A Christmas Carol

I popped our only Christmas CD into the player this morning, while I was dusting. Yes, we only have one CD of Christmas music. And, it is old...not ancient though. Actually, I quite enjoy this CD, a collection of carols sung by various contemporary Christian artists.

What I love about this CD is the fact that not all the songs are your run-of-the mill carols. In fact, some of my favourite songs are not traditional in any way. My absolute favourite is This Little Child by Scott Wesley Brown. Love it!

Here are the lyrics:

Who would have thought that long ago
So very far away
A little child would be born
And in a manger lay

And who would have thought this little child
Was born the King of kings
The son of just a carpenter
But for whom the angels sing

And who would have thought that as a child
And with other children play
This child with whom they laughed and sang
Would die for them some day

And who would have thought this little child
Would make the blind man see
Feed the hunger, make rich the poor
And set the sinner free

Oh, who would have thought this little child
Was who the prophets said
Would take away the sins of man
And rise up from the dead

Oh, I believe
And I will always sing
This little child
Is the King
Oh, I believe
And I will always sing
This little child
Is the King of kings

Many years have come and gone
Yet this world remains the same
Empires have been built and fallen
Only time has made a change

Nation against nation
Brother against brother
Men so filled with hatred
Killing one another

And over half the world is starving
While our banner of decency is torn
Debating over disarmament
Killing children before they're born

And fools who march to win their right
To justify their sin
Oh every nation that has fallen
Has fallen from within

Yet in the midst of the darkness
There is a Hope, a Light that burns
This little child, the King of kings
Someday will return

Oh, I believe
And I will always sing
This little child
Is the King
Oh, I believe
And I will always sing
This little child
Is the King of kings

Who would have thought this little child
Is who the prophets said
Will return to judge this world
The living and the dead

Oh, can't you see that long ago
So very far away
This little child, our only Hope
Was born a King that day

Wow! Powerful stuff. I'll take my one Christmas CD over a dozen variations of Jingle Bell Rock anyday.

Technology

It seems that our DVD player has decided to go the way of the dinosaur. Our VCR has been deceased for several months now; in fact, we tossed it. But back to the DVD player...

I noticed a couple of days ago that the power light kept going on and off, something that hasn't happened before. I bought a special CD to clean the machine and went to insert it Friday night. It wouldn't open. In fact, I couldn't get that dang machine to do anything! Looking at the troubleshooting section in the manual was a waste of time. There was no troubleshooting tips to cover the problems I was seeing. We've had the machine just long enough to have no warranty anymore, and you can purchase a new machine for very little these days. So, I think we'll just be tossing this one and buying a new, cheap one. Sometime.

I strongly dislike our society for creating technology that is so disposable. When it costs more to repair a machine than it does to buy a new one, there's something wrong. Most warranties are a joke, barely lasting long enough for a person to figure out how to use the machine! Or the remote control.

Beginning to look like Christmas

Yesterday was the "big game" for Canadian Football League fans, and what a big game it was! I was disappointed that my team didn't make it to the final, but I was all set to cheer for the Edmonton Eskimos to defeat the Montreal Alouettes. It came down to double overtime! The game was a little boring up until the final few minutes of regulation time and then WOW! It was exciting, and the Eskimos did win.

I'm glad to be finished work for the day, although, as a mom, my work still continues! Not sure what I'll do over the next two days (I'm off), but housework and baking are at the top of the list. Laundry, of course, too.

Well, Kane and I made a decision last night. We're going to Victoria for Christmas with my brother-in-law, his wife, and daughter. The kids are excited, though I think they're more excited about the ferry ride than they are about the actual visit. I can't say that I blame them...having never been on a ferry, I'm quite excited about that, too. And, I would be very excited about spending our first Christmas away from home if it weren't for the in-laws. The plan is to leave here on Dec. 23 and head back on Boxing Day, so we'll only be there for two full days. We can survive that, right?!

I thought for sure Kane wouldn't want to go to the trouble of putting up a Christmas tree since we're not going to be here, but I was wrong. He still thinks we can do that. Okay. Maybe I can pull out the decorations on one of my days off this week.

fititallinoneday

Today is the only day off I have this week. I would like nothing more than to take a nap, read a book, lose myself in a computer game, do anything other than housework, but housework can only be put off for so long. Even though my shifts this week are not overly long, they are just long enough to put a bit knot in the middle of my day. The knots can be untangled without too much fuss; I guess I'm still not used to not having all the free time that I want.

So, today is a day crammedfullofstuff. Laundry has been started. I've done some general tidying in the kitchen and living room. The garbage, recycling, and yard waste are sitting at the curb for pick-up. I do need to get to the library at some point today, and I need to plan supper for tonight and tomorrow, as well as a snack to bring to our care group on Thursday.

As I float around the house, I keep finding new tasks to add to my mental to-do list. The problem is that most of these new tasks are more fun than the tasks that are already on the list. I'd rather sort through a stack of photos than scrub the toilet. I most definitely prefer to sort through recipes clipped from magazines than dust and vacuum.

Sam has hockey practice tonight which is why I need to figure out supper soon. We either eat really early or really late. Guess I need to check my fridge, freezer and pantry...

Currently Reading: The Romanov Prophecy

Being interested the history and nature of many things Russian, a book caught my eye at the library the other day. I had never heard of it before, nor the author, but the title drew me in. The Romanov Prophecy by Steve Berry. Great book! I have already put a hold on his two other books, though I think only one of them deals with Russian material.

The Romanov Prophecy dealt with the long debated missing (possibly surviving) children of Tsar Nicholas II. The story is a work of fiction set in the modern day. Fast paced, plausible story with just the right mix of truth and fiction.

The book that I am now eagerly anticipating is The Amber Room. Instantly, I know that this book also deals with Russian history, as the Amber Room was a work of art in one of the royal palaces...walls paneled with high-quality amber. I remembered that the panels went missing during World War II, and I had vague recollections of panels either now being found or re-created. Intriguing story! Adding a suspenseful fictional plot to the mix will make for great reading.

100th Post

This is my 100th post at blogger.com, but I sure didn't expect it to be a gripe. It has to be; I'm in a mood.

The owner of the Tim Horton's where I work own two stores. The one where I work is a full-sized restaurant; the other is located inside a gas station, which translates into very small. For the most part, the staff at each store is unique to each store, but there are times when a Glenmore (full-sized restaurant) employee works at the Spall location. When I was hired, I was asked about the possibility of my working at either location, and I was okay with the idea. However, in the two months that I've been in their employ, I've only worked in the Glenmore location.

Until today. For some reason, out of the blue, I was scheduled to work for five hours at the Spall location today. For the past week, I've been leary of this shift; maybe even a little afraid. Most Glenmore employees that I've talked to hate working at Spall. Okay. How bad could it be?

So, I walked in to the Spall store this morning, not knowing a single person, or even where to find a single thing. I think only two people (managers) bothered to introduce themselves to me; the other employees seemed to want to ignore me. Except for one. This one employee seemed to think that I was stupid and untrained. She saw fit to talk down to me while "instructing" me on things like how to sweep the floor or take an order. She also repeatedly commented that things are 'different here', different as in busier and better than Glenmore. If I wasn't such a gentle person, I could have wrung her neck a dozen times over!

Later in my shift, one of the employees finally talked to me...to say, "You're from Glenmore, aren't you!" His implication was obvious: I was from Glenmore, therefore I didn't know squat!

Never has five hours crept by so slowly! During my break, a familiar Glenmore face arrived for work. She asked how I was doing, and my response was less than enthusiastic. She, on the other hand, loves working at the Spall store; in fact, prefers it!

The Spall location is insanely busy and small and cramped. The busyness I don't mind. I do mind being treated like an idiot though. Sure, I didn't know where anything was, but I know how to sweep a floor. I know how to take orders. I know how to make a pot of coffee or tea. If your store has a particular way of doing something, I do not have a crystal ball or the ability to read minds, so simply tell me. If you don't tell me, I'll just do it the way I have already been trained. If you don't like it, bite me!

But, my shift there is done. I don't know if this was just a one time thing, or if I might be getting more shifts there. I hope not, but I'll try to keep an open mind for a little bit longer. Even though nobody really made any effort to talk to me, they generally seemed like okay people with the exception of that one woman. Then again, she seems to rub a lot of people the wrong way. If I do end up working there again, and I have a similar experience, then I might just need to ask my boss to not schedule me there again.

Sure, I need the money, but I am not so desperate for this particular job that I have to put up with crap. Lots of places are hiring. They may be minimum wage jobs, but I am completely fine with that.

Wear and Tear

You know you're getting old when your body starts falling apart.

My elbow still hurts. Last night, my left wrist hurt for a while. (I so do not need tendonitis on each side of my body, thank you very much.) And, my neck is a little sore today...must have slept on it wrong, I guess.

Crazy Days and Hilary Duff

My elbow felt less sore on Sunday and Monday, but yesterday it began to hurt more prominently again. Still, it isn't the same throbbing pain. This is a little more difficult to describe: deeper, stiffer, blunter.

I bought tickets yesterday for Abby and I to see Hilary Duff in concert in January. It will be Abby's Christmas present, and I can't wait to see the look on her face when she opens that present! It will be so much fun. Okay, yes, I am trying to psych myself up for attending a concert comprised of mostly teeny-boppers! It will be fun. Honest.

I am enjoying a rare three days off in a row. Actually, it ended up being four, as I called in sick on Monday. I really did not want to give up my shift, but I wouldn't have been able to do my job anyway. So, I did nothing on Monday but lie around.

Yesterday, I felt much better and caught up on housework and laundry.

Today, I have plans to do some baking, before I go insane this afternoon trying to be in two different places at almost the same time. Abby has her music club at 3:30pm, Sam has an orthodontic appointment at 3:20pm, and Sam isn't finished school until 3:10pm. The school is almost smack dab in the middle with the church and the orthodontist at polar opposites. Yikes!

I have a plan in mind, assuming that everything falls into place. I am hoping to drop Abby off around 3pm, on the assumption that someone will be at the church at that time. Then, I'll go pick Sam up from school and take him to the orthodontist. It would work, but it depends on someone else being at the church. Shouldn't be a problem though...

Tennis elbow, anyone?

My elbow still hurts. I am self-diagnosing tendonitis because that is how it feels. I do get tendonitis in my left wrist from time to time, so I think I can recognize the pain, numbness, and stiffness.

I don't have a fear of doctors; I just don't like to go see the doctor unless I am desperate. It is probably quite silly, but I always get the impression from someone, whether a nurse or doctor, that I am simply wasting their time. I could be a hypochondriac, if I wanted to be. My body is always feeling aches and pains and such, but I refuse to run to the doctor for any of them. Instead, I ignore or research.

With every coffee filter I dumped today and every cup of coffee poured, I felt the pain in my elbow. It can't be helped; I'm right handed, and of course, my right elbow is the offender.

Maybe I'm reluctant to go see the doctor this time, because I know that rest is a big part of the treatment for tendonitis. When my wrist is having a flare-up, rest is no problem; I rarely use my left arm. However, I cannot simply stop using my right arm. I use it all the time, every day! And now, I use it at work. I doubt there is any work I can do at my job that doesn't involve using my arm, and I haven't worked there long enough to merit a leave of absence.

So, I am resting it as often as I can, and I am applying ice and heat as frequently as possible. I do need to remember to take some ibuprofen though...I tend to forget that.

I have three more days of work in a row before my next days off. Surprise, surprise! I get three days off in a row next week: Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday! Do you think three days rest will do the trick?

No. I didn't think so either.

I'll Raise You...

Hey! I got a raise yesterday. Unexpectedly.

The first raise isn't supposed to happen until your three month review. I have only been there for nearly two months, but the owners are so impressed with how well I am doing, that they decided to give me my raise now. Effective on Friday's paycheque!

Cool.

Reading, Writing, and 'Rithmetic

I received a phone call yesterday from Sam's homeroom/English teacher. Mr. C. wanted to discuss his concerns over Sam's spelling. According to Mr. C., Sam's spelling is quite unique. Yes, it certainly is!

Sam has always been a very reluctant reader and writer. His spelling has been bad for years. Last year, being in the public system, he was finally able to get some extra help from someone other than mom. His reading, writing, and spelling improved marginally, but he was still very reluctant. Asking him to write a paragraph would be torturous for him, and you'd be lucky to get three simple sentences.

Last week, Sam had two writing assignments in English that blew me away! First, he had been given a letter written by a grade 8 student, and Sam had to write a letter back. Sam asked me what he should write, I tried to give him some broad ideas but left it in his hands. I expected to see a very short and simple letter without any real content to speak of, but I was so wrong.
Sam had written a page long letter full of fantastic content (but atrocious spelling).

The second assignment was to write about the school library. Sam told me they were required to write 5 pages, but I am not sure that is accurate. Again, Sam didn't know what to write, and I expected very little output. Sam wrote a page and a half, and the content was amazing! Well, it wouldn't be amazing if he hadn't written it. Still, the spelling was really bad. I had no problem reading it, but Kane really struggled to decode the spelling.

So, talking on the phone with Mr. C., he began by saying that usually bad spelling is grouped in with bad punctuation and content, but that's not the case with Sam. I laughed a little and commented on how funny that was to me, knowing how much of a struggle writing is for Sam. I also let Mr. C. know that Sam has never before written so much or so well EVER! He was quite surprised by that news. He said that the content was good, and the punctuation was fine; in fact, he gave Sam a mark of 13/16 for the library assignment. For a moment, I wondered if we were talking about the same child.

Mr. C. seems like a great teacher. He talked one on one with Sam about his spelling and came away with the impression that Sam would really like to work on his spelling. Music to my ears! Mr. C. was also sensitive to the fact that Sam might not like being singled out in class with extra spelling work, so he was hoping to have my help at home. Absolutely! I have been longing for the day when Sam was mentally ready to work at spelling and writing; it has always been more difficult than pulling teeth from an alligator. Mr. C. went on to say that he wanted to approach Sam with some suggestions first and let Sam be the one to take the initiative. Great idea!

So, when I picked Sam up from school, I casually asked him if he'd received his library assignment back yet. He told me his mark and went on to say that Mr. C. had said he was going to show it to some writing teachers (learning assistance) to get some ideas for working on spelling. I asked Sam what he thought of that. "It's okay," he said. Today, he should come home with a list of 1000 common words, which the two of us will work through every day with oral reading and spelling tests. Really, this isn't a new concept. I've tried this approach with Sam before, but maybe, now that he seems willing to work at it, the outcome will be different.

If only we could get him interested in learning his times tables now!

Third Time's a Charm?

This is my third attempt at posting on my blog today. On the two previous attempts, I began to type but, in the end, opted to delete rather than publish. It isn't that I didn't have anything to say; they just did not feel right.

My day started frightfully well for a Monday morning. I was awake and alert well before the alarm would have blared in my ear. Before the kids had left for school, I had most of the house tidied. The laundry was washed, dried, and folded before noon, and my toilet is once again clean. It had been looking rather disgusting!

I was supposed to have helped in Abby's class this afternoon for their Halloween party. Last week, the teacher had sent home a paper requesting parent help. I filled it in and sent it back saying that I could bring a snack and help in the class. So, I showed up at the proper time today with snacks in hand and ready to help. My snacks were accepted, but my help wasn't needed. Apparently, there were enough parents already, and I felt summarily dismissed.

Disappointed. Yes, I was and am. Could she not have sent a note home with Abby saying that my help might not be necessary? I planned my day around being available to go to the school, and I was left with a gaping hole in my day instead. So, I left the school and started driving in the direction of Wal-Mart thinking that I could buy some things that I may or may not need. The only thing is that I don't have the money for anything right now, whether I need it or not. I was even beginning to convince myself to use my new credit card (which is mostly for booking purposes for sports tournaments, etc.). Thankfully, I came to my miserly senses by the time I was half-way to my destination and turned around to head home.

So, here I sit at home, in my dark kitchen, feeling somewhat bored and restless. Kane and the kids are out trick-or-treating, having opted out of the annual church carnival. I don't mind the solitude, but there's nothing worth watching on TV, I have no books I'm interested in reading at the moment, and my elbow hurts too much to play any computer games.

Yes, my elbow hurts. No, I do not know why. All I know is that I first noticed it this morning while turning the can opener as I went about opening a can of tomatoes, a can of tomato sauce, and a can of tomato paste for the spaghetti sauce I was making. Hours later, any rotating of my forearm causes pain and discomfort in my elbow. Right forearm, right elbow-just to clarify.

My doorbell just rang...the third set of trick-or-treaters so far tonight. The mental trick-or-treater addition just reminded me of my mother-in-law. We live in the house that Kane grew up in. His mom continued to live her until she died 8 years ago. Every Halloween, she would keep track of how many kids came knocking on her door for candy, and she'd comment every year on the dwindling numbers. For a long time, this neighbourhood was aging with many families having lived here since Kane was a child. Over the past year or two, there have been a lot of homes sold in this area to younger families. Maybe we'll see more kids this Halloween; not that I would know if our numbers were up or down. We've attended the carnival for years, never really been home to hand out candy before.

Did you know?

Something I've learned...have you ever paid attention to the cardboard tubes inside your toilet paper rolls? I have. Too much time on my hands, I know. When I remove the empty tube from a brand name toilet paper, the cardboard is thin and weak. However, when I remove the empty tube from a no-name brand, the cardboard is much thicker and stronger. Why is that? Surely it costs more money to have thicker cardboard? Couldn't you put that extra money into making the toilet paper softer or stronger?

Burning Expressions

I burned myself yesterday at work. I was rinsing something in the sink which happens to be right next to the coffee machines in the drive-thru. As I pulled back from the sink, something on me caught on the filter basket. Everything happened so quickly; I can't really recall what I was rinsing in the sink or even how I could have snagged the basket, but I did. Unfortunately, a fresh pot of coffee was brewing, so the basket was full of hot water and coffee grounds. I was splashed from chest to feet and was burned on my left forearm and right hand/wrist. Thankfully, the burns aren't too bad, but they sure did hurt for a few hours!

Of course, yesterday was the day that I was rushing straight from work to Sam's hockey game. Being mostly sensible, I had planned ahead and instructed Kane to bring me a change of clothes when he picked me up. Boy, am I ever glad I did! It would not have been fun to walk around the hockey rink in my work uniform with coffee splotches all over.

Sam played right wing yesterday for the first time this season; he's been on defense up until now. We lost the game, but it was close and could have gone either way. Even though the other team was probably better skilled, we held our own against them. Sam had an assist on our team's first goal!

I have been less than thrilled with Sam's coach from the moment we learned whose team Sam was on this year. This coach was Sam's assistant coach two years ago-Sam's bad year of hockey. At the beginning of this season, Kane did broach his concerns with Coach to clear the air. Coach assured Kane that this year would be different, and he blamed the problems in our previous experience on the fact that he was only the assistant. I was hopeful after hearing this, but I was still reluctant to hold any respect for this man.

As I sit here today, I feel much the same way. I have seen little details on the ice that have me hopeful for a good season, but I am also seeing things that reinforce my lack of respect for him. Only this time, he can't make the excuse that he is only the assistant!

He told the team that they, the kids, would vote for the team's captain and assistants. Sam reported to us after that K. was captain, B. and C. were assistants. At yesterday's game, Kane and I noticed that the captain's "C" on J. (who is the coach's son) and the assistant's "A" on K., B., and C. According to Sam, J. had only received one vote. Hmmm...When Kane asked the team manager why J. had the "C" on his jersey, he was told that "C" is for 'coach's kid'. Yes, I think we figured that out two years ago.

The coach's kid is a one-man show. He doesn't pass. Almost never, and when he does pass, it is to one of his close buddies: K. or B. The three of them have played on the same team for at least three or four years, if not longer.

I don't like to sit by B.'s mom, because it isn't good for my blood pressure. Her son is a one-trick pony. He has an awesome shot! Really, he does, but he also doesn't know how to pass, and he very rarely works as a team player. When B. is on the ice and has the puck, his mom is shouting, very loudly, for him to shoot the puck. If someone else has the puck, she is yelling just as loudly for that person to pass the puck. I find it quite hilarious, in a warped kind of way, that she yells for everyone to pass but her son. No wonder he doesn't pass.

Speaking of which, two years ago, Coach told Kane that he doesn't believe in teaching kids to pass the puck. Instead, he thinks that kids should take the puck themselves. I do agree with his philosophy to a point. Kids should feel confident in taking the puck, but if every player held to this mantra, where would teamwork fit into the game? Look at some of the best hockey players and top scorers in the game-do they pass the puck? Or, do they keep it for themselves?

When Sam had his very first assist way back in his first year playing hockey, he was disappointed that it was only an assist and not a goal. At the time, he had an NHL hockey record book from the library, so I opened it up and showed him the stats on one of his favourite players, Wayne Gretzky. Wayne Gretzky was arguably the best hockey player ever! He broke records and scored a heck of a lot of goals, but he had far more assists than he did goals! Gretzky understood that hockey was a team sport rather than an individual one. This was the point I wanted Sam to understand!

I am a competitive person. Maybe you know that about me, or maybe you don't. I'm quite able to temper my competitiveness in the spirit of fun and fair play. As much as I want to win, I want the contest to be fair. I want it to be fun. And really, that is the way it should be.

Predictable

Why am I not surprised that I was asked if I could come in to work on Monday and stay later on Tuesday? For the record, I said no to both. If I had said yes to Monday, I would have worked 9 out of 10 days; I just can't do that! Well, I could, but I need time away from work, time to do things at home. Besides, I already promised Abby that I'd help in her class that day. As for staying later on Tuesday, I've made it clear from the start that I cannot stay past 2pm on weekdays and that hasn't changed.

A co-worker and I were commiserating together after our shifts today. We both think (hope) things will get better once more staff are hired and trained. The sooner the better! She doesn't mind all the hours; she's full time and doesn't have kids. However, I am only supposed to be part-time, and I do have kids, which is why I am part-time. My kids have activities to be driven to after school. They need help with homework. I do have a life outside of Tim Horton's walls. Right now, it feels like I live at work. In the past week, I've already worked six shifts, and I have two more days of work before I get a day off (which they wanted me to work).

I said no today, because I need to do laundry, clean my kitchen, vacuum and dust, and clean my bathroom. I would like to bake cookies or muffins, so my kids have something to add to their lunches. I need to go shopping for granola bars and juice boxes; I'm out! I have three file folders of registration forms to enter into the computer. I have books to read and return to the library; I missed a couple of books being held, because I didn't make it to the library on time. I want to cook supper for my family. Real suppers instead of pre-cooked chicken burgers that just need heating or hot dogs. I would like to feel rested at the end of the day instead of exhausted. I would love to go for lunch with a friend.

So, my Monday day off is safe, but how safe is Wednesday and Thursday? I know that they'll ask me to come in, but I need to say no. For sanity's sake.

Too Much Work and Not Enough Play

I hate to start yet another post with a comment on my exhaustion, but it can't be helped. It's true! I am.

I was supposed to have three days off this week, but that has now been reduced to only one day. In fact, by the end of this week, I will have worked 8 out of 9 days. Thankfully, I'm not putting in 8 hour shifts every day, but I don't think that makes much of a difference. I am still left feeling tired, and I am falling behind at home.

The problem is that we're short-staffed. We're hiring. Desperately. Many of us are being asked to come in on our days off or to work longer than originally scheduled. I don't mind doing that once in a while, but this seems to be the norm lately. Yesterday, I was asked to come in an hour early today. While at work today, I was asked to come in tomorrow on my day off and to come in two hours early on Saturday. They wanted me to stay later on Saturday, too, but I said no. Prior commitment. (Sam has a hockey game which starts 45 minutes after I'm off. I end up missing enough of his games because of work.)

I am also going to have to talk to the owner about working on Sundays. I don't mind working Sundays; I don't even mind working Sunday mornings. I just don't want to work Sunday mornings every single week! I haven't been to church since September 25th, and I'd really like to go sometimes. I won't be at church this Sunday, nor the Sunday after.

When I was hired, I was asked how many hours a week I would like to have. 16-20 was my answer. Assuming there are no more changes to my schedule for this pay period, I will have worked 51 hours in two weeks.

In a Fog

Last night the weatherman said today would be sunny and warm. Hmmm...I just got home from work, and it is cool, grey and foggy; almost drizzly feeling. Not that I mind too much.

I am trying to decide on what to make for supper tonight, but I'm feeling crunched for time. I have barely walked in the door and changed into human clothes, Casey and Abby will be walking in the door within the next ten minutes, and I promised to pick Sam up from school at 3:09pm. We'll be back home by 3:20, but we need to leave for hockey practice by 4:15, which means supper needs to be ready and consumed in advance of our departure. (We can't afford to eat at the arena concession everytime Sam steps on the ice.)

Kane has offered to stay home with Casey and Abby on the assumption that he is finished work in time. If he's not, they come with Sam and I. If he was going to be home, I could give Kane instructions for supper, leaving me to worry about feeding Sam. If only I knew for sure! I don't, so I need to be prepared just in case Kane isn't here, because it is quite likely he won't be. Do you understand why I am spinning my wheels here?!

I have ground beef in the fridge; I could make chili really quickly, and once made, could be eaten at different times. (We'll be gone before my parents get home for supper.) I have chicken burgers for my two kids that won't eat chili, and those will only take a few minutes to prepare. But then, do I really feel like making chili, let alone eating it? No, not really.

I need to get a grip! The first few weeks after starting my job went smoothly. I was able to effectively juggling working inside and outside the home. I had meals waiting in the crockpot on our crazy days. I was organized! Since the teachers went on strike, I have slipped into zombie mode. It has been a struggle to cook day by day, let alone plan ahead. With our dryer conked out, laundry has backed up. Thankfully, Kane has kept the kitchen organized and clean, but other areas of the house desperately need attention.

How much can I fit into tomorrow? I don't work but from 2:30pm to 7pm will be crazy.

Here's what I need to do tomorrow:
-laundry, even if I need to go to a laundromat to do it!
-put supper in the crockpot (we're having lentil barley stew)
-clean the bathroom
-clean out the veggie bins in the fridge (I noticed a mushy cucumber last night)

Here's what I might do, if I have time:
-dust
-vacuum
-work on baseball data entry
-clean my bedroom

Tired and True

I am tired and need a day off to catch up on stuff at home, to put my feet up, and maybe even have a nap. That could have been yesterday, but I said yes when asked to come in for a few hours. I will not say yes if asked to come in on my only days off this week: Wednesday and Friday. I can't say yes; I need those days to breathe.

I realize that I have mentioned being tired and hating alarm clocks quite frequently. Both are true. I am a night owl. Alarm clocks are not a natural part of my vocabulary. Even though I am a night owl, I am a mother and I have a job outside the home. Both jobs require working hours that are not always compatible with night owl behaviour. Schools frown on kids being late for no other reason than mom wanted to sleep in. Employers don't look very highly on employees who fail to show up for a scheduled early morning shift. Of course, as any mom knows, being a mom is already a full-time job! Is it any wonder that I'm tired?

I am tired but not exhausted. There is a difference. I think.

Personality Quiz

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented. Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader. You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do. You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

Unloading

I am cold. We've had our furnace on for almost a month now, but we've been keeping it set quite low. Most of the time, donning a sweater or snuggling beneath a throw blanket is enough to keep the chills away. I'm sitting here in my work uniform waiting for the time to leave, and I am cold.

We've awoken to fog for the past few days. It is both beautiful and dreary. As a result, the air, especially in the mornings, has been damp and chilled. The afternoons have been sunnier and slightly warmer. Autumn is definitely here.

Over the weekend, Casey and Abby and a neighbour boy were consumed with some entrepreneurial spirit. They canvassed the neighbourhood in search of yards to rake. I am not sure how many customers they snagged, but they managed to rake in about $3 each. Really, it isn't a lot of money for raking and bagging leaves for at least two houses, but I admire their drive. Besides, if I deducted the cost of the bags they used from our shed, they wouldn't have made any money!

The kids are at school now. Once again, I had a moment of confusion when the alarm shattered my deep and lovely sleep. We managed to get our acts together in remarkably fine fashion. I would go so far as to say that we've never been such a well-oiled machine! How long will it last?

I did something this morning, and I am quite proud of it. Or really, I am pleased that I was able to figure it out on my own. Now that I am the webmaster for our baseball association, updating the website falls on my shoulders. From the start, I wasn't sure that I was sturdy enough to carry that weight; after all, I really don't know anything about computers or programs or websites. I have been trying to figure out how to edit the existing pages, so I could update the executive roster. Until this morning, I just couldn't figure it out. Not only did I figure it out, but I've already made some changes. I'd do a happy dance, but I have no rhythm.

That's one item I can cross off my mental list of things to do! I must have at least 479 other items left to work on. ;o)

I'm not so cold now. I kicked the thermostat up a couple of notches to take the chill off the air; I won't be here much longer anway. At work, I'll be more than warm enough.

The Return of the Teachers

The teachers' strike is over! With less than 12 hours notice, school will be in session tomorrow morning. Casey and Abby will be thrilled; Sam will not. (Secretly, I think Sam will be glad, but he wouldn't ever let that show.)

I am glad, though my body was really hoping for one last, much needed day to sleep in. After working early shifts this weekend, I desperately wanted to forget about setting my alarm tonight. Not going to happen now!

I was so unprepared to wake up early this morning that, when the alarm began to beep at me, my first thought was that I had left it "armed" from the day before. If I had a 'snooze' button on my alarm, I likely would have hit it, rolled over, and fallen back asleep. It is what I wanted to do, but clarity assailed my sleepy senses enough to remember that there was a reason my alarm was beeping at me. I had to be at work at 7:30; not quite as early as my 6am shift the day before, but early enough for someone who finds a schoolday wake up call of 7am too early!

So, even though I don't have to work until 11am tomorrow, my alarm will be set for 7am, and I will resent its' intrusion into my dreams.

Home Alone

I worked four hours today. There is still no school, so my kids were home alone while I was at work. For the first time; however, Kane did come home once or twice to check on them. And, he called, too. Sometimes, he worries more than I do!

The kids did fine. Actually, I think they rather enjoy this new freedom, although I do not. Sam is 12, old enough to watch the kids for a few hours. What concerns me is that Casey is physically slightly bigger than Sam, and he believes that he should have more authority than Sam. Basically, they butt heads frequently!

I did give very specific instruction before I left for work. A sheet was left beside the phone with all the relevant phone numbers and instructions. Don't answer the door. No friends in. No playing outside. This is what you can have for lunch. Blah, blah, blah. Oh yeah, no fighting! We even discussed what to do if someone got hurt or if a more dire emergency transpired.

I think I frightened Casey when I touched on the subject of 911. Of course, I didn't foresee a need for them to call 911, but I wanted to make sure they were aware of the importance of 911 in a dire emergency. So, I mentioned a serious injury or a fire as a time to call 911 (from the neighbour's house naturally). As we touched on the subject of a housefire, Casey commented that he would get Bear (his teddy) before leaving the house. Quite bluntly, I told him NO. His face drooped and his eyes began to tear; Casey has such a tender heart despite all his bluster. I reminded him that he is far more valuable and precious than Bear, and no one should ever search for, or go back in the house for, pets or toys or anything else, unless the firemen give the okay.



It is good to talk about these things, but I sure wish that teachers were back at work, so my kids could be in school learning instead of sitting in front of the TV at home alone.

Whistling while you work?

I am so glad to have no plans for tomorrow. No work. No school. No need for an alarm in the morning.

(Yeah, as much as I enjoy not hearing the beep of the alarm every weekday at 7am, I do wish that the kids DID have school tomorrow! We've had one full week of the teacher's strike and tomorrow is just another day of the same. How much longer will it go?)

I worked Friday, Saturday and today, and I am tired. Wiped out. Exhausted. I was asked to stay longer on Friday and asked to come in earlier today. Yesterday and today were eight hour shifts...my first in the past 12 1/2 years! I can't really say that I enjoyed these shifts.

Eight hours of work is a gigantic slice of the day. I have hardly seen my kids all weekend. I missed Sam's hockey game...again. I missed church...again. I missed going public skating with the kids today. Casey had a friend sleep-over, and I barely had any interaction with them. I haven't cooked a meal since supper on Thursday; even that was hardly worth mentioning. I haven't done any housework since Thursday either, but my husband has! God bless him!

Before I got this job, Kane told me that he would help out more around the house and such if I was working. I scoffed. I couldn't help it! It isn't that Kane completely avoids household work, because he's always helped out in little ways from time to time. However, I just had a difficult time imagining Kane stepping into the role of Mr. Mom. He's a great dad, and he does do dishes for me once in a while, but he still leaves more mess in his wake than he cleans. I had my doubts. Still do, but he has been making the effort.

Yesterday, Kane scrubbed the fronts of all the cupboards. He mopped the kitchen floor, did some grocery shopping, made the kids lunch, okayed a sleep-over (which I would have vetoed had I been home), took Sam to hockey, washed dishes, and dropped Sam off at youth. Today, he took the kids to church and public skating, made lunch, helped the kids with their newspaper route, and put air in the van's tires.

What did I do this weekend? I worked. I celebrated a friend's birthday. I had a bath and washed my uniform. That's about it.

What will I do tomorrow? First, I plan on sleeping in...hopefully, at least until 8am. Then, laundry, tidy the kitchen, bath, prepare supper, help the kids with some "school" work, read to my kids, read to myself, maybe take Sam to get his haircut (finally), and hang out with my girlfriends.

Tuesday, I work. Wednesday is free. Thursday is work. Friday is free but busy with kid things. Sam has a junior youth conference this coming weekend. I work Saturday and Sunday again. I'll miss church again. Next Sunday, too. I'm not very thrilled with that. I haven't been to church since the last Sunday in September, and I won't be at church for all of October. :o(

I just need to keep telling myself that this job is to bring in a little extra money to help pay off debts and get ahead financially.

Falling into a book

Another day without school. The weather outside is grey, cool, and damp. The kids went outside to play only to return within minutes. Too cold. Too wet.

Chores have been done. I am trying to come up with something creative for supper. I am failing. There isn't enough left over turkey to do much of anything, so I've pulled a package of ground beef from the freezer. Unless inspiration hits, we'll be having chili. That prospect doesn't exactly tempt my tastebuds, but it would work well with the weather.

I sat down last night and worked on making cards. I made several before running out of inspiration. I almost feel ready to crack open the scrapbooks again...

Today, I think will be a 'curl up with a book, blanket and hot chocolate' kind of day. I picked up a handful of books from the library the other night after hockey practice.
After the Night by Linda Howard
Dream Man by Linda Howard
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells
Sweet and Vicious by David Schickler
The Featherbed by John Miller

It doesn't look promising for school tomorrow either, but I have to work from 10am to 2pm. Mom has tomorrow off, so she can stay with the kids. Saturday morning will be an early one for me, followed by a long day. I work my first full, eight hour shift beginning at 6:30am! Ugh.

Give Thanks

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

We're having turkey for lunch.

Sam and I made pumpkin pie this afternoon. Tonight, I chopped onion and celery for the stuffing and prepared the Brussel sprouts.

Kane has offered to finish the stuffing in the morning and put the turkey in the oven, so that I can sleep in! Isn't he the best?! I'm always the one cooking the turkey, so I need to write out some instructions for him...by his request.

We're all tired today, I think. Kane and the kids were up by 5:30am, because Sam had a 6:30am hockey game. I was up by 6:15am, as I had to work at 7:30 and needed to walk there. Casey might have had a nap this afternoon; at the least, he had some quiet time. Kane had two short naps today. Sam just doesn't nap at all. Abby didn't nap either, but she'll be out quickly tonight. I don't nap often, and I didn't have time for one anyway. I worked until 1:00pm, but the the rest of the day has been spent baking, cleaning, and preparing for Thanksgiving. Now that I am beginning to simply sit, the exhaustion will ooze out of every pore.

Still, I have much to be thankful for. Here's a somewhat silly, somewhat serious list of what I'm thankful for:

-God's love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, His Son, His Word
-my relationship with God
-my husband who loves me just as I am, works hard to provide for us, loves our kids enough to get down on their level, and isn't afraid to help me with housework
-my kids who never fail to make me smile or make me proud
-my friends who also love me as I am and encourage and support me, pray for me, and bless me time and time again
-my home. It may not be everything I would love to have, but it keeps us warm in the winter and cool in the summer and dry when it's wet.
-Margaret Becker's music; I listen to her and find myself in the lyrics.
-my flannel sheets and pajamas and heat bag that keep me toasty warm in the winter
-my body pillow which supports me while I sleep
-long, hot bubble baths
-four distinct seasons
-Coca-Cola, in particular, diet coke with lime
-for my grandpa's organ sitting in my living room and my minimal ability to peck my way through a hymn book
-for our new church home. We still don't know many people, but we feel comfortable and welcomed there, and we're starting to get more involved. It feels like home.
-for an older, wiser friend who got me hooked on journaling over 15 years ago
-my favourite, and only, pair of jeans
-my favourite sweater
-my favourite books
-the NHL is back!
-that we're getting a 'new to us' van in a week or two which will have more room, captain's seats, and a working tape deck!
-that one of my girlfriends is in town for a few days and I'm able to visit with her twice
-my new job which meets my needs within my schedule
-my computer which makes some things easier, complicates other things, and provides hours of mindless entertainment
-that the kids will be going to bed very soon, so I can finally relax in relative quiet
-that my bedtime is only two or three hours away!

The Drop of the Puck

Hockey season has officially begun. The NHL season opened this past Wednesday, and today was Sam's first game of the year. Unfortunately, Sam's favourite NHL player, Mats Sundin, was injured about 8 minutes into his team's game and will be out for 4-6 weeks. Ouch! Seriously, wear a visor!

Sam's game ended in a 5-5 tie this morning. The game was alright, fairly even, and seemingly put together considering we've only had one practice. He plays again tomorrow morning, but I'll miss that one due to work.

I hate missing my kids' sports. Guess I just need to get over it.

Random Thoughts

Why do some people treat employees so horribly? Is it necessary to talk to the person serving you as if this person was stupid or incompetent? The customer is always right; any employee has this rule drilled into his/her head from the get-go. Some customers seem to believe that this gives them the right to treat servers like trash. I hate it.

Obviously, I had a customer treat me this way today. I'm just going to vent a little steam and slough it off. There is just no pleasing some people.
~~~~
Teachers in my province erected a picket line today, which meant that there was no school today. Thankfully, my mom was able to keep my kids at her workplace for the four hours that I had to work today. She put them to work peeling vegetables and dusting. I work tomorrow and Sunday, but my next weekday shift isn't until next Friday. Hopefully, this teachers' strike is over by then!

I hate this strike, too. Who is being hurt the most? The kids, especially those who struggle in school. I know that Abby, and even Casey, would be able to catch up easily enough and handle an increased workload, if the strike extends for some time. Sam is a completely different story.
~~~~
I am thankful to have Monday off as this is our Thanksgiving weekend. Kane was willing to cook the turkey if I had had to work during the day. He won't need to do that now, but maybe I can sweet talk him into helping. The experience would do him good.

I love turkey! And, all the fixings. Well, those that are tradition for our family: mashed potatoes, gravy, Brussel sprouts, stuffing, pumpkin pie.
~~~~
Sam has two hockey games this weekend. I'll be able to see his first game tomorrow, but I'll miss Sunday's game because of work. We're not overly thrilled with who Sam's coach is this year; the last person we wanted actually. But, as we have told Sam, we will work with what we're given and do the best we can. This coach picked Sam, so obviously there is something he values in Sam! Perhaps this year with this coach will be a better experience than our last.

Interpretation

As I bathed this afternoon, I had a 'lightbulb turning on' kind of moment.

Many months ago, I had a vivid dream about my friend and his decision to leave his wife. (I'll call him Joe.) In my dream, there was a circle of people sitting in a room. Joe stood in the middle, while I was outside the circle in the shadows. The people in the circle were not Joe's family, nor were they his old, close friends; they were the people he worked with and hung out with in his 'new' life.

Joe's purpose for this meeting was to tell his "friends" that he had made bad choices and was repenting of them. He was turning his life around. As he looked at each one of these people, Joe said, "It's not because of you that I have reached this place." Then, Joe pointed to me and said, "It is because of her."

After this dream, I kept it to myself for a long time. I wasn't completely sure what to make of it. I have many dreams; each unique, exciting, and often vivid, but never so clearly connected to a real situation with people I know personally. And, I was embarrassed by the comment about my involvement.

However, I always assumed that this dream was for my friend and her husband; for reconciliation. When I finally did share my dream with my friend, I held back the part where Joe pointed me out, again because it embarrassed me. I didn't want this dream to be about me, nor did I want to see personal glory for any change in Joe. I still don't.

Yet, today, a light flashed above my head as I lathered shampoo in my hair. Perhaps, the message of my dream wasn't necessarily meant for my friends, but for me!

Not that I am a wonder woman or a miracle worker, but that I have a strong desire to keep the lines of communication open and to continue being a friend to Joe, despite disagreeing with his choices.

Even with this personal discovery, I am fearful about it. What if this dream was only a dream? Maybe God wasn't speaking to me while I slept...after all, I'm not the best example of one of His children. Why would He speak to me at all?

Because, perfect or imperfect, I am one of His children, and He uses His children in mighty and mysterious ways. Sometimes, He uses the least likely person. Often, these insignificant people do big things for God!

Do I feel big? Hardly. Do I feel worthy of being spoken to by God? Not at all. Do I want to be used by Him for His glory? Absolutely!

This was found in one of my grandpa's photo albums. I'm not sure how old I was when I wrote this...could have been 6 or 7 or even 8. 

Melancholy

I am sad today. For reasons beyond my control and out of my reach. It is hard to pick up the pieces of a broken heart.

Find Me

I've changed the music playing in my CD player; no more sad violin, for now. Instead, I'm listening to Margaret Becker. She is my favourite artist. Her music allows me to worship, to rock out, and to turn introspective. This song hit a chord with me today; it is from the album The Reckoning.

Find Me

I'm gonna move on down to Elliston
Let my hair grow wild and free
Rent a second story studio
Find the other side of me
I'm gonna sit out on the edge of the fire escape
Feel a little destitute
Search for the feelings that will help me remember
The love that I had for You

Find me, find me
I'll wait for You
Find me, find me
I'll wait for You

I'm gonna give away my stereo
Give away my TV
I'm going back to essentials, a chair and a lamp
And the Book that You wrote to me
You see, I'm looking for the You that used to speak so clear
I'm looking for the me that had a heart to hear
And I'm looking for the passion that held me here
On the edge

Find me, find me
I'll wait for You
Find me, find me
I'll wait for you

You see, I'm looking for the me that I used to know
I'm looking for the love that was out of control
'Cause I feel a little cold here in the afterglow

Find me, find me
I'll wait for You

Strike Out!

So, the teachers in our province have given strike notice effective this Wednesday. At this point, they will still teach and supervise extra-curricular activities, but they will not carry out a list of other activities. Each of my children came home today with a letter outlining what these activities will be and how this job action will affect schooling.

Most of the activities are administrative: not attending staff meetings or professional development days; not completing or submitting student assessments or referrals; not even accepting any form of communication from the Principal or school district; no doing inventory or organizing textbooks or answering school office phones.

Yet, there are some actions that will have far greater impact on parents and students. There will be no recess, so students will be dismissed from school 15 minutes early at the end of the day. Older students lose their nutrition break. Teachers will not distribute newsletters to the students, nor will they prepare or distribute report cards.

There's more of course; the list covers nearly an entire page of paper, and if the strike continues, there could be rotating work stoppages.

I admit that I am miffed by this strike. I know several teachers personally and have not met very many "bad" teachers. Teachers work hard, give far more of themselves than they ever receive back, and deserve to be treated fairly and with respect. But, as a parent, I don't like having my children's education suffer in the process.

While kids may not miss having a report card, I want to see how my kids are doing, where they struggle and where they excel. I want to read communication from the school; I like to know what is going on in the school community. I want my children to have access to whatever resource they may need to learn and succeed.

Last week, Casey's teacher and the learning assistance teacher were all ready to give me an appointment to discuss Casey's progress and areas needing help. They set a time, but it didn't work for me. I sent a note today letting these teachers know when I would be available for this meeting. Instead, I received a phone call from Casey's teacher saying that Casey wouldn't be seeing the learning assistance teacher for a long time. I can't help but connect this new time frame with the impending teacher's strike.

Casey is doing well so far this year. His spelling is still awful, but he's much improved from last year. I'm not terrible upset about the lack of learning assistance for him at this point, but I do worry how this strike might affect Sam.

Sam is doing okay so far, but I know he'll need help. I sent a note this morning asking how to go about ensuring that Sam receives help in math and English. I was quite surprised when his math teacher called me after school today. He let me know that Sam is already on an adapted learning outcome, and he is more than available to help Sam whenever he needs it. This teacher also let me know that if, and when, Sam needs more specific assistance, that I can call the learning assistance teacher, but I might need to be quite demanding. Apparently, the LATs spend most of their time helping students with a modified learning outcome and tend to be slow and hesitant to help those with only an adapted outcome. I understand and appreciate that there are students with greater needs than Sam, but it does surprise me that I would have to be pushy in order to get Sam help that he needs.

I agree that teachers need more money in the school systems, so long as it actually benefits the students. Smaller class sizes would be wonderful, but maybe they should stop closing down schools first. It's the kids that suffer when the government cuts back the education budget. The kids are still the ones that suffer when teachers strike and protest.

I'm just glad that I don't have to worry about daycare or the disruption of an earlier dismissal. Not yet anyway.

In My Shoes

Sad news today. A man we've known for some time passed away a few days ago. Kane and I last saw this man and his wife close to a year ago. He had been sick for some time battling cancer but seemed well when we saw him. He's with the Lord now. It would be nice to go to the funeral on Tuesday, but this is something I'll have to play by ear.

We have a busy week ahead of us. There are a few new activities beginning this week, plus regular activities. Here is the a snapshot of my week:

Monday-I work from 9am to 2pm. Casey and Abby are finished school at 2:30; Sam at 3:09. Sam has hockey evaluations at 5:45pm to 6:45pm. I'll be taking him there, while Kane will take the other two to their floor hockey league from 6:30pm to 8:30pm. I will probably have my regular girls' night out at 7:30pm...assuming that I'm not wiped out by then.

Tuesday-Sam has hockey evaluations from 6:45pm to 7:45pm. The funeral for our acquaintance is at 1pm.

Wednesday-It is quite likely that the kids will get dismissed from school 15 minutes earlier from today on as part of job action for the teachers' strike. Casey and Abby for sure, but I don't know about Sam. Middle school students don't have recess which is why the other two get out early. No recess during this phase of the strike. Casey and Abby will need to deliver newspapers very promptly after school. Sam won't be coming home right away as he has cross-country running after. He'll take the team bus across the city for a race at 4:30pm. Abby has a music club at church which runs from 3:30pm to 4:45pm. Kane is hoping to pick Abby up, so I can make it to Sam's race. Parents need to pick their kids up after the race anyway. Then, at 7:00pm, Sam has junior youth and Casey has a club for grade 5/6 students. Thankfully, both are at our church!

Thursday-You know, I think this day is actually free! Well, so far free from external activities anyway.

Friday-we're meeting at 9:30am with immediate family at the cemetery to see my grandpa's ashes placed in my grandmother's grave. His memorial service begins at 11:00am with a lunch to follow. The kids have newspapers to deliver before supper. I would imagine that we'll also have some kind of family gathering with relatives. The last time everyone was all together was nearly a year ago for my step-grandmother's funeral. How sad!

Saturday-I work from 8:30am to 12:30pm. Sam has hockey evaluation from 6:45am to 8:15am. The rest of our day is free.

Sunday-I work from 11:00am to 3:00pm. I'm disappointed about that, especially since Greg Sczebel will be performing during the service. He's a somewhat local musician who is simply awesome! I think we'll go for the 9:30am service and leave after worship, so I can get to work on time.

So, that is how the week is looking. Of course, I haven't accounted for all the mundane aspects of life. Laundry still needs to be done. Monday has been my laundry day for the past few years, but it won't be this week. One of my sisters will be arriving in town sometime this week. She's living in Ontario but coming for the funeral. I have a house to clean, meals to make, homework to help with, baking to bake, books to read, and TV shows to watch. Books and TV are great for escaping!

In fact, I just finished a good book today. In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner. I had read another of her books a few weeks ago, enjoyed it and put some more of her titles on hold at the library. It wasn't until I received this book that I realized has been made into a movie starring Cameron Diaz and Toni Collette. I'd heard of the movie before being aware of this book and had mentally written the movie off. Now that I've read the book, I am eager to see the movie. I only hope they do the story justice. I loved the book. I want a copy to sit on my bookshelf to be pulled out and read on a regular basis. In many ways, I saw my reflection in this story. Of course, it wasn't a perfect reflection; there are so many differences! But, I can really identify with the two sisters.

Apples, Funerals, and Violins

The house smells great...cinnamon and apples. Fall has arrived, and there is a chill in the air. The kids do not have school today, so I am baking. An apple pie and some apple cinnamon muffins are cooling on the counter. So many apples yet to use up!

Life is moving on as it always does. There is no rest for the weary, no reprieve for the frazzled. Still, I am doing well.

My grandpa's funeral is a week from today. It seems so far away; too distant to even really blip on the radar. Yet, I know that it will be here before I know it.

I have cried and, in a way, I am mourning, but life is too busy and the funeral too far to truly feel the full effect of this loss yet. In a week, I will be a puddle of saline. I know I will be.

In the meantime, there is work to be done and things to do. I have a four hour shift at work tomorrow. Five hours on Monday. Casey and Abby have floor hockey Monday night. Wednesday is the craziest of days. Abby has a music club at 3:30 until 4:30. Sam has a cross country race at 4:30 and junior youth group at 7pm. Casey has his kids' club at 7pm. Somewhere in there, I need to meet with Casey's teacher and the learning assistance teacher. My sister will be arriving sometime in the middle of the week from Ontario; I assume she'll be staying with us. Other relatives will be arriving at some point. We don't have room to hold anymore, but I am sure that we might need to open our home for visiting. No problem.

The funeral is Friday. At 9:30am, there will be a small, private "ceremony" at the cemetery to see his ashes placed in my grandmother's grave. The memorial service itself begins at 11am with a lunch to follow. It will be a long day.

I work on the Saturday and Sunday for four hours each day. Short enough shifts to go quickly, but I'm a little disappointed about having to work the day after the funeral. I suppose my boss' sympathy only goes so far. It isn't a terribly big deal really. Who knows? It might even be a welcome diversion and reprieve from a crush of relatives.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam competed in his first cross-country race this past Wednesday. The course was about 3.5 km, fairly level terrain. He finished with a time of 20:51. He had missed the first practice because of a doctor's appointment and had virtually no training. I am so proud of his performance. He did very well for his first time!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have been reading a lot lately; I have a lot of free time on my hands but no mental energy to work on weightier projects. I've also been listening to Itzhak Perlman a lot. I love the violin, and he plays beautifully. It fits my internal mood quite well. Violin music is beautiful, emotional, sometimes melancholic but it can also be energetic and moving. It is introspective. Perhaps that is part of the reason why I love the sound of violins so much-the music permeates every fibre of my being and moves me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Passed Away

My grandpa passed from this life to the next around 4pm this afternoon. I didn't find out until I got home from work shortly after 9pm. Expecting it doesn't make the news any easier to swallow. Tears have already sprung with many more yet to shed, but at least, there is hope in the sorrow. And peace.

My grandpa felt regret that he left so little of a legacy for his family. Knowing that he felt this way is enough to bring me to tears. My grandpa was rich in the things that mattered, and the legacy he left is incredible. I have been blessed to have godly grandparents, and many of my childhood memories of my grandpa remind me of his faith in a living God. That is all the legacy that I need.

The Stage is Set

I didn't have time to finish my previous post. It would have been a lengthy one, I think. This may not be the best time for me to write more about my day, but it would be too easy to allow these thoughts and feelings to simply be absorbed without consideration. If that makes sense...

I am exhausted today. I was alert enough for work, but once I was back home...it has been a rapid decline. It is only 8:30pm and I am highly tempted to close my eyes for the night.

Kane and I did not sleep well last night. We went to bed at 11pm as we often do. We were asleep quickly but not for long. The phone rang at 11:30, and I stumbled down the hall in the dark, without my glasses, hoping to locate the phone before the voice mail kicked in. I made it to the phone in time; it was a Constable from Victoria asking for Kane.

Hell broke loose in my brother-in-law's house late last night, and the overflow reached through the phone line into our home. The RCMP had our sister-in-law in a holding cell for the night. She was very drunk and hysterical; she'd even attacked the constables. Apparently, she had been banging on neighbours' doors and running up and down the street with bloodied hands. In hysterics. She couldn't find her daughter-her husband had taken her daughter.

The only thing the constable had been able to get out of Pat was our phone number. Kane got a bit of information from the constable before the call was abruptly terminated. She, the constable, called back about fifteen minutes later to explain the situation further and to ask Kane for some background information. After that, Kane tried calling Brent on his cell phone but could only leave a voice mail message asking him to please call us.

Once more our sleep was interrupted...just when I had finally fallen back asleep. Again, it was the constable wanting more information, etc. Naturally, being the worrier that he is, Kane couldn't come back to bed right away. I lay in bed unable to fall back asleep for some time. Instead, I tossed and turned; my hip joints weren't allowing me to stay on either side for too long at a time. I knew that I was going to loathe the alarm this morning. I was right.

Kane left two messages last night on Brent's cell phone. He didn't return the call until sometime today when no one was home. Even then, his voice had that annoyingly saccharine tone to it, and he simply said they were fine. Gee, thanks for all the information!

Pat called this morning about a half hour before I went to work. I was the only one home and debated whether to answer or not. I did. She asked if we had received a phone call last night from Brent or the police. Yes, the police. I mentioned that Kane had tried calling Brent, but we hadn't heard anything from him. She hadn't yet either but was now at home having slept off the booze in jail. She cried, told me she was sick and feeling isolated, and asked us to tell Brent to call her. Assuming that he would call us. Frankly, I'm surprised he even bothered!

So, that was our night and the reason for our exhaustion. I'm so tired that I can't even begin to feel anything emotionally about this situation. I know that there are emotions swirling somewhere. How could there not be? I feel too much, but today I am too numb and tired to process anything.

After work, I received more bad news. Nursing staff now believes that my grandfather has only 48 to 72 hours left; he is in rapid decline.

Tears are splashing against the surface, threatening to overflow. It will happen. Soon. Sometime. Because of the faith that I have and because of the faith that my grandpa has, I know that there is something glorious about to happen. My grandpa will soon be ushered into Jesus' presence. No more cancer. No more pain. No more bones shattered and ravaged. Simply joy! And peace. I know this as much as I know that grass is green and the sky is blue. I know it and take comfort in this truth. Yet, faith does not erase the pain of loss. It does not smooth away all traces of sorrow. This pain, this sorrow is temporary and earthly, and I am human. Flesh and blood.

There has been so much drama played out between these familial walls. I've long since grown weary of the repetition, the heartache, the stupidity and folly of people I love. Still, I cannot walk out of this theatre; I'm firmly entrenched. I thought once that I was merely an observer sitting in my padded seat, far enough back from the stage as to be obscured by the dark. How wrong I was! I am no mere observer. I am a participant, an actor on the stage of life. I may not enjoy the story being acted out, but I do have a part to play, words to say, and actions to carry out. Perhaps the real tragedy isn't in the story but in my lines and actions?

TGIF!

Today was my second training shift. Time went relatively quickly, though my break was once again nearly forgotten. I think I'm finally beginning to understand the till. It really isn't terribly complicated, but there are a lot of buttons and sub-menus to find. And, of course, the correct sequencing for entering sandwiches, soups, and combos. Aargh!

The worst part of the shift was when I was supposed to be off at 3pm. My trainer was also off at three, and she conveniently disappeared, leaving me to continue taking orders from the line of people at the counter. By the time that all cleared away, I felt like I had to beg before someone else would cover the counter. Then just as I am getting ready to leave, someone tells me that I need to clear all the dining room tables before I leave. At this point, it was already 3:15 and I was in a hurry.

Sam was expecting me to pick him up at school which ended at 3:09. Actually, he was to meet me on a side street near the school, because the parking lot is a zoo before and after school. So, I had no way to let him know that I was on my way; just running late. If he didn't wait there for me, I had no idea which way he would walk home, and I needed to be at the elementary school to pick Casey and Abby up at 3:30. At 3:15, I wasn't really thrilled about being told to clear the tables before I left. But, I did it anyway and saved my fuming for the solitude of my van. Of course, by the time I picked up Sam it was 3:25, and he had begun to worry. We hadn't discussed what to do if I was late, but we've covered it now. We arrived at the elementary school just as Casey and Abby were getting ready to walk out the doors.

I don't mind clearing tables before I leave for home, but my trainer shouldn't have signed out and left without letting me know and making sure I was doing the same. And really, it wouldn't have been as big a deal if I wasn't in a rush to pick up my kids.

The Organ

Memories are interesting things. They float in and out of our lives, popping in when we least expect them, yet disappearing at the very moment we wish to bring it to mind. Memories are elusive and wispy like tendrils of fog in the heat of the morning sun. They can vanish for months or years only to slap us across the face unexpectedly.

Sunday afternoon, I walked in my house to find my grandpa's organ in my living room. It took me by surprise even though I knew that it would be arriving sometime that day; I just hadn't expected it so quickly. Instantly, my kids were thrilled and excited and eager to touch and play. I don't know quite how to categorize my reaction. Bittersweet, maybe.

This is the organ that I grew up hearing played by my grandpa on Sunday mornings before church every time we visited. This is the organ that I would sit at as a child and attempt to play with my unskilled hands. Pushing the various coloured buttons created a symphony of sounds and rhythms. Strings, horns, marches, rumbas, waltzes, tremelos, and so on.

Now, here the organ sits in my house with my children clamboring to play with unskilled hands. So much like their mother many years ago. And with the warmth of those memories comes the chill of knowing what is yet to come. My grandpa's organ is here because he can no longer play. He couldn't sit on the bench to play even if I begged him to. I don't even know that he would be lucid enough to remember how to play. Lastly, he no longer has a fixed address.

His apartment is now empty and cleaned and soon to belong to someone else. Grandpa won't be returning to his home or any other earthly home. More of his possessions sit in my carport waiting for my mother to sort and parcel everything out to relatives. It feels a bit like trying to decide how to cut a cake so everyone has an equal piece.

I hate having to cut cake for important functions; I'm always afraid that I'll botch the job. Cut too big at the beginning, or too small.

The organ is here for the time being. How long? I do not know. It could be for only a heartbeat of time, or it could be until it falls apart with age. I wish I knew, but I don't.

It draws my eye everytime I enter the room. I view it with the eyes of the child I used to be. My adult eyes aren't ready for the truth yet.

First Day of Work

I have now completed one training shift. It was only five hours and time did fly, for the most part. However, now that I am home, my feet and lower back ache. I feel greasy and not a deep fryer in sight!

My shoes are comfortable. I did open my wallet (reluctantly, of course) for a pair of $40 shoes, but they feel nice. And, they had to be black and leather.

I guess I'm just not used to standing for five hours at a time. Really, how often does a housewife remain standing? I fold laundry sitting on my sofa. I'm not working in the kitchen all day long either. In fact, I probably spend more time at home sitting than I do standing. Even when I'm cleaning, I'm not standing for hours at a time. I suppose I'll get used to it.

I think the shift went well though. It feels like I didn't learn very much at all, but then again, I might have covered more bases than I had expected. Let's see...I learned how to clean bathrooms...just in case I didn't already know how to do that. I learned how to brew coffee and steeped tea and iced cappucinnos. I learned how to "zipper" the coffee urns; internal cleaning. I learned how to stock cups, hot chocolate and iced capp mixes, cold drinks, napkins, etc. I now know how to clean the dining room tables, wipe trays, put away clean dishes, and sign in/out.

Anyway, I survived. I did well, I think. I don't have another shift until Friday...another training shift.

Hired!

Well, I got the job. I suppose I am excited. I'm definitely glad to have a job, and I am quite happy about working at Tim Horton's. I am a little disappointed that the hours I would much prefer are unavailable at this time, though I am trying to look at this as a silver lining. Sure, I'll be working mostly weekends, but I will have more freedom to attend day-time school functions. I'll have more free time for myself. I can work on a million and one projects at home. Maybe, just maybe, my house will be cleaner than it has ever been before.

There is the possibility of an occasional weekday shift though. I have orientation tomorrow...sizing for uniforms, filling out paperwork, that type of thing.

Could This Be It?

On Sunday, I dropped off my resume at Wal-Mart as they were advertising for cashiers.

Around 10:30 this morning, I dropped off a resume at the Tim Horton's just up the road.

A little before 12pm today, as I was getting out of my van to pick Sam up from school, my cell phone rang. A number that I didn't recognize.

It was Tim Horton's calling to ask if I was available to come in for an interview tomorrow at 11am!

I am excited. As nervous as I have been about applying for and finding a job, I have been dreaming of working at TH for the past few months. Honestly, I can't think of a job more perfect for me than that.

It is a busy place, but it is an atmosphere I would be comfortable in and familiar with. If I can have the type of hours I am looking for, it will be perfect. It is close enough that I can walk to and from work.

I am really excited about this interview, although I will be extremely nervous tomorrow! I want this job. Funny, as much as I want it, I didn't think I would get it. I think that is why I delayed handing in my resume as long as I did. Kane had been telling me about all the new faces at TH, warning me that the hours I wanted might not be available anymore. But, I have an interview tomorrow.

Wal-Mart hasn't called yet...

Back to school and a rant

The kids are all in school. There were some tense moments when I couldn't find Abby's name on the list of grade two classes. Instead, I found her name on a grade one class list! Panic set in as I wondered if the problem could be fixed before I had to take Sam to his school. It was. The mistake belonged to the secretary; she looked at the wrong section on the registration form.

Kane met Sam and I at the middle school. Sam was nervous and naturally so. We walked in the school with him, found his homeroom, introduced ourselves to his homeroom teacher, and walked around to familiarize ourselves with Sam's classes. I hope Sam feels a little more comfortable now. I'm nervous for Sam, especially after seeing how big many of the kids are compared to Sam. In the throng of the crowded hallway, Sam is easily lost. That boy needs to grow...soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have a little rant to make. I am rather annoyed with the commercialism of 'back to school' and also with the way some people complain about money.

I realize that money is relative. No matter how much you have, you complain and worry about it. Money is tight for us. We are a family of 5 living on one income. Even when I do find a part-time job, the money I bring in will not be significant. Having a parent home has been a priority for us, and so, we have made the sacrifices required to do so. We aren't as rich as many, but neither are we as poor as many. We do have a home (mortgaged) and two vehicles (old and paid for) and debt, but we have a place to live, vehicles to drive, clothes to wear, and food to eat. We are still truly blessed!

In talking with an acquaintance the other day, the subject of shoes came up. He had just bought his son new shoes for school from Sport Chek, on sale for about $50, and he was complaining about how expensive kids can be. I smiled and nodded and began my mental rant. This man has two kids. He and his wife both work. In fact, his income alone is much greater than Kane's income. We have three kids and one income. We went to Wal-Mart on Saturday and bought Casey two pairs of shoes, Sam one pair of shoes, Abby one pair of shoes, a package of underwear for Abby, and two packages of boys' socks for just under $60! Of course, my kids shoes came from Wal-Mart not Sport Chek, and they don't have a big brand name attached to them.

I don't even spend $50 on one pair of shoes for myself, let alone one of my ever-growing, shoe trashing kids. I thought I was splurging when I bought myself new sandals this year for $20, but they will last me at least another year, maybe two. The kicker is that I LOVE shoes, but you'd never know it to look in my closet.

Which brings me to the other part of my rant...commercialism. Who says that kids need to have all new clothes for the start of school? Since when did MP3 players become back to school items? I can't believe some of the commercials and advertising that I've seen. Really, kids don't need that to start school. I know. I survived all my school years without brand new clothes, designer labels, and the most expensive supplies and gear.

The start of the school year is expensive enough without heaping on all those extras. Sam's school fees and yearbook will be $60, and supplies were around $60. Casey and Abby's fees and supplies will likely be around $70 total. Sam will need an instrument for band. Oh, I didn't even include the cost of the gym shoes. The school fundraising will begin within the next couple of weeks, too. I feel like an ATM with everyone wanting money from me.

We do not have extra money for new wardrobes. If we did, my own wardrobe could use some major help. As it is, I live in the same clothes over and over, adding something new, but cheap, every once in a while. Easily 90% of my kids clothes are second-hand given to us by friends. I don't mind. My kids don't mind. My kids may not be as well dressed as many of their peers, but they have clothes to wear. Besides, my kids don't care about labels and brands. At least not yet.

Even school lunches can be expensive. Last year, I gave up the practice of sending a juice box. Instead, I bought a Rubbermaid drink box for each child and filled it with juice. I plan on doing the same thing this year. Juice boxes are convenient, but we would go through 15 boxes a week! 60 boxes a month. Even bought in a Costco-sized case, the cost would be staggering.

I don't know, or maybe I just don't get it. I grew up not having much but hand-me-downs and cheap, bare necessities. I love nice things as much as anyone else. I have dreams. I drool over expensive items that I'd really love to own. But, I don't need $50 running shoes when I can find a decent pair for $20. I don't need to buy that cute top or skirt just because it is cute, when I know that my $40 is needed for groceries. I would love to look stylish and trendy, but I don't need to be a slave to fashion. I don't need a new wardrobe just because there's a new 'hot' colour for the season. My kids don't need to be walking billboards just because all the other kids are wearing it.

A New Family Member

Casey is in heaven!

He bought his much-longed for hamster this afternoon. The poor creature has yet to be officially named, but Casey has been calling him Speedy thus far.

My Precioussss

Jewelry is not something that I wear a lot of. I have a fair bit of it but not too much. I used to wear earrings all the time, and the funkier the better. Since I've had children, I seldom wear earrings anymore; I've become accustomed to having ears free of enticing objects for chubby baby fingers. Of course, my babies are long past the stage where earrings and necklaces are something to be eaten.

I wear my wedding and engagement rings all the time, taking them off only when I have a shower. The big diamond catches in my hair when I shampoo.

I have a copper bracelet from Africa that I wear frequently but not everyday. I have many pairs of earrings but wear only a few with any regularity...on special occasions.

Now, toe rings are something that I love. In the summer when my feet bask in being barefoot, free of socks and confining shoes. I shed my socks as early in spring as I can stand and keep them off as far into fall as I can bear. Funny how my naked feet can handle cold, wind, and rain during early baseball season but freeze beneath thick socks inside my heated home in the winter!

I have been sporting three toe rings this year. Two on my right foot and one on the left. Each one is special in its' own way. The two on my right were gifts from my girlfriends. The one on my left is a real silver ring that belonged to my mom when she was younger. Somehow, I don't think it was ever meant to be a toe ring, but it doesn't really fit my fingers. The ring is too small for anything but my pinkies and too big for even them.

I almost never take my toe rings off in the summer. Maybe if I absolutely need to wear socks and runners for an extended time. Then again, I might just wear them beneath it all. Occasionally, one of the rings will feel loose as if threatening to slip off, but never my silver ring. Until last night.

After supper, I made a dash to the local grocery store for yet another jug of milk and some Diet Coke with Lime to keep me fueled as I painted. When I returned home, I felt odd. Something wasn't right, but it took a few minutes to realize that my silver toe ring was gone!

I retraced my steps back to the van, carefully searching the ground all the way. Nothing. I wasn't about to go back to the store, besides I was fairly certain that I would have felt it come off there. As I walked back into the house, I felt like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings. My Precious was lost. It had abandoned me just like the Ring had abandoned Gollum.

I finished my painting. I read my book. I watched TV and put the kids to bed. My left foot felt incredibly naked, and I kept staring at the white spot on my tanned foot. And then, I spied my ring sitting on the coffee table! I slipped on my toe while asking my husband if he had found it. He claims he didn't. I never did ask the kids though.

I'm just thankful that I didn't have to traipse through Middle Earth to wrest my ring away from some usurper with big, hairy feet!