Wake Up Call

I am trying to look both behind and ahead, but it seems like I am constantly stuck on today. There is so much going on that I am afraid of missing something, so I push the pause button on so many tasks and goals. Staying organized is like trying to climb a steep sand dune, sliding two steps back for every step upward. All my lists, charts and planners can only keep me quasi-organized...so long as I can remember to look at them often. Unfortunately, the things that tend to fall through the cracks first are often the most important!

I stayed home from church yesterday, because Casey was sick. Kane brought home an envelope for me from a friend with a note inside. The message was brief, but it hit me right between the eyes. There was no condemnation, no anger, no finger pointing, just a request for a shoulder to 'cry' on, some friendly support. I suddenly realized that I am so busy living life that I haven't been a very good friend of late.

There have been times when I feel somewhat neglected or lost in the shuffle, especially when I am not in regular contact with my friends. One friend seldom reaches out to 'touch' me, even when I have made the effort to initiate contact, and so I no longer try too hard and attempt not to care too much that I am not in her loop. Still, my heart desires to be a good friend to all my friends, but I fall flat on my face sometimes.

Blindsided

I was feeling rather good when I arrived at work this morning. When I saw the chaos surrounding me, I felt mostly good but a little frustrated, knowing that there doesn't need to be such disorder yet powerless to change it. So I plodded along, doing my job and trying to keep a firm grip on my good mood.

Toward the end of my shift I made a mistake. I innocently asked some questions about our new tip-sharing policies and was quickly snapped at. I tried to explain that I wasn't upset. I wasn't even completely disagreeing, but there are some flaws in the system which are benefiting only a few while leaving others with empty pockets. I do not think I deserve the same amount of tips as those that started work at 5am or 6 am. After all, I started work at 10am, but I went home with no tips at all. However, the employee who started at 8am and the employee that started at 9am both went home without tips, too. How is that fair? At the end of the day, I am not going to whine and complain or lose sleep over whether or not I get tips at my job. Honestly, even before this new sharing policy, there were more days where I got no tips than days that I got any tips worth getting excited about! It's just the nature of the fast food business. But, I didn't really appreciate the huffy response I got for raising a few questions.

So I left work feeling slightly deflated but generally fine. My head hurts, my back is sore, and I am not very excited about cleaning my kitchen or making supper.

I got home and gathered the mail from the mailbox. There was a greeting card-sized envelope with my name on it, hand-written, no less! Excitement bubbled up like an underground spring pushing up through the mud. No return address. Who could it be from? I so seldom get any personal mail I couldn't help but feel thrilled...until I opened it to find a card from a business trying to get my business. All that joy and excitement disappeared in the blink of an eye, leaving me vulnerable to sadness and self-pity.

Family

This photo was taken after our Thanksgiving lunch this past Sunday. Most are members of my family, but one of Kane's brothers is also in the photo. It was good to have family over for a good meal and fellowship.

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Thanksgiving

It is the beginning of Thanksgiving weekend, which is one of my favourite times of the year. Okay, I like any excuse to cook a big turkey meal! What can I say? I love cooking the big meals.


The photo is of an apple pie that I baked earlier this week. Unfortunately, it is no longer with us, having been consumed by the ravenous masses that occupy our home. It was very good, even if the crust was store-bought! I did attempt to make some pie pastry for a second apple pie, but my results were less than wonderful, resulting in a 'wrapper' pie. It wasn't even worth taking a picture of...I can bake lots of things, but pie pastry just seems to be beyond my grasp.


It will be a bit of a busy, crazy weekend. I am off work today, which meant I had last minute running around to do along with regular household stuff. I work a full day tomorrow from 7am to 3pm. After work, I will need to bake pumpkin pies and do some other prep work, so everything is ready to get the turkey in the oven in the morning. No rest for the weary! Sunday is when we'll be digging into the turkey, followed by slipping into near coma-like states after lunch. Monday I am back to work with another full and early day, 6am to 2pm. The nice thing about working Monday is that it is a stat holiday, so I will be working with the part-timers and there is no manager on until later in the day. There is always potential for disaster or chaos on days like that, but I would rather work one of those days than some of the bad days with the full-timers.


Thanksgiving Dinner Menu:

roast turkey, of course!
mashed potatoes
stuffing
gravy
Brussels sprouts
carrots, although I haven't decided if they will be cooked or raw or both
crescent rolls
ham
pickles, an important food group for my kids
pumpkin pie
and possible another dessert option
and my mom will likely make sweet potatoes, not something I enjoy


I have no idea who we can expect for company, but that seems to be the way works with our extended families. We could have anywhere from 7 to 18, although I highly doubt that our numbers will reach that high. My best guess is that we'll have 10-12, including ourselves.

Edited to add:

It looks like we can expect to have 15-17! My bad! I forgot that one of my sisters was living in town again...but it will all be good. Maybe we can even get a family photo with most of the extended family...



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Falling Forward

It's a cool and drizzly kind of day. The past couple of days had me feeling not so great physically. I may not be out of those gloomy woods quite yet, but my attitude is upbeat today. There is a pot of stew simmering on the stove for tonight's supper, and freshly baked banana bread is cooling on the counter. How can you tell it is Autumn?

I am realizing that I need to start remembering to grab a jacket when I head out the door later in the day, that my thin sweater just isn't enough to keep me warm when the sun goes down for the night. My feet are beginning to feel the chill, although I will hold off on wearing socks for as long as I possibly can! We turned the furnace on a few days ago, but we have it set low enough that it has barely kicked in. So far. I have pulled out my fleece pyjamas and magic bags to keep me toasty warm, and both quilts are in use instead of just the top sheet. The thought of an Iced Capp doesn't entice me the way it once did, and I find myself thinking about steaming mugs of Earl Grey tea instead.

As much as I realize that warm weather is passing us by with winter weather soon to arrive, I must say that I am also finding myself a little at odds with it. A part of my brain isn't ready for fall, let alone winter, thinking that we're still in the midst of summer. Sam is still playing tennis, although I came home from his last tennis session with icicles for fingers and toes! We are still watering our grass, new as it is, and doing yard work typically reserved for the spring. Our maple trees are typically late in dropping their leaves, so there isn't quite an aura of autumn around our house. At least not for one part of my brain...

Welcome to Fright Night!

Blogging and journaling tend to take a back seat to life, which is rather silly since journaling should flow out of life...



Here is an overview of my life this week, which is very much like every other week since mid-September. Keep in mind that my work schedule fluctuates from week to week.



Monday, September 28 (I just realized that was only yesterday! Just goes to show how overloaded I am...)
-drop Casey off at school at 8:20
-work 9:00 until 2:00
-home to shower & change and wait for Abby to get home from school
-several minutes of surprise, anger, dismay, frustration, and resignation when a friend came home with Abby, even though I had told the mother that this particular day would not work!
-2:50 leave the house for Abby's dental appointment with friend in tow; frantic cell phone calls en route for mother to pick her daughter up at the dentist's office
-meanwhile, Casey is finished school and beginning volleyball practice from 3:00 until roughly 4:30
-also meanwhile, Sam is finishing school and catching a ride with a teacher to the Rec. Centre for school tennis games from 4:00 until 5:00
-3:45ish Abby is finished having her teeth cleaned, but it takes ten minutes to sort through the paperwork before we can leave.
-4:00ish hit the Subway next door to the dental office for a sandwich for Sam and realize that I forgot to bring Sam's water jug with me
-change of plans...drop Abby off at home around 4:25 and pick up Sam's water jug
-arrive at the Rec. Centre to watch the last half hour of Sam's school tennis
-Sam has tennis lessons at the Rec. Centre (thank the Lord the lessons are at the same courts!) from 5:00 until 6:30, hence the Subway sandwich I brought along for Sam to quickly eat between his tennis sessions
-arrive home around 6:30 and scrounge in the fridge for some supper
-relax, because that was only one day!



Tuesday
-start a load of laundry, the dishwasher, and do some light tidying between 8:00 and 9:00am
-at 9:00 go to my work place to meet a co-worker. She had some plants to give me.
-9:30ish pick up a few grocery essentials
-10:00 arrive at library to return and pick-up books
-10:45 arrive back home to change loads of laundry, put away groceries, and unload plants
-11:00 have lunch
-put plants into the ground, etc.
-1:00 change loads of laundry
-enjoy some down-time for a little while
-most Tuesdays (but not today) Sam has an after school class from 3:30 until 5:00, so he would need to be picked up from school
-6:00 parent meeting at Sam's school


Wednesday, September 30
-no work today but probably a bit of running around scoping out camping equipment for Sam's Outdoor Ed. class trip mid-October
-maybe do some baking?! It will depend on how insane I am in the morning.
-Casey has volleyball practice again after school, same duration
-Sam has both school tennis and tennis lessons, same times as Monday
-Abby has a church pre-teen club from 6:30 until 8:00
-Kane has a men's church group from 7:00 until 9:00, which means I need to go pick Abby up at 8:00


Thursday, October 1
-I work 10:00 until 2:00
-Casey has a volleyball game from 4:45 to 6:45 at a school in a neighbouring city
-Abby has a church drama/music group from 3:30 until 4:45
-Sam has a dental appointment at 4:00, which means I will need to pick him up from school before I drop Abby off at church (hopefully! Abby's friend will likely complicate things.)
-after Sam's appointment (if it doesn't take too long), pick Abby up from church and head to Casey's volleyball


Friday, October 2
-no work today
-will likely need to catch up on laundry and housework and errands
-Casey is supposed to have a volleyball tournament today and on Saturday
-Abby has a babysitter's course tonight
-I'll be in bed by 9:00


Saturday, October 3
-I work 6:00am to 2:00pm
-Abby has a babysitter's course from 9:00 to 2:30
-Casey has a volleyball tournament


Sunday, October 4 is currently a free day! Hopefully, we'll make it to church and continue our new tradition of 'family night'. Other than that, it will be a day of relaxing and catching up.

Next week is more of the same, less the dental appointments (though there are at least a couple more scheduled in the near future), tournament, and babysitter's course. I don't know my work schedule for next week yet, and Sam wraps up both tennis sessions on October 7th. Abby's friend will be coming to our house after school until her mom is finished work. I am not sure if it will be an every day kind of thing or just a few times a week. The family is Korean, and I often struggle to understand the mother and vice-versa. She usually picks her daughter up around 3:30, which isn't normally a problem, but it is this week with the dental appointments!

From Blah to Yeah!

(Blogger apparently loads the photos in the opposite order that I do, so these are seen in reverse order.)

The front yard is looking good, but we still have work to do before I can say that it is a project completed.

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Bobcats and Back to School

Today is the first full day back to school!


The weather is grey, cool and rainy, but I love it. I feel optimistic and excited for the year, like I've just woken from a long, deep sleep.


The haircut helped, so did colouring my hair. I knew that I was frustrated and tired of my 'old' hair, but I am still surprised by how much I feel like a new person since the haircut!


The cooler weather helped. I like summer. I like the sunshine. But I love autumn more! As much as I prefer to be sockless and shoeless, I'd take cool, crisp fall weather any day.


The end of summer helped. I worked a lot over the summer, which is typical for my summers, but crazy. Returning to "regular" routines always feels like a breath of fresh air. Life won't be any less crazy, but at least there is routine to the madness and I don't need to get up at an obscene hour every day!


The bobcat in the front yard is helping! Kane and I have finally come to agreement on the basic plans for the front yard. As I type, the front yard has been leveled, and the first load of topsoil has been dropped off. By the end of the day, we will have the shaping of a yard with berms around the edges. There is still lots of work to do, but it is exciting to see progress and change.

After!

I like it! A lot! But it will probably never look exactly like this again. The hair-dresser straightened my hair (knowing that I am not likely to do it myself), so normally there would be a bit of wave and curl.

My head feels so much lighter, my hair feels healthier already, and this style should work with my extremely low-maintenance system. It is rather nice to have hair that feels weightless!





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Before

This is the 'before' picture, taken only minutes ago. It certainly isn't anything special, and I don't exactly like looking at photos of myself, but it is a reminder of what I look like at this moment in time. In four hours I will be sitting myself down in a hair-dresser's chair and placing my trust into a stranger's hands.

I cannot remember when I last had my haircut, except to say that it has been a very long time! I've been fretting over split ends since the spring, so I know that a haircut was overdue even months ago. The thing is that I can never fully decide what I want to do with my hair, and so I put it off and put it off until my hair drives me crazy and I can't stand it any longer. Probably not the best way to do things, but it is how I operate, at least with my hair.

I am looking forward to the haircut, although I still don't know what I want! When I booked my appointment, I said that I didn't know what I wanted, except for someone to take a look at my hair, my face shape, and create a new me. The voice on the other end of the phone seemed to understand my request and seemed eager to take on the challenge. Now I just hope that she is as good as her enthusiasm.

I don't think I am an overly vain person. I am not the type of person to primp and preen in front of the mirror. I do want to look nice, but I am not willing to spend loads of time and money on the effort. I am too cheap to make regular six week trips to the hair-dresser. While I do have some styling products in my bathroom cupboard, I can't be bothered to use them, except for special occasions. My hands are all thumbs when it comes to using curling irons and blow dryers, so I seldom use them. Okay, so I haven't used a curling iron in at least a decade and only own one because I bought one for my pre-teen daughter, but I have used my 20 year old blow dryer at least once in the past year. (Twice if you include using it to defrost my upright freezer!)

So, I am placing my hair into a stranger's hands. It is a little scary but exciting. There is a box of hair colour in my bathroom cupboard waiting to be applied to my new head of hair in a couple of days. Unfortunately, grey hairs are starting to show, but I wanted to wait until the split ends were gone before colouring.

'After' photos to come...

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Strike!

I could get used to this, I think!

I went on strike Wednesday evening. I had had enough of my children asking for the world and doing little in return. A quick family meeting was called to order, so that I could proclaim my temporary resignation from laundry, meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking/baking, and all other housework from the time of that meeting until the kids go to bed Saturday night, with the additional threat of an extension if results were less than favorable. They would even be woken up when I got up each morning, including 5:30 AM on Saturday! I told the kids that they were responsible for three suppers and Saturday's lunch and would have a $100 budget for any groceries over those days.

It has been interesting to see how the kids have had to deal with the menu planning and grocery shopping. Of course, they want to include pop and chips and candy...until they start to realize how much real food costs! They got off easy for supper last night, as Sam, Kane and I were at a tennis wind-up. Tonight's supper is spaghetti and Caesar salad. Tomorrow's supper is tacos. They have decided that tomorrow's lunch will be tuna melts and/or grilled cheese and leftovers.

I took Sam and Abby to the grocery store this afternoon to purchase their groceries and gave them some tips and advice on getting the most bang for the buck. Sam has always been rather thrifty with his own money, but Abby likes to spend every penny she gets as soon as it touches her hands. I think it was eye-opening for her to realize how much even some basic groceries can cost and the range of prices depending upon brands and serving sizes. They did a good job today. They had spent $25 on a few things Wednesday night, which left them with $75 for the rest of their groceries. They wound up spending $45 and even managed to include their pop and chips (although they were the last things put in the cart)!

The real test is yet to come though...the cooking, the baking, and the cleaning! Spaghetti and tacos are not difficult meals to prepare. In fact, they have been responsible for making tacos on more than one occasion, but they still need to work together which always presents a challenge. Abby wants to bake cookies tonight. I think she can do it. Then there are their regular chores and "my" chores of cleaning the toilet and tub. I expect to come home from work tomorrow to a sparkling clean house. The kids are not happy about being woken up at 5:30 tomorrow morning, but this is a one time thing, and if I can do it so can they!

Yes, I could get used to this!

17 and Counting...

Kane and I were married 17 years ago today! We're going out for dinner in a couple of hours. It should be a nice, relaxing, enjoyable evening...but I'm already starving.

Forgiveness

While cleaning earlier this week, I came across a notebook that I used for taking sermon notes. Coincidentally or not, the earliest, and perhaps most pertinent sermon note to myself, was dated August 21, 2005-exactly 4 years ago today! It is no big deal, but I often notice stuff like that. What is important is the topic of forgiveness, which was the theme of the sermon. Forgiveness is often a timely topic to touch on, because it is difficult to go through life without being hurt or wronged.


On a deeper level, this is an applicable topic for me when I consider a severed relationship. I would like to believe that I have forgiven this friend, but I have my doubts. I would like to think that I am a big enough person to have already forgiven and moved on with my life, but I know my frailties all too well. My memory can be very good, especially when it comes to recalling something I truly don't need to remember. Sometimes there is a warped sense of righteousness to be found within our pain, and so we keep our wounds fresh. It isn't pretty.


Life is busy and often crazy, and I've allowed myself to drift with the current, content merely to hold my head above the water and exist. I have been lackadaisical with forgiveness, because I have lost sight of what it truly means and entails.

Forgiveness is not denying that a hurt happened, nor does it require forgetting the transgression. It is not the same thing as trusting; trust is earned! Forgiveness is an action, an act of my will, not a feeling. Forgiveness breaks a cycle (revenge never gets even!) and carries a cost. (What that cost is I cannot say! I suspect that the cost varies from person to person and depends upon each situation.) Most importantly, forgiveness heals...me! There is an emotional toll to being at odds with someone. Why not let go of the bitterness and let God be God? I am only responsible for myself.

It is difficult to accept that summer is drawing to an end. I think time flies regardless of whether one is having fun or not! Of course, I don't want to imply that I am not having fun, although work hasn't always been enjoyable this summer and life has been rather uninteresting. Here we are with scarcely two weeks left in August, followed by a few days of bonus time before the kids return to school...feels like just last week that they were set free for summer break!


I've been enjoying the change in weather of the past week. We had the rainiest day ever, which was lovely, even if I was stuck inside at work most of the day. The rainy days didn't disrupt life for us, and we enjoyed the cooler temps and fresh air. I was able to bake muffins one day, and I even baked bread this morning, although the temps are starting to climb again. I think the extreme highs are gone for good until next summer; I don't mind. I like warm weather, but I really enjoy crisp, fall weather, when a cup of tea hits the spot, a sweater or throw blanket makes you comfy, and the smell of fireplaces tickles the nose while you're walking outside. Oh yeah! I'm ready for that kind of weather!


Looking ahead to the fall, I have begun gathering school supplies and sorting through the kids' clothes and shoes. I cannot help but feel the urge to purge once again. There is always more junk to toss or give away to someone who sees it as treasure. Someday my house will be clutter-free, I hope. The biggest obstacle in my way is time. With my busier work schedule, I don't have very many consecutive free days. Most of my free days are crunch days. This is what this week looks like for me: work day, free day, work day, free day, and on it goes. My rhythm and momentum comes to a crashing halt when there is a day-long gap, not to mention the fact that I still have a dozen other things to take care of on my days off! Aargh. Sigh.

I am woefully behind but such is life!

The blog theme for August is 'tomorrow', and tomorrow is a day that I am looking forward to...and the next one, and the one after that! The next three days are days off work for me, and so I am excited to be able to:

-sleep in, although it is unlikely that I will sleep too late
-go to the library
-catch up on laundry and housework (I know that isn't terribly exciting, but I hate it when everything falls too far behind)
-stay up late if I want to, because I really don't like going to bed at 9:00pm
-do some cooking and maybe even some baking, especially if the weather remains on the cooler side


Last week was a crazy, busy week of work. I had nearly 40 hours which is not a typical week for me, and my back was feeling the effects by day 4. Last week was also not a very good week in terms of work environment. Saturday was a good day though. This week is closer to what I am used to, and I am glad.

August Rush

It's been too hot, and I've been too busy to do much more than work and exist. Today is somewhat cooler, only 27 degrees Celsius, but I would really appreciate a couple days of rain. We have also been experiencing a lot of smoke and ash in the air from the Terrace Mountain fire across the lake. My throat has been somewhat sore for the past couple of weeks, and I'm sure the smoke is the cause.

The police caught the kid who stole Sam's friend's shoes. They caught him the next morning. T has had to do the police line up and go to court, and there is still the possibility that Sam may be required in court as well, but we haven't heard anything further at this point. I still find that whole situation rather mind-boggling! It is one of those things that you hear about in the big cities, not where you live.

Sam has been doing well in his summer tennis league. Last week, he pulled off a major upset by defeating the best player in the league. Sam started off strong winning the first four games, struggled a bit and lost the next four, but wound up winning in a tie-breaker! It was an exciting game to watch.

I am working a lot this week, because several key staff are away this week. I still have three more full days left in my week, but the following week looks a little more relaxed.

Sam looks to be travelling to Vancouver this weekend to watch some of the Vancouver Open (tennis). He will be going with his tennis coach and a couple of other boys from the league. It should be a fun time for him.

Mugged

Sam phoned me last night shortly before 11:00 pm. I was expecting this call, assuming that it was now time to pick him up from his friend's house, but what I heard was something quite unexpected. Sam's friend T had been robbed while they were walking to meet another friend. The full scope of what could have been wasn't revealed until I had picked Sam up.

Sam and T were walking to meet a friend. They entered a playground/park area nestled within a subdivision and were surrounded by a group of 6 or 7 young people. This group told the boys that this was their park and made other comments before letting Sam and T walk on. They didn't get too far though before two of the young people got back into Sam and T's faces. Sam started to back up, while one guy, holding a knife, told T to give him his shoes or get stabbed. T took off his shoes, and everyone left. T called the police on his cell phone. The police came. Sam and T were driven back to T's house in the police car and questioned. T did recognize one of the group (not one of the two though) and provided that name to the police.

Both Sam and T were scared and shaken up when this happened and for a little bit after, but they both appeared steady and okay by the time I picked Sam up. I handled it well, although I am still somewhat shocked that this even happened in the first place...and over a pair of shoes! T had on a pair of new and expensive shoes. Sam also had on a new pair of shoes, but I don't spend a hundred dollars on a pair of shoes! I guess the thieves weren't interested in a $30 pair of shoes from Wal-Mart, and I'm okay with that. What does bother me is the fact that a group of teenage boys acted in such a hostile and threatening way towards two teenage boys just minding their own business, and then threatening them with a knife! Even if a knife had never come into play, a gang of 6 or 7 teenage boys could still inflict a lot of damage if they wanted to. I am thankful that all that was taken was a pair of shoes and a bit of innocence!

T phoned Sam this morning to say that the police had caught the guy with the shoes. T will have to pick him out of a line up.

Start Your Engines

Sam passed his knowledge test yesterday and officially has his "learner's license"! Now the real fun begins...

TGIF

Tomorrow is Friday! It is not just another day on the calender. It is also the 'Friday' of my work week, and it has been a very long week, indeed. Tomorrow will be my fourth shift this week, and each day has felt impossibly long and heavy and not just because of the forest fires and hazy skies.

It began nearly two weeks ago, when I went to work on a Monday morning and wound up somehow in the middle of one of the worst work days ever. I've not yet recovered.

I've been told by my boss that the matter has been talked about and dealt with, that there was miscommunication and hurt feelings, but my problem is that her definition of the matter being 'dealt with' is vastly different than mine. The co-worker that made that shift miserable for myself and others has not apologized for her behaviour or her words, and she never will. She never apologizes! And therein lies part of my lingering problem...I know that she won't apologize, and so I feel perpetually slighted and trod on. There is no genuine joy in the act of going to work each morning. Instead I feel empty and leaden. A fake smile gets pasted on for customers as I go through the motions of doing my job with heavy heart and hands. Sadly, I don't think I am the only one feeling such tension and weariness at work.

Most days I truly do enjoy doing what I do. It isn't glamorous, and it won't make me rich, but it is usually fun and busy work, with just enough routine to balance out the constant changes. I am good at what I do and, while I have become pretty good at rolling with the punches, I still get caught by a sucker-punch every once in a while. I recover well, most of the time. As much as I like my job I know that it is just a job. But it is never enjoyable working with tension as thick as pea soup or egos that have been allowed to grow to gargantuan proportions. This co-worker can be a good person to work with. Unfortunately, she is also often the source of toxicity in the workplace environment.

The heaviness I feel comes from the knowledge that nothing will change. This co-worker is a good friend of the boss and has far too much "power" to ever give it up. She won't change. The situation won't change. She and the boss talked, so everything is supposed to be fixed, except that their little chat doesn't repair the damage inflicted on others. This incident has basically been swept away, and we're all supposed to return to being a big happy family.

Someday I'll look forward to going to work again but not just yet.

Ring of Fire

We've been down this road once before, nearly six years ago, but familiarity does not necessarily bring comfort. Fires are raging in our area, although this time across the lake and directly affecting a neighbouring community. We once lived within that community, worked and played and attended church there. Friends live there and acquaintances, co-workers. Thousands have been evacuated, while many more are filled with the uncertainty of being on evacuation alert. My family is safe from evacuation and flame, but we breathe, smell and taste smoke even within our home. Rain would be most lovely right about now. Instead we have more wind and sun.