3 Weeks Plus

I suppose it has been a while since I last posted here. To be honest, I haven't been up to it or up to much of anything really. I've managed to drag my carcass to work for my scheduled shifts, manipulated my body through the required motions to get the job done and dragged my carcass back home at the end of my shift, exhausted and in much pain. Within an hour at work my back is screaming in pain and I find myself leaning heavily on the counter at every opportunity. Through it all is the never-ending headache which refuses to be tamed by Advil, Tylenol, or even something a little stronger.

One co-worker is constantly asking if I'm okay and recognizes my little white lies when I tell her that I'm doing okay. Kane has been nagging me, telling me that I shouldn't be going to work, and hounding me about the hours I'm working. He is concerned and probably right. I know it, but it isn't so easy for me to throw in the towel and show weakness. I don't want to let anyone down. It is a busy time at work. We're busy but understaffed, so I feel guilty about being unable to perform the way I want to and the way I am needed to perform. I feel guilty about needing and wanting time off work to fully recover. The guilt is fuelled by the fact that I don't look injured. It wasn't until I brought photos of my broken van into work that some of my co-workers realized just how devastating the impact was! But, I am realizing that, as much as I am needed at work, my health has to come first and I truly am not up to working the hours that I am being given.
It doesn't matter if I work four hours or eight, when I am done work I spend the rest of the night laying on the futon with ice and a heating pad. In pain and completely wiped out.

I have a doctor's appointment after work on Monday, and I am going to see what he will say about taking more time off work. Massage has been lovely, most of the time, but I haven't noticed any difference. The physiotherapist has exhausted all his means of manipulating a headache and struck out with each one. He even resorted to acupuncture on my last visit which was a first for me. He's at a loss, unable to explain why I have this constant headache and puzzled as to why he can't do anything to affect it for good or bad. It's been a little more than three weeks now.

I've also begun having difficulties sleeping at night. I am tired, exhausted and ready for nap all the time, but the headache pain and now pressure in my head when I am laying down keeps me wide awake for hours. Tuesday night was the worst keeping me awake until after 4:00am! My alarm rang at 7:00am so that I could get the kids up and ready for school. I had to be up at 5:45 this morning for work, but I laid in bed unable to sleep until after midnight. The pressure is like sharp fingers pushing through my skull in the middle of my forehead and above my ears. Aaargh!

In happier news, we now have a "new" van. It is a 1996 Ford Windstar mini-van. The exterior is green, the interior a beige kind of colour. It seats seven with captain's chairs in the middle, and it has a CD player! It is clean and has been well maintained with an impeccable folder full of records and receipts! It even came with a set of new winter tires on rims. We picked it up last Monday night. The Aerostar had a truck chassis which the Windstar does not have, so it feels and drives very differently, but we're liking it.

It looks like we will continue to be a busy family. Everything is starting up again and plates are rapidly filling up.

Sam has had two hockey evaluation times already with another one tomorrow afternoon. It's a little disappointing to have learned that many of the players from his team last year will be playing rep this year, but all we are hoping for is a decent coach. Last year's team was amazing and I don't think that year will ever be replicated again; however, I am extremely glad that Sam had the opportunity to play with such great kids and to be taught by an amazing set of coaches. Last year was like a fairy-tale year for him. Hopefully, this year will be a good one, too.

Sam is also hoping to play ball hockey on Friday nights but that will depend upon his hockey schedule. He is also doing cross-country running at school, although he missed the first race because his knee has been giving him some trouble. Growing pains maybe? He took part in the second race but found it harder than he expected. Of course, being in grade 9 now, he also has to run nearly twice the distance!

Casey is also doing ball hockey (Monday nights) and cross-country running. He did very well in the first race with a time of 18:53 finishing in sixth place for grade 7 boys and about 19th overall. The distance was roughly 4km. I don't know his results for the second race, but he seems to be enjoying everything and finding many reasons to gloat over his brother. Casey has also begun volleyball at school which means fitting after school practices/games in with cross-country running practices/races and ball hockey and youth group!

Both boys are in junior high youth group this year which happens on Wednesday evenings for the most part.

Abby isn't as involved as the boys are which is perfectly fine by me, but she makes up for it in her social life. She is involved in Xplore at church which is a music/drama/crafts program. She spends a lot of time on the phone or playing with her friends from school.

Kane has been working on the renovations as often as he can. Most of the drywall has been installed, taped, mudded and sanded. I believe that he is ready to start painting. There is still a bit of electrical work to be done and the plumbing and venting also. Little by little, things are getting done.

I have been working, sleeping, applying ice and/or heat, eating ibuprofren like candy, reading, watching TV, tossing and turning, running to appointments, and basically doing as little as possible. What I haven't been doing is: scrapbooking, finishing off my big "to-do" list that I never did quite finish before the accident, washing dishes, scrubbing the tub, yard work, jogging, or any activity which requires a lot of effort or flexibility.

And I know that it is time to wrap this post up because my fingers keep hitting the wrong keys and I can't ignore them but have to go back and fix everything that I can, or at least the stuff that I can "remember" as being wrong.

So this will be disjointed and kind of random but such are the paths of my life these days...

1. Our van has officially been written off by ICBC. We kind of expected that and weren't too surprised with what they offered us, but we're hoping to get a little bit more.
2. I have mixed feelings about the loss of our van. It is exciting to get something *new*, but finding a vehicle that fits our needs and our budget is stressful and rather a hassle. Our van was in good shape and we had no plans to replace it in the near future. Instead, it has been ripped from our lives and we never really got to say good-bye. Silly, I know.
3. Kane and I spent a large portion of today searching for vans. We struck out at all the used car dealerships but found a promising van via the classified ads. We both really like this van even though it is a little more than what ICBC is offering at this point, but we could be prepared to come up with the difference. We're planning on taking this van to a mechanic for an inspection on Monday, but it is in far better condition than most of the others we saw today and the price is fantastic for the year and condition. I'm trying not to get too excited, but I am hopeful.
4. I used the last of my prescription anti-inflammatories this morning. :o( I don't know why I feel kind of bummed about it; I generally prefer to avoid taking medications and the anti-inflammatory didn't even begin to touch my headache. But, my neck is feeling better every day!
5. I haven't been sleeping well at night since Tuesday. The massage therapist said I should sleep on my back rather than my side because of muscle stiffness and limited range of motion in my shoulder, particularly the right one which is the side that I favour. There is a reason that I sleep on my side and that is because it is the way that I sleep the best! I cannot fall asleep on my back and, when I wind up on my back during the night, I wake up with a sore lower back. Still, I've been trying to listen and be obedient but I need more sleep!
6. I'm still napping every day which is quite out of character for me, but I guess that's what happens after being in an accident and having your head shaken rather than stirred. What will I do when I return to work on Wednesday? I won't have time for anymore naps...
7. All that housework and extra cleaning I did before the accident has fallen into a state of chaos. What would this family do if I were seriously hurt? Kane's made an effort but still...you'd never know that I did have the house fairly clean and organized. So frustrating.
8. Everything seems to be starting up this coming week. Casey has ball hockey. Sam and Casey have cross-country running practices and their first race. Abby has her church music program. Youth group must be starting soon, maybe this week...good thing we're going to church tomorrow! We heard that hockey evaluations should be happening this weekend which means Sam needs to see whether his gear still fits. Yikes! There's a parent meeting at the school regarding the laptop program. Casey has a dentist appointment to make up for the one we missed when we were rear-ended. I have a doctor's appointment and three massage appointments. I work Wednesday through Saturday. We have to take care of inspecting this potential van and dealing with ICBC. And I will probably want nothing more than to crawl into bed with some extra strength ibuprofen.
9. I have an AGM report newsletter to prepare for our baseball association, but I've only received one submission so far and the deadline was supposed to be yesterday. Another thing on my plate...
10. School fees are ridiculously expensive! Just for the boys, including 2 yearbooks and a somewhat mandatory laptop backpack, I paid $215 and still had to buy school supplies and gym shoes! I paid $37 for Abby's fees and that included almost all of her supplies!
11. There is very little worth watching on TV on weekdays. I don't watch soap operas, and I dislike most game shows. I enjoy some cooking shows and some shows on HGTV, but those shows tend to repeat through the day. None of the interesting sports are on in the morning or early afternoon, and half the movies are ones I've seen a million times or have no interest in seeing. When you spend most of your day laying on the sofa for a week, it would be nice to find something exciting to watch. I've done a lot of reading but can only do so much of that.
12. The boys are going golfing tomorrow with grandma and grandpa. Sam thinks that he will own the course.
13. We went to watch the Rockets exhibition game tonight on the spur of the moment. Sam was already going with a friend. We got great seats and enjoyed the evening.

Crash

Casey and I were headed to the dentist around 4:40pm on Thursday, September 6. He had an appointment for 5pm. We were heading south on Glenmore Drive. Immediately after crossing the Glenmore/Bernard/Spall intersection, we had to stop behind the backed up rush hour traffic. There hadn't been any vehicle directly behind me while I had been driving. We stopped and I soon noticed a red truck pulling a trailer speeding toward me in my rear view mirror. I knew in a heartbeat that we were going to be hit, and boy were we hit!



I don't believe the other driver had enough time to slow down and, in my opinion, he didn't. We were hit hard and pushed into the vehicle in front of us. I heard the crunch of metal and the shatter of glass and in an instant my head and neck were hurting. Casey was freaked out, crying and also complaining about his head. I didn't cry right away. Despite my uncontrollable shaking, I managed to drive the van out of the way of traffic and find my license and registration for the police officer who was on the scene immediately. He was the car in front of the car I was pushed into.
There wasn't any visible damage that I could see to the car in front of me; however, I did lose my front license plate and managed to lose all my anti-freeze making the van undriveable. Casey calmed down quickly enough, but I would be shaking for quite some time. It took a while before I even noticed all the damage to my van. The captain's seat directly behind mine was lying askew ripped from its' anchor. Both front seats were permanently reclined. I didn't notice some damage until Kane and I went to the tow yard on Saturday.

We're still waiting to hear from ICBC, but we expect the van to be written off. The driver's side has a lot of buckling all the way up to my door. The rear hatch has tears in several places as well as the dents. The radiator, the seats, the rear window, the bumpers...it was rather surreal to walk around the van at the yard, touching the dents and seeing the damage after the adrenaline and emotion had drained away.

Casey seems to be fine. He repeatedly tells me that he's perfectly okay, but once in a while he will admit to having a slight headache. He's a kid though and much too busy to be slowed down. I'm doing okay considering how hard we must have been hit. Strangely, the airbag didn't go off and we didn't hit our heads on the dashboard. My neck is still stiff and sore, but I am finding it easier to lift my head up from the pillow now. I couldn't do that Thursday night or even Friday. My head still hurts, especially when I am in a vertical position rather than horizontal. I went with Kane to the doctor on Saturday. He had to get his stitches removed and he wanted me to be looked at again. The doctor I saw Thursday night was fine but wasn't willing to commit to drugs or time off work. He gave me the option to come back in a day or two if I needed those things which was nice but frustrating. We saw a different doctor on Saturday and he was much better. I've seen him before and found him to be more thorough than some of the other doctors at our clinic. Neither doctor believes that I have any pinched nerves which is good. However, this doctor did prescribe me an anti-flammatory and a muscle relaxant and gave me a referral for massage and a note excusing me from work up to and including the 17th. He also had me book an appointment for follow-up on the 17th.

Basically, I think that I could go to work and carry on with life as if everything was normal, but I know that I would feel like crap by the end of the day. My headache has increased in the few minutes that I've been sitting here typing this blog, and it will be time for me to crawl back into my nest on the futon. I've also been sleeping a lot, even without the muscle relaxant. It's all for the best, I'm sure.

So, we play the waiting game now. What will ICBC say about the van? If they write it off, how much will they offer us?




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Sunday

Edited on Monday

Yeah, it's another boring housework post, but I need to update my progress if even just to keep me motivated.

-clean linen closet (done)
-dust living room (done), dining room (done), master bedroom, bathroom (done), computer desk (done), framed photos (done)/art on the walls (done)
-clean inside the fridge
-clean outside of fridge, top to bottom (done)
-wash the shower curtain (done)
-mop kitchen, hall, stairs, bathroom, and all three bedrooms
-clean the tub and all the bathroom tiles (done)
-wash light fixtures in all rooms (dining room done)
-wash fingerprints off of walls and door jambs in all rooms
-clean all the windows (done)
-wash the futon cover (done)
-mend my quilts
-if I get that mending done, wash the quilts
-re-organize/purge bookshelves (done)
-wipe out inside of all kitchen and bathroom cupboards (done half of the kitchen)
-wash cupboard fronts in bathroom and kitchen
-clean, purge and organize kitchen (done) & bathroom drawers (done)
-dust cobwebs from all corners of ceilings (done)
-scrub bathroom ceiling with bleach to kill/remove mould
-take glass jars to recycling depot
-take empty beverage containers to bottle depot
-organize/purge storage room under the stairs
-clean, purge and sort laundry room cupboards
-clean outside of washer and dryer
-sort and organize pantry (done)
-pack summer clothes
-purge Abby's clothes (done)
-clean the carpet

I even had enough time today to bake cookies. I just finished dusting the living/dining room, and it is nearly 9:00pm. Normally, I do not do housework at this time of night, but I am motivated by the length of my 'to-do' list and the limited number of days to cross those items off.

Saturday

Kane hit his head on a hinge in his work van this morning while I was at work. Apparently, there was a lot of blood! He ended up with six or seven stitches.

I'm off work now until next Saturday! Yeah!

The kids are making tacos for supper tonight. I informed them last week that they are responsible for supper when I work on Saturdays from now on. Normally, Kane will share that responsibility with them, but he might be in a bit of pain by that time today.

I no longer need to wake up between 5-6am except for Saturdays! :o)

I'm tired.

Spring Cleaning Catch-up

Two more days of "work" work before I have six days off! Yeah! The only thing is that I am planning on doing a lot of work around the house in that time. I'm playing catch-up on my 'spring cleaning'. My list is long, but I've already begun chipping away at it, and I am hopeful. Here's my list so far (I am adding to it as stuff pops into my head):

-clean linen closet (done)
-dust living room, dining room, master bedroom, bathroom, computer desk (done), framed photos/art on the walls
-clean inside the fridge
-clean outside of fridge, top to bottom (done)
-wash the shower curtain
-mop kitchen, hall, stairs, bathroom, and all three bedrooms
-clean the tub and all the bathroom tiles
-wash light fixtures in all rooms
-wash fingerprints off of walls and door jambs in all rooms
-clean all the windows
-wash the futon cover
-mend my quilts
-if I get that mending done, wash the quilts
-re-organize/purge bookshelves
-wipe out inside of all kitchen and bathroom cupboards
-wash cupboard fronts in bathroom and kitchen
-clean, purge and organize kitchen & bathroom drawers
-dust cobwebs from all corners of ceilings (done)
-scrub bathroom ceiling with bleach to kill/remove mould
-take glass jars to recycling depot
-take empty beverage containers to bottle depot
-organize/purge storage room under the stairs
-clean, purge and sort laundry room cupboards
-clean outside of washer and dryer
-sort and organize pantry (done)
-pack summer clothes
-purge Abby's clothes
-clean the carpet

I've also done a couple of the kitchen drawers and one cupboard already. I find it easy to do that sort of thing when putting away dishes or groceries; there's just a lot of cupboards and drawers! The list is daunting and will most likely grow before it is completed, but I can't wait to get it done. The biggest challenge will be staying motivated next week when I have all that free time. Mind you, that free time is somewhat broken up into chunks. The kids only have a half day of school on Tuesday, I have a meeting at 1pm on Wednesday, and I'm hoping to go for coffee with a friend. Still lots of time and it helps that I've already begun tackling tasks.

Next week, the music will be blaring and I'll be working up a sweat doing housework. It's time to pull out The Temptations greatest hits! For some reason beyond comprehension, I keep turning to the Temptations whenever I am doing a big work project around the house. That's what got me through painting the hall and living room a couple of years ago. But who knows...Abby's ABBA cd might do the trick, too. Or both...I have room for five cds in my stereo...hmmm.

I am looking forward to September and the return to school and regular routine. One more week! I have three more shifts this week; thankfully they are all 7-2 or 3pm, so I can sleep in until at least 6:15! ha ha. Then, I have six days off. Bliss.

The only thing is that I am hoping/planning on doing a lot of cleaning and organizing around the house that week. The kids will be at school and I'll be home getting everything in order after the chaos of baseball season and the rest of summer. I've already started making up my checklist, (I'm big on lists!) and I even started on the linen closet yesterday afternoon. Hopefully I get everything finished without running out of steam or time.

I'm exhausted. Maybe I'll just sleep that entire week...or not. I know I'll feel much better when my house is clean and organized. The older I get the more I hate clutter! We aren't big consumers. We do lots of grocery shopping, but we really don't buy a lot of things and clothes yet we always seem to have more stuff than we need. How does that happen?! Even though I am continuously purging, throwing away junk and sending goods to Big Brothers, we always have more.

I Survived!

The one thing that I didn't want to happen did happen, but I still managed to have a good day at work.

Today was the day that I shouldered a lot more responsibility and power than I've ever had at this job before. The owners were off to Seattle early this morning and both managers were out of town, leaving myself and a junior supervisor to run the show; the first time "solo" for both of us. We had a good group of staff on and things were going smoothly despite being busy until about 10:30am.

Drive-thru was very busy and lined up when the till froze up! It took a half hour of scrambling and phone calls to Panasonic before we finally had the till working. Oh the joy! We ran into till problems again shortly before noon which required another phone call to Panasonic to fix. Of all the things that could go wrong, till problems were the most intimidating and troublesome. It was hectic and crazy for a while there, but I think we did a decent job of serving the customers and working through the problem until it was resolved. For that I am incredibly glad.

It was really a good day even though we had those problems. I enjoyed myself and had a good time at work. We even managed to keep up with our cleaning and stocking tasks and with breaks! However, I feel wiped out. My feet are throbbing, my back is sore, and my head hurts from the new, super-tight headsets, but I'm smiling.

I'm going out for dinner tonight and it won't cost us a thing. Kane has a generous gift certificate for a brand new restaurant. We're taking Sam along with us. Surprisingly, Sam seems eager to join mom and dad for a fancy dinner even though he is incredibly picky. I remember being taken out to a fancy restaurant with my parents for my sixteenth birthday. In general, it was a good memory except that they "made" me eat a stuffed mushroom cap which still sends shivers up and down my spine. I abhor mushrooms. There are things that I don't really care for but I will eat them anyway, but mushrooms are not even close to fitting in that category. I've had to eat mushrooms and I gag every single time. This is why I am a little lenient with my kids when I know that they absolutely do not like a particular item. For Sam, that would be scalloped potatoes. I do make them eat some things because not caring for them isn't enough, but I respect their intense dislikes. I have mine so they can have theirs.

But first, I need to shower and have a nap in whichever order I can take it.

15 Years

Tomorrow is my 15th wedding anniversary!

I am amazed, not that we've made it this far but that we've really been married that long! It doesn't quite seem possible, and I'm certainly not old enough to have lost that newlywed blush. Am I? Maybe so.

Despite his flaws and my own, I love my husband. It is easy to find reasons to grumble and complain about his power naps, his shoes under the computer desk, his snoring, his keys locked in the van...again, but how much sweeter is it to think upon all the things that I love about my husband!

I love holding his hand when we are walking. I love how he opens the door for me and pushes me out the door so that I can have some 'me' time. He might roll his eyes and moan, but he will watch a 'girlie' movie with me and enjoy it. He makes the best breakfast: hashbrowns, scrambled eggs or an omelet, bacon or sausage. Being someone who detests washing dishes, I am quite appreciative every time Kane washes dishes for me. He's a great dad who loves his kids and loves spending time with them. He's a hard worker. He listens to me ramble. (Betcha didn't know I could ramble on and on!) He makes me laugh even though I also often roll my eyes at the bad humour. I love how sappy he can be. I love how he loves me even when I'm not sure I love myself.

Tomorrow is my only day off for the rest of this week. We're going out for dinner Saturday night, so tomorrow I am making a rib roast with mashed potatoes, gravy and some as yet undetermined veggies.

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R.I.P.

I came home from work this afternoon to the news that Casey's hamster, Speedy had died. Time of death is undetermined. It could have been during the night or first thing in the morning before Casey woke up at 10:30! We can't quite pin down just how long Speedy has been part of our household, but we think that it must be close to three years. He had a good life!

Casey teared up as he showed me Speedy laid out in an empty Kleenex box on the dining room table. To my surprise, he had already emptied and cleaned out the cage! Casey and Abby had also made a "tombstone" out of cardboard and paper. It read:

Will never

forget

SPEEDY

loved by everyone

he was

the best

You

were

an

awesome

hamster

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Behind the Mask

I might be going out on a limb here, but I need to spill a little of what I am actually feeling rather than just rambling on about what I'm doing. Being busy is a given and it is much easier to talk about things than feelings, but if I want to be honest with myself and real to others then I need to be able to cast aside the cardboard masks from time to time.

Don't worry! In general, I am doing just fine. Yes, the carpal tunnel is flaring up, and Abby is sure she found a couple of grey hairs on my head last week, but life is basically good. Casey still has more attitude than common sense at times, but I wouldn't trade him for anyone.

I've lost a friendship that meant so much to me for a very long time. The past couple of years have been awful and very difficult. Maybe you already knew that, or maybe you didn't. Being vulnerable isn't a state I like to be in and so I'd much rather bite my tongue, cry into my pillow, and put on a brave face than let anyone see the storm raging inside of me. My paper journal has nearly been consumed by this storm, but this blog has been rather silent on that front. Not only am I afraid of showing the faltering me, but I have also been hesitant to say anything here for fear of hurting or offending this friend. In some ways that seems kind of silly to me now, but I hate conflict. But then again, perhaps the past two years would be completely different if I said nothing, done nothing but simply gone with the flow and behaved exactly as I was expected to behave. Or maybe not.

I am mourning a friendship lost, and I have been discovering that such grief does not come with an expiration date. Just when I think that my tears have dried up and the wounds have healed, something happens and I hurt just as much as I did at the beginning. Sometimes I hurt even more. This friend wasn't someone that I saw once in a while, blowing in and out of each other's lives. She was one of my bestest friends, closer to me than any of my sisters ever could be.

There is a lot that could be said about the last couple of years and how we arrived at this place, but it doesn't need to be said here. To make a long, complicated story incredibly short, she pulled away while steadily pushing me away. It was a gradual process which in some ways was probably more difficult to deal with than an outright amputation. Eventually, I realized that I needed to take a step back for my own good. It seems weird to say that I took a step back from a relationship where I was being pushed out, but I guess I simply realized that I had to physically let the relationship go. And so I have, I think. Most of the time, I feel incredible peace with that decision, but obviously I still have some emotional tethers or I wouldn't still be grieving. Would I? See, I still can't see this all clearly. It is a mess, a tangled, snarled and ugly mess. At least that is how I see and feel it.

One of the most tender areas is the knowledge, or at least the appearance that all this turmoil and strain is only being felt on my end. There have been so many instances which have given me reason to believe that this friend doesn't view this estrangement the same way. It confuses me, in all honesty. I don't know what to think. Is she truly blind to what has transpired over the past two years? Or does she simply not care? Is she simply living with her head in the clouds trying to sweep any issues under the carpet? I wish I knew.

In May, I worked up enough courage to call her, to ask her a "why" question. It seemed to take her by surprise. I had hoped and prayed that our brief conversation would have been enough to spark something, anything within her. I didn't expect a complete reversal of the past two years, but I hoped that someone who said she was glad that I had told her how I felt would be sincere enough to take that knowledge and do something with it.

That phone call was made because I had to make another difficult decision concerning this friend. Much to my surprise, I had been invited to a momentous occasion in her life. Despite how things turned out with the phone call, I had originally decided that I would attend, but I didn't. Baseball is my excuse and I fully recognize it as an excuse. I think I'm entitled to an excuse once in a while. However, I did mail a letter explaining my non-appearance and closed by putting the ball once again in her court. I honestly didn't expect a response, but I guess in a way I did.

A few weeks ago, while at the ballpark, this friend walked right past me, only inches away from my face, without so much as a turn of the head, a hello, or even a 'pardon me'. I was in the midst of Abby's team waiting for some final instructions, surrounded by strangers and nobody saw me take that mortal blow. I didn't even have time or space to allow myself to feel anything but numbness...until later. And yet, she sent out two bulk generic emails within the last couple of weeks and I was included in those mailings. I'm not a part of her life anymore and haven't been for at least a year. So then how should I feel when these little friend-like gestures are casually tossed my way? Do they even mean anything when there isn't a relationship behind them anymore? Really, they feel like tiny arrows piercing my skin and drawing blood or a slap in the face, and I am weary of walking wounded.

Where this post is going I don't really know. I just had to say something, hoping that in the telling there could be found some clarity. It's bad enough carrying all this stress and emotional baggage from this situation, but I've also got a boatload of self-doubt dragging behind me. Did I make enough of an effort? Did I say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing? Should I have taken that step back?

So yeah, I feel rather beat up and discarded. Thankfully, life is far too busy for me to be utterly consumed by this situation. I barely have the energy or motivation to think about what to make for supper let alone contemplate the intricacies of a failed relationship. At least too much. Obviously I do think about it. I really can't avoid it and I'm not sure that I would want to. Avoiding issues doesn't make them disappear; it just gives them room to grow and tangle.

I'll be okay. Really. Some things just hurt for a long, long time.

It is Finished!

After 102 days and more than 400 hours of baseball, I am quite happy to say that baseball season is over. All that's left to do is hand in uniforms and equipment and clean out the van from the weekend.

Casey's team didn't do so well at their Provincials finishing 0-4. Kane has said that the team won "half" their games; unfortunately, they only won half of each game. There were a few moments of glory and a whole lot of fizzle. Casey played well and picked up his game, or so I have been told. I wasn't there to see it. He did earn an MVP award though and had a good time. Despite their string of losses, the team had a great time and would have liked to keep the season going, which is a good thing, I guess. What a difference from Casey's all-star team last year compared to this team! Last year, everyone couldn't wait for the season to end. There was no team unity, no joy, and no success. This year's team has been great even if they didn't perform well at Provincials. Good kids with good parents and mostly good attitudes. We did well at our own tournament and at Zones. It would be awesome to have this group of kids together on the same team again next year, but I know that is nothing more than wishful thinking.

Kane was glad that he decided to take Abby along with him to Provincials. She was the team's bat-girl; not the kind that wears a cape and fights crime but the kind that wears a baseball uniform and collects baseball bats off the field. She also had fun playing at the campground with some of the siblings. Everyone was eaten alive by mosquitoes and bug spray was hard to find in the local stores!

Sam and I had a long, busy, hot, but quiet weekend. We had long hours at the ballpark as Sam was umping and I did some scorekeeping. We were at the ballpark for 10+ hours on Friday, about 8 hours on Saturday and another 8 hours yesterday. Sam made himself $200 and was treated to free food and drink at the concession. In the evenings, we simply hung out at home watching TV or movies, staying up late and not much else. We watched Bladerunner, and I watched half of the Godfather until I was no longer able to focus. Mansfield Park was on TV late one night, and quite enjoying that movie, I tried to stay up to watch it. I made it until 11:30pm, but there was still another hour left to go and I could barely keep my eyes open. Last night, I watched In Her Shoes which I've been wanting to watch for a long time. Loved it and knew that I would. I quite enjoyed the book and the movie was more than acceptable for an adaptation. Kane watched 300 last night, but I couldn't get into that after a weekend of baseball. He liked it though.

I have to work early tomorrow morning. Blech. I'm going out to spend time with my girlfriends tonight and tomorrow night is a staff party. I might be catatonic by then. I feel like a zombie already. My left eyelid is puffy from the weekend. I don't know what the problem is, but frequently when I am at the ballpark for an extended time, my eye(s) tear constantly. My body feels weighted, my eyelids seem unable to open more than halfway, and a nap would not be wasted. I fear that I am on the verge of getting sick. I have noticed a dryness and scratchiness in my throat for the past day or two. It wouldn't surprise me really. Undoubtedly, I am run down and run over!

But baseball is over! Done. Finished. No more. At least until April 2008 but that is many months from now. In the meantime, I can actually cook meals that don't need to be eaten on the run or prepared and consumed by mid-afternoon. There will be no need to rush out the door after consuming said meals. The renovations can progress and yardwork can be done. I can return Abby's overdue magazine which was just found last night! Housework can be caught up on; the deep cleaning kind of stuff that hasn't been done for the past four months! I can breathe. Maybe we'll even make it to the beach once this summer...

Thirteen Things about my grandpa's farm As I had to be up by 5:45am today, I tried to go to sleep last night at a reasonable time. Seldom am I successful at finding sleep when I most desperately need it, especially when I am facing such an early start to the next day. While I tried to fall asleep, I let my mind wander across snapshots of memories of my grandpa's farm. 1. The farm was located near Shellbrook, Saskatchewan which, if I'm not mistaken, is somewhere near Prince Albert. Regardless, it was a long drive from our home in Estevan. I don't know how long my grandparents operated the farm, but my memories take place when I was about five or six years old, maybe a little younger or older. 2. My sister, Colleen licked the rear bumper of our car during one winter visit and found her tongue stuck. The two of us had matching blue winter jackets. Never have I entertained the idea of licking cold metal... 3. Making mud pies with my sister. 4. Jumping off the retaining wall pretending to be Wonder Woman while Colleen was 'Bamie Bummers', aka Jamie Summers, the bionic woman. 5. Coming back to the farm after church to find the pigs running loose having escaped their pen. 6. Christmas 1977. I was five years old and my grandpa gave me a plush puppy with a radio in his belly. I still have the puppy less the long-discarded radio. I named him Fritz after our dog who was sired by Happy, my grandpa's dog. 7. Colleen and I have a water fight using empty dish soap bottles and being bitten by horseflies. 8. Riding my brand new banana seat, 3 speed bike down the steep driveway. I loved that bike. 9. Mixing up a strange brew of soap, shampoo, toothpaste and shaving cream in the bathroom sink and being caught by my grandma. Colleen and I had just recently been dropped off for a summer visit; I think I was missing my mom and dad. I remember running out to the dirt road and hoping that they would come back. 10. Sitting around the table with my family and my aunt and uncle listening to the "grown-up" conversation. My aunt is 11 years older than me and my uncle is 6 or 7 years older than me, I think. My uncle was talking about 'freshies' and I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. Kool-aid?! Now I know that he was talking about freshman... 11. The combines, the wheat fields, driving in my grandpa's truck through the tall wheat, and going to the grain elevator. My sister and I standing in shorts and t-shirts amongst the wheat. Colleen was holding onto a stuffed skunk. 12. At one point, my grandparents build a new farmhouse not too far from the old one. I remember the new one being built; I'm sure my dad probably did a lot of the work. Once the new house was finished, Colleen and I spent some time playing in the old, empty house, except that it wasn't completely empty. We found a few odds and ends, things like old chequebooks and such. 13. During one visit, my grandpa bought two small stuffed animals. One for me and one for Colleen. One was a monkey, the other a bear. He held them both behind his back and we had to choose a hand. The monkey was mine, and I was glad. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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And they're off...

They're gone, and Sam and I are home. Alone.

Sam woke up this morning feeling better. Part of me was hoping to call in sick for work tomorrow, but I'm glad that he is back to normal.

It was a crazy morning. Maggie killed a mouse sometime last night, early this morning. I didn't hear her, but she woke Kane up around 5:30am meowing over her trophy. I was dragged from my sleep at 6:40am by the doorbell. The first ring woke me up instantly, but I wasn't sure that I had actually heard the doorbell. I took a glance at the clock, saw the time and figured that there wouldn't be anyone at my door at that time of morning. Also, Kane wasn't in bed, so I thought that he could take care of anyone that was that insane. No sooner had I settled back into bed than the doorbell rang again. By the time I got to the door, I could hear Kane calling outside Abby's window. Somehow, he went to Tim Horton's this morning and locked himself out of the house; I don't think I even want to know how that was possible! I let him in. He showed me the mouse that he had "bagged", and I went back to bed until my alarm rang at 8:00.

Kane was off to do a bit of work by then. I went to IGA for the last few items I needed to pick up. The kids cleaned out the van while I finished packing up clothes, camping gear, and baseball equipment. I loaded up everything but the cooler, sleeping bags, and such. I filled the washer fluid, brake fluid, and checked the oil. Said my good-byes to Casey and Abby and tried not to cry. I think I succeeded. Any leakage could be attributed to allergies; that's my story...

Sam and I left for the dentist at noon. Kane and the other two kids were going to leave between 1-1:30, so they were gone by the time we got home.

I'm left to drive in our "old" van, the one that has been demoted for Kane's usage rather than family usage. The brakes rumble and shake. A headlight is burned out. There is an annoying beep from some oil sensor thingamajig. The light which illuminates the gas gauge is burned out, so you can only tell how much fuel you have in bright sunlight. As Sam and I drove to the dentist, I discovered that there was no windshield fluid in his van and the signal lights weren't flashing! Lovely.

Intelligent and motivated girl that I am, I stopped at Canadian Tire after we were finished at the dentist. In the parking lot, I opened up the fuse box, located the signal light fuse and pulled it out. After waiting five minutes in line at the automotive desk, I was "helped" by not so helpful clerk. Fine. I prefer to do things myself anyway. As we were walking down an aisle to leave, I saw a matching fuse, and right beside it, new signal light things. I don't know what it is called, but I recognize it from the last time we had to replace something more significant for the signal lights. Both items were relatively inexpensive, so I purchased both, along with some windshield washer fluid. Back in the parking lot, I opened the new fuse and popped it in; it worked! I'd try to replace the headlight, but I think we had some difficulty removing the cover from that one before...the last time I tried to replace a headlight, in fact. I don't anticipate doing any night driving this weekend, so I'm not panicking.

I am tired and a little bored. There is much that could be done. If I wasn't so tired, I would rant about that stupid mouse in my house but that might be better saved for another day. At least our cat is doing her job...

Update

It is nearly midnight. I am tired. My baby toe hurts because I stubbed it on the cooler as we were leaving for baseball practice. My thumb hurts because I jammed it hard against a metal post while prepping the ball field. My nose is stuffy from the mystery allergy that frequently plagues me at the ballpark, but at least my eye isn't tearing anymore. I came home to find Sam lying on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, looking terrible. When I got home from work, he said he had a headache but wouldn't take anything for it. Tonight, his head was still hurting and he was burning up. It took some coaxing and about fifteen minutes, but he finally got some Motrin into his system and went to bed without any hassle. I sure hope he's feeling better by Friday! They desperately need him to ump this weekend.

I went grocery shopping after baseball practice. I can't say that I've ever been to Superstore at 9:00pm; it was kind of nice. There were no line-ups at the check-outs, and if I wasn't in such a rush to get a million things done, my shopping experience would have been quite relaxing and almost enjoyable. It was a little frustrating to not be able to get the little boxes of cereal or a big container of water; they were out. I'll get them tomorrow from the neighbourhood IGA, and I need to pick up a tin of coarse grind coffee for Kane to use with his new French press.

The last load of laundry is in the dryer which is why I am still awake. There are small piles of clothes and uniforms on my living room floor waiting to be completed and packed in the morning. The sleeping bags are rolled up and waiting...in my living room. I've been through the big bin of camping cookware and odds & ends. This time Kane will have a large spoon and spatula! At 10:00 tonight, I boiled pasta for Kane's oft requested pasta salad. Veggies need to be chopped in the morning. The van still needs to be emptied and reloaded. The cooler still needs to be cleaned out and loaded up. Oh, I need to get a block of ice, too! Can't forget that. Kane downsized from two large equipment bags to one large bag. The spare cell phone is charging and Casey's ipod has been charged. Paperwork is all in order in a binder.

It feels like I've barely done anything, but I guess there really isn't too much more to do. The kids will be enlisted to help with most of what's left to do which will make things happen more smoothly. I hope.

Spent

Am I crazy or have I simply accepted that my life is crazy busy so I may as well add more things to do to my day? I'd think about it more, but I'm too tired to do anything but keep moving. So, why am I sitting in front of my computer instead of working my way through my mile long list of things to do? Just taking a few minutes...

I am so exhausted I could sleep for a week and still be groggy. We were at the ballpark on Saturday for 7 hours and for 9.5 hours on Sunday. Yesterday I worked 7 hours and spent my three free hours catching up on some baseball business. Baseball last night. Baseball tonight. I only worked four hours today, four long and hot hours! I have laundry started, the dishwasher is running, the kids did a fair job cleaning the kitchen for me while I was at work, and I am trying to make a shopping list and decide what Kane and the kids will eat for the rest of the week.

Kane, Casey, and Abby are leaving tomorrow for Provincials. They will be leaving here between noon and 1pm. Unless he's changed his mind, Kane was planning on doing some work in the morning which leaves me to get everything packed and ready! The dentist phoned not too long ago to ask if I could bring Sam in for his cleaning tomorrow at 12:30 instead of a week later. I really had to weigh my answer. I don't know my work schedule for next week, so there is the possibility that I would end up needing to reschedule his appointment anyway, but I have so much to do tomorrow. In the end, I said yes. Shoot me now, please.

I still need to get groceries, finish laundry, pack their clothing, clean out the van, load up the van, clean out the cooler, load up the cooler, make sure Kane has all necessary paperwork for the tournament, make sure they all have their uniforms and necessary ball equipment. I filled the gas tank after work, but I still need to check oil and washer fluid. I can do this.

One of Casey's teammates will be travelling with Kane and the kids. I want to say 'us', but we aren't all going. Sam will be umpiring a Provincial tournament here from Friday through Sunday, so I'm staying home with him. It feels somewhat strange to be preparing to send half my family away on a camping/tournament trip, but there is a little piece of me that is kind of glad to see them on their way. Other than a 6:30am to 2pm shift on Thursday, I am free and clear through the long weekend. I'll help out at our Provincials and maybe watch some movies. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be doing much in the way of sleeping in!

One Down, One to Go

It has been an incredibly long weekend. I was at the ballpark yesterday for 7 hours and today for 9 and a 1/2 hours! Absolutely insane.

Abby had her season ending tournament for Tadpole Selects. She earned an MVP award in our final game, a semi-final loss. She pitched an inning in each of our two games yesterday and did fairly well considering that she has never pitched before. She didn't strike anyone out, but most of her pitches were hittable; she even gave up a home run! Unfortunately, her batting stunk this weekend. Oh well...

Casey umped several games over the weekend, and Sam umped a double-header on the other diamond this afternoon. Sam took a ball to his left elbow during the first game and has a big lump along with stitch marks from the ball.

Abby is finished. Done. Completed. Her uniform has been turned in, wrap up party has been partied out. One down and one to go! One more week of baseball. Casey has practice tomorrow and Tuesday night. Kane, Casey and Abby will be leaving Wednesday for Provincials with their first game to be played Thursday afternoon. Sam will be umping a Provincial tournament here beginning on Friday. After next Sunday, we can breathe. The hustle and bustle will stop. The dust will settle. I'll be able to reclaim space in my van once the bags of ball equipment is gone, at least until hockey season begins. Maybe we'll even get that renovation finished soon...

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Hooray!

They're gone and only 2 and a half hours later than planned!

It feels incredibly good to have my space back, although we now have to clean up from the whirlwind of in-laws. Abby's room is a disaster while it had been relatively clean before the cousin arrived. They had barely left before I had Casey sweeping and Abby vacuuming. I am not a meticulous housekeeper, but there is a limit to the amount of mess that I can tolerate and our niece has no sense of responsibility to clean up after herself. My kids have never enjoyed doing their chores, but they do them most of the time. However, while the in-laws were here, my kids suddenly became clueless, deaf, and incapable of carrying out the simplest requests. I now have the rest of the summer to correct that.

We have no baseball tonight! This is our first free night in two weeks, and we have no company to share it with! I am so glad. I can cook a real meal and we can actually sit together as a family and eat without haste. Do we even remember how to do that? My kids can get to bed at a decent hour which means that maybe I will be able to get to sleep early enough for my 6:30am shift tomorrow morning! There won't be barking and noisy activity coming in my bedroom window anymore...unless the neighbours get rowdy but they're usually not too bad.

I'm free!

Valley of Champions

This weekend was the Valley of Champions baseball tournament, co-hosted by Rutland Minor, Kelowna Minor and Westside Minor Baseball Associations. It is a huge tournament: a lot of work and a lot of fun. Sam umped 6 Mosquito 'AAA' games over the weekend at one location, while Casey played 5 games at a different location across town. We were hardly home this weekend, and I am so glad that I have the next two days off work to catch up on laundry and to relax. It was a hot weekend, especially sitting at a ballpark surrounded by gravel and concrete.

Casey's team played very well for most of the tournament. We had two games Friday and two on Saturday with the possibility of a game on Sunday if we were in the top four. Our first game was against Westside and we pulled out a 14-11 win. Casey pitched two innings that game and did very well allowing only one run. Our second game was against Surrey. We expected it to be a much more challenging game, but we cruised to an 18-7 victory. We essentially gave them 5 runs in the fourth inning, but our pitching was excellent, our bats were hot, and our fielding was pretty good, too.

Saturday morning we faced Ladner and came out flat. We lost 14-0. It was ugly. We had some opportunities, runners in scoring position that we just couldn't capitalize on, but we simply didn't play as well as we know we can. Our last game of the round robin was against Richmond, and we knew that this was the team to beat. Richmond had already won their three previous games. We started well and took a small, early lead. Unfortunately, there was a little bit of controversy and drama as one of our players was ejected from the game. It was the umpire's call to make, although I think the call was a little extreme. However, our team really held it together and did not lose focus. Instead, they managed to stage a little rally of sorts. We still fell short, losing 12-8, but it was a good game and proved to us that we are capable of playing quality baseball.

Our round robin record had us sitting in third place, so we faced Surrey this morning for the consolation final, minus our suspended player. What a great game! Every single player on the team (except our suspended player, of course) scored at least one run. The game was a full seven innings and it was close up until the sixth inning when we gave ourselves a little breathing room. The final score was 20-12, but Surrey played hard (and with three underage players!)

We finished in 3rd place!

Abby took most of the pictures for me this weekend as I was busy keeping score during our games. She did okay for the most part.





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It has been an excruciatingly long and draining week and we haven't even begun the Valley of Champions tournament! The in-laws are driving me crazy. The echoes of the angry phone call I received the other night are still ringing in my ears.

Yesterday was Sam's 14th birthday, and what should have been a happy day filled with love and joy was instead full of stress and anger. I went to work yesterday for my 10-3 shift, leaving explicit instructions with my children that, if the aunt and uncle wanted to take them anywhere, they HAD to be home by 4:30. We had baseball practice and photos at 6pm. I came home shortly after 3pm to find both the front and back doors unlocked and no one home! Finally, my sister-in-law came back around 4:45 to tell me that my brother-in-law had the kids at the Transformers movie which started at 3:30. This movie was roughly 2 1/2 hours long!!! Do the math. My sister-in-law took my children's uniforms and went to go pick them up and take them to the ballpark assuring me they'd be on time. I went to the ballpark with smoke pouring out of my ears.

Apparently, they had also taken Sam's friend with them to the movie. While Kane and I were waiting for our kids to show up at the ballpark, Sam's friend arrived with his dad who was not so happy about his son being pulled out of the movie early and left there! I don't blame him, and I don't understand what my in-laws were thinking. They had two vans, more than enough room for everyone, and the friend was picked up and brought to the ballpark at least 10 minutes before our kids arrived.

The photographer became ill just before it was Casey's team's turn for photos, so an hour of practice was wasted and no photos were taken for his team.

Kane was approached by another coach trying to clarify things that were said or not said in what has become a big fiasco. Funny how asking a little question and making an observation can trigger a landslide. Last night, I received an email from the director asking for my patience and understanding with this new coach. Supposedly, this coach was a "little rude" with me and has apologized, but I must have missed it because I haven't received any apology and he was well beyond a little rude. He was a bully. I replied to the director's email with a lengthy one of my own calmly expressing my side of this story and reiterating just how much patience and understanding I do have for any coach, including this one. I also let him know that I have not received an apology and made it clear how rude this coach was. So far no response, but we're playing this coach's team tonight...

For the third week in a row, as I checked my schedule at work, I found myself with a shift on a day that I have booked off. This time it was for Monday, July 16th. I'm getting rather tired of going to our scheduler every week for her to correct her error, and I'm sure she's getting tired of being told that she's made yet another mistake. Working on Monday wouldn't be that big of a deal except that I very well might be insane by then. Insane, and quite possibly nothing more than a puddle of molten flesh. We have this Valley of Champions tournament beginning tomorrow through Sunday. Sam is umping at one location, a total of 6 games, three of them tomorrow. Casey has four, maybe five games, two tomorrow and two on Saturday, and he's at a different location. It is going to be hot, hot, hot! Our a/c still isn't connected, and I have given up hope of having it connected before winter. My in-laws are here for at least another week, if not longer, and I don't know that I can handle it all. Monday is a day for me to recover from the weekend, even if I don't have the luxury of peace and solitude at home.

Meltdown

Well, I've had my head chewed off and spat on the floor by a baseball coach. My cheeks are burning, my eyes are barely dry, the pounding of my heart has abated, and the shaking has almost completely subsided. It only took an hour and a half! Of course, I don't know how I will react tomorrow when I see this coach or Thursday if we end up playing a game against his team. I feel somewhat better that Kane called this coach back and stood up for me, although I don't think he succeeded in reasoning with this man. I'm not sure that this man wants to see reason that doesn't line up with his way of thinking.

This coach has been a minor nuisance in my side for the past couple of weeks. I am tired of hearing pointed little comments against our baseball executive and association. I am weary of being looked at as the person with all the information and then having what information I do possess ignored. I don't need this coach to tell me how hard he works for the sake of baseball and the kids, while in the same breath, he insults the hard work and effort of every other volunteer in the association. I am one of those parents who sacrifices my time for the sake of baseball and the kids! As a parent with a child playing baseball, I should be allowed to express my concerns or questions as to how something is done without being told that my comments are asinine, accusing, and offensive. I'm not questioning his integrity or his dedication. I asked a question based on information that I had and was given from another party. I asked this question, not to accuse, but to get his side. Obviously, he chose to see it differently and, even during his phone call, refused to see it any other way. In fact, when I refused to cower beneath his scalding and made an effort to stand up for myself, he abruptly ended the phone call.

I bawled. Thankfully, Kane was in the shower and the kids and the in-laws were outside watching a movie, so I had no curious eyes to watch me disintegrate into a shaking, sobbing mass on my bed. Kane was not so happy after though and returned the phone call. Supposedly, the coach offered up some kind of apology to me, but the results of that conversation were very similar to the conversation I had with him.

I have been at a ball diamond for 8 of the last 9 days. In the last 71 days, I have been at baseball for 60 days, and many of those days have had multiple games/locations! And my baseball season isn't over yet. I am hot and exhausted and in no mood to be ripped apart by some coach on an a power trip.

Canada Day long weekend

Our home away from home; my $99 bargain from Canadian Tire! It sleeps 8, can be separated into three rooms and has an attached screened room.

Coach Rob brought along water balloons and a slingshot which kept all the kids entertained for a couple of house Sunday afternoon.

The sunset Monday night was beautiful and this photo doesn't quite do it justice.

This photo was taken just up a slight hill above the campground. You can see a glimpse of the South Thompson river through the trees. It was a nice campground and just a short drive from the ball park.

It was a long, long weekend and hot, hot, hot! At times it felt as if we'd never get to the campground, but we made it and had a good time. I was caught at Superstore Friday between 4-5pm when the power went out across Kelowna. Oh, that was fun! Saturday morning was a little more rushed than I had intended it to be. My alarm didn't go off because I forgot to reset the clock, so I was up an hour later than planned. Kane went to a friend's house to help with a plumbing job...only an hour he said. Uh huh. We had planned on leaving by 10:30am and he arrived home only shortly before then, leaving me to not only do everything I had to do but all the things I was expecting him to do. The first half hour of the trip was consumed with attitude and arguing from Casey over a tourist attraction and whether or not we would stop there on the weekend. Aaargh!

We eventually made it to Kamloops, found the campground and set up camp. We tied our first ball game against Kamloops and lost to Langley in our second game. On Sunday, we played both teams again. We tied Kamloops and beat Langley and were amazed when Abby earned an MVP award. After that last round robin game, we had our schedule for Monday changed several times. The last we had been told was that we were in the final against Langley. We showed up on Monday for the first of two games, one of which was to mean nothing and the other the final for 1st place only to be told of yet another change. Now this mean nothing game meant everything and we had to win it to go to the final. Of course, we lost. The kids had fun, but I am bothered by the way this aspect of the tournament was run. You just don't run tournaments that way! I have never seen or experienced anything like that before. It is stupid and WRONG!

The drive home was quieter than the drive to Kamloops. Both Casey and Abby dozed off for a short while which was very nice. We had left Sam at home "alone" for the weekend. He wasn't truly alone as grandma and grandpa live downstairs, and he spent one night at a friend's house. He'll be fourteen next week and needs the opportunities to stretch his wings a little. Of course, it helps that he is more responsible and mature than his brother. There's no way we'd ever let Casey do something like that for several years yet! Sam had fun and claims not to have missed us at all. Typical Sam.

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Little Miss All-Star

Abby has worn a baseball uniform before, but this is the first time that she's had the baseball socks and belt. She somehow looked bigger, older, and more "professional"...all because of socks and belt!

Rounding third base on the way to home.

Abby at bat.

Most Valuable Player!

Receiving her tournament medal.

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Casey Photo Ops

at the year end tournament for pee wee 'A'

a solo speaking part in the Canada musical production at school

playing for the opposition at the Kamloops tournament...they were short players, we were there for Abby's tadpole selects tournament and Casey was asked to play for the Westside pee wee 'A' even though he only had his ball glove! so, he had a few moments of attitude over his "dorky" look wearing a baseball uniform with ankle socks and running shoes

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So, we're camping in Kamloops this weekend which is only a few days away, and I already feel like a chicken running around without its' head. Of course, between now and then, I only have two days off work and both are already busy days. Today was my first day off and not so busy as Thursday will be. I was at the school for slightly more than an hour for a performance. The performance was fantastic, but it was right in the middle of the day which I don't like very much. I dislike having my day chopped up. There was a mountain of laundry to tackle today including a team's worth of baseball uniforms that I want to return tonight. I also had a lot of running around to do today since I won't have much time for that on Thursday. The last day of school is Thursday and I booked it off to attend the assemblies and grade 6 graduation ceremony at the school. We have baseball every night this week which leaves me with little time to plan and pack for camping. I'll get it done though; what choice do I have.

We're thinking about letting Sam stay home on the weekend rather than be dragged along with us. He seems keen on the idea, but it will depend on how much weed pulling he gets done before then. It is hard to believe that he will be fourteen in a couple of weeks!! He wouldn't be home alone though as grandma and grandpa live with us, but he'd be "alone" enough to make him happy. He'd probably camp out in the living room with the Wii and TV.

Surprise, surprise! Abby made the Tadpole Selects team. She is very excited and has been pushing herself all week long. She is also extremely excited about going to Kamloops for a tournament this weekend. We're happy for her even if I don't feel overly excited.

Casey made the PeeWee 'A' team, but there is so much junk going on behind the scenes. It probably won't be the All-star season that the PeeWee 'A' players/parents were expecting, but hopefully it will still be a positive, educational and fun time. At this point in time, it looks as if Kane will be coaching even though he didn't want to coach All-stars. Too much to get into...

Shortly after 8:00 Saturday morning as I walked across the ball park, I rolled my ankle. My bad ankle. Yeah, I am really thrilled. What's a little more pain really? It has only been hurting and causing discomfort since October...this just punches it up a couple more notches.

And that's all I got. I want to cry but there isn't the time or the space to do it right. A punch to the gut would be better, I think.

Who's on First?

Abby played well this weekend just as she has all season. We noted a marked improvement in her play over the past couple of weeks. Back then, when her coach first had her as first baseman, she cowered and cringed. Today, when her coach put her on first base, she cheered! She even caught a throw to make an out at first and made good catches on other occasions to make a valiant effort. Abby even wants to try out for the Tadpole Select team on Wednesday night. I have no illusions of her making the team. Only 13 spots are available, and there are many players with much more skill than she has, but I am pleased as punch to see her enjoying the game so much that she wants to try out.

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