Oops! I Did it Again

Just as I crawled into bed late last night I realized that I had not blogged for the day! The computer was already shut off, the house was dark, and I needed to try and fall asleep before my husband's snoring reached epic levels.

Yesterday was a somewhat productive way. I baked homemade buns and banana bread. Abby and I went to the library. Some chores got done. I attempted to turn on our old computer in the hopes of finding a program that I need, but the monitor wouldn't work. The power light came on but nobody was home! I stubbornly tried to hook up our new monitor to the old computer, but the new monitor has an extra connection that the old computer isn't' set up for...so a no go there, too.

It is frustrating this computer problem that I am dealing with, and the timing could not be worse. I feel very minuscule right now, because this problem illuminates my ignorance with 10 000 watt bulb. I can't even pass the problem onto someone else in the baseball association, because I don't even know how to pass along the program! I am not really keen on wasting a day or more calling the help desk, especially as I've been told that very few employees know anything about this program!

Monday, Monday

I don't exactly feel like blogging right now, but I know that I won't have time later.

I stopped by the workplace around 1pm and was blown away by how quiet and empty it looked and felt. By now it is closed and virtually empty with a temporary trailer store out front. Weirdness!

The kids and I reclaimed the deck this morning by taking all the empty beverage containers to the depot. We collected $39.70 for our efforts which I divided evenly between the kids, keeping the 70 cents for myself. I'm glad that job is done. Now we can work on cleaning up the deck...

I still need to solve my computer issue, but it will keep until tomorrow or the next day.

Abby has had a headache since yesterday. My own head isn't feeling too great right this minute.

Must Sleep, My Preciouss

So, I was awake at 5:00 am yesterday morning in order to go and work a full, busy day. Came home from work and puttered around, made supper, watched a movie and, because I am a night owl, didn't go to bed until about midnight. I was quite tired by then and was just falling into dreamland when Kane started snoring. I was awake. Only mildly irritated because I knew I was so tired that I'd be asleep in no time I changed position and closed my eyes again.

Then Kane got out of bed to go sleep on the sofa in the living room. He heads out there frequently when he is worried that his snoring will keep me awake (how thoughtful!) or when his mind won't shut off and he's having trouble sleeping. Of course, I usually hear him get up and leave and wake up. No problem...change position and close my eyes and drift into sleep.

Then I heard my bedroom door pop open. Our door doesn't always close easily, because of the shifting of the house throughout the seasons, so we close it just until it sticks. Maggie the cat can open the door if she puts her head to it, and this was what woke me up for the third time. Sigh! I got up to avail myself of the bathroom and closed the door most of the way once again (I need darkness), settled into bed, closed my eyes and headed toward dreamland.

Then I was awakened by little feet walking on the bed and over my legs. The cat was back in my room! She must not have found a comfortable spot to curl up, because she jumped back down to the floor and left the room. I followed with another trip to the bathroom before once again laying down to sleep.

Or tried to sleep. By now I was wide awake and my hips were sore enough to make sleeping on my side unlikely. I hate sleeping on my back, even though I've had no choice but to sleep that way for a couple of months now. A glance at the clock showed a time of 1:22am.

Eventually I did fall asleep, only to be dragged out of sleep several more times through the night by my busy bladder. I hate nights like that!

Finished!

Today was a much better day than I had expected, but I'm still glad that it is over! My feet are sore, the headache is still with me. The sun is shining, and it truly feels like spring outside. A very good day!

Friday

It was a good day. I think. Breaks got done, chores got done, tills and deposit were done. I don't think there were any major issues at work. Except for my headache, this blasted headache!

I've taken extra-strength Tylenol twice this morning with no change. All I really want to do is lay down and close my eyes, but I can't. No napping allowed when I need to go to bed early tonight and get up early tomorrow. I can sleep all I want after 2pm tomorrow! However, I can spread out on the sofa with a book and the remote control.

Even though it was a good day at work, it was a very long day. I think I slept quite well last night, but I've been rather tired since about 7:30am. My feet hurt, my back is achy, and I'm sure that some of my pelvic/low back bones are out of whack. Maybe all this has combined together to create my headache, or maybe the headache is just because.

Only 8 more hours!

16 Hours

It's Thursday today, or so I have to keep reminding myself. This week is a little muddled in my mind, and I am having difficulty keeping days straight. Yesterday felt like Saturday, today felt like Friday. Hopefully that doesn't mean that tomorrow will feel like Monday! That would not be good at all.

I have two more days of work yet this week, but I've already worked more hours over the previous three days than I usually do in an entire week. No wonder I'm a little messed up. Only 16 hours more to go before my 'virtually' month long sabbatical.

Today was a day off though nothing spectacular. I ran off a bunch of photocopies at Dittos for the upcoming baseball season. I dropped off money and registration form for Abby at the church; she's going on an outing tomorrow. I went to the library and the grocery store. Once at home I spent a chunk of time entering some baseball schedules into the computer, only to discover at the end that what I was entering didn't end up on the website! I can't figure out what the problem is, but I need to fix the problem soon. It won't be too long before I'll have a whack of schedules to enter and coaches relying on the website being up-to-date in order to book fields.

This is the type of situation where I feel utterly pathetic. I have no computer skills or knowledge aside from what I've picked up or stumbled upon over the years that we've owned a computer. I know more than my husband and probably even my kids, but I am still highly limited in my knowledge. And stumbling along can only get you so far. I'm definitely stumbling along blind right now!

In the midst of my stumbling, my husband phoned to inquire as to the status of his wallet. He thought it might be in the pocket of a jacket hanging in the closet. It was. So, I drove across town to "buy" my husband lunch and put his wallet into his hands. It was a little frustrating to be removed from my computer problem, but a little time with my husband is a good thing.

Back at home I pondered my problem again with no results, sent off a message to a friend with much more computer knowledge than I, and curled up with a book for an hour or so before making supper.

Not exactly a rewarding or productive day, but it was a nice day, even if I kept thinking it was Friday! Now I need to slow myself right down, not because I've been revved up all day, but because I need to get to bed early (preferably by 9pm). My day begins at 5:10am when the alarm will jerk me out of a very good dream, and it won't end until I've taken the deposit to the bank around 2pm. Okay, so the day won't truly end at 2pm, but at least I'll be off work and able to relax. Then, I get to do it all again on Saturday. The only difference being that my month of freedom begins at 2pm on Saturday, sort of.

Only 16 hours...

Hump Day

I hit my head yesterday; hard on the edge of the counter top in the kitchen. It wasn't the brightest thing to have done, but it was one of those things that you really don't plan on doing and instantly regret once it occurs. During supper preparations I dropped something on the floor, bent at the waist to pick it up, stood up at full speed, and WHAM! Did that ever hurt!

I finished making supper while balancing an ice pack on the top of my head. I ate my supper while balancing the ice pack on my head. I took some Advil and somehow managed to delay the inevitable headache for a couple of hours. By the time I went to bed last night, the headache was in full throb; the Advil may as well have been candy.

I've got a nice lump on the top of my head and a headache, although the pain isn't excessive at the moment.

I made it through my little 4 hour shift at work today, even though it was not as smooth and fun as the previous two days. There are several reasons why that could be...physical exhaustion, headache, the manager on duty, a change in co-worker dynamics, or just the fact that it was Wednesday. It's over now though.

A day off! Yeah! I can sleep in. Bliss.

Tuesday

The sun is shining! It's been a good day so far, and I am happy.

The atmosphere at work was relaxed and upbeat, and I know that the lack of management played a big role in that. I have no idea how the rest of the staff would rate my performance of running the show, but I think it was a good day, nonetheless. Everything flowed smoothly. Breaks were completed in a timely fashion. The 'changing of the tills' went like clockwork. We even made a couple of service times in the morning. We had a lot of laughs, too, which is always indicative of a good day.

Tomorrow I can sleep in just a little bit, since I do not work until 10am. There is a manager on duty though, so the day might not be as idyllic as today. I am choosing to believe that it will still be a good day.

Thursday is a free day, and I'm already planning on a trip to the library to replenish my reading stock. I finished off the final book from the last trip this afternoon.

Friday and Saturday are early, long days. I am the "manager" for Friday, and this is truly a solo flight. There will be no manager finishing a grave-yard shift, no manager/baker in the back. No manager coming on when I am off at 2pm. Just me! I can do it, but it is still a little disconcerting.

Saturday is the day that could be less than what I am hoping for. A junior manager is working the same hours as I am, but she doesn't know how to do the tills, so that job will be mine. However, this manager does not normally work a morning shift, and her work ethic has me dreading the day. She managed to throw my perfectly engineered shift into chaos after only one half hour a couple of months ago. She's used to working late into the night when she has students to boss around while she hangs out in the back. Oh me, oh my!

But I can even do Saturday, because I have the next month off work. Except for Saturdays. In a teeny, tiny trailer with room for only 4 staff.

Monday

One day done, four more to go. Bedtime will come early for me tonight, so that I can be somewhat alive at 5:00 am. I am in charge tomorrow, no manager on duty until I am done work. Wednesday is a short shift with a manager on duty. I'm off Thursday-yeah! Friday has me in charge on my own again. Saturday will see me working with a junior manager, but I'll still be the one doing the tills and deposit. This junior manager doesn't have that great of a work ethic either, so it could be an interesting day.

Give It To Me

This week was going to be a long one anyway, but over the last day and a half it has become even longer. I was originally scheduled to work 4 days this week, 22 or 23 hours. My boss called me yesterday to ask if I could extend my Friday shift, because one of our managers had to leave unexpectedly to see her ailing father in Alberta. Then, my boss called this afternoon to ask if I could come in on Tuesday to cover that same manager's shift, and I agreed. Now I have five shifts totalling 33.5 hours; my only day off is Thursday.

The good news in all this is that for most of these shifts I will be "in charge", at least for a good portion of the shift. I will be ringing off tills and doing paperwork. I don't mind that. I like the responsibility, the power, especially as I am not officially in management. Aside from the sad nature of G.'s unexpected trip, I am glad to have the opportunity to work without G there throwing wrenches in the gears.

G is a nice lady, but her work ethic leaves much to be desired at times, and I know that I can do a better job of running the show. I did it every Saturday last August!

But, on the flip side, I'm not sure that I am thrilled with the amount of work I will be doing this week. It is a lot for me, who is used to working 16-20 hours a week. I'm not afraid of hard work, but I know that my back is already achy and won't appreciate the extra hours of bending and standing on the hard floor. The multiple early morning shifts are going to be taxing, because I have difficulty getting enough sleep in order to be up at 5am. I do it for Saturdays, secure in the knowledge that it is just one day a week and I have the next day off. That little stretching of the truth can fool me once a week, but I don't know that it has the strength to carry me through the week. I have a very strong feeling that it is going to be a long and exhausting week, but I will persevere.

I have no choice really; however, with the renovations set to begin next week, I can focus on the horizon, knowing that several weeks of free time are almost here.

I missed posting yesterday. Yes, I suck. I told myself that I would get on the computer to post after supper, but then supper plans changed direction and I forgot. Oh well, I'm over it!

Work was hit and miss today. As much as I don't enjoy getting up at 5am on Saturdays, I do look forward to the work. Saturdays are typically busy and a little crazy because of all the student workers, but the busyness makes the day go quickly and I'd rather have the craziness than the drama with the full-timers.

I went to bed around 9pm last night and fell asleep rather quickly (amazing!), but I woke up about 20 minutes later and was then wide awake for more than an hour. When the alarm intruded on my sleep, I was just about to take a photography course with Clark Kent. (sigh!)

Most of the time at work was a combination of frustration, annoyance, and catastrophe, but things perked up toward the end. I'm really looking forward to work next Friday and Saturday now that I've been told that a certain manager won't be there and I will be doing cashes and basically running the show. I could almost do a happy dance...or maybe I already did!

Today

This is not the day that I was hoping to have. Whether because of the recent time change or reasons unknown, I have been so tired of late. Waking up has become extremely difficult. I am not a morning person, yet I shut off the alarm as soon as it buzzes and get out of bed, even if I am still tired and groggy. This past Sunday I used the snooze button for the first time in a very long time, longer than I can remember. This morning, I was so tempted to hit that snooze button (and really could have allowed myself that luxury as I have my clock set ten minutes ahead), but I didn't. Still, I didn't roll out of bed right away and found my eyes too heavy to open. I finally dragged myself out of bed when I realized that I was "dreaming" of removing my wrist splints (I wear them at night) but I hadn't truly taken them off.

I'm more or less awake now. At least I am dressed and have already run to Wal-mart and the gas station. I've even eaten lunch and sucked back an Iced Capp in the hopes of a little caffeine-induced mental clarity. The problem is that I feel a nasty headache in the works, although it isn't progressing as rapidly as I thought it might. Maybe it won't reach critical mass after all.

My plans for the day weren't anything special; they seldom are. I live a boring, normal life. The only thing that I truly had to do was get to Wal-mart for new ink cartridges for the printer, as Sam needs to print off stuff for his homework tonight and the ink was running low. Aside from that errand, and putting gas into my almost empty tank, I have no reason to leave the house until tonight. The kitchen is a bit of a disaster though, but I'm not sure that I can make myself stand at the sink today. My back does not like standing at the sink and has no qualms about letting me know its' displeasure, which is something I would be wise to avoid doing since my back has been bothering me a fair bit lately.

The back is frustrating. I can go through most of my normal activities now without too much bother. I can even do most of my work activities without too much bother, but there are still things that will make my back achy. Standing over my kitchen sink is one of those things. Perching myself on the wrong kind of seat is another. Sleeping on my back is a huge one, but I have had little choice but to sleep in that position for the past several weeks. It is taking a toll on my back, and I felt every little ache and pain this morning as I rolled out of bed. The spasms are the worst, though thankfully they tend to be short-lived. It's like my entire back seizes up, and every breath or movement sends tendrils of pain throughout my back. When a spasm hits, I can't take a breath without pain. I cannot move without pain. I love it when a spasm hits just as I am reaching out the drive-thru window at work!

But back to my day...

Or my headache which is focusing twin laser beams right above each eye.

I will do what I can in the kitchen, leaving the hand-washing of dishes to others. I will ensure that the living room is tidy and will make supper tonight. I will probably read and maybe even nap later this afternoon.

Today is my Sunday; back to work tomorrow. My schedule next week is a little fuller than it has been with four shifts instead of three, but the kids will be on Spring Break and after those shifts I will be off work for 3 or 4 weeks. The second week of Spring Break will be blissful and sweet...no need to get up with the alarm clock! Now that's my kind of morning!

(For)Giving

I don't think I've seen C. since last May, early June at the latest, and yet there is hardly a day that goes by without my mind drifting in her direction. Memory lane isn't always smoothly paved with warm fuzzies. Whether I am pushed that direction or I step onto that road myself, I tend to look at that horizon dispassionately, much the same way high school students look at their history textbooks.



C. and I have history, and that's all that we have left of our friendship. It isn't what I wanted, and I can only wonder how she feels about our history and lack of future. I've asked and received only silence in reply.

Most of our history is good and does evoke warm fuzzy feelings inside me, but the more recent memories are rather bittersweet and then heartbreaking. If I don't look back with dispassion, at least over the past four years, then I feel too much, too deeply and I am overwhelmed. I know that there are all sorts of feelings bubbling beneath the surface: anger, sadness, bitterness, pain, to name but a few. The majority of those feelings are dangerous whether they are left to fester or encouraged to grow. I think I've worked through most of those ones...

The problem with feelings is that seldom are they so easily dispatched, over and done with! Just when I think I've moved beyond the sharp, stabbing pain, I find myself snubbed once more and the knife in my back twists again. Bitterness? Dealt with...until a random comment from someone unaware flashes bitter memories before my eyes. Joy replaces sadness until I stumble across a note, a card, a gift once given out of love and friendship.

Forgiveness, too, seems to be an ongoing process. I think I've forgiven C. for what was said and done, but I am oh so quick to snatch back my wounded pride at the drop of a hat or the remembrance of flaming arrows. Perhaps the act of complete forgiveness is so difficult because, in forgiving C., I also then need to forgive myself. How quickly I fall prey to doubt and insecurity! Did I do enough? Should I have said this or that or nothing at all? Did I give up too quickly? Or not soon enough? Was there anything I could have done that would have made a difference? What kind of person am I that my friendship is not worth hanging onto?

And it is exactly that inward forgiveness that is so difficult to give! I can forgive C. a hundred times over. Even when those nasty feelings rear their ugly heads I can still choose to forgive and let go, but it is a thousand times more difficult to shake off the lies and doubts and accusations whispering in my ear.

A Little of This, A Little of That

I have a post swirling around inside my head that fits in with the NaBloPoMo theme of Giving (Up), but I am finding myself unable, or unwilling, to sit down and get started. Maybe I'm afraid of where getting started will lead...I don't know. What I do know is that it isn't the kind of post that I can just toss out there in a few minutes. It will take a good chunk of time and space, because the microscope will be focused on me. All that to say that such a post is a coming but not today!

It's my weekend, and it just so happens to be a long weekend! I'm off work until Friday, and I'm getting a little excited as each work shift comes and goes. Our store will be undergoing renovations beginning March 23rd, so I won't be working for 3-4 weeks. Technically, we will still be open, operating out of a trailer, but hours will be scarce so I volunteered to take the time off. However, I did also volunteer to be available for work on Saturdays, if needed, and I have a feeling that they will "need" me those Saturdays and I will be working. But, it will all be good, I think.

I should have gone to the gym this morning, but I didn't. I haven't been to the gym since Wednesday. Assuming that I don't make it there today, I could go to the gym tomorrow, but I am a little leery about going during the day, unsure of just how busy it will be. Guess I should just suck it up!

Instead of hitting the gym, I hit Superstore for groceries. The non-perishables are still waiting to be put away; I had to eat lunch first.

Late last night I finished the second of the three Quick Read books I checked out of the library last Friday. I read Scarpetta first, loved it and was sad that it ended as quickly as it did. Then I read the Clive Cussler book. This was the book with the most pages and I knew it would take the longest to read regardless of how many pages. I was right. Scarpetta was finished in 1.5 days. The Cussler book took 2.5 days. I started the Patterson book this morning and had reached the 21st chapter after a half hour. Even with time lost through grocery shopping, I'm still already 1/3 of the way through the book and will easily finish it today. Patterson's books really are simple reading...at least for me. But it is good-I can return these books to the library tomorrow or Thursday when I have time to make that 'out of the way' trip rather than scrambling to get to the library on Friday between work and everything else.

Casey's school volleyball play-offs are now here. He plays tonight, but I don't know what could happen beyond these games. The team hasn't been too successful, but I'd much rather watch volleyball than basketball and I think Casey's better at volleyball, too.

Several things seem to be wrapping up. Tomorrow is the final night of Abby's 56 Club which is a church program for kids in grades 5 and 6. Sam's last night of school badminton is Thursday. With volleyball also ending, we could suddenly find our evenings wide open and free! For a little while at least.

Baseball season is rapidly approaching. There is an expectation of evaluations being held at the end of March, but the weather may not cooperate. I don't quite understand this mad rush to get out on the field when it is still cold enough to require thermal underwear, parkas and mittens. A neighbouring association won't be stepping onto the field at least until early or mid-April. I am eager for the season but not sitting outside freezing in my lawn chair.

Baseball will look and feel somewhat different for us this year. Casey will continue to play and ump where he has always played, but Abby will be playing out of the neighbouring association for the first time ever. There is a reason behind that which is too complicated to address here, but I can say that I never would have thought we'd be registering with this association! It will be interesting.

And now I should get off this computer and get to work. There are still groceries to put away and a mountain of laundry to tackle. Supper needs to be planned, because the volleyball game is smack dab in the middle of the supper hours. Some housework could be seen to and, of course, there's the book to finish off!

(Thanks)Giving

I am thankful for:

three days off in a row
a good day at work
that spring has to be just around the corner
that the Canucks are winning more than they've been losing lately
that a decision has been made regarding the Halos
spending time with friends yesterday
Spring Break is coming soon
that volleyball season is almost over
my husband has a job
I have a job
my children and husband
being able to enjoy a movie together with my family last night (Speed Racer) and laugh over the memories it brought back from when the boys were little
being known and loved by God

A Few Hours One Sunday

Time spent hanging out with friends is usually time well spent, and today was no exception. In the busyness of life, it is easy for me to not spend time with my friends for long periods of time. Most of the time I don't even realize how wide the gap is stretching until I finally do spend some time with friends.

Today I was able to enjoy a few hours chatting with a couple of friends over freshly made chocolate chunk loaf and our beverages of choice. It was so good! The fellowship, I mean, although the loaf and my tea were good, too. And that's when I realize how exactly how long it has been, not in terms of days because I know that it has been X number of days since I last hung out with my friends, but in a way that is much more internal and personal. It's rather like a desert flower surviving for days, weeks in the harsh elements, surviving but not exactly thriving. Then the rain comes and quenches the parched soil and gives new life to the flower.

Spring Ahead

Daylight Savings Time begins tonight. yippee! NOT! I have no problem with Falling Back, but I do not like losing an hour of precious sleep in the spring. And it isn't even spring yet! We had crappy, snowy weather today. Icky!

Short blog post...must spend time reading my books. I am 3/4 through Scarpetta and will likely finish it sometime tonight.

The Reader

I went to the library this morning, a task that I both enjoy and dread. I love reading, love books and browsing, but the library is out of my way. The closest branch is downtown, and I almost never go downtown. Any errands that I might run are typically in the exact opposite direction, so a trip to the library is often postponed until a day when I have no other errands to run. I hate running all over town! Unfortunately, this hesitancy to get myself to the library sometimes results in overdue fines or periods of drought when it comes to fresh reading material.

I had barely walked in the doors of the library when I was hit with excitement. There on the shelf in front of me were three new titles from three of my favourite authors! Of course I scooped them up before wandering off to search for other books. I ignored the niggle in my head.

Now I am home and the niggle has given way to mild panic. These three books that I picked up are Quick Read books, which mean that they can only be checked out for a one week period. If they are not returned within one week then the fines are $1 per day!

I am a fast reader. Reading three books in a week isn't usually a problem for me. I have, on occasion, read 3 books in one day, but those were light, little paperbacks. The three books I brought home are big hard-covers. One has 406 pages. The other two have 515 and 500 pages. That's a whole lot of pages to read in one week considering that these are not lightweight stories!

I find it kind of ironic really. If these books were loaned out for the normal three week period, then I have no doubt that I would be finished reading them all in one week, plus the other books I picked up today! I could. I know it! But, because they are only one week loans, I suddenly feel this extra pressure, and I suspect that my reading time will be eroded, too. Casey has two volleyball games tonight. I work 8 hours tomorrow. Sunday is church and girl time. I work Monday...and winter baseball. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are free...except for laundry and such. And the gym! Maybe I could just plant myself on an exercise bike for an hour and read. I might have to sacrifice some sleep time. Oh no.

In case you're interested in what I am reading:

Cross Country by James Patterson
This is the shortest of the three and will probably be the quickest read. I find Patterson's writing style very easy to read. His chapters are usually short, and the writing flows smoothly and quickly along. I can easily read this book in a day.

Arctic Drift by Clive Cussler and Dirk Cussler
This is the longest of the three, though not by much. I do think this will be the book that takes me the longest to read simply because Cussler's stories sometimes get a little convoluted and technical.

Scarpetta by Patricia Cornwell
This is the book that I am most anxious to read, because I love Cornwell's Scarpetta series and never quite get enough. I've been drooling over this book ever since I knew it was forth-coming.

Ready to Scream, Can't Give Up

I gave into frustration last night after seeing Sam's progress report for English. He had a zero for a recent assignment, and I freaked out on him just a little. I freaked out on him even more when he asked if we'd freak out on him like this every time it happens! I pointed out to him that he has had zeros for 4 English assignments so far this year alone. This doesn't even take into account all the zeros in Science, Socials and Math! This was not a random missed assignment, and his excuse of not understanding Shakespeare just won't cut it. Lots of people don't understand Shakespeare. Lots of people don't like reading Shakespeare, but high school students are required to do Shakespeare.

I hate lecturing my kids. I know they hate being on the receiving end as much as I did when I was a teenager. Now that I am on the parental end of things I can appreciate that my mom loved me and wanted the best of me.

I just wish that I knew how to get through to Sam in a way that would make a real difference. I am tired of sounding like a broken record, and his non-committal, disinterested responses drive me crazy.

No theme post today. I am tired. My head is starting to hurt. My calf is sore and my back is aching. Maybe I will go to the gym tonight...we'll see how the head feels later.