Track & Field

Casey had track & field on Wednesday. He was tripped up right off the start of the 800m race, the first event of the day. Funny thing was that I saw it happening in my mind as the runners lined up. I don't think he even noticed the teachers running over to check on him, he just picked himself up and took off down the track. He went from dead last to finishing 5th from last which is pretty good to me considering how far behind he was from the get go. The two jumping photos are from the triple jump. He did well. I always hated the triple jump and could never quite figure out the steps, but I was awesome at long jump!





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New Use for the Treadmill

Maggie is a very strange cat, or maybe she is just like every other cat in the world...she will sleep anywhere and everywhere, usually the stranger and more uncomfortable the better! I couldn't pass up this photo op though.



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Sam the Man

Sam loves to pitch, but he was only given opportunity to pitch one inning in last year's house season. His coach this year has been much more generous, and Sam is loving it! He isn't fast, but he throws a pretty accurate ball. In fact, he doesn't usually need to throw very many pitches to retire the inning.

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Casey the Umpire

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Catching up on photos

Two out of the dozen roses that Kane bought me almost a week after Mother's Day. The top one was red on the inside and a light pink on the outside. The bottom one was a very light purple colour. What would that be? Mauve? I don't know.





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You Don't Know What You've Got Til It's Gone

I am literally melting; it is so hot! Our air conditioner was disconnected last fall, because Kane wants to move it from one side of the house to the other. That was all fine and dandy in the fall. Winter months were coming and cold weather with them, but here we are on summer's doorstep and the a/c has yet to be actually moved and connected. And so we are sweltering.

I bought three fans this morning. We already have one teensy fan, but it simply isn't enough, not when three different people want to feel its' cool breeze as they fall asleep. I splurged a little. I bought one table top fan and two stand fans. The stand fans have remote controls! We're still melting though, and so are my chocolate chips.

Despite the heat, I baked a carrot cake. I've had some cream cheese in the fridge for a while and a hankering for carrot cake to go with it. I'm far too exhausted to bake at night, besides what is a little more heat in an already hot house! As I reached into the cupboard for the icing sugar, I had to move aside a bag of chocolate chips. It was a little squishy; they are now in the freezer.

I picked up my new eye glasses this morning from Sears. No one in my family even noticed the difference, but I can't blame them. The new glasses are very similar to my old pair. I was a little surprised by the call from Sears last night saying that my glasses were ready as I had just purchased them on Monday and had been told 10 days. It will be nice to watch TV without squinting.

Sam is camping this weekend with the junior high youth group. He was even willing to miss his baseball game in order to go camping. Thankfully, the weather is much improved on last year's camping trip weather. It poured rain the entire weekend last year, and Sam came home with everything he had soaking wet! No rain this weekend.

Casey had a friend sleep-over last night. They were up late, but we all slept in. There were a few moments earlier today when we thought that Casey might be "losing it", but he has managed to stay relatively agreeable and level-headed. So far.

Snow Day!

I have been reading through my old journals. It is something that I like to do from time to time. I'll curl up on my bed and sift through time and memories. So much has happened over the years. I'm not the same person that I was when I first started journalling, and it is exciting to see the journey. Here's an excerpt from December 28th, 1998:

Today I played with the boys. No orders. No rules. No discipline or correction. Just snowmen, snow angels and snow forts. We had a wonderful time enjoying each others company for the fun of it. It wasn't really a mother and sons moment as much as it was a time of three friends hanging out. We were equals. I wasn't standing in authority over them anticipating their every mistake. I was with them at their level. Playing. We worked together. I made little snowballs and passed them round to the boys, who then took the snowballs and did with them as they chose. At times, they rolled the snowballs in the sticky snow until they were too big and heavy for their little arms. That's when they would call for me to carry their burden. I'd lift that big ball of snow and place it atop the previous one. I'd used my mittened hands to shape and strengthen our snow creations. What had once been a blob of snow was now a regal looking snowman! The children didn't remember how heavy the balls were once they saw the finished work.
Several times Casey would take that small snowball and cast a sly glance. Casey would let it fly when Sam turned his back, but with all the layers of warmth secured on his body, Sam never noticed the feeble shot tossed his way.
I see many images of God in this day: a God who is always with us, not a God who is holding a checklist. Not a God who is off in the distance watching us, but a Father here in the presence of His children, interacting with them, laughing, encouraging, loving, and crying with them. I see people struggling to carry heavy burdens that are just too much for their feeble hands. I see people who refuse to give it up, forever straining to carry the load. I see people who humble themselves and cry for help. People who find their load easier, not because of luck or fate, but because Someone much stronger is carrying it for them. I see the Father's hands touching our hearts: pruning, shaping, prodding, mending. His hands strengthen us. They heal and mend. I see how, as children of the Father, we have protection from the enemy. The missiles and arrows of deceit can fall harmlessly to the ground when we remember that we are protected by spiritual armor.
At one point during our play, Casey fell in the snow and could not get up on his own. He sat there in the cold, deep snow and waited, remarkably patient. He merely lifted his arms to signal me that he needed help. Of course, I obliged him. How often I feel just like Casey! There are many times when I'd like to just sit and wait for someone to do the hard work for me. At the same time, how easy it is to forget that there is Someone like that: someone willing to reach down and pull out. He is right there waiting for me to hold my arms.

We have no baseball today! This is the third baseball-free day we've had since April 23rd!!

I tried to sleep in and in a way succeeded; anything past 7am is sleeping in these days. However, I didn't sleep well. A siren woke me deep sleep around 3:45am and it took a very long time to get back to sleep. How much traffic would be on the road at that time of the morning? Was a long, loud siren really necessary?

Today has been uneventful. The kids did only as much housework and yard work as was minimally required. The last load of laundry is in the wash. I took a trip to Wal-Mart to find a new pair of shoes for work. I am hoping that new shoes might help the ankle problem; at this point I am willing to do almost anything. I bought an elastic kind of support last week which I wear while working and occasionally at home, but I'm not sure that it has made much of a difference. The boys were asked to go golfing with one of Casey's team-mates. I'm sure that Sam was thrilled at the opportunity to do some golfing as it has been a while since he last went. Casey hasn't actually golfed before, so this will be a new adventure for him. He enjoyed his lessons and time spent at the driving range, but an actual round of golf is quite different. Abby is currently on a walk with Grandma. Kane has taken a load of yard waste to the dump. I am at home.

Tonight, Kane and I are going out, although I would hardly call it a "fun" evening by my standards. Our baseball association is having a Pub Night fundraiser. While Kane enjoys a beer now and then, I hate the taste of beer, really don't like the taste of wine, and might have a cooler once or twice a year. This isn't really our scene. I'm hoping that the food will be good; the choices didn't thrill me.

Tomorrow, we have two ball practices. One for Casey and one for Abby. I am off on Monday which will be nice. Someone is coming to test our water quality Monday morning. We have been having water issues since last Monday. There is a strong chlorine smell and taste to our water which we haven't had before. When I called about it, the receptionist tried to tell me that the levels were normal and well within acceptable limits and some people are just highly sensitive to the smell of chlorine. All well and good but we have never had this problem before and we always drink our tap water. Taking a sip of water that tastes like it came from a pool is rather disgusting.

Last week, I bought two 10" planters filled with flowers/plants. They look lovely and the price was right. I just hope that I can keep them alive through the summer. My thumb is notoriously black and all my gardening good intentions wither under the summer sun.

Kane brought me roses last week! They were lovely then, not so lovely now. There were red ones, yellow ones, white ones, a lilacy coloured one, a couple of coral coloured, and some two-toned red ones. I love roses.

Just over two weeks until Casey heads to Vancouver and Victoria with the rest of the grade 6 students from his school. When this trip was first mentioned back in September, Casey was adamant about NOT going. Even just a couple of months ago, he would get quite angry and upset every time we mentioned the trip. He did not want to go! Now, he seems to be looking forward to it. I know that he'll have a good time. He's only ever a monster for us, never for anyone else.

I guess I have a lot to catch up on but lack the time and motivation to take it all from thought to cohesive sentences...soon. In the meantime, I've been collecting a bunch of quotes and will share...


To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.
- Anon.


"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer."
- Albert Camus


"Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength."
- Ralph W. Sockman


"The fearless are merely fearless. People who act in spite of their fear are truly brave."
- James A. LaFond-Lewis, November 11, 1999


"A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage. Every day sends to their graves obscure men whose timidity prevented them from making a first effort."
- Sydney Smith


Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy. That is not our business and, in fact, it is nobody's business. What we are asked to do is to love, and this love itself will render both ourselves and our neighbors worthy if anything can.
- Thomas Merton


"We are all cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out."
- Ray Bradbury


Feeling without judgement is a washy draught indeed; but judgement untempered by feeling is too bitter and husky a morsel for human deglutition.
- Charlotte Bronte, "Jane Eyre"


Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.
- Anon.


You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor
without having victims.
-- Harriet Woods (1927-) American Politician


When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
- Edward Teller

Mother's Day Weekend

It has been busy the past few days and it is becoming increasingly difficult to crawl out of bed each morning...for all of us! I am off work today, tomorrow and Thursday! It is a weird schedule for me, but I'll gladly take it.

Over the weekend, we had two baseball tournaments: one for Casey and one for Abby. On Saturday, I was at the ball park with Abby by 7:30am. Except for about 45 minutes, I wasn't home again until nearly 8:00pm! I watched Abby's game in the morning followed by Sam's practice. After the practice, we hurried from Rutland to the Kelowna ball park close to our home for Casey's first tournament game. After that game, we were able to "rest" for a brief time at home before splitting up to head to two different ball parks for games.

Sunday was a little easier. We didn't have to rush out the door quite so early, so I was treated to breakfast in bed for Mother's Day. Though I do have to wonder if that would have happened had I not purchased the necessary supplies late the night before as we had one of Casey's teammates sleeping over. I doubt it. That was the extent of my Mother's Day. The boys had to be coerced into even saying the words to me. We watched Abby's final tournament game, came home for lunch and went to Casey's semi-final game. If we lost we were finished, if we won we went to the final. It was a close game, but we lost 7-5. By that time it was supper, but Kane, Abby, Casey and the teammate wanted to stay to watch the final game. Sam and I came home. Kane picked up McDonald's and dropped some off for Sam and I before heading back to the ball park. Happy Mother's Day to me!

It has been eight years of having baseball on Mother's Day, and it isn't just one game but tournaments! This might be the last year. Abby will move up to Mosquito next year, and their tournament is the May long weekend. We'll have moved beyond the mini-tad/tadpole Mother's Day and Father's Day tournaments. I am soooo glad. I need these three days off just to recover.

PeeWee 'A' Tournament

Casey pitching.

Mighty Casey at the bat, realizing that he swung at a bad pitch.

MVP in our semi-final loss to Vernon.

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Tadpole Tournament

Abby running the bases during the Skills Competition. Her team won the base-running event!

Scoring a run during a game.

Miss Most Sportsmanlike

Goofing off in the dugout.

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Random Photos

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:o(

I'm home on a day off work just kind of moping. I attacked the house with a vengeance first thing this morning, because things will be crazy once the kids are done school and I wanted to run to the doctor.

So, I went to the doctor to follow up on the x-ray of my ankle that was taken a few weeks ago...my ankle has continued to be sore and painful. I waited close to half an hour in the waiting room before being shown into an exam room. Once there, I waited about one minute before the doctor came in. He began by telling me that my ankle wasn't broken (which I didn't think it was!) and that I should know that it can take up to six weeks for a sprain to heal (thanks for making me feel stupid!). I replied that I've been having this pain for six MONTHS to which he expressed a small sound of surprise but didn't waiver from his position that it was simply sprained. Then I was shuffled out the door...it had only been a minute, if that! I walked out feeling so stupid and frustrated and I still feel that way even as I am hobbling painfully around the house. I didn't sprain my ankle six weeks ago or six months ago. I know what it feels like to sprain an ankle; I've done it many times as a youth, but I have not sprained it since I've been married. I feel dismissed. I feel as if the doctor views me as a hypochondriac who has nothing better to do than waste his time. So not me! I hate going to the doctor. I will delay going to the doctor simply because I don't feel as if my problem is serious enough. So, if I do go to the doctor, it is because I am in real pain or really sick! I didn't even go to the doctor about my ankle for several months for that very reason. I kept hoping that it would just go away on its' own, but it didn't and six months seems like an excessively long time to be having pain in one's ankle from a sprain (especially when there is no recollection of such sprain ever happening!).

It is amazing how that sixty second exam managed to snuff the joy out of me. My ankle has been especially painful for the past four or five days. A couple nights ago after Sam's ball game, I was walking from the diamond to our van, less than a 100 yards. The pain increased with every step until I was limping so badly. I'm sure that anyone watching was wondering what on earth I was doing as I had been walking just fine before the game ended, but that's just the way this pain has been. My ankle has felt continuously "off" but the pain varies in intensity and in how it affects my ability to walk. Sometimes I walk normally while other times I can barely walk and worry that my ankle won't hold my weight. Right now, it is killing me and I'm just sitting. So, I'm slipping into a funk because the doctor just brushed it off and he wasted my time as much as I "wasted" his. And just how long do I need to suffer before this "sprain" finally heals? And when did I sprain my ankle? It must have been when I was sleeping, because I think I would have noticed if I was awake. But that's just my opinion...and I don't have years of medical school to give me medical wisdom.

Stop!

Lord save me from this insanity! Mr. Hyde has been living in my house for nearly a week now and I don't know how much more I can take. It is more exhausting than a day of work. The cries of "mean mom" no longer sting but succeed in raising my ire even more. The threats of running away or finding a new family still squeeze my heart in a vise, but I have been pushed to the brink. Casey doesn't realize that he is fighting a losing battle; I love him too much to let him stay the way he is.

Journals

I am tired, so tired that I napped on the sofa for nearly half of the first disc of The Fellowship of the Ring extended edition. The weekend hasn't been insanely busy, but I guess it has been busy enough. Add Casey's behaviour and attitude into the mix and I am wiped out. He's been ornery for days and today was no exception. Tell me how Sam could possibly kick Casey's knee when Sam is sitting in his seat in the van directly behind Casey's seat?

Last night I grabbed my stack of old journals and began reading through the very first one. That first journal was given to me by a youth leader and friend upon my graduation. It was dated June 24, 1990! How long ago that feels! Nearly seventeen years later, I am working on journal number 10, unless I lost one somewhere in my bedroom. Seventeen years is a lifetime of memories.

Mighty Casey has Struck Out

I ruined his entire life! Or so I've been told. Personally, I don't agree but I'm just the Mom.

Casey was fine up until we pulled into the driveway around 8:30 tonight after Sam's baseball game. His problem? He somehow forgot that he was umping tomorrow morning and insisted that we had neglected to tell him this important news. Through tears, angry glances and stomped feet, Casey worked himself into a frenzy that could not be self-contained. He exploded. Or maybe he imploded.

Either way, he is in bed now, earlier than he had thought he would be and mad at the world. And, I ruined his life! It seems that he had wanted to play with his friend tomorrow morning, a task that could not be tucked into the rest of the day apparently.

It was obvious to me that he was tired even if he disagrees. He lost perspective and the ability to reason. I am quite positive that Casey was in the room when the call came asking him to ump this game, yet he claims ignorance. It has been on the calendar all week long. Highlighted in green; his colour. He was unreasonable in his insistence that he wouldn't ump tomorrow in order to play with his friend. He has the freedom to turn down umping assignments, but he can't choose not to fulfill his duty after accepting an assignment, not without a valid reason. The game is only a couple of hours long and we have no further appointments for the rest of the day; lots of time to play and have fun. Besides, he sees his friend every single day and spends lots of time playing with him!

Hopefully, Casey will be a little more reasonable in the morning. We never really know if he'll wake up a different child from when he went to bed. I hope so.

Keeping Score

I love keeping score at my kids' baseball games. By no means am I an expert score-keeper, but I am competent enough to do the job well. So far, in the first six games of the season, I have only kept score once.

I miss it and feel lost without a scorebook on my lap.

Abby's team doesn't need a score-keeper. Her coach's wife does the job.

Kane told the parents on his team that he doesn't want me to "have" to keep score all the time, because I am "too busy". He gives the same spiel every year, always without asking my opinion first. I've always been willing to teach anyone that wants to learn how to keep score, and I have given up the book several times. One mom said that she would learn this year, and she's done a good job. Now she asks if I'd like her to keep score every game and what can I say?

I've only seen one of Sam's games and that was the only game I've scored. A mom on the team seemed glad to have me do it instead of having that task fall on her lap, so maybe I can get my fix at Sam's games, if I can make it to them.

Attack of the Clones?

Some days I wish that I could be like mischievous little Calvin and climb into a cardboard box and emerge with a clone or two or three. Wouldn't it be nice? Just think...I would have a cleaner house and would never miss anything! I could have used a couple of clones tonight.

Sam had a baseball game on the other side of the lake. It really isn't that far away, but it often feels like a million kilometres. Casey had to ump a baseball game at our home park, while Abby had a game at her home park, close enough to Casey's game to make us all comfortable but just far enough away to make me not there. So, I missed Sam's game and the game that Casey umped. Kane had to work across the bridge today, so he took in Sam's game and will bring him home...should be soon.

I suppose it is inescapable, this being thrown in different directions at the same time. With three kids in three different divisions, it happens more often than not. I hate it and I love it.

Master Shredder

I was going to post this long rant against consumerism, waste and such but decided to delete it. I will say that I spent quite a bit of time shredding old bills a few days ago. The end result were two large bags of shredded paper to put out with the recycling tomorrow. Why do we hang onto things that we don't need for so long? Why is it that no matter how much I purge there is always more junk lurking in the corners?

Catching Up

The boys had their "tournament" today to wrap up their golf lessons. The lessons were held at a driving range, but the tournament was held at a putting course. I am not much of a golfer and really don't like the sport, but the putting course is something that I would do. I golfed there last fall for a staff party and very nearly had a hole in one! It should have been a hole in one, but it hit the flag. Today, I only watched the boys and took pictures. They had fun, and Casey won a prize for being closest to the pin during a little competition between the 15 kids.

This is my family calendar. It is stuck to my fridge and provides an at-a-glance snapshot of what is going on in our family. Every family member has a colour. My work schedule is in yellow. Sam is blue, Casey is green and Abby is pink. Kane is orange and I am purple. It's the only way to keep everyone and their activities straight!

This is very typical for April. May and June will most likely be even fuller than April, but thankfully most months are not quite so busy. This picture is already outdated. Casey has a practice on Thursday and an exhibition game on Saturday which were not on the calendar when I took the picture. Sam now has a practice on Monday that we didn't find out about until this afternoon. And, my work schedule for next week hasn't been added yet.

Is it any wonder that I am tired?


I am sitting here with aching wrists and fingers that feel swollen even though they aren't. I am sipping on a London Fog latte that I made myself. There is a Blenz coffee shop about a 15 minute walk from my house, and I love their London Fog lattes. I don't love the price though. A couple of weeks ago, I bought myself a battery-operated milk frother from Xcess Cargo for under $7 and a bottle of vanilla syrup from Blenz for $15. So, now I can enjoy a London Fog whenever I feel like putting the kettle on to boil, steeping some Earl Grey, microwaving some milk and frothing it. It doesn't take very long, it's cheap, and it tastes exactly the same!


My mood has gradually improved as the week progressed, although it was still difficult to feel enthusiastic about work. Thankfully, next week's schedule is back to my kind of normal. A co-worker has her last day with us on Wednesday, then she is moving back home to Nova Scotia. I like working with her and will be sad to see her go. Another good worker had his last day on Friday.

There has finally been some progress with our little renovation project. Most of the wiring was done today! Yeah! It looks like Friday night might see a doorway cut through a cement half-wall, and then Kane needs to do the plumbing and ducting work. Those are the "big" items, I think. Once those things are done, everything else should move more quickly. In theory.


We watched The Outsiders on TV last night. I have never read the book and never seen the movie before. Somehow, I seemed to have missed many of the popular required reading novels in junior/senior high. Although we read plenty, there were many that we didn't read that others did. Anyway, Sam's English class is currently reading The Outsiders. Sam mentioned the book the other day. He apparently is enjoying the book and has read further than anyone else in the class! Sam does not like reading, so this caught my attention instantly. I was flipping through the guide on the TV yesterday and noticed that the movie was going to be playing, so we watched it. It was a good movie, but I was much more interested in Sam's knowledge and understanding of the characters and the plot. He hasn't finished reading the book yet; he has two chapters to go. He took great delight in telling us what was about to happen or pointing out who a character was before he was formally introduced to the audience. It was obvious to me that Sam truly has been reading the book and enjoying it! In fact, after watching the movie, Sam said that he liked the book better than the movie! Yeah!



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I'm in a bit of a funk. There, I admitted it. I don't usually.

The past week of work has been alright, but I didn't want to be there. I have been scheduled to work Monday through Friday 10-2 next week; I could have cried when I saw the schedule. The hours are short and fine, but I am not happy about working five days in a row.

My ankle x-ray will be Thursday afternoon at 2:30pm, so I'll be rushing from work to the medical imaging clinic. Last night at Sam's baseball evaluation, my ankle was killing me!

I coloured my hair tonight, because I am more vain than I care to admit and I found a single grey hair earlier in the week.

I am feeling unmotivated, uninspired, and blase. Every seed of inspiration is quickly squashed by procrastination or futility. I am trying to create some meal plans to make my life simpler during baseball season and keep us from the fast food, but my efforts wane when I realize that my kids won't eat this or that or one will and the other two won't. I don't necessarily always cater to my kids' personal eating whims, but I do try to respect their preferences and dislikes. It just makes meal planning challenging.

I am just tired of cooking in general. I am tired of cleaning only to have the house look like a disaster the next day. I am also tired of bickering and whining and complaining.

I am tired of aches and pains and tingling hands.

I am tired of chewing over the same questions, worries and doubts.

Speedy Update

Speedy is doing okay and then again not as well as we'd like; we took another trip to the vet this morning. He has been eating, but he has not been nearly as active as is normal for him. The vet gave us a syringe filled with enough anti-inflammatory to last a week; he is to get one drop a day! The vet also noticed some swelling that could be a hernia or something else, but it is hard to say for sure without expensive tests. We've already spent about $80 on vet bills for an animal that cost less than $10 to buy! I love animals enough, but I really have a hard time parting with big bucks for special animal care. It is especially difficult to justify the expense for a hamster, but he isn't my pet. He is Casey's. Yes, I am paying the bills but there is a limit to my compassion for a rodent. The good news is that since we saw the vet this morning, Speedy has been more active than he has been all week!

This quote is in my day-timer:

It seems rather incongruous that in a society of super-sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.

Erma Bombeck

Speedy "Houdini" Hamster

This is Speedy, Casey's hamster.

He should have been called Houdini.

In the past two weeks, he has escaped from his cage 5 times!

Every escape has been at night while everyone else is sleeping, except for Maggie, the cat.

So far, we have found Speedy darting around beneath the computer desk, under my bed, and twice under the boys' bunk bed.

Speedy is either very smart or very lucky to have avoided the stairs to the basement. He is also quite lucky that Maggie has been thus far content to simply follow him around rather than attacking.

Sunday morning, I put a clip on the cage door in an effort to prevent Speedy from opening it enough to escape, although I don't know how his little arms can have the strength to open that gate in the first place. It seemed like a good plan but maybe it wasn't after all. Kane checked on him around 1am last night and he was fine. He checked on him again around 5am, and Speedy had the gate slightly open and was stuck, thanks to the clip. Now, one of his back legs seems to be injured. We're taking him to the vet later this afternoon.

I feel bad. My clip idea wasn't as great as I thought it would be, but we can't do nothing to prevent his escaping. It simply isn't safe. For one thing, his cage is put on the dining room table at night which means he has a long fall to the floor. Then, he is free to roam wherever he wants to in our big house! He could get into places that we can't search or access. We have a cat!

Hopefully the vet will have good news for us.

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Happy Easter

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This is Spring

I took all of these pictures in my yard today. The landscaping in my yard is sorely lacking, and I do not have a green thumb. However, there is a lot of potential! One of my daffodils is on the verge of blooming. The violas have been in bloom for a few weeks already. The maple buds are beginning to burst, and the lilacs already have small leaves and buds. Autumn is my most favourite season, but spring comes in a very close second. I love watching nature come alive.

I went to the doctor this morning and left with request form for an x-ray of my ankle. The doctor believes that I am experiencing the symptoms that I have, but there is no obvious explanation. He doesn't expect the x-ray will show anything since I have never broken my ankle and had no injury to it, but it is the first step to take. After that, I will go back and maybe get some exercises. I have already been doing a lot of stretching and such with that ankle because of the feeling of stiffness. He also mentioned a similar situation that a friend of his went through with his ankle. In that case though, his friend had previously broken his ankle. His friend has the joint scoped/flushed and had no further pain after that. So, I'm still in some pain and discomfort and no explanation for it.

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Parenting isn't for Cowards

Why is it that children push all the wrong buttons when you are already feeling exhausted and brain dead? Two nights in a row now Casey has transformed from the sweet boy that he can be into the Mr. Hyde monster that struggles for control. Obviously last night's lesson was not learned; tonight's issues are exactly the same as yesterday's. Only the situations are different.

Attitude. Arguing. Lying. Refusal to accept personal responsibility.

He was sent to bed earlier than he had expected tonight as punishment for his behaviour. He refused to accept that I might know something that he did not know, so I challenged him to find the answer for himself. He took me up on that offer and discovered that I was right after all; however, he lied to me, telling me that he had not discovered anything. He continued his belligerent attitude toward me, because he was right in his own eyes. I explained that he was going to bed early because he was rude to me, he lied to me, and he refused to apologize and admit that he had been wrong. Of course, Casey believes that we are punishing him for not seeing the "truth" which couldn't be further from the truth!

So, for the moment, Casey has declared that he will never speak to me again. When I responded with "I still love you", he promptly spoke to me. His vow of silence won't last past the morning, I'm sure.

Parenting Casey involves a lot of head banging against brick walls. My head. Figuratively. I hope. In many ways, we are incredibly blessed. Our kids are healthy. We aren't parenting a child or children with disabilities or serious developmental issues. There are many parents who have a much tougher job than we do. I thank the Lord everyday for my kids. I also pray that my kids will become people who love the Lord with all their hearts, soul, mind and strength, that they would be used by Him and be a blessing to others. Sometimes, it seems as if that day, when they are who God intends them to be, is so far off in the future that I can't even see it. But then I notice a kindness displayed by my children or a word aptly spoken by their lips, and I remember that God does indeed have a purpose for them and is not anywhere near finished with them. I know that He isn't finished with me yet!

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I am feeling rather blech today. Not ill but melancholy. Frustrated with a dash of sadness. Heavy.

My wrists have been bothering me again for about a week now. Today, at work, my hands felt useless and wooden. I had to fill out a permission slip for Casey this morning and could barely hold the pen let alone write. For about an hour Saturday morning, I could barely lift a pot of coffee, and I felt similar twinges of pain today. Both hands and wrists feel somewhat numb and tingly and swollen.

My left ankle has been bothering me on a daily basis since September and I don't know why. No, I have not yet seen the doctor about it. Call me chicken; I don't care. It has been my experience that my doctor, as much as I like him, tends to rush through things. I will go to the doctor soon, maybe next week on a day off. My ankle doesn't hurt all the time, but it is always tender and bothersome. I can walk normally most of the time despite the discomfort; however, there are times when I feel that my walk is affected because of the pain. Walking down stairs or stepping down from a ladder or bleacher can also be problematic, especially if I am leading with my left foot. Sometimes, it feels as if my ankle won't support me. Yes, I should see a doctor. Did you know that I don't like going to the doctor?

I can feel a headache coming on.

Kane and I have a funeral to attend tomorrow. It will be exactly four weeks since the last funeral we were at and at the same location. Would it be cold-hearted of me to say that I am not looking forward to the service because it is in an Anglican church? The church itself is beautiful and mysterious. I don't know very much about Anglican rituals or traditions or why there is a fenced off area behind the pulpit, but the history of the building is intriguing. The "very reverend" was very down to earth and laid back which was cool, but the service itself was dull and dry and alien to me. The only thing that had any familiarity was one single hymn and they butchered it. Oh well, it isn't about me anyway.

Speaking of old churches...

I've been doing more reading in my English history book. I'm currently in the life of King James.

The Last

I worked my last Saturday shift for at least the next three months. It is quite possible that I could even drag it out to the end of July. I am so glad!

I have a love-hate relationship with working on Saturdays. The weekend staff consists largely of teens and college students rather than the "more mature" weekday staff. I enjoy working with both groups. The full time staff tends to be more competent, but they can also be grumpier and ready to attack each other. Several of our younger staff are quite competent, but I enjoy the more relaxed atmosphere of a Saturday. The job itself is still crazy and stressful, but at least I don't need to worry about gossip, in-fighting and noses out of joint. Weekdays can be busy, but Saturday mornings are often insanely busy. Weekday mornings are busy but the orders are reasonably small. Saturday mornings produce large orders and lots of them. I was in the drive-thru from 7:15am to 3:15pm, and we didn't stop running until almost 1pm. At one point, there was one order for 2 extra large coffees, 3 bagels and 16 large coffees. One order out of many! Another order for 6 large ice caps! We don't see very many orders like that during the week.

My Saturday shifts are always 8 hours which makes for a very long day. My weekday shifts vary between 4 and 5 hours, no more and no less. I like the shortness of my weekday shifts, but 8 hours is almost enough to do me in physically. By the time I was finished today, my lower back was aching and my feet were throbbing. The ankle that has been bothering me for months was especially sore today, and I had some intense pain in my right elbow and wrist for about an hour. I could barely lift a coffee pot for a while. And I am so tired!

But, I am done with Saturdays for a while. My boss is sad to do without me, and I will admit to the teensiest feelings of...something! Not regret. Not disappointment or sadness. I don't know...maybe loss or something like that. I do enjoy working Saturdays even for all the reasons that I don't like it.

Okay. I am over that feeling. Baseball season is here or very nearly, and I will soon be much too busy to miss my Saturday shifts. Besides, now I won't need to get up at ungodly times like 5am or 6am.

Kane's uncle passed away this afternoon. He hasn't been in the best of health for the past few years, but this was still rather sudden and unexpected. Exactly three weeks ago, we were at the funeral for his wife.

Fore!

Kane and Sam went golfing last Sunday afternoon.

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I have a swollen gland beneath my right ear at the top of my jaw. The doctor says it isn't anything to worry about, use ice and ibuprofen. It began Friday night and is always more tender and painful when I am eating or laying on my right side.

I can't wait to trade this body in for a new one!

Propositioned

I listened to an interesting voice mail message on my phone this afternoon. The voice on the other end was a woman that I am familiar with. My husband hired her at McDonalds many years ago, and she has since risen through the ranks to the very top. Even though I once also worked at McDonalds, we never worked in the same store.

She was calling me to say that she had noticed me working at Tim Horton's, and she was wondering if I would be interested in coming back to work at McD's. I'm supposed to call her back.

Call me a coward, but I'm not sure that I want to call her back. I think that I feel flattered by the proposition, but there is absolutely no way that I would quit my current job to work at McDonald's and I'm not interested in juggling two part-time jobs. I guess I will call her back though maybe tomorrow rather than today.

Sam thinks that I should go work at McDonald's. For some reason he thinks that would be sweet, probably envisioning Quarter Pounders and fries galore. I can't imagine going back. I could do the job and do it well, but I'm too much of a people-pleaser to upset my boss by quitting for a new job. My boss has treated me very well. Why mess with a good thing?

Still, it is kind of flattering. Right?!

Books and Movies

So, I was walking through Wal-Mart a few weeks ago and noticed the big display for the latest James Bond movie newly released on DVD. I hadn't seen the movie yet, but I bought a DVD. In the months prior to the movie's theatrical release, I had a difficult time imagining Daniel Craig as James Bond; I've been a Pierce Brosnan fan since his Remington Steele days. What possessed me to buy the DVD I don't know. As with music CDs, we simply don't buy DVDs very often, but I'm glad I bought this one. We absolutely loved it! I'm sold on Daniel Craig. Sorry Pierce!

Last night we watched Hollywoodland, the movie about George Reeves and the questions surrounding his suicide. Ben Affleck and Adrian Brody did a good job with their roles. I'm not a big fan of Affleck's normally. The movie was quite slow at times and we considered shutting it off a couple of times, but we found ourselves intrigued enough to see the movie to its' conclusion.

I finished off a few books over the past few days. Two were by Steve Berry: The Third Secret and The Templar Legacy. They were interesting books; good enough to keep me hooked. However, I've noticed some common themes in three of his books: the inaccuracy of Scripture, Jesus being only a man, etc. The other book I finished was Step on a Crack by James Patterson. I like his books, and this one was typical Patterson. I'm still plodding my way through British history though, but I have learned why Prince Charles is called the Prince of Wales!

Calm in the Storm

A woman that I work with considers herself to be something of a drive-thru diva as well as the sole employee capable of common sense and customer service skills. This co-worker made my first few months of employment something to be half dreaded, worried as I was that I might be on the receiving end of her tirades. And, at times, it felt as if I was.

Before I knew it, drive-thru diva was excited to see me start my shifts. She talks to me nicely, wishes I didn't have kids to keep me from working early mornings with her, and then complains about everyone else that she is forced to work with.

She still isn't my most favourite person at work, but I'm not afraid of her anymore. In fact, most of the time I feel sorry for her. But anyway...

Today was not so happy a day at work. I was put in drive-thru which is where I like to be and drive-thru diva was happy to have me there. So far so good. Another co-worker seemed to be in a sad state of affairs. She did leave work early, so maybe she wasn't feeling well. I don't know. The french vanilla machine next to the DT stopped working for nearly an hour which meant I was running to the other end of the store every other order. My manager was "too busy" to fix the machine sooner. The sugar dispenser in DT also stopped working. Sometimes a teensy bit would come out and at other times none at all. Most annoying when you go through as much sugar as we do! Once again, my manager couldn't be bothered to fix the problem, and I certainly didn't have the time to be fiddling with the machine. As it was, I was running across the store to a different sugar machine for every order. We were busy in DT. The sandwich bar station was a disaster. Food orders were slow to be made which made diva just a little ornery. Eventually, diva tried to fix my sugar machine. She emptied the sugar into a bowl and played with the machine, while I took cash, made drinks and handed out orders. We thought she had it fixed, but we were wrong. And so it went for the rest of the shift.

At one point, diva commented on how much she enjoys working with me because I don't panic but stay cool and calm. I laughed. We really didn't have time to take that comment any further, but I have thought about it a lot since then. It isn't that I don't panic at work, because sometimes I do. However, my panic is much more controlled than many of the people I work with. Partly, I suppose, that has to do with my personality. I am simply not the kind of person to easily fly off the handle or make a big, public display of emotion. It's not me at all. I do tend to internalize things, but I also don't keep things locked inside. I do have ways to vent and decompress, ways that are far less messy and damaging than public meltdowns. Besides, such panic is counterproductive.

The other reason that I don't panic at work is because it is just work. I go to work, do what I need to do and then I go home. Work is something I do; it isn't who I am. My job meets my needs and I am happy with my job. It's a job. In the light of eternity, this job is significant only in how God uses me there. I am not at work thumping a Bible and shouting calls to repent at my co-workers and customers; I think I'd soon be out of work if I did. But, I know that, as a child of God, I am called to be salt and light to those around me. Relationships are important. Honesty is important. Love is important. Truth is important. A broken machine is not so important in the long run. Running across the store for sugar is merely an annoyance like the buzz of a fly in the house. It can be an all-consuming annoyance, or it can be something barely heard. It just depends on how I choose to look at it and where I choose to focus my energy.

Attitude

We were given tickets to last night's final regular season game for our Kelowna Rockets. It hasn't been their best season and they failed to make it into the play-offs this year. We don't make it to very many games as tickets and time are hard to come by.

Casey was not exactly thrilled about going to the game as he had hoped to have a friend sleep over. He needs to learn that sometimes plans and that fun can still be had when those plans do change; it all depends on attitude. He didn't like my advice, but he did handle the disappointment better than expected.

We went. Before the game started, Casey had decided that he wasn't going to cheer for the home team. Instead, he was going to cheer for the visiting Prince George Cougars! When the Cougars stepped onto the ice, Casey cheered. When the Cougars scored early in the first period, Casey was clapping and cheering. He would yell out, "Good save!" or "Good shot!" in support of the Cougars. Sam was so annoyed, not because he was cheering for the Rockets, but because he was simply irritated by Casey's enthusiasm. It didn't bother me at all; in fact, I had many a laugh over it. Casey had absolutely no qualms about cheering loud and often for the opposition, although I did ask him not to boo the referees when Prince George received a penalty nor to cheer when the Rockets got a penalty.

In the end, the Rockets won and we all had a good time. Even Casey who didn't think that he could have fun going to the game! I guess I was right...it is all in the attitude.

Broken

The boys broke a window several days ago. Actually, it was Sam that took the fatal shot, but both boys were playing hockey outside and so both boys will be required to pay for repairs. Unfortunately, the broken window is in our neighbour's house instead of our own. Or perhaps that is a good thing! We replaced our windows less than ten years ago, while our neighbours windows are quite likely original to the 40 year old house. Still, the broken window is something of a fluke accident. Our hockey net is set up on our patio at least 40 feet from the neighbour's house. The boys stated that Sam's shot deflected off the crossbar which makes the angle rather awkward, too. I must admit that I was rather pleased with my boys that night as they came straight into the house and told me the bad news. Sam also went next door to offer his apology and promise to pay for the repairs.


Kane and Sam left the house this afternoon and returned a short while later with a set of junior golf clubs and golf bag. I registered the boys for some golf lessons through the Rec. Centre in April as the boys are interested in golfing. Just yesterday, Sam received an invitation to a game of golf with some of his hockey teammates for next week. He is excited. Kane is excited! Later this afternoon, we all went to a driving range. We bought two large buckets of balls and let the kids loose. Sam has a smooth swing, and it is easy to see that he will enjoy golf. Casey's swing was not so smooth. I doubt that he will take to golf as easily as Sam will, but he is eager to try it out. Casey is just too eager, too unfocused, too much in a hurry. Abby had fun but not so much success. She did have some better hits after I gave her some pointers on stance and grip. Kane enjoyed the opportunity to teach the kids about golf and to show off his own golf abilities. I must say that even I smiled when Kane would make a great drive! While I took great enjoyment in watching my kids, I did take a few shots myself. The first couple sucked. I don't think I have swung a real golf club since before Kane and I were married. Mini golf clubs don't count. The kids had a laugh or two at my expense, I sat and watched for a while, and then I picked up a club once again. This time I was better and amazed myself; I have never hit a golf ball so well. I didn't hit a lot of balls, maybe a dozen, but I quickly threw in the towel after a hit that sent vibrations throughout my left hand. It felt as if my entire hand was an elastic band which somebody snapped; it hasn't stopped vibrating since then. Obviously golf and carpal tunnel don't go well together, even when the carpal tunnel doesn't seem to be a problem. Lesson learned.

I realized, while sitting watching my kids, that I should have brought the camera. I really should get in the habit of bringing the camera with me all the time, but I haven't quite found that mindset yet. It is easy to remember the camera for special events like hockey tournaments or birthday parties, but somehow I "forget" that photo-worthy events can happen even in the most unexpected and unplanned situations. Need to remember that!

Transparency

Several months ago, I made a decision regarding a friendship. It was not a sudden or rash decision; instead, it was one that I struggled with for a very long time. It was a decision born out of pain, frustration, tears, and prayer. I hated to make that decision, and yet I felt such peace immediately after making it.

I haven't said anything on my blog about this decision, nor have I shared any specific details which led me to that place. While it isn't necessary to talk about the details, I don't want to avoid this topic anymore. And, I have been avoiding it here. I suppose that is because I don't want to step on anyone's feelings. However, this is my blog. I want to be real and honest with those around me and, most importantly, with myself.

It is still true that I feel peace in the decision that I made, but I am still assailed by doubts and uncertainties. I miss my friend. I still feel pain. Sadness. Frustration. Anger and disappointment. Hurt. I think I work it all out only to be slapped in the face once again. As difficult as it was to make that decision, it was easy compared to this, whatever this is. Maybe it is a grieving process...

Whatever it is, here I am! I can't pretend that I am unaffected by what has happened in the past. I can't pretend that I am not affected by what is happening here and now. I don't want to pretend.

So, it has been a busy week. I worked Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Monday night was ball hockey. Tuesday night was hockey practice. Wednesday night was Casey's youth activity. Thursday was Casey's basketball tournament, a funeral, Abby's church activity, and a baseball executive meeting. Friday was the start of Sam's hockey tournament which is where we've been for most of today. Tomorrow, we have one more game and a wrap-up party. That's it!

You know what's on my calendar for the coming week? Absolutely NOTHING! Well, except for a reminder that Big Brothers is picking up several bags/boxes of stuff we don't need anymore. I am planning on a movie marathon, though I can't decide between Lord of the Rings extended trilogy or all six Star Wars movies. Maybe we could do both?

I have been reading a lot lately; my reading tends to be cyclical and I always have more than one book in progress. Currently, I am reading:

The Alexandria Link by Steve Berry
I have only read two of his previous books and enjoyed both immensely as they were fictional pieces based on the Romanovs and the famous amber walls from...the Winter Palace, I think. Can't be sure at the moment. This book reminds me a little of the Davinci Code, at least so far, but we'll see.

The Negotiator by Dee Henderson
Christian fluff but I enjoy the fluff as well as the meaty. I've read it before and will likely read it again.

A History of England and the British Empire by Walter Phelps Hall and Robert Greenhalgh Albion
Now this is a meaty book! It has been on my bookshelf for a number of years now bought at a garage sale. A couple of weeks ago, I watched most of the mini-series Elizabeth I starring Helen Mirren. The movie was excellent and I am easily enticed by historical movies, stories and facts, so I pulled this heavy book from the shelf and started reading. The book begins way back with the Romans and Saxons, about 55 B.C. I'm only a small fraction of my way through the book, but I have already reached the year 1277.

Hockey Night in Kelowna

Sam scored another goal and had an assist in their final round robin game of his year-end hockey tournament. After two disappointing losses, we played well, kept the penalties to a minimum and scored lots of goals to earn the win. Now we wait and see what time we play our final game tomorrow, though it will probably be 8:15am. Ugh. Time change tonight. Ugh.

Air Casey

Casey is in the red shorts/white & teal jersey. He was so excited about being on the school basketball team even though he missed most of the "season" because of his dislocated finger.

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Kane's aunt died on Friday after a lengthy battle with cancer. The funeral is set for Thursday afternoon. Thankfully, I am not working on Thursday, but I will still need to do some juggling in a busy day. Everything will work out though, I think.

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

I am not a millionaire for life. Disappointing but not unexpected. We so rarely buy lottery tickets of any kind, but I had bought a ticket for a recent special lottery: $1 million dollars a year for 25 years! It would have been sweet.

Ah well...

I am still quite happy with what we have and, in all honesty, we have far too much. The five garbage bags and two boxes of stuff sitting in my house waiting to be picked up give testimony to just how much we do have. My kids won't miss the toys I've purged from their rooms (except for the bouncy balls). We all still have many clothing options available to us on a daily basis. There still isn't enough space to store all the things that we stubbornly refuse to give up.