I missed posting yesterday. Yes, I suck. I told myself that I would get on the computer to post after supper, but then supper plans changed direction and I forgot. Oh well, I'm over it!
Work was hit and miss today. As much as I don't enjoy getting up at 5am on Saturdays, I do look forward to the work. Saturdays are typically busy and a little crazy because of all the student workers, but the busyness makes the day go quickly and I'd rather have the craziness than the drama with the full-timers.
I went to bed around 9pm last night and fell asleep rather quickly (amazing!), but I woke up about 20 minutes later and was then wide awake for more than an hour. When the alarm intruded on my sleep, I was just about to take a photography course with Clark Kent. (sigh!)
Most of the time at work was a combination of frustration, annoyance, and catastrophe, but things perked up toward the end. I'm really looking forward to work next Friday and Saturday now that I've been told that a certain manager won't be there and I will be doing cashes and basically running the show. I could almost do a happy dance...or maybe I already did!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Today
This is not the day that I was hoping to have. Whether because of the recent time change or reasons unknown, I have been so tired of late. Waking up has become extremely difficult. I am not a morning person, yet I shut off the alarm as soon as it buzzes and get out of bed, even if I am still tired and groggy. This past Sunday I used the snooze button for the first time in a very long time, longer than I can remember. This morning, I was so tempted to hit that snooze button (and really could have allowed myself that luxury as I have my clock set ten minutes ahead), but I didn't. Still, I didn't roll out of bed right away and found my eyes too heavy to open. I finally dragged myself out of bed when I realized that I was "dreaming" of removing my wrist splints (I wear them at night) but I hadn't truly taken them off.
I'm more or less awake now. At least I am dressed and have already run to Wal-mart and the gas station. I've even eaten lunch and sucked back an Iced Capp in the hopes of a little caffeine-induced mental clarity. The problem is that I feel a nasty headache in the works, although it isn't progressing as rapidly as I thought it might. Maybe it won't reach critical mass after all.
My plans for the day weren't anything special; they seldom are. I live a boring, normal life. The only thing that I truly had to do was get to Wal-mart for new ink cartridges for the printer, as Sam needs to print off stuff for his homework tonight and the ink was running low. Aside from that errand, and putting gas into my almost empty tank, I have no reason to leave the house until tonight. The kitchen is a bit of a disaster though, but I'm not sure that I can make myself stand at the sink today. My back does not like standing at the sink and has no qualms about letting me know its' displeasure, which is something I would be wise to avoid doing since my back has been bothering me a fair bit lately.
The back is frustrating. I can go through most of my normal activities now without too much bother. I can even do most of my work activities without too much bother, but there are still things that will make my back achy. Standing over my kitchen sink is one of those things. Perching myself on the wrong kind of seat is another. Sleeping on my back is a huge one, but I have had little choice but to sleep in that position for the past several weeks. It is taking a toll on my back, and I felt every little ache and pain this morning as I rolled out of bed. The spasms are the worst, though thankfully they tend to be short-lived. It's like my entire back seizes up, and every breath or movement sends tendrils of pain throughout my back. When a spasm hits, I can't take a breath without pain. I cannot move without pain. I love it when a spasm hits just as I am reaching out the drive-thru window at work!
But back to my day...
Or my headache which is focusing twin laser beams right above each eye.
I will do what I can in the kitchen, leaving the hand-washing of dishes to others. I will ensure that the living room is tidy and will make supper tonight. I will probably read and maybe even nap later this afternoon.
Today is my Sunday; back to work tomorrow. My schedule next week is a little fuller than it has been with four shifts instead of three, but the kids will be on Spring Break and after those shifts I will be off work for 3 or 4 weeks. The second week of Spring Break will be blissful and sweet...no need to get up with the alarm clock! Now that's my kind of morning!
I'm more or less awake now. At least I am dressed and have already run to Wal-mart and the gas station. I've even eaten lunch and sucked back an Iced Capp in the hopes of a little caffeine-induced mental clarity. The problem is that I feel a nasty headache in the works, although it isn't progressing as rapidly as I thought it might. Maybe it won't reach critical mass after all.
My plans for the day weren't anything special; they seldom are. I live a boring, normal life. The only thing that I truly had to do was get to Wal-mart for new ink cartridges for the printer, as Sam needs to print off stuff for his homework tonight and the ink was running low. Aside from that errand, and putting gas into my almost empty tank, I have no reason to leave the house until tonight. The kitchen is a bit of a disaster though, but I'm not sure that I can make myself stand at the sink today. My back does not like standing at the sink and has no qualms about letting me know its' displeasure, which is something I would be wise to avoid doing since my back has been bothering me a fair bit lately.
The back is frustrating. I can go through most of my normal activities now without too much bother. I can even do most of my work activities without too much bother, but there are still things that will make my back achy. Standing over my kitchen sink is one of those things. Perching myself on the wrong kind of seat is another. Sleeping on my back is a huge one, but I have had little choice but to sleep in that position for the past several weeks. It is taking a toll on my back, and I felt every little ache and pain this morning as I rolled out of bed. The spasms are the worst, though thankfully they tend to be short-lived. It's like my entire back seizes up, and every breath or movement sends tendrils of pain throughout my back. When a spasm hits, I can't take a breath without pain. I cannot move without pain. I love it when a spasm hits just as I am reaching out the drive-thru window at work!
But back to my day...
Or my headache which is focusing twin laser beams right above each eye.
I will do what I can in the kitchen, leaving the hand-washing of dishes to others. I will ensure that the living room is tidy and will make supper tonight. I will probably read and maybe even nap later this afternoon.
Today is my Sunday; back to work tomorrow. My schedule next week is a little fuller than it has been with four shifts instead of three, but the kids will be on Spring Break and after those shifts I will be off work for 3 or 4 weeks. The second week of Spring Break will be blissful and sweet...no need to get up with the alarm clock! Now that's my kind of morning!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
(For)Giving
I don't think I've seen C. since last May, early June at the latest, and yet there is hardly a day that goes by without my mind drifting in her direction. Memory lane isn't always smoothly paved with warm fuzzies. Whether I am pushed that direction or I step onto that road myself, I tend to look at that horizon dispassionately, much the same way high school students look at their history textbooks.
C. and I have history, and that's all that we have left of our friendship. It isn't what I wanted, and I can only wonder how she feels about our history and lack of future. I've asked and received only silence in reply.
Most of our history is good and does evoke warm fuzzy feelings inside me, but the more recent memories are rather bittersweet and then heartbreaking. If I don't look back with dispassion, at least over the past four years, then I feel too much, too deeply and I am overwhelmed. I know that there are all sorts of feelings bubbling beneath the surface: anger, sadness, bitterness, pain, to name but a few. The majority of those feelings are dangerous whether they are left to fester or encouraged to grow. I think I've worked through most of those ones...
The problem with feelings is that seldom are they so easily dispatched, over and done with! Just when I think I've moved beyond the sharp, stabbing pain, I find myself snubbed once more and the knife in my back twists again. Bitterness? Dealt with...until a random comment from someone unaware flashes bitter memories before my eyes. Joy replaces sadness until I stumble across a note, a card, a gift once given out of love and friendship.
Forgiveness, too, seems to be an ongoing process. I think I've forgiven C. for what was said and done, but I am oh so quick to snatch back my wounded pride at the drop of a hat or the remembrance of flaming arrows. Perhaps the act of complete forgiveness is so difficult because, in forgiving C., I also then need to forgive myself. How quickly I fall prey to doubt and insecurity! Did I do enough? Should I have said this or that or nothing at all? Did I give up too quickly? Or not soon enough? Was there anything I could have done that would have made a difference? What kind of person am I that my friendship is not worth hanging onto?
And it is exactly that inward forgiveness that is so difficult to give! I can forgive C. a hundred times over. Even when those nasty feelings rear their ugly heads I can still choose to forgive and let go, but it is a thousand times more difficult to shake off the lies and doubts and accusations whispering in my ear.
C. and I have history, and that's all that we have left of our friendship. It isn't what I wanted, and I can only wonder how she feels about our history and lack of future. I've asked and received only silence in reply.
Most of our history is good and does evoke warm fuzzy feelings inside me, but the more recent memories are rather bittersweet and then heartbreaking. If I don't look back with dispassion, at least over the past four years, then I feel too much, too deeply and I am overwhelmed. I know that there are all sorts of feelings bubbling beneath the surface: anger, sadness, bitterness, pain, to name but a few. The majority of those feelings are dangerous whether they are left to fester or encouraged to grow. I think I've worked through most of those ones...
The problem with feelings is that seldom are they so easily dispatched, over and done with! Just when I think I've moved beyond the sharp, stabbing pain, I find myself snubbed once more and the knife in my back twists again. Bitterness? Dealt with...until a random comment from someone unaware flashes bitter memories before my eyes. Joy replaces sadness until I stumble across a note, a card, a gift once given out of love and friendship.
Forgiveness, too, seems to be an ongoing process. I think I've forgiven C. for what was said and done, but I am oh so quick to snatch back my wounded pride at the drop of a hat or the remembrance of flaming arrows. Perhaps the act of complete forgiveness is so difficult because, in forgiving C., I also then need to forgive myself. How quickly I fall prey to doubt and insecurity! Did I do enough? Should I have said this or that or nothing at all? Did I give up too quickly? Or not soon enough? Was there anything I could have done that would have made a difference? What kind of person am I that my friendship is not worth hanging onto?
And it is exactly that inward forgiveness that is so difficult to give! I can forgive C. a hundred times over. Even when those nasty feelings rear their ugly heads I can still choose to forgive and let go, but it is a thousand times more difficult to shake off the lies and doubts and accusations whispering in my ear.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A Little of This, A Little of That
I have a post swirling around inside my head that fits in with the NaBloPoMo theme of Giving (Up), but I am finding myself unable, or unwilling, to sit down and get started. Maybe I'm afraid of where getting started will lead...I don't know. What I do know is that it isn't the kind of post that I can just toss out there in a few minutes. It will take a good chunk of time and space, because the microscope will be focused on me. All that to say that such a post is a coming but not today!
It's my weekend, and it just so happens to be a long weekend! I'm off work until Friday, and I'm getting a little excited as each work shift comes and goes. Our store will be undergoing renovations beginning March 23rd, so I won't be working for 3-4 weeks. Technically, we will still be open, operating out of a trailer, but hours will be scarce so I volunteered to take the time off. However, I did also volunteer to be available for work on Saturdays, if needed, and I have a feeling that they will "need" me those Saturdays and I will be working. But, it will all be good, I think.
I should have gone to the gym this morning, but I didn't. I haven't been to the gym since Wednesday. Assuming that I don't make it there today, I could go to the gym tomorrow, but I am a little leery about going during the day, unsure of just how busy it will be. Guess I should just suck it up!
Instead of hitting the gym, I hit Superstore for groceries. The non-perishables are still waiting to be put away; I had to eat lunch first.
Late last night I finished the second of the three Quick Read books I checked out of the library last Friday. I read Scarpetta first, loved it and was sad that it ended as quickly as it did. Then I read the Clive Cussler book. This was the book with the most pages and I knew it would take the longest to read regardless of how many pages. I was right. Scarpetta was finished in 1.5 days. The Cussler book took 2.5 days. I started the Patterson book this morning and had reached the 21st chapter after a half hour. Even with time lost through grocery shopping, I'm still already 1/3 of the way through the book and will easily finish it today. Patterson's books really are simple reading...at least for me. But it is good-I can return these books to the library tomorrow or Thursday when I have time to make that 'out of the way' trip rather than scrambling to get to the library on Friday between work and everything else.
Casey's school volleyball play-offs are now here. He plays tonight, but I don't know what could happen beyond these games. The team hasn't been too successful, but I'd much rather watch volleyball than basketball and I think Casey's better at volleyball, too.
Several things seem to be wrapping up. Tomorrow is the final night of Abby's 56 Club which is a church program for kids in grades 5 and 6. Sam's last night of school badminton is Thursday. With volleyball also ending, we could suddenly find our evenings wide open and free! For a little while at least.
Baseball season is rapidly approaching. There is an expectation of evaluations being held at the end of March, but the weather may not cooperate. I don't quite understand this mad rush to get out on the field when it is still cold enough to require thermal underwear, parkas and mittens. A neighbouring association won't be stepping onto the field at least until early or mid-April. I am eager for the season but not sitting outside freezing in my lawn chair.
Baseball will look and feel somewhat different for us this year. Casey will continue to play and ump where he has always played, but Abby will be playing out of the neighbouring association for the first time ever. There is a reason behind that which is too complicated to address here, but I can say that I never would have thought we'd be registering with this association! It will be interesting.
And now I should get off this computer and get to work. There are still groceries to put away and a mountain of laundry to tackle. Supper needs to be planned, because the volleyball game is smack dab in the middle of the supper hours. Some housework could be seen to and, of course, there's the book to finish off!
It's my weekend, and it just so happens to be a long weekend! I'm off work until Friday, and I'm getting a little excited as each work shift comes and goes. Our store will be undergoing renovations beginning March 23rd, so I won't be working for 3-4 weeks. Technically, we will still be open, operating out of a trailer, but hours will be scarce so I volunteered to take the time off. However, I did also volunteer to be available for work on Saturdays, if needed, and I have a feeling that they will "need" me those Saturdays and I will be working. But, it will all be good, I think.
I should have gone to the gym this morning, but I didn't. I haven't been to the gym since Wednesday. Assuming that I don't make it there today, I could go to the gym tomorrow, but I am a little leery about going during the day, unsure of just how busy it will be. Guess I should just suck it up!
Instead of hitting the gym, I hit Superstore for groceries. The non-perishables are still waiting to be put away; I had to eat lunch first.
Late last night I finished the second of the three Quick Read books I checked out of the library last Friday. I read Scarpetta first, loved it and was sad that it ended as quickly as it did. Then I read the Clive Cussler book. This was the book with the most pages and I knew it would take the longest to read regardless of how many pages. I was right. Scarpetta was finished in 1.5 days. The Cussler book took 2.5 days. I started the Patterson book this morning and had reached the 21st chapter after a half hour. Even with time lost through grocery shopping, I'm still already 1/3 of the way through the book and will easily finish it today. Patterson's books really are simple reading...at least for me. But it is good-I can return these books to the library tomorrow or Thursday when I have time to make that 'out of the way' trip rather than scrambling to get to the library on Friday between work and everything else.
Casey's school volleyball play-offs are now here. He plays tonight, but I don't know what could happen beyond these games. The team hasn't been too successful, but I'd much rather watch volleyball than basketball and I think Casey's better at volleyball, too.
Several things seem to be wrapping up. Tomorrow is the final night of Abby's 56 Club which is a church program for kids in grades 5 and 6. Sam's last night of school badminton is Thursday. With volleyball also ending, we could suddenly find our evenings wide open and free! For a little while at least.
Baseball season is rapidly approaching. There is an expectation of evaluations being held at the end of March, but the weather may not cooperate. I don't quite understand this mad rush to get out on the field when it is still cold enough to require thermal underwear, parkas and mittens. A neighbouring association won't be stepping onto the field at least until early or mid-April. I am eager for the season but not sitting outside freezing in my lawn chair.
Baseball will look and feel somewhat different for us this year. Casey will continue to play and ump where he has always played, but Abby will be playing out of the neighbouring association for the first time ever. There is a reason behind that which is too complicated to address here, but I can say that I never would have thought we'd be registering with this association! It will be interesting.
And now I should get off this computer and get to work. There are still groceries to put away and a mountain of laundry to tackle. Supper needs to be planned, because the volleyball game is smack dab in the middle of the supper hours. Some housework could be seen to and, of course, there's the book to finish off!
Monday, March 09, 2009
(Thanks)Giving
I am thankful for:
three days off in a row
a good day at work
that spring has to be just around the corner
that the Canucks are winning more than they've been losing lately
that a decision has been made regarding the Halos
spending time with friends yesterday
Spring Break is coming soon
that volleyball season is almost over
my husband has a job
I have a job
my children and husband
being able to enjoy a movie together with my family last night (Speed Racer) and laugh over the memories it brought back from when the boys were little
being known and loved by God
three days off in a row
a good day at work
that spring has to be just around the corner
that the Canucks are winning more than they've been losing lately
that a decision has been made regarding the Halos
spending time with friends yesterday
Spring Break is coming soon
that volleyball season is almost over
my husband has a job
I have a job
my children and husband
being able to enjoy a movie together with my family last night (Speed Racer) and laugh over the memories it brought back from when the boys were little
being known and loved by God
Sunday, March 08, 2009
A Few Hours One Sunday
Time spent hanging out with friends is usually time well spent, and today was no exception. In the busyness of life, it is easy for me to not spend time with my friends for long periods of time. Most of the time I don't even realize how wide the gap is stretching until I finally do spend some time with friends.
Today I was able to enjoy a few hours chatting with a couple of friends over freshly made chocolate chunk loaf and our beverages of choice. It was so good! The fellowship, I mean, although the loaf and my tea were good, too. And that's when I realize how exactly how long it has been, not in terms of days because I know that it has been X number of days since I last hung out with my friends, but in a way that is much more internal and personal. It's rather like a desert flower surviving for days, weeks in the harsh elements, surviving but not exactly thriving. Then the rain comes and quenches the parched soil and gives new life to the flower.
Today I was able to enjoy a few hours chatting with a couple of friends over freshly made chocolate chunk loaf and our beverages of choice. It was so good! The fellowship, I mean, although the loaf and my tea were good, too. And that's when I realize how exactly how long it has been, not in terms of days because I know that it has been X number of days since I last hung out with my friends, but in a way that is much more internal and personal. It's rather like a desert flower surviving for days, weeks in the harsh elements, surviving but not exactly thriving. Then the rain comes and quenches the parched soil and gives new life to the flower.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Spring Ahead
Daylight Savings Time begins tonight. yippee! NOT! I have no problem with Falling Back, but I do not like losing an hour of precious sleep in the spring. And it isn't even spring yet! We had crappy, snowy weather today. Icky!
Short blog post...must spend time reading my books. I am 3/4 through Scarpetta and will likely finish it sometime tonight.
Short blog post...must spend time reading my books. I am 3/4 through Scarpetta and will likely finish it sometime tonight.
Friday, March 06, 2009
The Reader
I went to the library this morning, a task that I both enjoy and dread. I love reading, love books and browsing, but the library is out of my way. The closest branch is downtown, and I almost never go downtown. Any errands that I might run are typically in the exact opposite direction, so a trip to the library is often postponed until a day when I have no other errands to run. I hate running all over town! Unfortunately, this hesitancy to get myself to the library sometimes results in overdue fines or periods of drought when it comes to fresh reading material.
I had barely walked in the doors of the library when I was hit with excitement. There on the shelf in front of me were three new titles from three of my favourite authors! Of course I scooped them up before wandering off to search for other books. I ignored the niggle in my head.
Now I am home and the niggle has given way to mild panic. These three books that I picked up are Quick Read books, which mean that they can only be checked out for a one week period. If they are not returned within one week then the fines are $1 per day!
I am a fast reader. Reading three books in a week isn't usually a problem for me. I have, on occasion, read 3 books in one day, but those were light, little paperbacks. The three books I brought home are big hard-covers. One has 406 pages. The other two have 515 and 500 pages. That's a whole lot of pages to read in one week considering that these are not lightweight stories!
I find it kind of ironic really. If these books were loaned out for the normal three week period, then I have no doubt that I would be finished reading them all in one week, plus the other books I picked up today! I could. I know it! But, because they are only one week loans, I suddenly feel this extra pressure, and I suspect that my reading time will be eroded, too. Casey has two volleyball games tonight. I work 8 hours tomorrow. Sunday is church and girl time. I work Monday...and winter baseball. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are free...except for laundry and such. And the gym! Maybe I could just plant myself on an exercise bike for an hour and read. I might have to sacrifice some sleep time. Oh no.
In case you're interested in what I am reading:
Cross Country by James Patterson
This is the shortest of the three and will probably be the quickest read. I find Patterson's writing style very easy to read. His chapters are usually short, and the writing flows smoothly and quickly along. I can easily read this book in a day.
Arctic Drift by Clive Cussler and Dirk Cussler
This is the longest of the three, though not by much. I do think this will be the book that takes me the longest to read simply because Cussler's stories sometimes get a little convoluted and technical.
Scarpetta by Patricia Cornwell
This is the book that I am most anxious to read, because I love Cornwell's Scarpetta series and never quite get enough. I've been drooling over this book ever since I knew it was forth-coming.
I had barely walked in the doors of the library when I was hit with excitement. There on the shelf in front of me were three new titles from three of my favourite authors! Of course I scooped them up before wandering off to search for other books. I ignored the niggle in my head.
Now I am home and the niggle has given way to mild panic. These three books that I picked up are Quick Read books, which mean that they can only be checked out for a one week period. If they are not returned within one week then the fines are $1 per day!
I am a fast reader. Reading three books in a week isn't usually a problem for me. I have, on occasion, read 3 books in one day, but those were light, little paperbacks. The three books I brought home are big hard-covers. One has 406 pages. The other two have 515 and 500 pages. That's a whole lot of pages to read in one week considering that these are not lightweight stories!
I find it kind of ironic really. If these books were loaned out for the normal three week period, then I have no doubt that I would be finished reading them all in one week, plus the other books I picked up today! I could. I know it! But, because they are only one week loans, I suddenly feel this extra pressure, and I suspect that my reading time will be eroded, too. Casey has two volleyball games tonight. I work 8 hours tomorrow. Sunday is church and girl time. I work Monday...and winter baseball. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are free...except for laundry and such. And the gym! Maybe I could just plant myself on an exercise bike for an hour and read. I might have to sacrifice some sleep time. Oh no.
In case you're interested in what I am reading:
Cross Country by James Patterson
This is the shortest of the three and will probably be the quickest read. I find Patterson's writing style very easy to read. His chapters are usually short, and the writing flows smoothly and quickly along. I can easily read this book in a day.
Arctic Drift by Clive Cussler and Dirk Cussler
This is the longest of the three, though not by much. I do think this will be the book that takes me the longest to read simply because Cussler's stories sometimes get a little convoluted and technical.
Scarpetta by Patricia Cornwell
This is the book that I am most anxious to read, because I love Cornwell's Scarpetta series and never quite get enough. I've been drooling over this book ever since I knew it was forth-coming.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Ready to Scream, Can't Give Up
I gave into frustration last night after seeing Sam's progress report for English. He had a zero for a recent assignment, and I freaked out on him just a little. I freaked out on him even more when he asked if we'd freak out on him like this every time it happens! I pointed out to him that he has had zeros for 4 English assignments so far this year alone. This doesn't even take into account all the zeros in Science, Socials and Math! This was not a random missed assignment, and his excuse of not understanding Shakespeare just won't cut it. Lots of people don't understand Shakespeare. Lots of people don't like reading Shakespeare, but high school students are required to do Shakespeare.
I hate lecturing my kids. I know they hate being on the receiving end as much as I did when I was a teenager. Now that I am on the parental end of things I can appreciate that my mom loved me and wanted the best of me.
I just wish that I knew how to get through to Sam in a way that would make a real difference. I am tired of sounding like a broken record, and his non-committal, disinterested responses drive me crazy.
I hate lecturing my kids. I know they hate being on the receiving end as much as I did when I was a teenager. Now that I am on the parental end of things I can appreciate that my mom loved me and wanted the best of me.
I just wish that I knew how to get through to Sam in a way that would make a real difference. I am tired of sounding like a broken record, and his non-committal, disinterested responses drive me crazy.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Don't Give Up
I went to the gym this afternoon and started off on the elliptical machine. Oh my! It's been many years since I last used one of those machines; I'd forgotten how awkward and difficult they are. Within five minutes I had broken out in a sweat and was seriously contemplating moving on to something slightly less strenuous. I plodded on, determined to not give up so quickly. At ten minutes I felt my legs begin to wobble, but I aimed for fifteen minutes with the intention of psyching myself into going just a little bit longer in bits and pieces. The leg wobble increased, and I had to decide whether to kill myself on the elliptical machine or live to make a trip through the Circuit. I chose to live and work other muscles on the Circuit. Fifteen minutes on the elliptical-success in small doses.
After working through the Circuit, I spent ten minutes on the cycle. My thighs were virtually rubber by this time, but I kept my cycling pace at a manageable level. So far for cardio, I prefer the treadmill and cycle, but I will not give up on that elliptical machine. I can't give up! I want to get into shape, lose weight and inches. It won't happen without sacrifice.
After working through the Circuit, I spent ten minutes on the cycle. My thighs were virtually rubber by this time, but I kept my cycling pace at a manageable level. So far for cardio, I prefer the treadmill and cycle, but I will not give up on that elliptical machine. I can't give up! I want to get into shape, lose weight and inches. It won't happen without sacrifice.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Giving Way
I like writing. Whether or not I am any good at writing is irrelevant; I just like to do it. However, I have been stuck with writer's block for a very long time. In 2008, I had 20 posts on my blog and my journal entries were just as sporadic. Even 2007 was a little sparser than 2006. I have a notebook that I use for creative writing, but I've been using the same notebook for a couple of years now which speaks to how little writing I have been doing.
It's been a frustrating time, this wanting and needing to write with thoughts and words just out of reach.
Unbeknownst to me, the block began to crack last month, and then yesterday I finally glimpsed a light poking through a teeny little hole. Thoughts and words began to trickle out. I felt almost giddy with relief and excitement. I was thinking about the NaBloPoMo theme of Giving (Up), and blog topics and titles flashed before my eyes like a dying man's life.
Has the block been shattered? I am not sure, but it is sweet to see words instead of darkness. I cannot even say with any certainty why the creative juices are bubbling once again. It could be that spring is on the way and, like nature, I am waking up from a long winter's nap. It could be that my spirit has simply had enough of depression and wallowing within itself, or maybe I just needed something, a theme perhaps, to focus my creative energy on. I do not know, and it really doesn't matter why. This writer's block must give way.
It's been a frustrating time, this wanting and needing to write with thoughts and words just out of reach.
Unbeknownst to me, the block began to crack last month, and then yesterday I finally glimpsed a light poking through a teeny little hole. Thoughts and words began to trickle out. I felt almost giddy with relief and excitement. I was thinking about the NaBloPoMo theme of Giving (Up), and blog topics and titles flashed before my eyes like a dying man's life.
Has the block been shattered? I am not sure, but it is sweet to see words instead of darkness. I cannot even say with any certainty why the creative juices are bubbling once again. It could be that spring is on the way and, like nature, I am waking up from a long winter's nap. It could be that my spirit has simply had enough of depression and wallowing within itself, or maybe I just needed something, a theme perhaps, to focus my creative energy on. I do not know, and it really doesn't matter why. This writer's block must give way.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Giving Up
I joined NaBloPoMo this morning. National Blog Posting Month. Their theme for the month of March is Giving (Up). I don't know that I will post every day of the month, but a little motivation couldn't hurt.
So, what am I giving up? I don't observe Lent. It is a ritual that has never been a part of my religious upbringing, and my understanding of it is hazy at best. However, I think I know a little something about giving up.
I am quite experienced at giving up. I abstain from buying and trying on clothes for periods of time, because the experience is too demoralizing and frustrating. I have given up on a relationship with Kane's brother and his wife after being dragged through the muck and tossed aside like week old trash. I gave up on a friendship that had become distant yet toxic. I will give up my drive to win when playing against someone who is less competitive. My determination to go for a walk will evaporate in the face of cold weather, rain or back pain. My enthusiasm for cooking gives up the ghost when my children repeatedly turn up their noses at what is set before them. Oh yes, I excel at giving up!
It is time to turn the tables a bit.
I thought about this topic as I plodded away on the treadmill this afternoon. It is time for me to give up all those negative attitudes that hold me back, that keep me from soaring. I've always told myself that I hate going to the gym, hate working out, hate exercise for the sake of exercising, but here I am going to the gym, working out and enjoying it. Granted, I still wouldn't go so far as to say that I love it, but there's been a shift in my thinking. I've given up that aversion to exercise, and it was easier to do than I thought it would be!
What else can I give up?
So, what am I giving up? I don't observe Lent. It is a ritual that has never been a part of my religious upbringing, and my understanding of it is hazy at best. However, I think I know a little something about giving up.
I am quite experienced at giving up. I abstain from buying and trying on clothes for periods of time, because the experience is too demoralizing and frustrating. I have given up on a relationship with Kane's brother and his wife after being dragged through the muck and tossed aside like week old trash. I gave up on a friendship that had become distant yet toxic. I will give up my drive to win when playing against someone who is less competitive. My determination to go for a walk will evaporate in the face of cold weather, rain or back pain. My enthusiasm for cooking gives up the ghost when my children repeatedly turn up their noses at what is set before them. Oh yes, I excel at giving up!
It is time to turn the tables a bit.
I thought about this topic as I plodded away on the treadmill this afternoon. It is time for me to give up all those negative attitudes that hold me back, that keep me from soaring. I've always told myself that I hate going to the gym, hate working out, hate exercise for the sake of exercising, but here I am going to the gym, working out and enjoying it. Granted, I still wouldn't go so far as to say that I love it, but there's been a shift in my thinking. I've given up that aversion to exercise, and it was easier to do than I thought it would be!
What else can I give up?
Friday, February 27, 2009
Once More With Feeling
You'd think I had nothing better to do today but sit at the computer and write on my blog! I haven't written so much in one day for a very long time, but I had a good day and I'm feeling optimistic. I've been thinking about that and will probably write in-depth about it another time; I don't have the time right now.
I just got home from the gym after a good hour long work out. I cannot believe that I am saying that...had a good work out! I did a half hour on the circuit, nearly half an hour on the treadmill, and five minutes on the rowing machine.
Now I am slowing down, preparing myself for an early bed time. My alarm will buzz at 5:10am. I will step outside into the cold and dark about 15 minutes later. My work shift begins at 6am and ends at 2pm. I may or may not need to walk home...or catch a bus.
I just got home from the gym after a good hour long work out.
Now I am slowing down, preparing myself for an early bed time. My alarm will buzz at 5:10am. I will step outside into the cold and dark about 15 minutes later. My work shift begins at 6am and ends at 2pm. I may or may not need to walk home...or catch a bus.
Still Thinking About Spring
One of my weaknesses/guilty pleasures is magazines. I have subscriptions to several magazines and will randomly buy magazines that catch my interest while waiting in the check-out lines. My favourite magazines are food related as I am always looking for interesting recipes. That's a problem actually...I have lots of interesting recipes collecting in a folder! Some have been tried with either good or not so good results. Others continue to sit untried but hopeful; there are too many of these ones. I keep telling myself that I need to sift through my recipes and only keep those that are worth keeping, basically the tried and true ones and those that are untried but are too appealing to toss. Someday I will get to the purging, but for now here is a recipe that I pulled from a magazine, tried and fell in love with. It's so quick, simple and fresh, like spring.
Linguine with Spring Vegetables-serves 4
-salt and ground pepper
-3/4 pound linguine
-1 pound asparagus (tough ends removed), cut into 1-inch pieces
-1 medium zucchini, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced
-4 ounces snap peas (stem ends trimmed), halved
-1/2 cup heavy cream
-1 tbsp butter, cut into pieces
-2 tbsp fresh tarragon leaves (I omitted this and it tasted just fine)
1. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta 4 minutes short of al dente; add asparagus, zucchini and snap peas. Cook until veggies are crisp-tender, about 3 minutes. Reserve 1/2 cup pasta water; drain and set pasta mixture aside.
2. In the same pot, bring cream and butter to a simmer. Toss in pasta mixture and enough pasta water to create a thin sauce (it will thicken as it stands). Season with salt and pepper (and top with tarragon).
Linguine with Spring Vegetables-serves 4
-salt and ground pepper
-3/4 pound linguine
-1 pound asparagus (tough ends removed), cut into 1-inch pieces
-1 medium zucchini, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced
-4 ounces snap peas (stem ends trimmed), halved
-1/2 cup heavy cream
-1 tbsp butter, cut into pieces
-2 tbsp fresh tarragon leaves (I omitted this and it tasted just fine)
1. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta 4 minutes short of al dente; add asparagus, zucchini and snap peas. Cook until veggies are crisp-tender, about 3 minutes. Reserve 1/2 cup pasta water; drain and set pasta mixture aside.
2. In the same pot, bring cream and butter to a simmer. Toss in pasta mixture and enough pasta water to create a thin sauce (it will thicken as it stands). Season with salt and pepper (and top with tarragon).
Wherefore art thou, Spring?
It's a quirk I have that might only make sense to me, but I look at the seasons in a rather black and white manner. It makes no sense to me that the first day of winter is mid-December. Honestly! The winter weather often arrives much earlier than that official start date, sometimes as early as mid-October. To my way of thinking, winter lasts from November to the end of February. Spring is March to the end of June. Summer is July and August, leaving September and October for autumn. I realize that my logic creates unbalance, but it works for me.
So, here it is February 27th, and we woke to -18 Celsius. It's all wrong, and I protest! Spring should be literally just around the corner. I noticed the other day, before the dump of snow, that some of my early spring flowers were already poking through the ground. While at Wal-Mart a few days ago, I paused a moment by the colourful artificial flowers, drawn to the lilacs and irises like a bumblebee. I am so ready for spring that I can almost smell fresh lilacs in the backyard...almost but not quite. My nostrils might freeze if I breathe too deeply outside today.
Spring has to be coming, because I feel like spring cleaning! I want to take advantage of this desire to deep clean, but I know we're not yet finished with sloppy footwear, dirty windows and such. No. We have to wait for all the snow to melt, and then we have to wait for the street-sweepers to make their rounds. Only then will it be a good time to wash the windows. In other words, I can do the windows sometime in May!
In compromise between the weather and my urges, I did a major clean in the bathroom this morning. It isn't absolutely finished; I didn't do the tub yet. But, everything else is clean, sparkly and fresh smelling...at least until everyone gets home.
So, here it is February 27th, and we woke to -18 Celsius. It's all wrong, and I protest! Spring should be literally just around the corner. I noticed the other day, before the dump of snow, that some of my early spring flowers were already poking through the ground. While at Wal-Mart a few days ago, I paused a moment by the colourful artificial flowers, drawn to the lilacs and irises like a bumblebee. I am so ready for spring that I can almost smell fresh lilacs in the backyard...almost but not quite. My nostrils might freeze if I breathe too deeply outside today.
Spring has to be coming, because I feel like spring cleaning! I want to take advantage of this desire to deep clean, but I know we're not yet finished with sloppy footwear, dirty windows and such. No. We have to wait for all the snow to melt, and then we have to wait for the street-sweepers to make their rounds. Only then will it be a good time to wash the windows. In other words, I can do the windows sometime in May!
In compromise between the weather and my urges, I did a major clean in the bathroom this morning. It isn't absolutely finished; I didn't do the tub yet. But, everything else is clean, sparkly and fresh smelling...at least until everyone gets home.
Wide World of Sports
Abby has been taking part in grade 5 basketball at her school. Officially, there is no such thing as a grade 5 basketball team, but an enthusiastic teacher has put together some practices and one game for interested girls. They had their game this past Wednesday...and it was both entertaining and painful. I thought it was painful watching grade 7 basketball!
There was a lot of shrieking, seeing as these were 10 and 11 year old girls. No score was kept, but our team didn't fair so well on the offense. Or the defense. I think they had fun though and hopefully learned a few skills.
Casey finished basketball at the end of January and has moved onto volleyball. He is doing well, one of the better players on the team. The team practices twice a week, Monday and Wednesday, with games on Tuesdays. They have a tournament this weekend and another the following weekend. I will miss both because of my work schedule.
Sam has been playing badminton at school once a week. I guess I should make an effort to stick around one time and take some photos. He won't like that very much, but I'd like some pictures for posterity.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike2.5 Canada License.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
In Between the Comings and Goings
When the heck is spring going to make a solid appearance? Enough with winter already, thank you very much! I've had enough of snow and cold. I am ready for sunshine, green grass, bare feet and warm weather.
A look out the window is depressing. The wind is blowing so hard that the snow is falling almost horizontal. A snowfall warning has been issued, and winds could reach 50 kmh. Yuck!
A look out the window is depressing. The wind is blowing so hard that the snow is falling almost horizontal. A snowfall warning has been issued, and winds could reach 50 kmh. Yuck!
~~~
I had the strangest dream last night. It was rather convoluted and bizarre. My dream took place in your typical creepy, old mansion that served as a home, library, Tim Horton's, and crocodile farm. Okay, so there's nothing typical about a house like that, but it was a dream and it makes complete sense in that context. The bulk of the plot was lost in the waking, but I had a multi-faceted role. I was Tim Horton's employee and detective. I was searching for something, avoiding the bad guys and their well-trained crocodiles. My search brought me to the library where I was searching for a rare brand of chewing gum. I spied the box on one of the library's turning racks, but when I got to the rack it was gone. While searching through the rack, I found the book Slumdog Millionaire. Actually I found two copies, one in English and the other in an East Indian dialect. (And no, I have not seen Slumdog yet, so I really don't know why it wound up in my dream!) Then, I had to get to work and ring off the tills while dodging snapping jaws of jagged teeth. No wonder I was so tired when I woke up!
Whole Lot of Crazy Going On
So, I didn't go for a walk and I didn't make it to the gym yesterday. I suck. I know it.
Today is going to be insanely crazy, although a slight change in plans has given me a little bit of breathing room.
This is how the day was supposed to look:
10am to 2pm work
2:30 pick Abby up from her school field trip in the eastern part of the city (I work in the northern part)
3:00 arrive at Abby's school basketball game at a school in the southern part of the city
4:00ish leave for home in the northern part of the city
4:30ish make supper, supervise homework & chores
6:15ish drop Casey off at his volleyball practice (north)
6:45 drop Abby and her friend off at their youth activity (east)
8:00 pick up Abby and Casey at the same time! Ha ha!
This is what I call 'Fright Night'! By the time I am finally home for the night, I will want to do nothing more than change into my comfy pjs and get lost in Lost.
The slight change in the schedule is that I am not going in to work today, because Sam is home sick. He's old enough to be home by himself, but a sick kid "needs" coddling no matter how old they might be. Besides, he is also quite dizzy when he stands up, and I don't want him taking a tumble with no one home. I don't know what is going on with him. He so rarely gets sick and prefers to tough out any minor irritations. I know he is truly not well when he willing takes medication. He did tough out school yesterday despite how he was feeling; however, he had difficulty concentrating in class and had a fever in the evening.
Getting out of bed was very difficult for me this morning. I'm not sick, except for a bit of a lingering cough and scratchy throat. I thought I was coming down with a nasty cold a couple of weeks ago, but it never really progressed as much as I expected. Instead, I feel like I am stuck in limbo, not really healthy and not truly sick. It's irritating. But I am so very tired today. And headachey...
Fright Night can't end soon enough for me. I will be doing all the driving around, because this is Kane's final few days of school and he is spending every free moment studying. I'm so glad it is almost over! He just might need to pick Casey up from practice though...I haven't quite mastered the art of being in two places at the same time yet.
Today is going to be insanely crazy, although a slight change in plans has given me a little bit of breathing room.
This is how the day was supposed to look:
10am to 2pm work
2:30 pick Abby up from her school field trip in the eastern part of the city (I work in the northern part)
3:00 arrive at Abby's school basketball game at a school in the southern part of the city
4:00ish leave for home in the northern part of the city
4:30ish make supper, supervise homework & chores
6:15ish drop Casey off at his volleyball practice (north)
6:45 drop Abby and her friend off at their youth activity (east)
8:00 pick up Abby and Casey at the same time! Ha ha!
This is what I call 'Fright Night'! By the time I am finally home for the night, I will want to do nothing more than change into my comfy pjs and get lost in Lost.
The slight change in the schedule is that I am not going in to work today, because Sam is home sick. He's old enough to be home by himself, but a sick kid "needs" coddling no matter how old they might be. Besides, he is also quite dizzy when he stands up, and I don't want him taking a tumble with no one home. I don't know what is going on with him. He so rarely gets sick and prefers to tough out any minor irritations. I know he is truly not well when he willing takes medication. He did tough out school yesterday despite how he was feeling; however, he had difficulty concentrating in class and had a fever in the evening.
Getting out of bed was very difficult for me this morning. I'm not sick, except for a bit of a lingering cough and scratchy throat. I thought I was coming down with a nasty cold a couple of weeks ago, but it never really progressed as much as I expected. Instead, I feel like I am stuck in limbo, not really healthy and not truly sick. It's irritating. But I am so very tired today. And headachey...
Fright Night can't end soon enough for me. I will be doing all the driving around, because this is Kane's final few days of school and he is spending every free moment studying. I'm so glad it is almost over! He just might need to pick Casey up from practice though...I haven't quite mastered the art of being in two places at the same time yet.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Procrastination
I have the day off work and had every intention of making a trip to the gym sometime today. It's only 10:30, lots of time yet in the day, but I'm not so certain that I will actually get to the gym today.
It's the indecision in me, the procrastination. I want to go to the gym, and then again I don't. I am tired. Silly me stayed up late reading a book in bed and now I am dragging my feet.
Sam came upstairs this morning, after repeated attempts to get him awake and out of bed, complaining of a headache. He is so seldom sick and rarely has any complaints regarding his health, so when he is not feeling well it is quite obvious. There didn't appear to be any fever or signs of illness, but his eyes looked pinched and he carried himself more tentatively. I know the signs of a bad headache all too well!
I laid out the options: 4 chewable children's advil or 1 extra-strength ibuprofen caplet. Sam has not yet mastered the art of pill swallowing and abhors medication in any form. He'd rather suffer in misery than take medication with the only exception being amoxycillin. Weird child! After a failed attempt with the caplet, he chose the chewables and made short work of them, which only shows the depth of his discomfort. Mean mother that I am, I sent him to school despite mild protests that he should stay home; however, I did give him permission to go to the office and ask for me to be called should the headache rage on for more than an hour. It's been two hours now, so I guess the advil has kicked in and given some relief.
Even still, the thought that I might be called to pick up a child from school has me hesitant to leave the house for the gym. I will not work out with a cell phone on my hip. I will not be that person!
My own constant headache seems to be mobilizing the troops for battle. How I wish popping an advil would make a difference! A nap sounds lovely...I can be such a procrastinator!
I was going to bake today...
I wanted to get started on spring cleaning...
I did take some time this morning to do some tidying in my bedroom! The closet is now neat and mostly organized. The piles of clean clothes and linens have been put away. The floor swept. There is still a lot to be done in terms of deep cleaning, but it will all keep until Thursday or Friday. Or next week...
The gym could still happen today, even with a nap and indecision. Kane might be in need of a break from his studying later tonight. I could go then, and the gym would probably be less crowded. Ah, there is method to my madness!
The baking could still happen today as well. I have a bag of lemons to use up and, the more I think about them, the more I crave the fresh and tangy taste of lemon squares. Besides, the only other time I made lemon squares was a complete comedy of errors, and I need to redeem myself.
And just maybe I'll go for a walk and enjoy the sunshine!
It's the indecision in me, the procrastination. I want to go to the gym, and then again I don't. I am tired. Silly me stayed up late reading a book in bed and now I am dragging my feet.
Sam came upstairs this morning, after repeated attempts to get him awake and out of bed, complaining of a headache. He is so seldom sick and rarely has any complaints regarding his health, so when he is not feeling well it is quite obvious. There didn't appear to be any fever or signs of illness, but his eyes looked pinched and he carried himself more tentatively. I know the signs of a bad headache all too well!
I laid out the options: 4 chewable children's advil or 1 extra-strength ibuprofen caplet. Sam has not yet mastered the art of pill swallowing and abhors medication in any form. He'd rather suffer in misery than take medication with the only exception being amoxycillin. Weird child! After a failed attempt with the caplet, he chose the chewables and made short work of them, which only shows the depth of his discomfort. Mean mother that I am, I sent him to school despite mild protests that he should stay home; however, I did give him permission to go to the office and ask for me to be called should the headache rage on for more than an hour. It's been two hours now, so I guess the advil has kicked in and given some relief.
Even still, the thought that I might be called to pick up a child from school has me hesitant to leave the house for the gym. I will not work out with a cell phone on my hip. I will not be that person!
My own constant headache seems to be mobilizing the troops for battle. How I wish popping an advil would make a difference! A nap sounds lovely...I can be such a procrastinator!
I was going to bake today...
I wanted to get started on spring cleaning...
I did take some time this morning to do some tidying in my bedroom! The closet is now neat and mostly organized. The piles of clean clothes and linens have been put away. The floor swept. There is still a lot to be done in terms of deep cleaning, but it will all keep until Thursday or Friday. Or next week...
The gym could still happen today, even with a nap and indecision. Kane might be in need of a break from his studying later tonight. I could go then, and the gym would probably be less crowded. Ah, there is method to my madness!
The baking could still happen today as well. I have a bag of lemons to use up and, the more I think about them, the more I crave the fresh and tangy taste of lemon squares. Besides, the only other time I made lemon squares was a complete comedy of errors, and I need to redeem myself.
And just maybe I'll go for a walk and enjoy the sunshine!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
