Once More With Feeling

You'd think I had nothing better to do today but sit at the computer and write on my blog! I haven't written so much in one day for a very long time, but I had a good day and I'm feeling optimistic. I've been thinking about that and will probably write in-depth about it another time; I don't have the time right now.

I just got home from the gym after a good hour long work out. I cannot believe that I am saying that...had a good work out! I did a half hour on the circuit, nearly half an hour on the treadmill, and five minutes on the rowing machine.

Now I am slowing down, preparing myself for an early bed time. My alarm will buzz at 5:10am. I will step outside into the cold and dark about 15 minutes later. My work shift begins at 6am and ends at 2pm. I may or may not need to walk home...or catch a bus.

Still Thinking About Spring

One of my weaknesses/guilty pleasures is magazines. I have subscriptions to several magazines and will randomly buy magazines that catch my interest while waiting in the check-out lines. My favourite magazines are food related as I am always looking for interesting recipes. That's a problem actually...I have lots of interesting recipes collecting in a folder! Some have been tried with either good or not so good results. Others continue to sit untried but hopeful; there are too many of these ones. I keep telling myself that I need to sift through my recipes and only keep those that are worth keeping, basically the tried and true ones and those that are untried but are too appealing to toss. Someday I will get to the purging, but for now here is a recipe that I pulled from a magazine, tried and fell in love with. It's so quick, simple and fresh, like spring.

Linguine with Spring Vegetables-serves 4

-salt and ground pepper
-3/4 pound linguine
-1 pound asparagus (tough ends removed), cut into 1-inch pieces
-1 medium zucchini, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced
-4 ounces snap peas (stem ends trimmed), halved
-1/2 cup heavy cream
-1 tbsp butter, cut into pieces
-2 tbsp fresh tarragon leaves (I omitted this and it tasted just fine)

1. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta 4 minutes short of al dente; add asparagus, zucchini and snap peas. Cook until veggies are crisp-tender, about 3 minutes. Reserve 1/2 cup pasta water; drain and set pasta mixture aside.
2. In the same pot, bring cream and butter to a simmer. Toss in pasta mixture and enough pasta water to create a thin sauce (it will thicken as it stands). Season with salt and pepper (and top with tarragon).

Wherefore art thou, Spring?

It's a quirk I have that might only make sense to me, but I look at the seasons in a rather black and white manner. It makes no sense to me that the first day of winter is mid-December. Honestly! The winter weather often arrives much earlier than that official start date, sometimes as early as mid-October. To my way of thinking, winter lasts from November to the end of February. Spring is March to the end of June. Summer is July and August, leaving September and October for autumn. I realize that my logic creates unbalance, but it works for me.

So, here it is February 27th, and we woke to -18 Celsius. It's all wrong, and I protest! Spring should be literally just around the corner. I noticed the other day, before the dump of snow, that some of my early spring flowers were already poking through the ground. While at Wal-Mart a few days ago, I paused a moment by the colourful artificial flowers, drawn to the lilacs and irises like a bumblebee. I am so ready for spring that I can almost smell fresh lilacs in the backyard...almost but not quite. My nostrils might freeze if I breathe too deeply outside today.

Spring has to be coming, because I feel like spring cleaning! I want to take advantage of this desire to deep clean, but I know we're not yet finished with sloppy footwear, dirty windows and such. No. We have to wait for all the snow to melt, and then we have to wait for the street-sweepers to make their rounds. Only then will it be a good time to wash the windows. In other words, I can do the windows sometime in May!

In compromise between the weather and my urges, I did a major clean in the bathroom this morning. It isn't absolutely finished; I didn't do the tub yet. But, everything else is clean, sparkly and fresh smelling...at least until everyone gets home.

Wide World of Sports

Abby has been taking part in grade 5 basketball at her school. Officially, there is no such thing as a grade 5 basketball team, but an enthusiastic teacher has put together some practices and one game for interested girls. They had their game this past Wednesday...and it was both entertaining and painful. I thought it was painful watching grade 7 basketball!

There was a lot of shrieking, seeing as these were 10 and 11 year old girls. No score was kept, but our team didn't fair so well on the offense. Or the defense. I think they had fun though and hopefully learned a few skills.

Casey finished basketball at the end of January and has moved onto volleyball. He is doing well, one of the better players on the team. The team practices twice a week, Monday and Wednesday, with games on Tuesdays. They have a tournament this weekend and another the following weekend. I will miss both because of my work schedule.

Sam has been playing badminton at school once a week. I guess I should make an effort to stick around one time and take some photos. He won't like that very much, but I'd like some pictures for posterity.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike2.5 Canada License.

In Between the Comings and Goings

When the heck is spring going to make a solid appearance? Enough with winter already, thank you very much! I've had enough of snow and cold. I am ready for sunshine, green grass, bare feet and warm weather.

A look out the window is depressing. The wind is blowing so hard that the snow is falling almost horizontal. A snowfall warning has been issued, and winds could reach 50 kmh. Yuck!

~~~

I had the strangest dream last night. It was rather convoluted and bizarre. My dream took place in your typical creepy, old mansion that served as a home, library, Tim Horton's, and crocodile farm. Okay, so there's nothing typical about a house like that, but it was a dream and it makes complete sense in that context. The bulk of the plot was lost in the waking, but I had a multi-faceted role. I was Tim Horton's employee and detective. I was searching for something, avoiding the bad guys and their well-trained crocodiles. My search brought me to the library where I was searching for a rare brand of chewing gum. I spied the box on one of the library's turning racks, but when I got to the rack it was gone. While searching through the rack, I found the book Slumdog Millionaire. Actually I found two copies, one in English and the other in an East Indian dialect. (And no, I have not seen Slumdog yet, so I really don't know why it wound up in my dream!) Then, I had to get to work and ring off the tills while dodging snapping jaws of jagged teeth. No wonder I was so tired when I woke up!

Whole Lot of Crazy Going On

So, I didn't go for a walk and I didn't make it to the gym yesterday. I suck. I know it.

Today is going to be insanely crazy, although a slight change in plans has given me a little bit of breathing room.

This is how the day was supposed to look:

10am to 2pm work
2:30 pick Abby up from her school field trip in the eastern part of the city (I work in the northern part)
3:00 arrive at Abby's school basketball game at a school in the southern part of the city
4:00ish leave for home in the northern part of the city
4:30ish make supper, supervise homework & chores
6:15ish drop Casey off at his volleyball practice (north)
6:45 drop Abby and her friend off at their youth activity (east)
8:00 pick up Abby and Casey at the same time! Ha ha!

This is what I call 'Fright Night'! By the time I am finally home for the night, I will want to do nothing more than change into my comfy pjs and get lost in Lost.

The slight change in the schedule is that I am not going in to work today, because Sam is home sick. He's old enough to be home by himself, but a sick kid "needs" coddling no matter how old they might be. Besides, he is also quite dizzy when he stands up, and I don't want him taking a tumble with no one home. I don't know what is going on with him. He so rarely gets sick and prefers to tough out any minor irritations. I know he is truly not well when he willing takes medication. He did tough out school yesterday despite how he was feeling; however, he had difficulty concentrating in class and had a fever in the evening.

Getting out of bed was very difficult for me this morning. I'm not sick, except for a bit of a lingering cough and scratchy throat. I thought I was coming down with a nasty cold a couple of weeks ago, but it never really progressed as much as I expected. Instead, I feel like I am stuck in limbo, not really healthy and not truly sick. It's irritating. But I am so very tired today. And headachey...

Fright Night can't end soon enough for me. I will be doing all the driving around, because this is Kane's final few days of school and he is spending every free moment studying. I'm so glad it is almost over! He just might need to pick Casey up from practice though...I haven't quite mastered the art of being in two places at the same time yet.

Procrastination

I have the day off work and had every intention of making a trip to the gym sometime today. It's only 10:30, lots of time yet in the day, but I'm not so certain that I will actually get to the gym today.

It's the indecision in me, the procrastination. I want to go to the gym, and then again I don't. I am tired. Silly me stayed up late reading a book in bed and now I am dragging my feet.

Sam came upstairs this morning, after repeated attempts to get him awake and out of bed, complaining of a headache. He is so seldom sick and rarely has any complaints regarding his health, so when he is not feeling well it is quite obvious. There didn't appear to be any fever or signs of illness, but his eyes looked pinched and he carried himself more tentatively. I know the signs of a bad headache all too well!

I laid out the options: 4 chewable children's advil or 1 extra-strength ibuprofen caplet. Sam has not yet mastered the art of pill swallowing and abhors medication in any form. He'd rather suffer in misery than take medication with the only exception being amoxycillin. Weird child! After a failed attempt with the caplet, he chose the chewables and made short work of them, which only shows the depth of his discomfort. Mean mother that I am, I sent him to school despite mild protests that he should stay home; however, I did give him permission to go to the office and ask for me to be called should the headache rage on for more than an hour. It's been two hours now, so I guess the advil has kicked in and given some relief.

Even still, the thought that I might be called to pick up a child from school has me hesitant to leave the house for the gym. I will not work out with a cell phone on my hip. I will not be that person!

My own constant headache seems to be mobilizing the troops for battle. How I wish popping an advil would make a difference! A nap sounds lovely...I can be such a procrastinator!

I was going to bake today...

I wanted to get started on spring cleaning...

I did take some time this morning to do some tidying in my bedroom! The closet is now neat and mostly organized. The piles of clean clothes and linens have been put away. The floor swept. There is still a lot to be done in terms of deep cleaning, but it will all keep until Thursday or Friday. Or next week...

The gym could still happen today, even with a nap and indecision. Kane might be in need of a break from his studying later tonight. I could go then, and the gym would probably be less crowded. Ah, there is method to my madness!

The baking could still happen today as well. I have a bag of lemons to use up and, the more I think about them, the more I crave the fresh and tangy taste of lemon squares. Besides, the only other time I made lemon squares was a complete comedy of errors, and I need to redeem myself.

And just maybe I'll go for a walk and enjoy the sunshine!

Looking Inward

Anyone who knows me knows that I am quiet, shy and so not out-going. I've always been this way, and yet I realize that I've erected a substantial wall around myself over the course of the past 5 years or so. I don't think it happened intentionally, but I suppose that I can't claim complete ignorance of the construction either. It's not uncommon for people to close up shop when they have been hurt, and I have never been an out of the ordinary kind of person.

A second-hand comment made its' way to my ear the other day. It was a comment about me needing to come out of my shell and was spoken by an unnamed person who more than likely hasn't made an effort to get to know me. I could ask my husband who made the comment, but I really don't need to know. What I do know is that it came from someone at our church...and I know that there are very few people there who know me or even make an effort.

The comment both irritates the snot out of me and causes me to re-focus the magnifying glass on my heart. Anger simmers beneath the surface when hearing a comment like this, because it usually comes from someone who does not know me, hasn't taken the time to get to know me, or has a completely different personality. Most of the time such comments come with the insinuation that there is something wrong with being introverted, and I am tired of being told that I need to change this innate nature in order to please someone else.

I am quiet. I can be quite shy. I typically do not talk much in social situations, and I am not fond of large group gatherings where I know few people. However, I am quite capable of speaking and surviving social functions. I may not feel at ease amongst a group of strangers, my knees might knock together while speaking in front of groups of 10 or 100, and my mind might go blank when it is time to make small talk, but I am not socially retarded. It will take time and effort to get beneath the surface with me, but isn't that true for most people anyway?

More than five years ago we left our church home for a brief period of wandering before putting down roots in a new church home. The old church had been home for several years, and we had been happy there. We were involved and active in many ways and areas. I personally didn't have any close relationships there, but we knew most everyone and felt comfortable and cared for. There was a time when I desperately wanted closer relationships within the church, and I even went out on a limb, opened myself up to someone who I thought was interested in digging deeper. She dropped the ball. I retreated and watched as her relationships with others blossomed. I withered.

There is more to our leaving that church than this one situation, but a big part of our leaving had to do with the lack of personal relationship. We did the 'right' things. We were involved. We welcomed people into our homes. There were always hellos and handshakes in the foyer...but nothing else. No one cared enough to drop us a line or give us a call when we stopped attending that church.

And in a little way, I stopped caring. We were burned out and hurting. We laid low. We tried a few churches and found a measure of relief in becoming lost in one of the big churches in town. At least until we were ready to become people instead of numbers.

We found our new church about 5 years ago and here we stay, but I still feel like a number instead of a person. This time I know it is my fault, my lack of doing. Mostly.

We've been involved here or there in little ways, nothing major or life changing. I've been content to go to church for the service and come home. I drop Abby off at programs and encourage the boys to go to youth as often as it can fit into their schedules. I encourage Kane to get involved, to meet guys. I look at upcoming women's events with skepticism and longing and resignation. I am not about to go by myself. I do not want to walk into a room full of strangers, strangers that all have relationships with each other.

And then there's the other major thing...the second source of bricks and mortar for the wall around my heart. The death of a friendship takes a toll on a person, especially when that friendship was so close, deep and real. I tell myself that I'm over it, that the situation no longer causes me pain, and I can almost believe the lie. The feelings of today are vastly different than the feelings of 6, 12 or 24 months ago. There is a measure of healing and growth. The pain itself changes. The sting is less pronounced most of the time, but the most random thing can throw my feelings back 2 years in a heartbeat. The how and why are no longer important. I was hurt and with that hurt comes not only pain but anger, sorrow, insecurity and confusion. So much time was lost over the few years trying to first hold on to this relationship and then to move past it. I've come to accept that there will always be a hole in my heart that only she can fill, and that emptiness seeps into every fibre of my being and swallows me up.

So yeah, I guess I do need to break out of this shell a bit. What strikes me as quirky is that I don't really consider myself unapproachable. I am not a chatty person. Okay. But, I won't turn and run away if approached by someone wanting to talk to me, at least under ordinary conditions. I can live within my own little bubble if necessary, so if you think I need to come out of my shell then maybe you should come and say hello. Or introduce yourself. I am very good at remembering faces and not too bad at remembering names, so why not take a moment to talk to me instead of just telling my husband that I need to come out of my shell? I don't bite...at least not strangers.

I Yam What I Yam

I want to lose a few pounds. I want to get into better physical shape. I want to be able to try on clothes at a store without being overcome by feelings of disgust and frustration. I want to be healthier. I want to be able to go to bed at night without tossing and turning because my hips hurt. I desperately want to be free of these constant headaches. I want!


But, I am lazy. I procrastinate. I hate exercise. I hate gyms. I'm too busy to fit an exercise routine into my schedule. I am not a big water drinker. I don't eat enough fruits and vegetables. I like comfort foods. My body hurts too much. I'm too exhausted. I have so many excuses!


It's silly. I know that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I know that I am capable of stepping outside of my comfort zone. I can do it!


Sometimes I feel strong. Not always.


Little steps lead to bigger steps.


In January, I joined Steps Out, which is a program designed to get people more active by logging their steps. The goal is to walk 10, 000 steps a day...a goal that I am still far from reaching! On my best day, I still was below 5000 steps. But, I am plodding on. The very act of recording my steps has motivated me to get out and walk more, even though I am not keen on walking outside in the winter.


I am making a minor effort to eat more fruits and vegetables. It's still not easy, because I'd rather snack on nothing than grab a piece of fruit. I actually ate kale for the first time a week or so ago and liked it. Last night, I roasted yams with potatoes, carrots and shallots...and I actually ate yam! Now, I've had yams and sweet potato before. Icky. However, I can honestly say that I almost didn't know that I was eating yam last night, and I would eat it again.


Kane has begun talking about a family pass for the recreation centre's weight room and pool. Did I mention that I hate going to gyms? It looks like we'll be giving the gym a try, at least for a month to start, and I almost feel a glimmer of hope or excitement about using the gym. What's wrong with me?!

101 Things About Me

1. I love making lists.
2. Green beans are funny things. I love them from a can. I can tolerate them fresh, but I cannot stand frozen green beans!
3. I absolutely abhor mushrooms in any way, shape or form. They make me gag. My parents often forced me to eat mushrooms as a child, and liver.
4. I don't force my children to eat food that makes them gag.
5. I am comfortable with the sounds of silence.
6. I rather enjoy cooking a large turkey dinner for a houseful of people, but I don't want to do the clean up.
7. I'd rather scrub the toilet than wash dishes.
8. I am 5' 8" tall. My mom will say that I was always the shortest kid in my class, but I always thought I was one of the tallest.
9. My 15 year old son is barely an inch shorter than me now.
10. I've been to almost every hockey rink in Southeast Saskatchewan, and I grew up to the sounds of Hockey Night in Canada, the Canadian Football League, and Stampede Wrestling.
11. I played only 3 years of organized softball. I played softball and slo-pitch with adults more than I ever did with my peers.
12. I am fascinated with Russia.
13. I collect Coca-Cola paraphernalia.
14. I am a night owl with clipped wings.
15. I played the clarinet for two years way back in junior high.
16. I'm trying to learn how to play the violin. I'm teaching myself.
17. I do not have one favourite colour, or even two favourites.
18. I once owned a Wayne Gretzky doll.
19. Aside from babysitting, my first job was helping with the West Coast Amusements bingo when the fair rolled into town.
20. I spent most of my 3 day bingo pay on a pair of Reebok shoes and a pair of acid-washed jeans.
21. In grade 6, I had the lead role in our school's Christmas drama production of The Greatest Christmas Card. I was the mom. I had wanted to be Mary or an angel.
22. I love to write using funky, coloured pens.
23. I love to read, and I will re-read my favourite books/authors over and over again.
24. I love jigsaw puzzles; the bigger and more difficult the better. I'm partial to landscape photos. 25. Depending on the puzzle and the day, I can do a 1000 piece puzzle in a day or two.
26. I love watching my kids do their things.
27. I often get teary while watching my kids do their things, because I am so proud of them.
28. My eyes leak. Usually at the worst possible time.
29. I have a like-hate relationship with my doctor. I like him, but I hate going to see him.
30. I have some really good friends.
31. My husband is my bestest friend.
32. I am very good at remembering faces. Names...not so much. I can even remember a face that I've never been introduced to, and it will drive me nuts months down the road when I see that face again and wonder why it is familiar. 9 times out of 10 I will figure it out, but it could be something as random as someone that I saw at a hockey game making a fool out of himself.
33. I make awesome banana bread and pumpkin pie.
34. I have been journaling for nearly 19 years, and I still get excited every time I open a new book.
35. I'd much rather write a letter or email than talk on the phone.
36. I'm a barefoot kind of girl, except in the winter when my feet get icy cold even with socks on. Ironically, my bare feet can tough out the chilliest of spring days!
37. Autumn is my favourite season.
38. I have scars on the inside of my lip from a tobogganing accident. I walked away with a bloody, fat lip, while the guy I hit wound up with a dislocated shoulder. I was a teenager. He was an adult. And a paramedic!
39. I have a perfect, little triangular scar on my finger, but I don't know why.
40. My favourite dog breed is an English bulldog, but I've discovered that I'm really not dog owner material.
41. I fall asleep to the roar of waves and the call of seagulls. It's a compromise. My husband needs music or talk radio to shut his mind off enough to fall asleep; I need quiet. Music and talk radio keep me awake, because my brain will strain to hear the words no matter how low the volume.
42. I am rather easy-going, never wanting to make waves or push my opinion on others.
43. I hate shopping. I hate the mall. I hate brand name expensive stores. And, I think dressing rooms were designed to pulverize whatever flimsy illusions I might have about the cuteness of an article of clothing hanging on the rack.
44. I could stand to lose anywhere between 20-50 pounds. Can't believe I admitted that 'out loud', but how many people actually read my blog anyway?!
45. I'd much rather soak in a tub of hot, bubbly water at the end of the day than have a shower first thing in the morning.
46. I get restless if I can't re-arrange furniture every few months.
47. I love the mountains, but I miss the beauty of the prairies. Perhaps I've been away too long and my memories have softened with age...no, I still have strong feelings about the bitterness of winter and the plague of grasshoppers in the summer, but there is splendour in the waving fields of grain and the unending sky. And, I miss the clouds! Clouds just aren't the same in the mountains.
48. I did well enough in school, but I know that I could have done so much better. Mostly I coasted.
49. Once upon a time, I wanted to be a teacher, a reporter, a writer, a chef, and a professional wrestler. In many ways, I am all of those things and more.
50. I wear masks.
51. I am trying not to wear masks.
52. I create stories in my head to help me fall asleep. I seldom actually finish a story though, because I fall asleep before I can even get to the good parts. The next night I need to backtrack and re-set the stage before continuing the story...and then I fall asleep again!
53. I have a strong aversion to the taste of coffee. As the TV commercial used to say, "I like my Coffee Crisp!" I've also grown to appreciate a Tim Horton's Iced Capp, but coffee flavour in anything else is a major turn-off.
54. Strangely, my entire job revolves around the making and serving of coffee.
55. I am a Star Wars geek. I've read almost every Star Wars book that I can get my hands on and could recognize most alien species and planets. Most of my fall-to-sleep stories take place in the Star Wars universe.
56. My husband is a Trekkie. We disagree as to who would win in a battle: the Enterprise or a Super Star Destroyer.
57. The Force is on my side!
58. I watch a lot of movies.
59. I love to do my own research into historical people or events after watching a movie based on real life.
60. I had pizza with DC Talk on their tour bus after a concert.
61. I think it is funny that my son likes to listen to Toby Mac who was a member of DC Talk. My son tends to think that the music I like is not very good.
62. I like silver jewellery more than gold.
63. I lost the diamond from my engagement ring twice.
64. My favourite restaurant order is filet mignon with baked potato and some steamed veggies. The steak needs to be rare...red and juicy! A little bit of butter, sour cream and bacon on the potato.
65. I was already sewing before entering grade 9 Home Ec. In class we sewed sweat pants. At home, I sewed a dress for my grade 9 graduation.
66. I don't particularly like sewing.
67. I am more adventurous with food as an adult than I ever was as a kid. There are still things that I will not try and things that I've tried and don't like at all. I had kale for the first time the other day and liked it. I had rapini for the first time the other day and just couldn't get past the taste.
68. I've never been fond of my name, but I can't imagine being called by any other name.
69. You can call me Angela, Ang, Anj, Ange, or even Angie...it doesn't really matter to me. Inwardly I cringe at Angie, but I won't be offended if you use it.
70. I love Dr. Seuss.
71. I am not a morning person.
72. Despite #71, I like working at 6am on a Saturday morning...that is, of course, if I have to work on a Saturday!
73. I'd be lost without my fridge calendar and family day-timer. I'd be even more lost without 6 different colours of high-lighters to use on the calendar/day-timer!
74. I am a homebody. I sometimes have to work up enough motivation to get out of the house, even for a planned activity, because my preference is usually to simply stay home.
75. I have owned 3 different vans within the past year and a half.
76. My grade 8 art teacher from Estevan, Saskatchewan is now a teacher at my daughter's school here in Kelowna, British Columbia. He is also a neighbour, and our kids often play together. I find it very bizarre.
77. I love to curl up on the sofa with my favourite throw blanket, a book, and a cup of Earl Grey tea.
78. I never really liked tea up until a couple of years ago. I started drinking tea when I was breaking my Diet Coke addiction.
79. A London Fog is a special treat!
80. My oldest son can get his driver's license this summer, but that doesn't worry me as much as when my younger son will get his license!
81. I don't feel old enough to have two teenagers. My body tells me every day that I am older than I think I am.
82. I enjoy scrapbooking, but I am not very creative.
83. I talk to myself often.
84. I'll sing along with my ipod when no one else is at home.
85. I take great pleasure in successfully sneaking healthy stuff into my kids, especially Sam.
86. I amass scads of recipes that look interesting but fail to try even half of them.
87. I go on regular purges throughout the house in an effort to reduce clutter and simplify life.
88. I'd really love to have a laptop, but I really don't need one.
89. I hate politics in kids' sports.
90. I'm a big believer in fair play.
91. I am highly competitive, but I am gracious in defeat.
92. I love word games and puzzles.
93. I'm a child of the King, so I guess that makes me a Princess!
94. I don't think I've ever had aspirations of being a princess.
95. I think I was always more of a tomboy.
96. I love shoes, but I refuse to give into the temptation.
97. I seldom eat breakfast. I know that I should. I'm trying.
98. It's taken 3 or 4 days to get this far...
99. Abby is home sick today. She has a bad cough, stuffy/runny nose, sore throat and headache. I feel much the same way.
100. I have had an almost constant headache since Sept. 6, 2007. It is exhausting, draining, frustrating, annoying, and I no longer remember what it feels like to have a clear head.