few minutes, go play, and come back. Last year, Sam's coaches did work a bit on positioning but not a lot. Practice drills are monotonous and consistent. Year in, year out. Skate in circles. Pass the puck. Shoot the puck. Back and forth. Yet, somewhere, somehow, Sam has found a secret source of inside hockey information. He isn't the fastest skater, but he thinks things through and plays as a team player.

Win or lose, he makes me proud!

Run Away?

"There is no doubt that running away on a fresh, blue morning can be exhilarating."
Jean Rhys

Wish I could...

Hockey Day

Yet another hockey game played and lost. 6-1 was the final score. While I know that winning isn't everything, losing every game is not fun. Tension was running a little high for most of this game, and the referees kept their whistles handy. Unfortunately, while a lot of penalties were called, they weren't always the right call and many were still missed. Why did an opposing player get called for cross-checking, when it was our player that did the cross-checking? Everyone, from the coaches to the time keepers and spectators, were flabbergasted with that call. Later, one of our players intentionally kneed another player, but the offense went unnoticed by the officials, but I saw it. And then, after the end-of-game handshakes, two players started circling each other, swearing, and a punch was even thrown.

I've heard the rumblings from other parents, and I know how I feel about this year's coaches. One parent commented to another, after this game, our team had only 10 passes in the entire third period, while the other team had 10 passes in just one shift. We have too many individuals on our team and not enough players. Ironically, the individuals belong to our coaches and wear the letters "C" and "A".

Despite another loss, I think Sam played well. He had a handful of good opportunities and even a couple of break-aways. Sam isn't the fastest skater, and he's not the most confident with his stick, but he works hard and thinks. Of course, I am utterly and completely biased; he's my son! But watching Sam play, it is hard to imagine that four years ago, he could not even skate! His progress and success have been a result of his own drive and effort.

If only he'd extend the same effort and drive into other areas of his life, like school and helping around the house.

Sam has another game tonight; I won't be at that game. It will be a tough game. They're playing Sam's best friend's team, and they're undefeated, I think.

Lost Time

Hmmm...

I worked today. Abby had a friend over in the morning, and Kane took the kids to their cousin's birthday party in the afternoon. In other words, nothing was really done at home!

Tomorrow, I will be taking Sam to his hockey game in the morning, while Kane takes Casey and Abby to church. I go to work just after lunch, so Kane will take the kids to Sam's game in the evening. How much will get done tomorrow?

I don't sweat the housework very much, but I do have concerns about Sam's homework. It wasn't done yesterday. It wasn't done today. It needs to be done before Monday. If I'm not home, Kane doesn't always crack the whip.

And, Sam definitely needs someone cracking the whip! He really struggles with his schoolwork. Or more appropriately, he's never been interested in schoolwork, nor willing to put enough effort into it. We have begun to see small changes in Sam's attitudes (good changes) and a new willingness to apply a little more elbow grease (he does still groans though).

It is too late to be thinking about this...9:40pm isn't really late, but I'm tired. I don't want to nag; I'd like to be the fun parent sometimes. Why should dads get all the fun?

A corner of our backyard. 

Speak

Ever feel like you don't know what to say, or even how to say it? Welcome to my world! There are words and questions and statements swirling around inside my head, but the instant I actually need to say something, they're gone. Vanished like vapour on a windy day.

My journaling journey began with a gift from a friend on the celebration of my graduating from high school in June of 1990. The friend was a youth leader at church. The gift was a journal with a scripture passage written inside the cover:
Jeremiah 1:6, 7, 8.

"Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child." But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.

Fifteen years and five months later, I am still journaling, both in a journal and online. I still write. I also still question my effectiveness and my voice. Do I know how to speak or write? Who would want to listen to what I have to say? Is this really what I am supposed to say? Always more questions and doubts than answers!

The scripture passage given to me all those years ago has become well-loved and cherished. I want to be used by God, yet there is a part of me that cannot see why God would ever choose me to be His tool. I feel like I'm back in school, afraid to raise my hand to answer the teacher's question, afraid of looking stupid or foolish, afraid of looking like I know all the answers. But you know, more often than not, as I sat silent at my desk while someone else was called upon, I discovered that I knew more answers than I thought I did, and even when I didn't know the answer, I wasn't the only one who had been wrong.

I may not be a prophet, but God can use me, and He doesn't see my insecurities as a barrier to His message or His will.

A Christmas Carol

I popped our only Christmas CD into the player this morning, while I was dusting. Yes, we only have one CD of Christmas music. And, it is old...not ancient though. Actually, I quite enjoy this CD, a collection of carols sung by various contemporary Christian artists.

What I love about this CD is the fact that not all the songs are your run-of-the mill carols. In fact, some of my favourite songs are not traditional in any way. My absolute favourite is This Little Child by Scott Wesley Brown. Love it!

Here are the lyrics:

Who would have thought that long ago
So very far away
A little child would be born
And in a manger lay

And who would have thought this little child
Was born the King of kings
The son of just a carpenter
But for whom the angels sing

And who would have thought that as a child
And with other children play
This child with whom they laughed and sang
Would die for them some day

And who would have thought this little child
Would make the blind man see
Feed the hunger, make rich the poor
And set the sinner free

Oh, who would have thought this little child
Was who the prophets said
Would take away the sins of man
And rise up from the dead

Oh, I believe
And I will always sing
This little child
Is the King
Oh, I believe
And I will always sing
This little child
Is the King of kings

Many years have come and gone
Yet this world remains the same
Empires have been built and fallen
Only time has made a change

Nation against nation
Brother against brother
Men so filled with hatred
Killing one another

And over half the world is starving
While our banner of decency is torn
Debating over disarmament
Killing children before they're born

And fools who march to win their right
To justify their sin
Oh every nation that has fallen
Has fallen from within

Yet in the midst of the darkness
There is a Hope, a Light that burns
This little child, the King of kings
Someday will return

Oh, I believe
And I will always sing
This little child
Is the King
Oh, I believe
And I will always sing
This little child
Is the King of kings

Who would have thought this little child
Is who the prophets said
Will return to judge this world
The living and the dead

Oh, can't you see that long ago
So very far away
This little child, our only Hope
Was born a King that day

Wow! Powerful stuff. I'll take my one Christmas CD over a dozen variations of Jingle Bell Rock anyday.

Technology

It seems that our DVD player has decided to go the way of the dinosaur. Our VCR has been deceased for several months now; in fact, we tossed it. But back to the DVD player...

I noticed a couple of days ago that the power light kept going on and off, something that hasn't happened before. I bought a special CD to clean the machine and went to insert it Friday night. It wouldn't open. In fact, I couldn't get that dang machine to do anything! Looking at the troubleshooting section in the manual was a waste of time. There was no troubleshooting tips to cover the problems I was seeing. We've had the machine just long enough to have no warranty anymore, and you can purchase a new machine for very little these days. So, I think we'll just be tossing this one and buying a new, cheap one. Sometime.

I strongly dislike our society for creating technology that is so disposable. When it costs more to repair a machine than it does to buy a new one, there's something wrong. Most warranties are a joke, barely lasting long enough for a person to figure out how to use the machine! Or the remote control.

Beginning to look like Christmas

Yesterday was the "big game" for Canadian Football League fans, and what a big game it was! I was disappointed that my team didn't make it to the final, but I was all set to cheer for the Edmonton Eskimos to defeat the Montreal Alouettes. It came down to double overtime! The game was a little boring up until the final few minutes of regulation time and then WOW! It was exciting, and the Eskimos did win.

I'm glad to be finished work for the day, although, as a mom, my work still continues! Not sure what I'll do over the next two days (I'm off), but housework and baking are at the top of the list. Laundry, of course, too.

Well, Kane and I made a decision last night. We're going to Victoria for Christmas with my brother-in-law, his wife, and daughter. The kids are excited, though I think they're more excited about the ferry ride than they are about the actual visit. I can't say that I blame them...having never been on a ferry, I'm quite excited about that, too. And, I would be very excited about spending our first Christmas away from home if it weren't for the in-laws. The plan is to leave here on Dec. 23 and head back on Boxing Day, so we'll only be there for two full days. We can survive that, right?!

I thought for sure Kane wouldn't want to go to the trouble of putting up a Christmas tree since we're not going to be here, but I was wrong. He still thinks we can do that. Okay. Maybe I can pull out the decorations on one of my days off this week.

fititallinoneday

Today is the only day off I have this week. I would like nothing more than to take a nap, read a book, lose myself in a computer game, do anything other than housework, but housework can only be put off for so long. Even though my shifts this week are not overly long, they are just long enough to put a bit knot in the middle of my day. The knots can be untangled without too much fuss; I guess I'm still not used to not having all the free time that I want.

So, today is a day crammedfullofstuff. Laundry has been started. I've done some general tidying in the kitchen and living room. The garbage, recycling, and yard waste are sitting at the curb for pick-up. I do need to get to the library at some point today, and I need to plan supper for tonight and tomorrow, as well as a snack to bring to our care group on Thursday.

As I float around the house, I keep finding new tasks to add to my mental to-do list. The problem is that most of these new tasks are more fun than the tasks that are already on the list. I'd rather sort through a stack of photos than scrub the toilet. I most definitely prefer to sort through recipes clipped from magazines than dust and vacuum.

Sam has hockey practice tonight which is why I need to figure out supper soon. We either eat really early or really late. Guess I need to check my fridge, freezer and pantry...

Currently Reading: The Romanov Prophecy

Being interested the history and nature of many things Russian, a book caught my eye at the library the other day. I had never heard of it before, nor the author, but the title drew me in. The Romanov Prophecy by Steve Berry. Great book! I have already put a hold on his two other books, though I think only one of them deals with Russian material.

The Romanov Prophecy dealt with the long debated missing (possibly surviving) children of Tsar Nicholas II. The story is a work of fiction set in the modern day. Fast paced, plausible story with just the right mix of truth and fiction.

The book that I am now eagerly anticipating is The Amber Room. Instantly, I know that this book also deals with Russian history, as the Amber Room was a work of art in one of the royal palaces...walls paneled with high-quality amber. I remembered that the panels went missing during World War II, and I had vague recollections of panels either now being found or re-created. Intriguing story! Adding a suspenseful fictional plot to the mix will make for great reading.

100th Post

This is my 100th post at blogger.com, but I sure didn't expect it to be a gripe. It has to be; I'm in a mood.

The owner of the Tim Horton's where I work own two stores. The one where I work is a full-sized restaurant; the other is located inside a gas station, which translates into very small. For the most part, the staff at each store is unique to each store, but there are times when a Glenmore (full-sized restaurant) employee works at the Spall location. When I was hired, I was asked about the possibility of my working at either location, and I was okay with the idea. However, in the two months that I've been in their employ, I've only worked in the Glenmore location.

Until today. For some reason, out of the blue, I was scheduled to work for five hours at the Spall location today. For the past week, I've been leary of this shift; maybe even a little afraid. Most Glenmore employees that I've talked to hate working at Spall. Okay. How bad could it be?

So, I walked in to the Spall store this morning, not knowing a single person, or even where to find a single thing. I think only two people (managers) bothered to introduce themselves to me; the other employees seemed to want to ignore me. Except for one. This one employee seemed to think that I was stupid and untrained. She saw fit to talk down to me while "instructing" me on things like how to sweep the floor or take an order. She also repeatedly commented that things are 'different here', different as in busier and better than Glenmore. If I wasn't such a gentle person, I could have wrung her neck a dozen times over!

Later in my shift, one of the employees finally talked to me...to say, "You're from Glenmore, aren't you!" His implication was obvious: I was from Glenmore, therefore I didn't know squat!

Never has five hours crept by so slowly! During my break, a familiar Glenmore face arrived for work. She asked how I was doing, and my response was less than enthusiastic. She, on the other hand, loves working at the Spall store; in fact, prefers it!

The Spall location is insanely busy and small and cramped. The busyness I don't mind. I do mind being treated like an idiot though. Sure, I didn't know where anything was, but I know how to sweep a floor. I know how to take orders. I know how to make a pot of coffee or tea. If your store has a particular way of doing something, I do not have a crystal ball or the ability to read minds, so simply tell me. If you don't tell me, I'll just do it the way I have already been trained. If you don't like it, bite me!

But, my shift there is done. I don't know if this was just a one time thing, or if I might be getting more shifts there. I hope not, but I'll try to keep an open mind for a little bit longer. Even though nobody really made any effort to talk to me, they generally seemed like okay people with the exception of that one woman. Then again, she seems to rub a lot of people the wrong way. If I do end up working there again, and I have a similar experience, then I might just need to ask my boss to not schedule me there again.

Sure, I need the money, but I am not so desperate for this particular job that I have to put up with crap. Lots of places are hiring. They may be minimum wage jobs, but I am completely fine with that.

Wear and Tear

You know you're getting old when your body starts falling apart.

My elbow still hurts. Last night, my left wrist hurt for a while. (I so do not need tendonitis on each side of my body, thank you very much.) And, my neck is a little sore today...must have slept on it wrong, I guess.

Crazy Days and Hilary Duff

My elbow felt less sore on Sunday and Monday, but yesterday it began to hurt more prominently again. Still, it isn't the same throbbing pain. This is a little more difficult to describe: deeper, stiffer, blunter.

I bought tickets yesterday for Abby and I to see Hilary Duff in concert in January. It will be Abby's Christmas present, and I can't wait to see the look on her face when she opens that present! It will be so much fun. Okay, yes, I am trying to psych myself up for attending a concert comprised of mostly teeny-boppers! It will be fun. Honest.

I am enjoying a rare three days off in a row. Actually, it ended up being four, as I called in sick on Monday. I really did not want to give up my shift, but I wouldn't have been able to do my job anyway. So, I did nothing on Monday but lie around.

Yesterday, I felt much better and caught up on housework and laundry.

Today, I have plans to do some baking, before I go insane this afternoon trying to be in two different places at almost the same time. Abby has her music club at 3:30pm, Sam has an orthodontic appointment at 3:20pm, and Sam isn't finished school until 3:10pm. The school is almost smack dab in the middle with the church and the orthodontist at polar opposites. Yikes!

I have a plan in mind, assuming that everything falls into place. I am hoping to drop Abby off around 3pm, on the assumption that someone will be at the church at that time. Then, I'll go pick Sam up from school and take him to the orthodontist. It would work, but it depends on someone else being at the church. Shouldn't be a problem though...

Tennis elbow, anyone?

My elbow still hurts. I am self-diagnosing tendonitis because that is how it feels. I do get tendonitis in my left wrist from time to time, so I think I can recognize the pain, numbness, and stiffness.

I don't have a fear of doctors; I just don't like to go see the doctor unless I am desperate. It is probably quite silly, but I always get the impression from someone, whether a nurse or doctor, that I am simply wasting their time. I could be a hypochondriac, if I wanted to be. My body is always feeling aches and pains and such, but I refuse to run to the doctor for any of them. Instead, I ignore or research.

With every coffee filter I dumped today and every cup of coffee poured, I felt the pain in my elbow. It can't be helped; I'm right handed, and of course, my right elbow is the offender.

Maybe I'm reluctant to go see the doctor this time, because I know that rest is a big part of the treatment for tendonitis. When my wrist is having a flare-up, rest is no problem; I rarely use my left arm. However, I cannot simply stop using my right arm. I use it all the time, every day! And now, I use it at work. I doubt there is any work I can do at my job that doesn't involve using my arm, and I haven't worked there long enough to merit a leave of absence.

So, I am resting it as often as I can, and I am applying ice and heat as frequently as possible. I do need to remember to take some ibuprofen though...I tend to forget that.

I have three more days of work in a row before my next days off. Surprise, surprise! I get three days off in a row next week: Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday! Do you think three days rest will do the trick?

No. I didn't think so either.

I'll Raise You...

Hey! I got a raise yesterday. Unexpectedly.

The first raise isn't supposed to happen until your three month review. I have only been there for nearly two months, but the owners are so impressed with how well I am doing, that they decided to give me my raise now. Effective on Friday's paycheque!

Cool.

Reading, Writing, and 'Rithmetic

I received a phone call yesterday from Sam's homeroom/English teacher. Mr. C. wanted to discuss his concerns over Sam's spelling. According to Mr. C., Sam's spelling is quite unique. Yes, it certainly is!

Sam has always been a very reluctant reader and writer. His spelling has been bad for years. Last year, being in the public system, he was finally able to get some extra help from someone other than mom. His reading, writing, and spelling improved marginally, but he was still very reluctant. Asking him to write a paragraph would be torturous for him, and you'd be lucky to get three simple sentences.

Last week, Sam had two writing assignments in English that blew me away! First, he had been given a letter written by a grade 8 student, and Sam had to write a letter back. Sam asked me what he should write, I tried to give him some broad ideas but left it in his hands. I expected to see a very short and simple letter without any real content to speak of, but I was so wrong.
Sam had written a page long letter full of fantastic content (but atrocious spelling).

The second assignment was to write about the school library. Sam told me they were required to write 5 pages, but I am not sure that is accurate. Again, Sam didn't know what to write, and I expected very little output. Sam wrote a page and a half, and the content was amazing! Well, it wouldn't be amazing if he hadn't written it. Still, the spelling was really bad. I had no problem reading it, but Kane really struggled to decode the spelling.

So, talking on the phone with Mr. C., he began by saying that usually bad spelling is grouped in with bad punctuation and content, but that's not the case with Sam. I laughed a little and commented on how funny that was to me, knowing how much of a struggle writing is for Sam. I also let Mr. C. know that Sam has never before written so much or so well EVER! He was quite surprised by that news. He said that the content was good, and the punctuation was fine; in fact, he gave Sam a mark of 13/16 for the library assignment. For a moment, I wondered if we were talking about the same child.

Mr. C. seems like a great teacher. He talked one on one with Sam about his spelling and came away with the impression that Sam would really like to work on his spelling. Music to my ears! Mr. C. was also sensitive to the fact that Sam might not like being singled out in class with extra spelling work, so he was hoping to have my help at home. Absolutely! I have been longing for the day when Sam was mentally ready to work at spelling and writing; it has always been more difficult than pulling teeth from an alligator. Mr. C. went on to say that he wanted to approach Sam with some suggestions first and let Sam be the one to take the initiative. Great idea!

So, when I picked Sam up from school, I casually asked him if he'd received his library assignment back yet. He told me his mark and went on to say that Mr. C. had said he was going to show it to some writing teachers (learning assistance) to get some ideas for working on spelling. I asked Sam what he thought of that. "It's okay," he said. Today, he should come home with a list of 1000 common words, which the two of us will work through every day with oral reading and spelling tests. Really, this isn't a new concept. I've tried this approach with Sam before, but maybe, now that he seems willing to work at it, the outcome will be different.

If only we could get him interested in learning his times tables now!

Third Time's a Charm?

This is my third attempt at posting on my blog today. On the two previous attempts, I began to type but, in the end, opted to delete rather than publish. It isn't that I didn't have anything to say; they just did not feel right.

My day started frightfully well for a Monday morning. I was awake and alert well before the alarm would have blared in my ear. Before the kids had left for school, I had most of the house tidied. The laundry was washed, dried, and folded before noon, and my toilet is once again clean. It had been looking rather disgusting!

I was supposed to have helped in Abby's class this afternoon for their Halloween party. Last week, the teacher had sent home a paper requesting parent help. I filled it in and sent it back saying that I could bring a snack and help in the class. So, I showed up at the proper time today with snacks in hand and ready to help. My snacks were accepted, but my help wasn't needed. Apparently, there were enough parents already, and I felt summarily dismissed.

Disappointed. Yes, I was and am. Could she not have sent a note home with Abby saying that my help might not be necessary? I planned my day around being available to go to the school, and I was left with a gaping hole in my day instead. So, I left the school and started driving in the direction of Wal-Mart thinking that I could buy some things that I may or may not need. The only thing is that I don't have the money for anything right now, whether I need it or not. I was even beginning to convince myself to use my new credit card (which is mostly for booking purposes for sports tournaments, etc.). Thankfully, I came to my miserly senses by the time I was half-way to my destination and turned around to head home.

So, here I sit at home, in my dark kitchen, feeling somewhat bored and restless. Kane and the kids are out trick-or-treating, having opted out of the annual church carnival. I don't mind the solitude, but there's nothing worth watching on TV, I have no books I'm interested in reading at the moment, and my elbow hurts too much to play any computer games.

Yes, my elbow hurts. No, I do not know why. All I know is that I first noticed it this morning while turning the can opener as I went about opening a can of tomatoes, a can of tomato sauce, and a can of tomato paste for the spaghetti sauce I was making. Hours later, any rotating of my forearm causes pain and discomfort in my elbow. Right forearm, right elbow-just to clarify.

My doorbell just rang...the third set of trick-or-treaters so far tonight. The mental trick-or-treater addition just reminded me of my mother-in-law. We live in the house that Kane grew up in. His mom continued to live her until she died 8 years ago. Every Halloween, she would keep track of how many kids came knocking on her door for candy, and she'd comment every year on the dwindling numbers. For a long time, this neighbourhood was aging with many families having lived here since Kane was a child. Over the past year or two, there have been a lot of homes sold in this area to younger families. Maybe we'll see more kids this Halloween; not that I would know if our numbers were up or down. We've attended the carnival for years, never really been home to hand out candy before.

Did you know?

Something I've learned...have you ever paid attention to the cardboard tubes inside your toilet paper rolls? I have. Too much time on my hands, I know. When I remove the empty tube from a brand name toilet paper, the cardboard is thin and weak. However, when I remove the empty tube from a no-name brand, the cardboard is much thicker and stronger. Why is that? Surely it costs more money to have thicker cardboard? Couldn't you put that extra money into making the toilet paper softer or stronger?

Burning Expressions

I burned myself yesterday at work. I was rinsing something in the sink which happens to be right next to the coffee machines in the drive-thru. As I pulled back from the sink, something on me caught on the filter basket. Everything happened so quickly; I can't really recall what I was rinsing in the sink or even how I could have snagged the basket, but I did. Unfortunately, a fresh pot of coffee was brewing, so the basket was full of hot water and coffee grounds. I was splashed from chest to feet and was burned on my left forearm and right hand/wrist. Thankfully, the burns aren't too bad, but they sure did hurt for a few hours!

Of course, yesterday was the day that I was rushing straight from work to Sam's hockey game. Being mostly sensible, I had planned ahead and instructed Kane to bring me a change of clothes when he picked me up. Boy, am I ever glad I did! It would not have been fun to walk around the hockey rink in my work uniform with coffee splotches all over.

Sam played right wing yesterday for the first time this season; he's been on defense up until now. We lost the game, but it was close and could have gone either way. Even though the other team was probably better skilled, we held our own against them. Sam had an assist on our team's first goal!

I have been less than thrilled with Sam's coach from the moment we learned whose team Sam was on this year. This coach was Sam's assistant coach two years ago-Sam's bad year of hockey. At the beginning of this season, Kane did broach his concerns with Coach to clear the air. Coach assured Kane that this year would be different, and he blamed the problems in our previous experience on the fact that he was only the assistant. I was hopeful after hearing this, but I was still reluctant to hold any respect for this man.

As I sit here today, I feel much the same way. I have seen little details on the ice that have me hopeful for a good season, but I am also seeing things that reinforce my lack of respect for him. Only this time, he can't make the excuse that he is only the assistant!

He told the team that they, the kids, would vote for the team's captain and assistants. Sam reported to us after that K. was captain, B. and C. were assistants. At yesterday's game, Kane and I noticed that the captain's "C" on J. (who is the coach's son) and the assistant's "A" on K., B., and C. According to Sam, J. had only received one vote. Hmmm...When Kane asked the team manager why J. had the "C" on his jersey, he was told that "C" is for 'coach's kid'. Yes, I think we figured that out two years ago.

The coach's kid is a one-man show. He doesn't pass. Almost never, and when he does pass, it is to one of his close buddies: K. or B. The three of them have played on the same team for at least three or four years, if not longer.

I don't like to sit by B.'s mom, because it isn't good for my blood pressure. Her son is a one-trick pony. He has an awesome shot! Really, he does, but he also doesn't know how to pass, and he very rarely works as a team player. When B. is on the ice and has the puck, his mom is shouting, very loudly, for him to shoot the puck. If someone else has the puck, she is yelling just as loudly for that person to pass the puck. I find it quite hilarious, in a warped kind of way, that she yells for everyone to pass but her son. No wonder he doesn't pass.

Speaking of which, two years ago, Coach told Kane that he doesn't believe in teaching kids to pass the puck. Instead, he thinks that kids should take the puck themselves. I do agree with his philosophy to a point. Kids should feel confident in taking the puck, but if every player held to this mantra, where would teamwork fit into the game? Look at some of the best hockey players and top scorers in the game-do they pass the puck? Or, do they keep it for themselves?

When Sam had his very first assist way back in his first year playing hockey, he was disappointed that it was only an assist and not a goal. At the time, he had an NHL hockey record book from the library, so I opened it up and showed him the stats on one of his favourite players, Wayne Gretzky. Wayne Gretzky was arguably the best hockey player ever! He broke records and scored a heck of a lot of goals, but he had far more assists than he did goals! Gretzky understood that hockey was a team sport rather than an individual one. This was the point I wanted Sam to understand!

I am a competitive person. Maybe you know that about me, or maybe you don't. I'm quite able to temper my competitiveness in the spirit of fun and fair play. As much as I want to win, I want the contest to be fair. I want it to be fun. And really, that is the way it should be.

Predictable

Why am I not surprised that I was asked if I could come in to work on Monday and stay later on Tuesday? For the record, I said no to both. If I had said yes to Monday, I would have worked 9 out of 10 days; I just can't do that! Well, I could, but I need time away from work, time to do things at home. Besides, I already promised Abby that I'd help in her class that day. As for staying later on Tuesday, I've made it clear from the start that I cannot stay past 2pm on weekdays and that hasn't changed.

A co-worker and I were commiserating together after our shifts today. We both think (hope) things will get better once more staff are hired and trained. The sooner the better! She doesn't mind all the hours; she's full time and doesn't have kids. However, I am only supposed to be part-time, and I do have kids, which is why I am part-time. My kids have activities to be driven to after school. They need help with homework. I do have a life outside of Tim Horton's walls. Right now, it feels like I live at work. In the past week, I've already worked six shifts, and I have two more days of work before I get a day off (which they wanted me to work).

I said no today, because I need to do laundry, clean my kitchen, vacuum and dust, and clean my bathroom. I would like to bake cookies or muffins, so my kids have something to add to their lunches. I need to go shopping for granola bars and juice boxes; I'm out! I have three file folders of registration forms to enter into the computer. I have books to read and return to the library; I missed a couple of books being held, because I didn't make it to the library on time. I want to cook supper for my family. Real suppers instead of pre-cooked chicken burgers that just need heating or hot dogs. I would like to feel rested at the end of the day instead of exhausted. I would love to go for lunch with a friend.

So, my Monday day off is safe, but how safe is Wednesday and Thursday? I know that they'll ask me to come in, but I need to say no. For sanity's sake.

Too Much Work and Not Enough Play

I hate to start yet another post with a comment on my exhaustion, but it can't be helped. It's true! I am.

I was supposed to have three days off this week, but that has now been reduced to only one day. In fact, by the end of this week, I will have worked 8 out of 9 days. Thankfully, I'm not putting in 8 hour shifts every day, but I don't think that makes much of a difference. I am still left feeling tired, and I am falling behind at home.

The problem is that we're short-staffed. We're hiring. Desperately. Many of us are being asked to come in on our days off or to work longer than originally scheduled. I don't mind doing that once in a while, but this seems to be the norm lately. Yesterday, I was asked to come in an hour early today. While at work today, I was asked to come in tomorrow on my day off and to come in two hours early on Saturday. They wanted me to stay later on Saturday, too, but I said no. Prior commitment. (Sam has a hockey game which starts 45 minutes after I'm off. I end up missing enough of his games because of work.)

I am also going to have to talk to the owner about working on Sundays. I don't mind working Sundays; I don't even mind working Sunday mornings. I just don't want to work Sunday mornings every single week! I haven't been to church since September 25th, and I'd really like to go sometimes. I won't be at church this Sunday, nor the Sunday after.

When I was hired, I was asked how many hours a week I would like to have. 16-20 was my answer. Assuming there are no more changes to my schedule for this pay period, I will have worked 51 hours in two weeks.

In a Fog

Last night the weatherman said today would be sunny and warm. Hmmm...I just got home from work, and it is cool, grey and foggy; almost drizzly feeling. Not that I mind too much.

I am trying to decide on what to make for supper tonight, but I'm feeling crunched for time. I have barely walked in the door and changed into human clothes, Casey and Abby will be walking in the door within the next ten minutes, and I promised to pick Sam up from school at 3:09pm. We'll be back home by 3:20, but we need to leave for hockey practice by 4:15, which means supper needs to be ready and consumed in advance of our departure. (We can't afford to eat at the arena concession everytime Sam steps on the ice.)

Kane has offered to stay home with Casey and Abby on the assumption that he is finished work in time. If he's not, they come with Sam and I. If he was going to be home, I could give Kane instructions for supper, leaving me to worry about feeding Sam. If only I knew for sure! I don't, so I need to be prepared just in case Kane isn't here, because it is quite likely he won't be. Do you understand why I am spinning my wheels here?!

I have ground beef in the fridge; I could make chili really quickly, and once made, could be eaten at different times. (We'll be gone before my parents get home for supper.) I have chicken burgers for my two kids that won't eat chili, and those will only take a few minutes to prepare. But then, do I really feel like making chili, let alone eating it? No, not really.

I need to get a grip! The first few weeks after starting my job went smoothly. I was able to effectively juggling working inside and outside the home. I had meals waiting in the crockpot on our crazy days. I was organized! Since the teachers went on strike, I have slipped into zombie mode. It has been a struggle to cook day by day, let alone plan ahead. With our dryer conked out, laundry has backed up. Thankfully, Kane has kept the kitchen organized and clean, but other areas of the house desperately need attention.

How much can I fit into tomorrow? I don't work but from 2:30pm to 7pm will be crazy.

Here's what I need to do tomorrow:
-laundry, even if I need to go to a laundromat to do it!
-put supper in the crockpot (we're having lentil barley stew)
-clean the bathroom
-clean out the veggie bins in the fridge (I noticed a mushy cucumber last night)

Here's what I might do, if I have time:
-dust
-vacuum
-work on baseball data entry
-clean my bedroom

Tired and True

I am tired and need a day off to catch up on stuff at home, to put my feet up, and maybe even have a nap. That could have been yesterday, but I said yes when asked to come in for a few hours. I will not say yes if asked to come in on my only days off this week: Wednesday and Friday. I can't say yes; I need those days to breathe.

I realize that I have mentioned being tired and hating alarm clocks quite frequently. Both are true. I am a night owl. Alarm clocks are not a natural part of my vocabulary. Even though I am a night owl, I am a mother and I have a job outside the home. Both jobs require working hours that are not always compatible with night owl behaviour. Schools frown on kids being late for no other reason than mom wanted to sleep in. Employers don't look very highly on employees who fail to show up for a scheduled early morning shift. Of course, as any mom knows, being a mom is already a full-time job! Is it any wonder that I'm tired?

I am tired but not exhausted. There is a difference. I think.

Personality Quiz

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented. Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader. You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do. You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

Unloading

I am cold. We've had our furnace on for almost a month now, but we've been keeping it set quite low. Most of the time, donning a sweater or snuggling beneath a throw blanket is enough to keep the chills away. I'm sitting here in my work uniform waiting for the time to leave, and I am cold.

We've awoken to fog for the past few days. It is both beautiful and dreary. As a result, the air, especially in the mornings, has been damp and chilled. The afternoons have been sunnier and slightly warmer. Autumn is definitely here.

Over the weekend, Casey and Abby and a neighbour boy were consumed with some entrepreneurial spirit. They canvassed the neighbourhood in search of yards to rake. I am not sure how many customers they snagged, but they managed to rake in about $3 each. Really, it isn't a lot of money for raking and bagging leaves for at least two houses, but I admire their drive. Besides, if I deducted the cost of the bags they used from our shed, they wouldn't have made any money!

The kids are at school now. Once again, I had a moment of confusion when the alarm shattered my deep and lovely sleep. We managed to get our acts together in remarkably fine fashion. I would go so far as to say that we've never been such a well-oiled machine! How long will it last?

I did something this morning, and I am quite proud of it. Or really, I am pleased that I was able to figure it out on my own. Now that I am the webmaster for our baseball association, updating the website falls on my shoulders. From the start, I wasn't sure that I was sturdy enough to carry that weight; after all, I really don't know anything about computers or programs or websites. I have been trying to figure out how to edit the existing pages, so I could update the executive roster. Until this morning, I just couldn't figure it out. Not only did I figure it out, but I've already made some changes. I'd do a happy dance, but I have no rhythm.

That's one item I can cross off my mental list of things to do! I must have at least 479 other items left to work on. ;o)

I'm not so cold now. I kicked the thermostat up a couple of notches to take the chill off the air; I won't be here much longer anway. At work, I'll be more than warm enough.

The Return of the Teachers

The teachers' strike is over! With less than 12 hours notice, school will be in session tomorrow morning. Casey and Abby will be thrilled; Sam will not. (Secretly, I think Sam will be glad, but he wouldn't ever let that show.)

I am glad, though my body was really hoping for one last, much needed day to sleep in. After working early shifts this weekend, I desperately wanted to forget about setting my alarm tonight. Not going to happen now!

I was so unprepared to wake up early this morning that, when the alarm began to beep at me, my first thought was that I had left it "armed" from the day before. If I had a 'snooze' button on my alarm, I likely would have hit it, rolled over, and fallen back asleep. It is what I wanted to do, but clarity assailed my sleepy senses enough to remember that there was a reason my alarm was beeping at me. I had to be at work at 7:30; not quite as early as my 6am shift the day before, but early enough for someone who finds a schoolday wake up call of 7am too early!

So, even though I don't have to work until 11am tomorrow, my alarm will be set for 7am, and I will resent its' intrusion into my dreams.

Home Alone

I worked four hours today. There is still no school, so my kids were home alone while I was at work. For the first time; however, Kane did come home once or twice to check on them. And, he called, too. Sometimes, he worries more than I do!

The kids did fine. Actually, I think they rather enjoy this new freedom, although I do not. Sam is 12, old enough to watch the kids for a few hours. What concerns me is that Casey is physically slightly bigger than Sam, and he believes that he should have more authority than Sam. Basically, they butt heads frequently!

I did give very specific instruction before I left for work. A sheet was left beside the phone with all the relevant phone numbers and instructions. Don't answer the door. No friends in. No playing outside. This is what you can have for lunch. Blah, blah, blah. Oh yeah, no fighting! We even discussed what to do if someone got hurt or if a more dire emergency transpired.

I think I frightened Casey when I touched on the subject of 911. Of course, I didn't foresee a need for them to call 911, but I wanted to make sure they were aware of the importance of 911 in a dire emergency. So, I mentioned a serious injury or a fire as a time to call 911 (from the neighbour's house naturally). As we touched on the subject of a housefire, Casey commented that he would get Bear (his teddy) before leaving the house. Quite bluntly, I told him NO. His face drooped and his eyes began to tear; Casey has such a tender heart despite all his bluster. I reminded him that he is far more valuable and precious than Bear, and no one should ever search for, or go back in the house for, pets or toys or anything else, unless the firemen give the okay.



It is good to talk about these things, but I sure wish that teachers were back at work, so my kids could be in school learning instead of sitting in front of the TV at home alone.

Whistling while you work?

I am so glad to have no plans for tomorrow. No work. No school. No need for an alarm in the morning.

(Yeah, as much as I enjoy not hearing the beep of the alarm every weekday at 7am, I do wish that the kids DID have school tomorrow! We've had one full week of the teacher's strike and tomorrow is just another day of the same. How much longer will it go?)

I worked Friday, Saturday and today, and I am tired. Wiped out. Exhausted. I was asked to stay longer on Friday and asked to come in earlier today. Yesterday and today were eight hour shifts...my first in the past 12 1/2 years! I can't really say that I enjoyed these shifts.

Eight hours of work is a gigantic slice of the day. I have hardly seen my kids all weekend. I missed Sam's hockey game...again. I missed church...again. I missed going public skating with the kids today. Casey had a friend sleep-over, and I barely had any interaction with them. I haven't cooked a meal since supper on Thursday; even that was hardly worth mentioning. I haven't done any housework since Thursday either, but my husband has! God bless him!

Before I got this job, Kane told me that he would help out more around the house and such if I was working. I scoffed. I couldn't help it! It isn't that Kane completely avoids household work, because he's always helped out in little ways from time to time. However, I just had a difficult time imagining Kane stepping into the role of Mr. Mom. He's a great dad, and he does do dishes for me once in a while, but he still leaves more mess in his wake than he cleans. I had my doubts. Still do, but he has been making the effort.

Yesterday, Kane scrubbed the fronts of all the cupboards. He mopped the kitchen floor, did some grocery shopping, made the kids lunch, okayed a sleep-over (which I would have vetoed had I been home), took Sam to hockey, washed dishes, and dropped Sam off at youth. Today, he took the kids to church and public skating, made lunch, helped the kids with their newspaper route, and put air in the van's tires.

What did I do this weekend? I worked. I celebrated a friend's birthday. I had a bath and washed my uniform. That's about it.

What will I do tomorrow? First, I plan on sleeping in...hopefully, at least until 8am. Then, laundry, tidy the kitchen, bath, prepare supper, help the kids with some "school" work, read to my kids, read to myself, maybe take Sam to get his haircut (finally), and hang out with my girlfriends.

Tuesday, I work. Wednesday is free. Thursday is work. Friday is free but busy with kid things. Sam has a junior youth conference this coming weekend. I work Saturday and Sunday again. I'll miss church again. Next Sunday, too. I'm not very thrilled with that. I haven't been to church since the last Sunday in September, and I won't be at church for all of October. :o(

I just need to keep telling myself that this job is to bring in a little extra money to help pay off debts and get ahead financially.

Falling into a book

Another day without school. The weather outside is grey, cool, and damp. The kids went outside to play only to return within minutes. Too cold. Too wet.

Chores have been done. I am trying to come up with something creative for supper. I am failing. There isn't enough left over turkey to do much of anything, so I've pulled a package of ground beef from the freezer. Unless inspiration hits, we'll be having chili. That prospect doesn't exactly tempt my tastebuds, but it would work well with the weather.

I sat down last night and worked on making cards. I made several before running out of inspiration. I almost feel ready to crack open the scrapbooks again...

Today, I think will be a 'curl up with a book, blanket and hot chocolate' kind of day. I picked up a handful of books from the library the other night after hockey practice.
After the Night by Linda Howard
Dream Man by Linda Howard
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells
Sweet and Vicious by David Schickler
The Featherbed by John Miller

It doesn't look promising for school tomorrow either, but I have to work from 10am to 2pm. Mom has tomorrow off, so she can stay with the kids. Saturday morning will be an early one for me, followed by a long day. I work my first full, eight hour shift beginning at 6:30am! Ugh.

Give Thanks

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

We're having turkey for lunch.

Sam and I made pumpkin pie this afternoon. Tonight, I chopped onion and celery for the stuffing and prepared the Brussel sprouts.

Kane has offered to finish the stuffing in the morning and put the turkey in the oven, so that I can sleep in! Isn't he the best?! I'm always the one cooking the turkey, so I need to write out some instructions for him...by his request.

We're all tired today, I think. Kane and the kids were up by 5:30am, because Sam had a 6:30am hockey game. I was up by 6:15am, as I had to work at 7:30 and needed to walk there. Casey might have had a nap this afternoon; at the least, he had some quiet time. Kane had two short naps today. Sam just doesn't nap at all. Abby didn't nap either, but she'll be out quickly tonight. I don't nap often, and I didn't have time for one anyway. I worked until 1:00pm, but the the rest of the day has been spent baking, cleaning, and preparing for Thanksgiving. Now that I am beginning to simply sit, the exhaustion will ooze out of every pore.

Still, I have much to be thankful for. Here's a somewhat silly, somewhat serious list of what I'm thankful for:

-God's love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, His Son, His Word
-my relationship with God
-my husband who loves me just as I am, works hard to provide for us, loves our kids enough to get down on their level, and isn't afraid to help me with housework
-my kids who never fail to make me smile or make me proud
-my friends who also love me as I am and encourage and support me, pray for me, and bless me time and time again
-my home. It may not be everything I would love to have, but it keeps us warm in the winter and cool in the summer and dry when it's wet.
-Margaret Becker's music; I listen to her and find myself in the lyrics.
-my flannel sheets and pajamas and heat bag that keep me toasty warm in the winter
-my body pillow which supports me while I sleep
-long, hot bubble baths
-four distinct seasons
-Coca-Cola, in particular, diet coke with lime
-for my grandpa's organ sitting in my living room and my minimal ability to peck my way through a hymn book
-for our new church home. We still don't know many people, but we feel comfortable and welcomed there, and we're starting to get more involved. It feels like home.
-for an older, wiser friend who got me hooked on journaling over 15 years ago
-my favourite, and only, pair of jeans
-my favourite sweater
-my favourite books
-the NHL is back!
-that we're getting a 'new to us' van in a week or two which will have more room, captain's seats, and a working tape deck!
-that one of my girlfriends is in town for a few days and I'm able to visit with her twice
-my new job which meets my needs within my schedule
-my computer which makes some things easier, complicates other things, and provides hours of mindless entertainment
-that the kids will be going to bed very soon, so I can finally relax in relative quiet
-that my bedtime is only two or three hours away!

The Drop of the Puck

Hockey season has officially begun. The NHL season opened this past Wednesday, and today was Sam's first game of the year. Unfortunately, Sam's favourite NHL player, Mats Sundin, was injured about 8 minutes into his team's game and will be out for 4-6 weeks. Ouch! Seriously, wear a visor!

Sam's game ended in a 5-5 tie this morning. The game was alright, fairly even, and seemingly put together considering we've only had one practice. He plays again tomorrow morning, but I'll miss that one due to work.

I hate missing my kids' sports. Guess I just need to get over it.

Random Thoughts

Why do some people treat employees so horribly? Is it necessary to talk to the person serving you as if this person was stupid or incompetent? The customer is always right; any employee has this rule drilled into his/her head from the get-go. Some customers seem to believe that this gives them the right to treat servers like trash. I hate it.

Obviously, I had a customer treat me this way today. I'm just going to vent a little steam and slough it off. There is just no pleasing some people.
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Teachers in my province erected a picket line today, which meant that there was no school today. Thankfully, my mom was able to keep my kids at her workplace for the four hours that I had to work today. She put them to work peeling vegetables and dusting. I work tomorrow and Sunday, but my next weekday shift isn't until next Friday. Hopefully, this teachers' strike is over by then!

I hate this strike, too. Who is being hurt the most? The kids, especially those who struggle in school. I know that Abby, and even Casey, would be able to catch up easily enough and handle an increased workload, if the strike extends for some time. Sam is a completely different story.
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I am thankful to have Monday off as this is our Thanksgiving weekend. Kane was willing to cook the turkey if I had had to work during the day. He won't need to do that now, but maybe I can sweet talk him into helping. The experience would do him good.

I love turkey! And, all the fixings. Well, those that are tradition for our family: mashed potatoes, gravy, Brussel sprouts, stuffing, pumpkin pie.
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Sam has two hockey games this weekend. I'll be able to see his first game tomorrow, but I'll miss Sunday's game because of work. We're not overly thrilled with who Sam's coach is this year; the last person we wanted actually. But, as we have told Sam, we will work with what we're given and do the best we can. This coach picked Sam, so obviously there is something he values in Sam! Perhaps this year with this coach will be a better experience than our last.