It is finished!

The BC Mosqito 'A' Provincial Championships are over. The Ridge Meadows Royals defeated Cloverdale Colts with a score of 7 to 5 and a double play to end the game. We saw a lot of great baseball this weekend! Our team lost all four round-robin games, but we played just about as well as we could. We were making some defensive plays, and we were hitting the ball. We were just out-classed for many reasons. Still, I'm proud of our team. We may have lost, but I think we represented ourselves well. Good job!

As tournament director, my job is almost over. Tomorrow, I'll be going over the finances with our head coach. Hopefully, we'll have made some profit this weekend. This was a completely new experience for me, and I was a little nervous as to how everything would come together. We had a few moments of panic over the programs and a big error that we missed, but we fixed it with relative ease. We had more moments of panic yesterday afternoon when the ink from one of our souvenir t-shirts smeared after being doused in water. I don't know why that happened, but our coach washed his shirt last night without any problems. So, I think I can release that held breath.

Before awarding the medals to the two finalist teams, the BC Minor Baseball representative thanked our association and *me* for putting on a great tournament. Honestly, he said it was the best provincial tournament he'd been to in a long time. It brought tears to my eyes. Later in the parking lot, he thanked me again and re-affirmed that I had done a good job. While I certainly didn't accept this responsibility seeking praise, it has been good to hear that people enjoyed the weekend and found it to be well run. I wasn't responsible for every little detail, but it was a good weekend. Long hours and very hot, but a very good experience. For me, too.

Now for the not so nice comments...would you believe that an adult was caught stealing a 5 cent candy from the concession? What makes it even worse is that this man believed he had every right to just take one since he had "spent enough money at the concession already" and "it's only 5 cents". Then, there was a parent sitting not far from my location during the championship game this afternoon. I listened as she ranted about playing on this particular field...the sun was in the fielders' eyes...she hated this field...why couldn't they have played on the other field...blah, blah, blah. It may not be obvious, but the field the game was played on is the bigger field, the better field. The sun would be in somebody's eyes regardless of which field we were playing in. So, your team missed catching a fly ball? Should we blame it on the field, or the fact that the wrong player was trying to make the catch and no one called for it? Of course, this same woman shouted, complained, and ranted through the entire game about every missed ball, close call, and comment made by the opposing coaches. I guess she forgot that this wasn't the World Series.

It was so hot this weekend. And long. Wednesday, we were at the park from 6pm until about 10pm cleaning and prepping. Thursday, after running a bunch of errands, we were at the park from 3pm until nearly 10pm. Friday, we were there from 8am until about 9:30pm. Saturday, we were there from 7am until about 9:30pm. Today, I was there from shortly after 9am until 5pm. I haven't even included all the hours spent preparing and taking care of pre-event details...t-shirts to order, programs to make up and print and bind, team information to collect, signs to make, advertisers to find, and so on. Really, this has been my foremost thought for the past two weeks, and now it is over.

Tomorrow, I can sleep in. Yeah!! My kids can sleep in, too...at least the one that is not an early bird. It is a holiday, and our only obligation is a visit at our coach's house to go over the financials. Tuesday, my only goal is to pull out the hide-a-bed and watch my Lord of the Rings extended edition trilogy. It will take all day, but I don't care. I wanted to do this during Spring Break, but it just didn't work out. I'll do housework on Wednesday, although I will start laundry tomorrow. And, Kane has agreed to set the pool up!

Aargh!

Nightmare of nightmares...there was a mistake in the program which wasn't discovered until after they had all been printed and bound. Of course. My mistake. Somehow, we got the wrong names listed below one of the teams. Big mistake. Thankfully, it is all fixed now and for not too much money. We printed the proper names onto labels and affixed them to all the pages. It didn't take too long and, at first glance, you almost don't realize the difference. Almost. I do feel horrible about it though.

I did go back and get my hair re-cut yesterday. Honestly, the first haircut made me look like a dweeb. Now, it has some layers and I have some bangs again. I don't know about the current style...basically, no styling, just moussed and tousled by the second hairdresser. That's okay though, I haven't had the time to try my own hand at styling yet.

I'm at home for only a short while. Much of the day thus far has been spend running around: the printer, VBS, the dollar store, Wal-Mart, and our coach's house. We need to leave again shortly though, and we won't be back until around 8pm. I am looking forward to this tournament. It is here. Exciting! I just wonder if we've covered all the bases (a little pun there) or made any more mistakes. Thankfully, the program error was caught late last night giving us time to fix it! And the biggest concern...will everything turn out well? As the person responsible for many aspects of this weekend, I worry that it just won't be good enough.

Room to Breathe

After about three and a half hours last night, the program was ready to be printed. I am so thankful to have a friend who knows computers and how to use them effectively. He's a lifesaver! This morning, bright and early, I dropped the CD off at the copy place. The clerk seemed a little taken aback when I asked for them to be ready today, but it isn't an impossible request. I was supposed to help bind them tonight, but the other woman will be doing it herself now. Her mother-in-law is arriving today and this is their only opportunity to visit, and she can visit while she binds, I guess.

I am relieved to have that out of my hands, although I wasn't adverse to doing the work. Really, it is just good to know that things are being done and will be ready when we need them to be. It's breathing room, and an end to the myriad of concerns that keep me up at night. I don't lose sleep over very much, and these issues are not enough to rob me of my precious sleep. However, where stress and weighty thoughts do assail me is before I fall asleep.

Feeling lighter this morning, I had my haircut. I'm not sure that I like it. The cut in itself is okay, but not really what I was wanting. It is too much a bob rather than the layered effect that I was wanting. Oh well, it's only hair. Maybe it is just the way it was styled after, maybe just the newness. I'll give it a few days, try my own styling, and see what I think.

A friend is coming over tomorrow to help me with the programs for the ball tournament. I am glad and nervous. He's a perfectionist and knows his way around computers inside and out. I can be a perfectionist, but usually I'm not. I know my way around my computer so much as I need to be. Until now, I haven't needed to know the skills required to do these programs. If I had a month to prepare, I would do my best to learn by trial and error, but I don't have a month. I need to get this program to the printer by Wednesday morning at the absolute latest. I had been hoping to get it in by Tuesday, but my friend is unavailable until after work Tuesday. Crunch!

I have all the information that I need to have the t-shirts finished off. I'll be dropping that off shortly, leaving one less thing to be concerned with.

Sorry. I've been so busy and this week will be the busiest week of my summer, I think. By this time next week, the Provincials tournament will be nearly over and I will be able to breathe deeply and relax. I can't wait.

A few days ago, I posted about an email that I was hesitant to open. I did finally read it. As I expected, my worries were overblown and my hopes were too high. The words within this email were not the honest words I was hoping for, but neither were they the harsh words I was afraid of. Perhaps the words were honest, from a certain point of view, but not completely. In my opinion, and I am disappointed and frustrated.

I sent a reply of my own. I did read the comments in a certain tone of voice and answered accordingly, with more than a touch of heat but not enough to burn. Of course, that is the trouble with email...there are no nuances, no inflections, no rise and fall of the voice, no facial expressions to harden or soften the blows. I did receive another reply; I'm still mentally processing that one.

I think I'll just let it go and not respond directly to it. It wasn't harsh, and I was invited to continue corresponding, but I think I'd have more success in teaching my cat to speak. I've said what I've needed to say...for now. I've received a response even if, in my opinion, it is weak and subterfuge. All I can do now is keep praying and waiting.

Honestly, I just don't have the time for a lot of emotionally-charged conversation this week. The next two days especially will be crazy, as I need to finish the program in order to get it to the printers by Tuesday. Everything is in motion, but I'm in a holding pattern waiting for the right pieces to fall into place. Thankfully, most details are doing just that, but this program will put me through the wringer.

And now, it looks as if our niece will be coming to stay with us for some period of time in August. Kane and I are both weary of these childish games being played by his brother and his brother's wife. Get your acts together!

Madly, Truly, Deeply Busy

What did I get myself into? I would blame it on the heat, except that my agreement to this task occurred before the weather turned hot. I may sound more desperate and frazzled than I truly am, but that is the way I am. I do get frazzled and I do sometimes feel out of control or lost and disoriented, but those feelings are usually internal and kept reasonably in check. Moments of panic even when I know I'm doing just fine.

That said, I am feeling a little flustered today, this afternoon. This major baseball tournament that I am preparing for is drawing ever closer. It begins in one week. I've made progress and set important details in motion, but so much seems to be undone yet. T-shirts have been ordered. I have the official letters from the heads of BC Minor Baseball and our city's mayor. I have the schedule for the tournament. I've begun the process of finding advertisers for the program...and have two already. I know seven of the teams arriving for the tournament; waiting for the final three yet to be determined. Most everything is falling into place.

Where the headache is coming from is the program itself. My husband thinks that I'm a computer genius, because I can do more on the computer than he can. I have no official computer training other than a year or two in junior high. Anything I know has been learned through trial and error. Still, I don't know a lot. I can do more than I might give myself credit for, but the truth is I really only can scrape the surface. The tournament program shouldn't be too much trouble; most of the work has already been done. I simply have to follow the format from last year, changing dates and teams to fit this year. The trouble arises as I try to scan a couple of pages into my computer. Instead of an exact duplicate on my screen, I see something that bears a striking resemblance but in a disconnected sort of way.

The other headache is the mental math and figuring required to get this program printed and bound. I had arrived at a reasonable figure yesterday, but realized today that it would not work. Colour needs to be used, or the team photos will be indiscernible. Colour, of course, jacks up the price. Significantly. Suddenly, I was looking at a number that was extremely unreasonable:$13 per brochure before taxes. When we're only charging $2 or $3 for a program, that expense is too much to swallow. At least to me. After a panicked phone call to last year's coordinator, my heart has returned to a rhythm almost at rest. We talked it out and made some determinations that should see the costs drop significantly. I will need to go back to Dittos and re-inquire in order to be sure.

This is what keeps me busy. But if that isn't enough, I also have day to day life to live. Abby has been invited to two birthday parties within the next week, which means I need to go out and purchase some gifts. Abby has a craft at the library on Tuesday afternoon. Next week is Vacation Bible School at our church. Abby is attending and Casey is serving as an assistant crew leader. My mornings will be a little freer without two of my children for a couple of hours each morning, but I'll be busy, busy.

Great Expectations

Have you ever received a letter or an email that you were hoping to get, yet never truly expected a reply? I have. There's one sitting in my inbox right this minute, and I feel the icy fingers of fear massaging my shoulders.

Almost two weeks ago, I sent an email to a friend, but it wasn't a very warm email, I'm afraid. There were hard questions to ask and I was finally ready to pose them. It's a touchy situation; walking on eggshells might be more successful. Probing is painful, and the one being probed would rather avoid that pain than truthfully confront it. I know I would in such a situation. I can analyze and probe myself from dusk to dawn, but should someone else begin to poke and prod...that's a mirror I'd rather not look into.

And so, the reply that I was hoping to get, but honestly didn't believe I'd ever see has arrived. I am afraid to open it, to see the words within. Those words could be angry and bitter and spiteful. They could be honest and sincere. The words could have nothing to do with my original questions. There is only one way to know for sure, but I'm reluctant to subject my heart to the potential blows. But, I can't ignore the email either. I will read it, after I've exhausted all avenues of distraction. The distractions that I seek refuge in do not ease the discomfort; they only add to it. The longer I put it off, the edgier I become, the stronger the fear grows until I can almost taste it. It would be easier, I think, to just bite the bullet and open it. Read it. The words may be missiles to my heart, or I may be pleasantly surprised. Either way, it is easier to deal with the known rather than the unknown.

Little Boy Blue

One busy weekend down. Two busy weeks yet to go.

Casey's team placed fourth in the Valley of Champions tournament for Mosquito 'A'. They only won one game, but it was an experience and something to build on. Casey earned himself an MVP award for the game that they did win. Unfortunately, I missed that one.

Sam umped nine games over the course of the weekend. Since his schedule took him to different locations than Casey's, I was the chauffeur. Sam did a great job: steady, fair, and mostly good calls. There really wasn't any controversies in the games that he umped, although there might have been in the minds of some of the coaches. I am beginning to think that some coaches think they've been given the right to talk down to the umpires simply because these umps are kids. It doesn't seem to matter whether the call was the right call or not. Thankfully, it is usually harder for me, as Sam's parent, to hear the comments of the parents and coaches than it is for Sam. He does hear them, but he seems to be able to shrug them off easily. I, on the other hand, could have blown a gasket when I saw one coach approach Sam and say, "Let me explain something to you..." He's lucky that I didn't quite hear the rest of his statement, but I think it was along the lines of a thinly veiled threat; the kind a bully makes to apply pressure to achieve his aims. Another coach, in a different game, tried to tell Sam that he messed up by not making a call and proceeded to tell Sam what he should do in a particular situation. That's fine and well most of the time, but this coach was in the wrong. He was correcting Sam for not making a call that is not made for that level of ball! Yet another coach approached Sam before a game and asked him some questions. "What division did you play ball in? Mosquito?" (Sam's in Peewee {11 and 12 year olds}, but is the size of many Mosquito {9 and 10 year old} players.) "How many games have you umped behind the plate?" On the surface, these questions are benign, displaying only curiosity and maybe an attempt to set a young ump at ease. However, from observing this coach, I did not find his questions benign at all. Even his tone of voice was questionable. It came across to me as condescending and insulting, judging Sam on his size rather than giving him the opportunity to demonstrate his abilities.

Sam is not a perfect umpire; I've yet to see one in any league, any sport, any age. The fact is that people make mistakes and so do umpires. Sam makes mistakes like everyone else, but he does a very good job. He rarely makes a controversial call, but when he does, he isn't afraid to correct it...if he has made a mistake. Let him do his job! During one game, there was some confusion during one play. Kids were running everywhere, parents and coaches were all yelling at the players and the umps. It was almost pandemonium, but Sam made the motion that a particular runner was out. The coaches were so busy yelling, "He's out!" at Sam that they didn't even notice him make the call...all on his own without their help. The kid knows what he is doing and is quite capable of doing it.

I was pleased to hear the rare parent chastise another parent for chewing out the umpires this weekend. It didn't happen very often, but it did happen on at least three different occasions. In each situation, the calm parent informed the upset parent that the call was the right call and the ump was doing a good job. My heart swelled! That was my kid being praised and defended. While I know that he's doing a good job, it is good to hear it from someone emotionally involved in the game. I'm only emotionally involved with the little boy in blue behind the plate. Classless parents abound, but how precious were the parents that took the time to approach Sam after a game and thank him for umping and commending him on a job well done!

So, this tournament is over and we're mostly recovered. The laundry is being done and the house has been tidied. Now, I have the lovely task of organizing the Mosquito 'A' Provincials tournament which is taking place from the 28th to August 1st. I'm sure that will keep me busy for the next two weeks, and that weekend will be crazy busy but worth it.

Seizing the Day

Today has been productive; mostly. After a lazy beginning in front of the computer, I had a bath. I like baths. In water as hot as I can handle. Bubbles are optional. We finished off the morning with a trip to the library to pick up new books and get the kids' reading logs stamped. I stopped at the bank to check on my woefully low account balance before picking up a few items at Safeway. Then, we came home, had lunch, the kids dispersed to play, and I got down to work.

I decluttered the computer desk, the heart of my communication and planning. As I need to plan, communicate, and organize this baseball tournament, I need room to do that. As much as I am able to work around a mess in blissful ignorance, it is so much easier to have a clean and tidy workspace. Having accomplished that, I immediately felt more optimistic about my ability to coordinate and take care of those baseball details. I even began crunching numbers for ordering programs and t-shirts between a flurry of phone calls.

I washed the rest of the dishes, the ones that had gathered and been ignored for a day or two. Thankfully, there really weren't that many, since I haven't done very much actual cooking yet this week. Plates, cutlery and glasses fit in the dishwasher; pots and pans not usually. I don't mind washing dishes when I get around to doing it. It is finding the frame of mind to do them that is most difficult.

I even have supper simmering on the stove already...it is not quite yet 2:30pm! Of course, we'll be at the ball diamond by 5pm, so supper needs to be early and the dishes will have to wait to be washed!

I painted my nails. Toes red, fingers chrome.

I have Sam's new dress pants ready to be hemmed. He needed new pants to wear while umping as his old ones were getting a little tight. I was so excited when we bought these pants, because they are a size 12! Sam is now 12, but has not yet worn pants that are the same size as his age. He still mostly wears pants in a size 8, sometimes 10. Of course, the legs in size 12 are much too long, but the waist is just right. He'll have that growth spurt someday soon. I'll do the actual sewing tonight.

The weekend will be incredibly busy for us...what else is new? We'll be split up for most of the weekend, driving here and there and everywhere. This is the Valley of Champions Tournament...a very large tournament hosted by three neighbouring associations. Casey plays Friday at 10:30 and 3:30, Saturday at 8am and 3:30, and possibly at 10:00 or 1:00 on Sunday. All his games are across Okanagan Lake and terrible, summer bridge traffic. Sam will be earning a heap of money umping this weekend. He is scheduled for Friday at 8:30am in one location and 12:00, 2:30, and 5:00 at a different location, Saturday at 10:30 and 1:00 across the lake and at 5:00 back in the city, and finally 10:00 and 1:00 on Sunday not too far from where we live. Of course, for me, this means that I will miss a good portion of Casey's games, but what can you do? Sam can't drive for a few more years yet, and he can't ride a bike to all those locations. He needs a chauffeur and I'm it.

Fool Me Twice...

So, it seems that our niece is not coming to stay with us. Really, I'm not that surprised, and I'm somewhat relieved, but there is still a measure of regret and disappointment. I began to have my doubts when there were no further phone calls; that just didn't fit with the desperate state of my sister-in-law's prior calls.

According to my brother-in-law, if his wife calls again while drunk, we're to just hang up. Kane did get a little short with his brother on the phone last night. Kane was looking forward to this "visit" and had already begun to think of things to do with our niece. I think I'm feeling mostly annoyed. I'm tired of the drama, the 'he said, she said' behaviour. I don't even know who to believe anymore and, quite honestly, I don't even care. Too much.

With the curtain falling on that short-lived tragedy, I am not able to focus completely on the here and now and two weeks from now. There's a lot to do as Coordinator for Provincials, yet I feel like I'm idling in neutral. As I receive more information, I can begin working and moving toward the goal. I hope.

Talking Out Loud

I hate grasshoppers. I do not particularly care for spiders or any sort of creepy crawly creature, but I can tolerate them...in their places. Grasshoppers are quite another story. Would my loathing make sense with the knowledge that I grew up in Saskatchewan? It certainly does to me. Grasshoppers and prairie go together like bread and jam. You cannot drive anywhere without having the front end of your vehicle plastered with grasshopper guts. You cannot walk anywhere without sending a flurry of the pesky insects leaping in all directions. I hated it then, and I still hate it now. Thankfully, the grasshoppers I've seen around my yard are much, much smaller than the ones in the prairies. The prairies grow them big and ugly.

I was mowing the lawn today which is why the topic of grasshoppers is fresh in my mind. I literally had to keep one eye on the lawnmower, one on my path, and one on all the leaping insects. It would have made quite the sight if one had decided that I would make a good resting place! Ugh!
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Last week, I bought a new cover for the steering wheel in my van. The original vinyl covering had a hole near the top of the steering wheel. The hole was gradually increasing in size and the adhesive residue beneath was more than just annoying. Still, it took several months of whining about the hole before I actually did anything about it. Now, I can't believe the difference. It feels great, and I would swear that steering is so much smoother and easier now. Silly, I know, but even Kane has felt a difference in steering.
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We went to see the Fantastic Four movie for Sam's birthday. We all quite liked it, despite the negative reviews. Kane grew up on comic books; me, not so much. The kids, of course, loved The Human Torch with all his antics and comedic lines. I enjoyed it for what it was-a fun, super-hero movie. I don't understand how some people can watch a movie and dissect it into itty-bitty pieces. Well, I can, in a way. I do often dissect movies, but my dissection doesn't take away from my enjoyment in watching the movie. Maybe, I just don't go into a movie expecting it to be more than it is...a movie. Still, there are movies that I absolutely love and others that I absolutely hate. My criteria for what I love or hate has nothing to do with continuity errors, dialogue, soundtracks, or directors. Instead, does it work for me? Do I enjoy it? Simple entertainment...

Oops...I did it again!

I'm committed. Or should be. It is looking like I am the new coordinator for the Mosquito 'A' Provincial Tournament which begins in little more than two weeks! What have I gotten myself into?

I am sure that I can do this despite the uncertainties rearing their ugly heads. I love a challenge. I like to be organized and plan and organize some more. I can do this!

If it sounds like I'm giving myself a pep talk, I am. While I know my strengths, I also know my weaknesses. Two weeks is not a lot of time put together advertising and programs and order t-shirts. I suppose it is time enough, but more time would never hurt. Also, while I can plan and organize, I am not the type of person who does well with the verbal requirements. I keep telling myself that I am stronger than I think I am, and I believe that to be true. I know that I allow my insecurities and fears to hobble me, keeping me from doing things that I would really like to do. Maybe that is why I agreed to do this...because I am tired of always shying away when I know that I could do it.

What seems like a lifetime ago, I was Breakfast Co-ordinator at McDonald's. I opened the restaurant, oversaw the morning staff, made bank deposits, and handled emergencies. For a time, I did all the scheduling for Kane while he was store manager at a different McDonald's.

Sometimes, I forget just what I am capable of, or have been. It is good to remember where I've been before, knowing that sometimes the path ahead of me isn't much different than the one behind.

Surviving the Weekend

Today is Sam's 12th birthday!

Sam had a good time at our company camp-out this past weekend, even though he really wanted to go to Kamloops instead. Why he would want to go sit and watch baseball all weekend rather than fishing, dirt biking, and riding the Quad, I do not know! Still, he had fun and was able to do things that he had never done before...and had said he didn't want to do at all!

We finally were able to tear open the packaging on the fishing rods that I had bought for Kane and the boys years ago. Yes, this was the first time they had ever been out of the package. Not only did the kids fish from shore, but they also trawled from a small fishing boat. This was a BIG thing for Sam as he hates water, or being in or on the water. On a scale of 1 to 10 (ten being so terrified that you're frozen and pale), he said that being on the boat was an 8, but he seemed to do well. At least, he wasn't holding the sides of the boat in a death grip. However, the kids didn't catch a thing all weekend, except for algae and fallen logs.

All my kids were able to try out the dirt bikes. Casey was the first to go, and much more eager in the beginning than Sam or Abby. After his first ride, Casey decided that it wasn't as much fun as he had thought it would be, but that didn't stop him from going out the next day for another lesson. He did much better that day and felt much more confident. Sam was reluctant to give it a try, but when he did, he did very well. Kane's boss was continually bragging on Sam and his natural ability on the bike. Great! Like Sam needs another reason to swell his head. Abby had fun on the bike, too, but she wasn't allowed to drive independently. Kane's boss kept asking me, almost begging me to let her try, but I sanely reasoned that it would not be wise, since she can't even ride her bike without training wheels yet. So, Jim (Kane's boss) sat behind her, but allowed her to control the throttle and brakes. Apparently, she's a little speedster, which I really could have told Jim before. She may be quiet and shy, but she is a wild one!

The weather was practically perfect for camping. The rain we had all day Friday stopped just in time for us to leave home. It rained for a while in the wee hours of Saturday morning, but we were dry and warm. We had sunny periods and cloudy periods, not too hot and not too cold.

Arlington Lake is a beautiful spot, and we'd love to go back and camp there some more. It is 'roughing it', but not as rough as some may like. We're still fairly new in our camping experiences, although I have done lots of camping as a child. Since Arlington Lake is a forestry recreation site (free camping!), there are not very many amenities. Still, there are a few picnic tables and outhouses, which is really all we need.

I had such a headache by the time we got home last night that I could only unpack the most necessary items...bedding, clothes, and perishables. The rest had to wait until today. Of course, since it is Sam's birthday, there is much to do today besides recovering from camping. Laundry, emptying the van, putting away camp gear, cleaning everything, a couple of errands, baking a birthday cake. We've got a lot done already; I just need to stay on top of the laundry and finish up the dishes while I wait for the cake to cool.

Sam has his best friend coming over tonight for a sleepover. They'll be going to see the Fantastic Four and playing Gamecube until such a time as I say, "Lights out!" I'll make pancakes for breakfast...something I don't do very often.

Arlington Lake 

Crunch Time

It feels good to sit down in the coolness of my home. We were running around town from 9:30am until nearly 3:00pm. Craziness! I don't enjoy days like this, but sometimes, they are completely necessary.

Here's the condensed version of our day so far:
-stop at the boys' bank to withdraw the money Casey owed me and deposit Sam's birthday cheque from relatives
-take all the empty drink containers to the bottle depot for our refund
-go to the library
-browse in a bookstore while killing some time
-Sam's orthodontic appointment
-lunch at McDonald's in Wal-mart
-shopping at Wal-mart
-quick stop at a nearby grocery store in search of Diet Coke with Lime...Wal-Mart was all out.
-home

Of course, Murphy's Law states that you will always forget something, and we did. I briefly contemplated running to the hardware store after the grocery store trip before heading home, but I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to come home. Now! After supper, I will go pick up a new cart for delivering newspapers, since Sam broke the other one.

Now that the bulk of the day has been consumed with errands, I'm exhausted and wanting some down time but unable to give into either feeling for long. There is simply too much to do and not enough time. We will be leaving for the weekend by 2pm tomorrow...that is, unless Kane changes his mind. His company camping trip is this weekend, and we've had to bow out. Kane's boss has been making Kane feel guilty about that, but we never hid the fact that we were going to be busy with baseball in July. I really get frustrated when Kane gets into one of these wishy-washy states. Ironically, he thinks that I am the one who has difficulty making up my mind. Not so. Most of the time, I don't have a preference about some things, but when I do have a preference, I will state it. In this situation, we have already agreed to bring two extra people with us to the tournament. If we were to back out now, that would truly cause a problem.

At any rate, I have work to do:
-find the rest of the camping gear that I still cannot find
-clean out the van
-pack clothing, camping gear, bedding, food, baseball gear, etc.
-change the brake light on the van
-make sure the house is reasonably tidy as Sam is having a friend over for his birthday sleepover the day after we get back
-clean my bathroom so that gross stuff doesn't overrun the bathroom while we're gone
-dismantle the tents and pack them up
-water my plants so they don't die of thirst over the weekend
-I probably have another trip to the grocery store yet for last minute things
-wash any clothes that need to be clean before we go
-wash dishes and make sure the kitchen is tidy
-change the kitty's litterbox
-confirm details with the people coming with us
-load up the van
-have a long, hot bath
-make sure the kids are bathed
-wash and fill the team's water bottles and put names on them
-make supper
-go to the hardware store
-and anything else that I am temporarily forgetting

Can I scream now? Break down in a puddle of tears?

And when we do get back later on Sunday, the craziness continues. Sam's birthday is on Monday. He will be 12 whether I am ready for that or not. He is having his best friend sleep-over. They'll probably go see The Fantastic Four. I'll need to bake a cake Monday morning, but I have a mould to make it in the shape of a baseball. Cool. We have a huge baseball tournament next weekend. I'll need to lean heavily on the prod in order to get Abby to clean her bedroom. My sister-in-law phoned this morning, and it seems that things are still in motion for our niece to be left in our care for a month. The big question is when...I'm silently hoping August 1st, but I'm fearful it will be before Provincials.

It is now 3:30pm, and the hands of time haven't slowed one bit. Life should come with a pause button. Sometimes, you really just need to shut everything off and take a nap. Just half an hour.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

It would seem that we are on the verge of having our niece, on Kane's side of the family, come stay with us for an undetermined length of time. It could quite easily be a month or more. Kane's brother and his wife have had their share of marital difficulties over the past several years. According to my sister-in-law, things are quite tenuous at this time, and they'd really like their daughter to stay with family. Since both of Kane's other brothers are bachelors and basically alcoholics and my sister-in-law has no real family that she would speak of, my family is the only reasonable solution.

I have mixed feelings about this, and I know that things can change very quickly with my in-laws. Alcohol tends to do that to people. This is not the first time I was asked about keeping our niece. I was also asked a few weeks ago, only to learn later that the request was made while intoxicated. Perhaps this request has also been made under the influence? Maybe. Maybe not. Still, there is no question that Kane and I are in agreement about having our niece for a time, if that is what is truly being asked of us. We know that we would be a very stable and positive influence in her young life. But...there are always 'buts'. She can be a handful. She's only five, but as an only child, quite spoiled and headstrong. While my kids are generally quiet (except while playing, of course!), she is not afraid to walk up to strangers and strike up a conversation. I could not give her the same freedoms that I give my own children, especially in a public place.

I don't know when we might except 'the arrival'. At one point, August 1st was mentioned, but later my sister-in-law mentioned a couple of weeks from now. Yikes! The beginning of August would work perfectly for us as baseball season would be over, and we'd be free of any obligations. The last weekend of July will be incredibly busy for us with the baseball provincials. I've been tentatively asked to head the provincials committee; I don't know if that will be official or not yet. I've tentatively agreed. (Slap me silly now, please!) I don't even want to contemplate going to the ballpark for an entire weekend with my niece in tow. If it was necessary, I could do it. I could. I'm stronger than I think I am. But, if I didn't have to...

Of course, all this fretting about the future could all be for naught. My brother-in-law could phone tomorrow with news that his wife had been drunk and to ignore her comments. That is what happened the last time. Drama, drama, drama.

You know, I think I am silently wishing/praying that our niece would be dropped off at our door for a month or so. She doesn't deserve screwed up parents. Kane and I would have the opportunity to be light in the darkness.

Random ramblings

I have much to do and a deadline for everything. The trouble is that I am in no mood, mentally or physically, to do much of anything today. In fact, my mood is deteriorating at an alarming rate. We did set the tents up today, and I pulled out what camping gear I could find in storage. I'm still missing some stuff though, and I can't find it.

Sam volunteered to deliver newspapers by himself today...and not because of any attitude on Casey's part. However, Sam did manage to break the handle on the cart we use to carry the papers. I'm just a little angry about that and have informed Sam that he will be buying a new cart.

We're going camping this weekend for a baseball tournament. I don't mind camping. I don't mind tenting. I'm just not certain that I am looking forward to this weekend. It is looking like we might have two extra passengers for the drive to Kamloops and back. I don't mind being helpful, but I'm not looking forward to the long drive with a talkative child and adult. We're friendly enough toward enough, but we really don't know each other very well. It will be fine, I know. I just really like my privacy and space, especially in such a situation.

I think I'm going to sit and read for a while. Sam wants to use the computer when he gets back. I need to just sit. Or sleep. Or something.

I missed the garbage truck again yesterday.

edit: I realized after I published this post that I had wanted to comment on the state of my reading. I was at the library yesterday and took out many books, more than I normally do. This would not be a problem, except that these were mostly non-fiction books. I like reading non-fiction, but I need the right frame of mind for that. And time. Now that I have this stack of books home, I realize that I have neither the time, nor the inclination to read them.

Wouldn't it be nice to have the cares of a child and just throw your head back and laugh? 

David and Goliath

I wish I had something witty to say, or insightful; instead, I have neither. To even attempt it would be to probe in areas too painful and tender. I spent a good chunk of time today chatting with a much loved friend. I need time to digest what is going on, chew on my frustrations and righteous anger, until I can put words to feelings.

At times, I feel like King David, before he was king, when he determined to fight Goliath. He saw the situation and was not afraid to step up and do battle against evil. David wasn't deterred by Goliath's size or might, knowing that God was on his side. Sometimes, I feel like that, and I want to charge into battle and slay the enemy. But then, there are times when I feel like the rest of the Israelites, cowering in fear as I look upon my frailty and weakness in comparison to the strength and size of my enemy. I lose sight of my biggest ally and the source of my strength and righteous cause.

So much for not commenting on intellectual and insightful topics! I was just going to ramble on about my weekend, my day today, but emotion took control of the keyboard.

Childlike

My nearly twelve year old son, Sam, had an ugly display of attitude this evening. He had been privileged enough to be taken to see Batman Begins with his dad, while his siblings were at the beach with some neighbours. Once Casey and Abby were back home, we waited and waited for Sam's return, because the deadline for delivering their newspapers was quickly approaching. Finally, we set out without Sam to my chagrin. We had delivered nearly half the route when Kane and Sam drove up. I motioned for Sam to get out of the van and help finish the deliveries. He frowned and made no motion to move. This was not the result I was looking for, and I had no patience for it.

Sam did get out and did deliver his newspapers, but he was not happy about it. He cried and pouted and behaved in a very childish manner. I sent him to his bedroom when he finally arrived back home, and later told him to write me a paragraph explaining what he had done, why it was wrong, and what he needed to do to make things right. I was going for a walk to return a video, and I wanted his paragraph finished by the time I returned.

As I walked, I fumed. I was so mad that I could not even string together a complete thought for the first five minutes. I have had enough of stubborn and selfish attitudes from my children. I have little enough patience for such behaviour from people not related to me! Soon enough though, a thought whizzed through my mind so quickly that I nearly missed it, could have if I had let it go. Instead, I pounced on it, held it, and chewed over it for the rest of my walk...nearly an hour.

The thought was how similar God's reaction towards His children must be to mine as a parent. Immediately, I started to negate the thought. After all, God doesn't get angry, but then I stopped. How easy to miss, or overlook, the complete character of God! We love to look upon God as merciful, gracious, loving, and forgiving. Certainly, He is all those things, but also so much more. He is also righteous and holy and the ultimate judge. He does get angry at the folly of mankind. He does punish and allow natural consequences to touch us. I am His child, precious in His sight and much loved. He gave His Son to die for my sins, and so, it is much easier for me to expect forgiveness rather than consider His disappointment and anger over my sin.

In the Lord's eyes, I am a child. Selfish, stubborn, often immature and willful. I offer my heart, then try to yank it away everytime I want my own way. I have accepted His lordship over my life, yet I often do as I please. It is my body. My money. My emotions. My wants and desires. Like a child, I want things my way, at least until I stumble and fall. Then, in childlike faith, I expect God to rescue me and keep me from the fruit of my follies. Oh, foolish child that I am! And just like my own child, all I can do is say that I'm sorry and try not to behave in such a way again. I know my children will fail again and again; so will I. Thankfully, God's character is complete, balanced. Righteous, holy, merciful, gracious, forgiving, and loving.